“It’ll be a messy enough job as it is.” He opened another package. The contents were a curved suturing needle complete with thread. He wrung a washcloth out of the pan of antiseptic water and removed the bloody gauze from Marion’s head. “If it bothers you...don’t look.”
Dee couldn’t look. She leaned her head down against his knee and felt cold chills every time Marion’s face tried to move in her hands.
Hawk swore at
Pandora’s
every jolt, but he continued the steady tying and snipping, pausing only to wipe away fresh blood when it became too difficult to see what he was doing.
Dee only looked once before turning her head away.
“Still with me, sweets?” he asked.
“Yes.”
“Number eight and we’re done. She’ll have a concussion but I don’t think there’s any fracture. Starting to bruise, though...Talk to me, Dee.”
“I can’t.”
“Take a few deep breaths.”
“Hawk, where did you learn all this?”
“I started out in the Boy Scouts.”
“Seriously?”
“Seriously, you wouldn’t want to know. But if it makes you feel any better, injuries like this...” He snipped off the last of the thread and set the scissors aside to reach for a bandage. “Are my specialty. All done now, you can relax.”
Dee straightened up slowly, her back stiff and tired from leaning over for so long. She looked up at Hawk.
For the first time in weeks he did not glance away, but let his gaze soften and linger, causing a rush of conflicting emotions to course through her.
“What’s wrong, baby?” he asked with a gentleness that reached out and enveloped her. “She’s going to be all right. I promise.”
“Oh, Hawk, why didn’t you pull her in?” she suddenly blurted out. “Why did you just stand there and wait until Starr came out? Why?”
“I told you, a stay broke loose. If I let go of the wheel just then we could have rolled. Maybe even lost the foremast. She was on a safety line and Starr came as soon as I called.”
“But she could have drowned and you just stood there! You didn’t even try to…”
“You’re too tired, Dee.” The tone sounded as if he could sense every suspicion she had. “Don’t say anything you might regret later.” While Hawk cleaned up and put the medical kit away, Dee dressed Marion in a dry flannel gown.
Afterward, he carried her back to her cabin and set her down gently. He clipped the mesh hammock up into place so that she would be as stable as possible in
Pandora’s
constant pitch and roll.
Dee tucked the wool blanket close all around her friend and—when the Wyngate lettering shown for a moment, looked up quickly, to see if she could read some trace of sinister knowledge or recognition in Hawk.
If there was, she couldn’t tell.
“She’s going to sleep for at least six hours. Guaranteed.” He switched off the light as they left and closed the door behind them. “So should you.”
“I have to take my watch.”
“Starr and I can handle the deck. I want you to go to bed.”
“I can do it,” she argued. “I’d rather…”
He reached out and stopped her as she passed her own cabin, opened the door and steered her gently but firmly inside before closing it again. The effect of him shutting her away in the dark room suddenly felt too overwhelming. The long weeks of inner turmoil, the accident, lack of sleep, and the constant rolling and pounding of
Pandora
all whirled together to magnify the impression.
“Hawkins!” she called out to him in a tone that was edged with despair.
The door swung open again, and he looked in.
“Don’t shut me out anymore. Please don’t!” He stepped inside and she reached up for him, her words tumbling out in a rush. “I can’t stand it! I never said I was perfect, I’m only trying to be. And I can’t stand that you would turn away from the things God wants to give you, just because of the way I’ve acted. I’d die first! Because I love you, Hawk, I—”
His mouth stopped the words with a long answering kiss before he swept her up long enough to set her down on the bed. The response was so reassuring a wave of sheer relief swept through her.
“I love you, too, sugar. And I love whatever makes you so quick to give yourself up for someone like me. I never thought of God thinking about me, much less having anything to give me. That’s just—”
Pandora
suddenly rolled and he reached for the bulkhead to steady them, making the only effect a slight shifting of her weight against his. “It’s just too good to be true.”
“It is true!”
“Well, if Starr hadn’t been out there by himself, so long, I’d let you prove it.” He kissed her again. “Right now, I have to go. But I’ll be back when the storm’s over.”
He left her then, and after he was gone, his presence lingered like poignant music, with all the sensations returning again, and again, whenever she thought of him. It wasn’t until just before she drifted off to sleep, that she realized she had been—literally—swept off her feet.
Exactly like Marion had predicted.
28
Acceptance
“I had a very strong determination to resist my impulses, but yet, in the bottom of my heart was a little faint feeling that I had found something even stronger than my will power.
~
Nellie Bly
By the time Dee woke the following morning, the storm had blown itself out and
Pandora
was moving at a swift graceful clip, once again. The slanted decks were finally steady and no longer rolling or erratic.
Dee felt wonderful. After peeking in at Marion to find her still asleep, she showered and took her time getting dressed.
She looked into the mirror and was startled by her own reflection. After a month of outdoor living, she had acquired a rich tan of a depth she hadn’t achieved since she was sixteen and devoted an entire summer to get. The makeup she had brought along paled in comparison, so she set it aside. Instead, she made do with a little eye-shadow and lipstick of a slightly deeper shade than the pink turtleneck sweater she was wearing. She was ready in a mere ten minutes. One could definitely get ready for the day, faster, when there was less to do.
She twisted her hair up into the clip and pulled a chocolate-colored knit hat with a fur brim over it all. She was rummaging in her make-up bag for a small bottle of perfume when she heard a muffled moan from Marion’s cabin, and she set things aside to look in on her.
Marion was engaged in a slow motion struggle to disentangle herself from the hammock.
“Dear…Lord! I’ve got the worst…hangover…” Marion’s hand went to her bandaged head. “Owww! What happened?”
“Just take it easy and try not to move too fast.” Dee helped her sit up and propped pillows behind her back to lean against. “Don’t you remember anything?”
“I was adjusting one of the sails and...oh, Dee! Hawk hit me!”
“What?”
“He did! I heard him yell, and then he hit me!”
“The boom hit you, Marion,” she insisted, even though the accusation brought that same feeling of dread back into the pit of her stomach. “He tried to warn you, but you didn’t hear. It was the boom that knocked you overboard. Put a terrible gash in your head and you had to have eight stitches.”
“Stitches!” Her hand moved to her head again, and she traced the bandage with her fingers. “Who on earth?”
“Hawk did.”
“You let him do something like that to me? What if I get gangrene or something? How could you!”
“I didn’t have any choice, Marion. You were bleeding so terribly, I...don’t worry, it was all very professional. He just… “
Their gazes met and there was a long, uncomfortable silence.
“I told you,” Marion breathed finally. “Didn’t I tell you?”
Dee sat down on the foot of the bed and ran a hand over her brown ski pants. “It doesn’t have to mean he worked at Wyngate, though. It could be a coincidence.”
“You should have come right out and asked. Say, did you work at Wyngate? Yes or no.”
“I can’t put it that way, Marion. Not when he already said he never heard of Wyngate before I brought it up. To ask if he worked there now, would be accusing him of a lie. I don’t want to upset him again.”
“Dee, have you lost your senses? He’s as good as proved himself. How many normal everyday people would have been able to sew up somebody’s head? Would you have?”
“Oh, I couldn’t!”
“That’s my point. You’d have done your best with a butterfly bandage and wrapped it up. I’m surprised he didn’t kill me! And if he didn’t, then…” She raised a warning finger for emphasis and another pain shot through her arm. “Ouch! My word! What happened to my arm?”
“He had some trouble with the morphine.”
“Morphine!”
“The boat was rocking and banging like you wouldn’t…”
“Morphine! You let him give me drugs? What if I was allergic?”
“Shhh! Marion, you want them to hear us? I told you everything was perfectly sterile. Never used. I watched him tear open the packages, myself.”
“If I get addicted, what am I going to tell my kids? I’d be a disgrace to Bill’s memory! I…”
The door clicked open and they both froze.
“Good morning, ladies,” Hawk’s tone carried the usual pleasantness they had become accustomed to before he lost his temper. “Are we having some trouble in here?”
“She’s…upset about the stitches,” Dee spoke up first.
“There was no choice, Marion.” He put a hand under the older woman’s chin and turned her face up to look carefully into her gray eyes. “No uneven dilation. Can you focus on my finger?”
“Dee!” Marion’s voice was barely a whisper.
“Bet you’ve got a bear of a headache, though,” he soothed. “Go get her a couple aspirin, sugar, while I check and see if there’s any…”
“No, I want Dee to stay!” Marion’s voice had the ring of a petulant child, and Hawk’s eyes softened as he looked down at her.
“That was a terrible experience, Mare. I’m sorry it happened. Think you can forgive me?”
“My mouth tastes like seawater, my head’s killing me, and you…you had no right to give me drugs!”
“You’d have thought I was torturing you if I hadn’t. It was so rough down here you got about twice too many holes poked in you as it was.”
“But a woman my age could be addicted!”
“Well, if the pain gets too bad, let me know, and I’ll give you some more.”
“Good grief, what do you take me for? I’ll die first. I don’t care if…”
“Just kidding. I don’t think a woman of your strength and will power needs to worry about addictions.”
“Don’t try to butter me up. I’m put out with you, Hawk. Extremely put out! If I didn’t know better, I’d think…”
He leaned over and kissed her on the cheek.
The gesture startled her. “Oh, I...suppose I’m just irritable.”
“Understandable,” he assured. “So you’re officially relieved of duties until you feel better. Breakfast and a couple aspirin will do wonders.”
“I’m not hungry.”
“How about some tea and toast?” Dee suggested. “It’ll just take a minute.”
They left Marion’s cabin and as Dee went to the sink to fill the teakettle, Hawk came up behind and put his arms around her. “Are you still the same girl I left last night?” he asked.
“Yes.”
“The whole gift and not just the package?” He leaned down and whispered against her hair,
“Yes.”
“Then I don’t need anything else.” He tightened his arms around her until she set the kettle down and gave in to the embrace. “Stay this way, Dee.”
“I will. But, Hawk, I have so many questions.”
“Come on up on deck and ask away. Are you up to taking the watch?”
“Are you kidding? Eight straight hours of sleep in the middle of the night—where they belong. Of course, I am. You and Starr must be exhausted. Want me to make a hot breakfast?”
“We had something around four after the storm passed. Now that we’ve got the self-steering on again and made repairs, I can send Starr down for some sleep.” He kissed the back of her neck and it sent a chill through her. “I’m not good for much longer myself either, so hurry on up as soon as you’re finished here.”
By the time Marion was settled and Dee finally went up on deck, Starr’s snores were already reverberating through
Pandora’s
passageways.
Hawk was stretched out on the low side of the cockpit, propped comfortably against the canvass windbreak. He was methodically peeling an orange and tossing the pieces of rind over the side.
“Did she eat?” he asked.
“She drank some tea.” Dee zipped her jacket up snugly against the cold wind, amazed once more at how cozy the cabin stove could keep things down below. “But she only nibbled at the toast. Said it made her sort of sick.”
“I was afraid of that. Tossing sailboat’s no place to ride out a concussion. But I guess it could be worse. At least there’s no fracture. Step into my office, sugar, so we can talk.”
Though the storm had died down there was a cold thirty-knot wind blowing over choppy seas, and it was a comfort to sit in the shelter of the canvas rails. It was even more of a comfort to share a place with Wayne Hawkins that he had moved over and made for her and to feel in that casual gesture, a sense of acceptance and belonging.
Dee suddenly dreaded the thought of stirring up disturbing subjects again. All she wanted to do was nestle into that inviting embrace and stay there.
“So what are all these questions?” He handed her a section of his orange. “Better hurry, or you’ll miss your chance. When I finish this I’m going to take a sleeping bag out of that locker over there and check out for at least two hours.”
“You’re not going down to your cabin?”
“It’s lonely down there. The way yours was last night.”
Having looked forward to this moment, Dee was surprised at the flicker of hesitation she felt. But she had always found her judgments to be reliable, and in her heart she felt she could trust Wayne Hawkins. Even when her mind flashed memories of the night before, when he had been so unhesitating and smooth, she found herself searching for reasons to believe in him. How could someone so wonderful be anything less than wonderful?
Suddenly, she had to know.