Jojo scrolled down through the top ten: nothing. The top twenty: nothing. There was Eamonn Farrell, at 44, and Marjorie Franks, one of her thriller writers, holding steady at 61. But where was Lily? On she scrolled, down, down, down. I must have missed it, she thought — and then she spotted it, buried deep at number 168. In its first week on sale it had sold a pitiful 347 copies. Shit.
Crystal Clear
had been expected to debut in the top ten but it looked like it was sticking to the shelves.
'
Mimi's Remedies
was a slow starter,' Manoj reminded her.
'
Mimi's Remedies
didn't have a two hundred k campaign behind it.'
Right away, she got onto Patrick Pilkington-Smythe, Dalkin Emery's Head of Marketing, pushing for a bigger spend. 'We need more print ads, especially in Sunday papers, coming up to Christmas. And the cover price needs to come down.'
'Steady. Let's not do our headless-chicken act just yet,' Patrick drawled. 'Early days. Lot of big books out at the moment.' OK, maybe he had a point. From September onwards there was always a glut of hardbacks, published just in time to be considered for the Booker. Not to mention biographies from every F-list celeb in the country hoping to be bought as Christmas gifts. 'It'll pick up nearer to Christmas.'
Jojo's gameplan had been to open negotiations for Lily's new contract the week after
Crystal Clear
came out — like,
today
— when, if everything had gone as it should, Lily's star would be at its zenith. Jojo had hoped she could do the negotiations in her sleep; that all she would have to agree with Dalkin Emery was whether they'd like to give Lily an obscene amount of money, or simply a disgusting quantity. Now she wasn't so sure.
On the plus side, Lily was about to start a three-week promotional tour. Perhaps that would kick-start sales.
She rang Tania Teal. Making sure she sounded upbeat and confident, she sang, 'Time to talk turkey. Lily Wright's new deal. We're ready for our close-up.'
'Close-up of what?'
Shit
. Jojo kept it steady. 'Of her new contract.'
'Riiiight. I see. You said she was working on something new? It would probably be best if I took a look at it. Like, before we settle on a figure.'
This was not the enthusiastic response Jojo had hoped for. Was this the same woman who had bugged her day and night last May, to sign a new deal?
But staying cheery, she said, 'Seven chapters of Lily Wright's FABULOUS new book being biked over to you right now. Get your cheque book ready!'
Wednesday evening
She met Becky after work for a quick pizza.
Once they were settled Jojo said, 'Guess what? My period's late.'
Becky became very still. 'How late?'
'Three days. I know it's nothing, but I'm always way regular. And I feel weird.'
'How?'
'Sort of… dizzy. And I sort of don't want to smoke.'
'Christ. Oh my God.' Becky bit her knuckles. 'Have you done a test?'
'This morning. Negative. But it's early, like, too early?'
'Could it have happened?'
'Mmmm, we use condoms but… accidents happen. And we did it right in the middle of the month. Easy to remember exactly when, when you're seeing a married man.'
'Less of the violins,' Becky said. 'Andy and I haven't had sex at all in the past month.'
'Are you two OK?'
'Never better. You just wait until you and Mark stop having sex, then you'll
really
be together. How d'you think Mark will take it?' Becky chose her words carefully. 'Is there a chance he might not be happy?'
Jojo considered. 'Sure.' She half-laughed. 'But he might be psyched. But what about me? Am I happy?'
'Are you?'
'It's not the right time to have a baby.'
'But it's never the right time — for anyone, not just you. By the time it's the right time, it's often too late.'
'You're right. A baby isn't the end of the world. It's just… I feel so bad for Cassie and the kids. This will make things far worse.'
'Maybe this is no accident,' Becky suggested. 'Perhaps he's trapping you. Or perhaps you're trapping yourself.' She sighed. 'Lucky you, I'd love to get up the duff but we can't afford to have a baby yet.'
'If I become a partner my income is actually going to drop over the next three years.'
'You what?'
'Partners have to invest money. Now that Jocelyn is leaving — if he EVER does - he's taking his moolah with him. The new partner will have to replace it.'
'How much?'
'Fifty grand.'
'
Fifty
grand? Where are you going to get that sort of money?'
'I'm not. So how they do it is they deduct it from future earnings and pay me fifty grand less over the next three years.'
Thursday evening, Becky and Andy's
Andy answered the door. 'Well?'
'Test is still negative. But…'
Andy shook his head, ruefully. 'My advice? Don't tell him. Just go away and quietly have a termination.'
'No way,' Jojo scorned. 'This is his problem too.'
'Oh-ho!' Andy clapped his hands together. 'This will separate the men from the boys.'
'Get over yourself.' But Jojo couldn't help wondering if Mark would run for the hills? Try to insist she had an abortion and hot-foot it back to the haven of his marriage? 'I'm going to tell him. And you know what? If he tries to dick me around, I'll laugh in his face.'
Friday evening, Jojo's flat
'Guess what?' Jojo said.
Mark looked at her, did a once-over and something changed in his eyes, as if he'd retreated. 'You're pregnant.'
She paused, startled. 'Damn, you're good. Well, my period is five days late, but the test is negative.'
'Doesn't mean a thing. Same with Cassie. Test kept showing up negative but she was pregnant alright.'
They stared at each other, taking in that statement, then both dissolved into horrified giggles.
'Fuck!' Jojo breathed. 'Well, we all know what happens next. This is the part where everything falls apart for me. You bail on me
and
you fix it so I get sacked.'
'Then you find out Cassie is also pregnant, slightly ahead of you and we're having a big party to renew our wedding vows.'
'I only find out when I get sent the invite by mistake.'
This was familiar stuff and it made them laugh.
'You should know this: my dad will go apeshit and want to kill you. He'll call on you late some night with my three brothers and a shotgun.'
'I'd better make an honest woman of you, in that case.'
Then the news seemed to hit him and he lapsed into silence. He wiped his hand across his mouth once, then again. 'Um, this kind of focuses the mind.'
'
Are
you going to run out on me?'
His hand froze and he looked up at her, horrified. 'No.'
'Correct answer.'
'But this is big stuff, Jojo. Big, unplanned stuff.'
'Duh! I had noticed.'
'I reckon I always assumed this would happen
sometime
. Us. Babies.' He paused and added dismally, 'But not this soon.'
'How bad do you feel?'
'Quite honestly, Jojo,' he met her eyes and she could tell he was wavering between fobbing her off and producing an answer that came from some very honest, deep-buried part of him, 'quite honestly, I would have preferred us to have some time together on our own, before children came along. Starting our life together already sharing it with someone else, I suppose I…' he sought the right word '… I resent it.' He sighed heavily. 'You know how much I love my kids. And I'll love ours too. But after the months of hole-and-corner stuff, I wanted us to have some —' he half-laughed at himself— 'uncomplicated time together.' He furrowed his brow. 'How did this
happen?'
Jojo eyed him. 'The man agent went to bed with the lady agent and stuck his —'
'No, I mean, we've been careful, haven't we?'
'Accidents happen.'
He acknowledged that. 'Yes, I suppose they do. But this is not a good time, financially. I'll have to take care of Cassie and the kids. But you and I will have to get a place. We can't stay in your apartment for ever, especially with a baby. Then if you stop working, we lose your income.'
'But why would I stop working? I'm pregnant — if I even am — not ill. You're afraid I'm going to turn into Louisa.'
'Not just Louisa. I've seen it again and again: women who have babies, their priorities change. This isn't a judgement call, just an observation. It's their prerogative.'
'I'm different'
He shrugged, not agreeing.
'Mark! I am.'
He laughed at her fury, then she laughed too and they said simultaneously, 'That's what they all say.'
'I have to tell Cassie right now. It can't be put off any longer.' Jojo's insides crumpled with shame. 'Me being pregnant is going to make it far worse for her.'
'I know. But it's not fair to her not to tell her.'
'You're right but couldja wait until I get a positive result and we know for sure?'
Mark looked irritated, then he became sorrowful and took her hand. 'Jojo, listen to me, I want to tell you something very important. Cassie will have to be told some time. Fact.'
'I know.' But she mumbled it.
'You've met Cassie. You saw she's an intelligent woman with a lot of self-respect, not the type who likes being the last to know. I honestly think she would prefer to be told than to be made a fool of.'
You do?'
'But I'll tell you now, it's not going to be pleasant. It will be very
un
pleasant, but then it'll be done.
I've
made peace with it and she's my wife. You're a courageous person, Jojo, and you're going to have to be brave for this. It's not magically going to take care of itself
'What if she met someone else and she was the one to leave you. I'd like that.'
He sighed. 'OK, pray for Cassie to meet someone else.'
Then his tone changed. 'Or else stop stringing me along.'
Something plummeted in her. 'I'm not stringing you along.'
'Aren't you, Jojo? Because that's what it's starting to feel like. Listen to me, the partnership decision is in eight weeks' time. Then I am leaving my wife and coming to live with you. If that's not what you want, you'd better tell me.'
She felt panicky. 'I do want it. But this is hard for me. I hate dissing Cassie and stealing her husband. These are not the values I was brought up with.'
'They're not the values I was brought up with either. You're not the only one it's hard for, but I'm doing it because I love you. And I'm beginning to feel we're not on the same page.'
Some instinct was telling her she was suddenly in very dangerous territory. She was a hair's-breadth away from losing him.
'Mark, you were the one who said we should wait until after the partnership decision. I don't recall being any too thrilled about that.'
'Not straight away. But once you got over your suspicion that I was stalling, then you were keen. Slightly too keen, in my opinion.'
That was the trouble with Mark. He was way smart.
She had a choice to make here: jump, or get off the bridge. OK, she would jump.
'Wait until I know for sure that the test is positive, then we'll tell her. OK?'
He stared at her with his dark eyes and said, slowly, 'You're on notice but OK.'
' "On notice"? Don't speak to me like that. I'm not a fucking publisher who's late paying royalties.'
But he didn't apologize. He left without saying anything.
That night she lay awake thinking. Mark, smartie that he was, was right to question her dragging her feet. She was so busted: she'd never wanted to give the signal for Mark to leave Cassie. She'd hoped that some outside event would take care of things — her favourite scenario being Cassie meeting someone else. But Mark was wrong to think she was flaking on him; her core commitment was rock steady. Sometimes she wondered what it was about him. OK, he hit the big three - smart, funny and sexy — but it was bigger and far more ephemeral than that. You can look at the reasons why you love someone, you can even list them - his confidence, his smarts, his bulky physicality, the fact that he never bored her - but there's always something missing, the x factor, the magic ingredient. And Mark had the magic ingredient, whatever it was, in spades.
He was her favourite person and everything that she did, she felt—at least subconsciously - that it hadn't really happened until she'd told him about it. After a couple of days away from him, she began to ache, almost physically. He
knew
her. Their connection was full-on honest and two people could not be better matched.
She could see them together years into the future, Mr and Mrs Senior, cryptic crossword ninjas, still wild about each other, still best buddies.
Today Mark had articulated her resistance and his anger had forced her past some sort of barrier. He was going to leave Cassie and that was OK. A saying came to mind.
The only way out is through
. Her only other option was to risk losing Mark and, frankly, that was no option.
She was ready. Or as ready as she'd ever be. But she felt for Cassie…
She thought about what Becky had said: that maybe this pregnancy was no accident. Maybe she'd let it happen to take the decision for her. The funny thing was, though, she wasn't fully sure she
was
pregnant, everyone else believed it more than she did. But she'd started to believe it a little and she kinda liked the idea. Her and Mark and a baby, it'd be fun. Life would be different, but only a little, and in a good way. She had to fess up that she hadn't been broody. She didn't really
get
the hunger that came over people, to have a baby, no matter what. But because this was part of a package, because it was Mark's baby, that was different.
She put her hand on her stomach, because that was what you did, right? See, she was a natural at this mom stuff. What would their baby be like? Dark, fair, red-headed? Strong-willed, she decided. No matter which of them it favoured. In fact, right now, their DNA were probably duking it out, looking to be on top.