21
It wasn't such a complicated proposal that Jim outlined but by the third vodkatini, Jojo was having trouble keeping up to speed.
'… crying out to be packaged, instead of the usual studio rounds, Brent thinks if we get a "name" director or actress on board first, the deal is as good as done —'
Which?
Mimi's Remedies
?
'No. Miranda's first book.'
'Yeah, 'course.' She giggled softly.
'Jojo, darling, I don't think I have your full attention.'
'No, sorry,' she sighed and swilled her nearly empty drink. 'Time for another.'
'I'll go.'
When he came back, she said jovially, 'Hey, Jim,
you
know Cassie? Tell me about her. And don't LIE to me.'
Would I do that?'
'Probably. You want everyone to love you, so you only tell people what they want to hear.'
Abruptly the smile left Jim's eyes and his mouth became a hard line.
'Whoops,' Jojo laughed fuzzily. 'He didn't like that.'
He wouldn't look at her. He crouched away and drummed his fingers on the table. 'Wish you still smoked?' She scrambled for her cigarettes and thrust them at him. 'Can I tempt you?'
He turned with sudden speed and looked her full in the face, 'No, Jojo, you can't tempt me.'
She stared hard at him. What the fuck did that mean? 'Oi.' Bumped back to unpleasant sobriety. 'What's up?'
He didn't answer and dropped his eyes. She waited until she was calm before she spoke.
'Jim, I'm sorry. I'm a little loaded and a little sore.'
Now his turn to apologize. But he didn't.
'I've left you a space,' she said.
'For what?'
'To apologize.'
'For what?'
'How about you tell me? For implying I'm trying to sleep my way into a partnership?'
'Oh, is that what you're doing? Funny, I thought you were good enough at your job not to have to do that.'
Great! She'd just made things worse.
'And for making me look like a total idiot in front of Brent and Tyler.'
'You what?'
'A lap-dancing club with Richie Gant while I get to have a boring lunch? Hey, like,
thanks
?'
'Lunch wasn't boring, lunch was great. They loved you, they love your books.'
'A fucking lap-dancing club.'
'Horses for courses. I'm going to do my best for each individual agent because,' he said with heavy emphasis, '
that's my job.'
Jim wasn't usually so dark, he was Mr Sunshine, Smiler Sweetman, all things to all men. In silence, they drank too fast. Jim was drumming the table again and Jojo drawing in mouthfuls of air with each lungful of nicotine.
Minutes passed. People arrived in the pub, more people left, Jojo lit another cigarette, smoked it and crushed it into the ashtray. Further time elapsed, then she touched Jim's sleeve, 'Look, let's start over.'
He moved his arm away but said, 'OK and let's get a couple of things straight. I don't think you're trying to sleep your way to a partnership, you're a brilliant agent. And you're as important to Brent and Tyler as Richie Gant is, if not more.'
Jim was smiling again but Jojo wasn't convinced. He was doing that thing that she did — pretend that things are a certain way and most people are dumb enough to go along with it.
'So you want to know about Cassie? OK, I'll give it to you straight.' Another smile. 'She's a doll, a real sweetie.'
'But she seemed very smart when I met her today.'
'Very. Mark likes strong, smart women.'
She didn't like the way he said that, making it sound as though Mark ran a whole string of girlfriends, all of them strong and smart.
'And you said she was wearing your jacket? How on earth did she get it? You didn't leave it in Mark's car or anything mental like that?'
'It wasn't really my jacket. I saw a jacket I liked and Cassie was wearing it. Yes, I know, we've a lot in common.' Without planning to, she asked, 'Does Cassie know about me?'
Jim looked at her, his eyes blank and unreadable. 'I have no idea.'
They'd finished their drinks and they both knew they weren't having any more.
'Can I get you a cab?' Jim asked, way too politely.
'Let me make a quick call.' She got out her mobile. 'Becky, you're home? Can I come over?'
She said to Jim, 'I'm getting a cab to West Hampstead. You live there? I'll drop you off.'
But he wouldn't come with her. He was smiley and polite but unmovable. Feeling worse than she had in the longest time, she arrived at Becky and Andy's, where they poured her wine and let her vent.
'I had the shittiest day. I've just had a bust-up with Jim Sweetman and I think I've ruined our bond which is a major bummer because I might need him to vote for me if Jocelyn Forsyth ever retires and I'm up for partner. But Richie Gant probably bought him a long time ago so it's all moot anyway. But worse than that, far worse, is that I met Cassie Avery and she's a bit of a babe.'
Becky snorted.
'No really. She was warm and fun and her hair was beautiful. She made me feel like Magda Wyatt does. Under different circumstances, I might have got a crush on her.' She turned and yelled at Andy, 'NOT IN A SEXUAL WAY.'
Quietly she returned to Becky. 'She called me a gorgeous creature, kinda like Magda does. And this is the fur-eek-iest thing, she was wearing the blue leather jacket that I nearly bought.'
Becky couldn't mask her shock at that.
'I reckon she knows all about you,' Andy said. 'She's had you followed and was sending you a message with the jacket. Good job you don't have a rabbit.'
'You watch too many low-rent thrillers,' Becky said. 'And you always say the wrong thing. But Jojo, I think she must suspect about you. Sounds like she was putting on a show. I mean come on, the jacket. And you say her hair was nice. Like she'd just had it done?'
'Yes.'
'See?'
'It wasn't like that. I honest-to-God think the jacket was just a coincidence. I mean, it was pure chance that I met her at all. I really don't think she knows about me.'
'I thought she was just a silly woman who ate cheese sandwiches even though she knew they gave her migraines,' Andy said.
'And me. What a difference a week makes. Last Friday I felt so guilty, I didn't want Mark to ever leave her, this week I want him to, so bad, but I'm afraid he never will.'
'He will. He's not playing games,' Andy said. 'I saw him that day at Shayna's. He looks at you like he wants to eat you.'
'Eat me, yeah. Leave his wife and live with me, I don't think so. You know how he stays nights with me now and how she doesn't question it? I thought it was because she'd decided not to notice. Then I wondered if, like, she
had
noticed but didn't care! That they were living separate lives, staying together for the sake of the children, and all that and maybe she had a guy too. But today they didn't look like they were living separate lives. Do you know what they looked like?'
'What?'
'They looked like a happily married couple.'
'Yikes.'
Up until now she'd been refusing to touch the sides of her life, refusing to think too hard about this affair. Now she was forced to. Was she the same as every other woman who was involved with a married man? Was she a fool? Would Mark never leave his wife?
'I haven't felt this bad since Dominic, when he was meant to be making his mind up, and I'll break up with Mark rather than go through that again.'
'But you love him,' Becky protested.
'It's because I love him that I couldn't take waiting for him to decide between us.'
'No it's not,' Andy said. 'You just want to punish him. You're hurt and you want to scare the shit out of him for having a good-looking wife. But what about your job? If you dump him now, what's that going to do to your promotion chances? You'll have to leave Lipman Haigh and go somewhere else, start all over again.'
She went hot and cold with fear. Until now, she'd been in control but that one short encounter with Cassie had cast her adrift; she felt as powerless as a cork on the waves.
Ages ago Andy had said something about the danger of getting involved with your boss. He'd been right.
'I feel sick. What if he picked me to have a fling with because he thought I'd never ask him to leave her? And why did he make me think she was a frump?'
'But did he?'
Jojo thought. Maybe not. And hadn't he told her at dinner that first night that his wife understood him. He'd even said that sometimes they still slept together. But she felt so shaken and uncertain…
She told them the rest of what happened and Becky concluded, 'At least she didn't put the cigarette in his mouth, so that they drove away looking buddy-buddy, like Thelma and Louise.'
'And you're a bit pissed,' Andy said. 'Things always seem worse when you're pissed.'
'They always seem
better
when you're pissed, you moron.'
'Oh right. Sorry.'
22
Saturday morning
Flowers arrived. It had happened once too often and now she hated them.
Shortly afterwards her phone rang. She checked caller-display: Mark's mobile. She picked up and, dispensing with pleasantries, asked, 'Where's Cassie?'
'Oh. In the spa.'
'How was your seven-course dinner?'
Wha-?'
'And the four-poster bed?'
'The-?'
'And the Romanesque pool. Look, stop sending me flowers.'
'But they're to let you know I love you when I can't be with you.' He sounded hurt.
'I know, yeah, I know, but arranging them, picking up dead petals from the floor and fitting dead bunches in a garbage bag without getting stem-slime on my fingers - you know what? I seem to do fuck all else and I've had it.'
'This is about Cassie.'
'I guess.'
There was the longest silence, then he said in a heavy, resigned voice, 'We've got to talk.'
She was shot through with a thrill of something very nasty.
Then he said, 'This couldn't have gone on for ever,' and her head lifted with shock.
She wasn't ready for this to be over yet. 'Talk to me now, Mark.'
'I can't. Cassie will be back soon. I'll see you tomorrow.'
She hung up. Fuck. Twenty-four hours to get through.
Right away, she rang her mom. Not to discuss this with her, just looking to be reminded of who she was. 'How's everyone?'
'Fine. Little Luka gets more beautiful by the day.'
Luka was the toddler son of her brother Kevin and his wife, Natalie.
'I got the photos. He's a honey.'
'They've enlisted him in a model agency.'
'Good idea.'
'No, it is not. It's bad enough for a man to be good-looking, but to be
told
he's good-looking - oh dear! Luckily your father never had that trouble.'
'I heard that,' Charlie shouted faintly.
'Far better for a man to develop his personality,' her mom said. 'Mind you, your father didn't do that either.'
'I heard that too,' Charlie shouted again.
When she hung up she rang Becky, who arrived an hour later with Andy.
'You must be in agony,' Becky observed.
Jojo shrugged.
'You're being ever so brave.'
'That's me, Becks. Tough. Stronger than the average woman.'
'Yes.' Becky and Andy exchanged a look, acknowledging the bottle of red wine that Jojo was ploughing through, the cigarette smouldering in the ashtray, the other cigarette between her fingers, the video of
Meerkats United
on the telly.
'There's one good thing,' Jojo mused. 'At least I didn't spend all my money on a first edition of
The Grapes of Wrath
. I just got him a first edition of
The Pearl
because
The Grapes of Wrath
was way pricey.'
'Don't give it to him. Resell it on the Internet,' Becky said.
'Give it to him,' Andy said. 'Stay on his right side. Whatever happens, he's still your boss.'
'I'm sure her career is the least of her worries,' Becky chided.
'This is Jojo,' Andy chided back. 'Not you.'
The following day Mark arrived at Jojo's at one-fifteen. He tried to embrace her and she stepped away from him. He followed her into the front room where they sat in sombre silence.
'I love my kids,' he said.
'I know.'
'I never wanted to leave them. I told you that right from the start.'
'Always.'
'I've been looking for the right time to leave them. I thought about the end of the school year, but I didn't want to ruin their summer. Then I wanted them to have one last happy-family holiday, so I thought I'd go after we come back from Italy in August, but then they're about to start a new school year, so that's a terrible time.' He hitched and dropped his shoulders. 'Jojo, I've realized there is no right time. There will be no right time. Ever.'
Her heart seemed to stop.
'So let's do it now,' he said. 'Today.'
'Excuse me?'
'Today. I'll tell Cassie today. I'll leave her today.'
'
Today
? Waitaminute, you're way ahead of me. I thought you were breaking up with me.'
'Break
up
with you?' He was a picture of confusion. 'Why would you think that? I love you, Jojo.'
'Because you said we had to talk. And because you never told me Cassie was so, like, attractive.'
'But you'd seen her before. You knew what she looked like.'
'I don't remember her looking like that.'
'Because at the time it didn't matter to you what she looked like.'
She acknowledged that. 'But you get along so well.'
'I also get along well with Jim Sweetman. It doesn't mean I should be married to him.'
She lit a cigarette; the turnabout had been too speedy. She'd thought she was losing him, she'd half come to terms with it and instead things were accelerating in the other direction. He was coming to live with her. Today.
After thinking she'd lost him, she wanted him with an intensity that frightened her. But first there was a question she needed the answer to. 'Mark, did you sleep with her this weekend?'
He laughed. 'No.'
'Why not? You had the four-poster bed, the seven-course dinner…'
'None of that matters. I don't love her, at least not in that way, and I love you.'
'When was the last time you slept with her?'
He lowered his eyes, he crinkled his forehead, then he looked up again, 'I honestly have no idea.'
'You don't have to lie to me. You told me at the start that you sometimes had sex.'
'Yes, but since I've been with you, I couldn't be with anyone else.'
She had to believe him.
He got to his feet. 'I'm going to go home now and tell her. I don't know when I'll be back —'
Wait, wait, no wait. Today is too soon.'
He looked at her curiously. 'When, then?'
She thought about it. When would be the best time to deprive Sam and Sophie of their dad? Next week? Four weeks' time? When? The procrastination couldn't go on for ever, they needed a definite date. 'OK,' she said, finally. 'Have your family holiday in August.'
'Are you sure?'
'I'm sure.'
'OK. The end of August. Now can we go to bed?'