The Pearly Queen (7 page)

‘What's that, missus?'

‘I'll give you what's that if you give me a rotten apple.'

‘Eh? Well, blow me, 'ow did that one get in?'

‘You slipped it in. I wasn't born yesterday, I'll 'ave you know.'

‘Wish you 'ad been, I'd take you 'ome to me missus. Now, 'ow about a nice bunch of grapes, seein' it's 'oliday weekend?'

‘Yes, I'll have a bunch of grapes. No, not that one, that one.'

‘Grapes, Aunt Edie?' queried Jimmy.

‘My treat,' said Aunt Edie.

‘You always were a sport,' said Jimmy.

‘Now some of them cookin' apples,' said Aunt Edie to the stallholder, ‘five big ones.'

‘Best in the market, they are, missus.'

‘They'd better be,' said Aunt Edie, ‘or you'll cop it when I next come round. I want some bananas too. Young bananas, not ones dyin' of old age.'

She was like that with most of her market shopping. In the butcher's shop, she had the butcher swearing his legs of mutton were so fresh they were still nearly walking about.

‘Don't make me laugh,' said Aunt Edie. ‘Still nearly walkin' about?'

‘That's right, missus, they only just stopped.'

‘Did you 'ear that, Jimmy?' she asked.

‘Yes,' said Jimmy, ‘now ask him if that sheep's head over there is still nearly talkin'.'

‘Funny you should mention that,' said the butcher, ‘it spoke its last words only five minutes ago.'

‘All right,' said Aunt Edie, eyeing a generous leg of mutton, ‘what did it say?'

‘'Ello, sailor, 'ow's yer grandma?'

‘Just as well it fell dead, then, if it can't talk sense,' said Aunt Edie. ‘Kindly weigh that leg for me.'

‘Prime meat, that is, missus.'

‘I'll bring it back if it isn't,' said Aunt Edie.

Jimmy thought her a real eye-opener. She made shopkeepers and stallholders sit up and perk up. She left them with grins all over their faces.

‘I like you, Aunt Edie,' he said when they had finished the shopping.

‘Didn't you like me before, then?'

‘Like you more today.'

‘That's not a joke?' said Aunt Edie. Jimmy always looked as grave as an owl when he was joking, and he was grave now.

‘Well, life bein' serious most of the time,' he said. ‘I'm not sure I can make jokes.'

Aunt Edie laughed. ‘That's a joke itself,' she said. ‘Well, now we've got everything, you can carry it 'ome with you while I – no, wait a bit, you can come to Camberwell on the tram with me. You're a young man now, and it's time you gave me the pleasure of escortin' me. Here, hold the shoppin' bag for me first of all.'

Amid the market crowds Jimmy said, ‘D'you mind if I point out that carryin' a shoppin' bag can ruin a bloke's standin', Aunt Edie?'

‘Well, dearie me, what a shame,' said Aunt Edie.

‘All right, give it here,' said Jimmy. ‘I'll risk me standin'.'

Aunt Edie laughed. She handed the laden bag to him, and they made their way through the market to the Walworth Road tram stop. She was happy about her purchases, some of which were the kind of bargains one could always get in the market, even on a crowded Saturday morning. Dad had insisted on giving her housekeeping money for the weekend.

Near the tram stop in the Walworth Road was a group of ex-Servicemen. Forming a little band, they were playing for coppers, coppers that some passers-by tossed into a hat on the kerbside. Aunt Edie found a silver threepenny-bit in her purse and dropped it into the hat.

‘Bless yer, lady.'

Aunt Edie and Jimmy went on to the tram stop, Aunt Edie saying, ‘That poor mother of yours, Jimmy.' It was the first time she had mentioned her cousin during the shopping expedition. ‘Like your dad says, she can't 'elp bein' religious, but if she's that keen on goin' after sinners, she ought to start on the Government first. The war's been over nearly five years, but there's still old soldiers out of work and 'aving to earn a few pennies like those men, by playin' accordions and suchlike in gutters. There can't be anything more sinful than any Government lettin' that 'appen.'

‘Good point, Aunt Edie,' said Jimmy. ‘I'd like to see Mum chargin' into the Houses of Parliament and settin' about all of them with her umbrella.'

‘I don't know about that,' said Aunt Edie, who plainly felt it was her cousin who ought to be set about. She eyed the traffic impatiently. She wanted to get on with things. There were still many horse-drawn vehicles about. The law required them to keep clear of tram tracks, but the drivers of vehicles such as beer drays considered their claim to rights of way went back a bleeding sight longer than electric trams. Accordingly, a tram could often be seen moving slowly along behind a lumbering beer dray, the frustrated tram driver clanging away and looking for a bobby, and the stubborn dray driver taking his time to move over to join traffic on the left of the tram tracks. Street kids always hoped it would lead to a fight. A good pair of fists earned the total admiration of street kids anywhere.

With no tram coming their way at the moment, Aunt Edie and Jimmy spotted a little open cart approaching. It was drawn by a sleek brown pony, and was painted in decorative blue and gold. At the reins sat a pearly king, his cap, jacket and trousers sparkling in the sunshine with a myriad of pearl buttons. He saw Aunt Edie.

‘Whoa there, Poppy,' he said to his pony, and pulled up beside the kerb. ‘Watcher, Edie, me peach, where yer goin'?'

‘I'm just standin' still at the moment, waitin' for a tram 'ome,' said Aunt Edie. ‘Had a do this mornin', 'ave you, Joe?'

Joe Gosling's broad and ruddy face spread in a large grin. In the back of his cart sat his daughter, fourteen-year-old Hetty, holding a bunch of flowers. ‘Just a bit of a do for some Old Kent Road kids,' he said, ‘an' makin' sure all of 'em won a prize. Got time orf from me work.' He was a park attendant, employed by the local council. ‘Well, good cause, yer know, Edie. An' they give 'Etty a bunch o' flowers, which she's rapturous about, ain't yer, 'Etty?'

Hetty didn't reply. She was staring woodenly at Jimmy.

‘Sweet girl, your Hetty,' said Aunt Edie drily.

‘Ain't she just?' said Joe. ‘'Ere, 'op up, Edie, and I'll ride yer 'ome. 'Oo's yer young man there?'

‘Well, 'e's not my young man,' said Aunt Edie. ‘Worse luck,' she added, and laughed. ‘He's Jimmy, my nephew.'

‘Well, good on yer, Jimmy, you 'op up too, along side of 'Etty,' said Joe, ‘and I'll cart both of yer to Camberwell. It's yer lucky day, me lad, yer'll like 'Etty.'

Jimmy had reservations about that. But he placed the shopping bag aboard, and while Aunt Edie climbed up to sit beside Joe, he swung himself into the cart by using a wheel spoke as leverage. He sat down on the narrow board seat opposite Hetty. She was in white. Her hat, frock, shoes and stockings were all white, and she looked like a kind of angelic Alice in Wonderland, except that she didn't seem very taken with Wonderland. Joe clucked at Poppy, the pony, and the cart started to run.

‘Nice day,' said Jimmy to Hetty. She stared sullenly at him. ‘If you like it hot. How'd you feel about August?'

‘Mind yer own bleedin' business,' said Alice in Wonderland.

‘Well, I thought I'd ask,' said Jimmy amiably.

‘No-one asked yer to ask.'

‘All right, I'll shut up, shall I?'

‘What's yer name?'

‘No idea,' said Jimmy who could always play someone else's game.

‘Yer bloomin' daft,' said Hetty.

‘Well, nobody's perfect,' said Jimmy. ‘We've all got some complaint.'

Hetty sniffed and gave up. Joe was talking to Aunt Edie. Jimmy listened.

‘Yer a lively one, you are, Edie. Lively as a gel, you always was, and yer still that way. Pearly queen of South Camberwell, you are, and yer got 'igh-falutin' legs.'

‘High what?' said Aunt Edie, large hat dancing to the trotting rhythm of the pony.

‘I'm speakin' frank of them fancy pins o' yourn,' said Joe.

‘Well, you watch I don't pickle that fancy tongue of yours,' said Aunt Edie.

Joe grinned, cracked a playful whip and lightly tweaked the reins. The trotting pony overtook a slow-moving cart piled high with sacks of dry-smelling wheat for a flour mill. They ran along the tram track for a brief while before rejoining the stream of Saturday traffic. They passed two little girls trundling their iron hoops over the pavement. A tram clanged loudly past the cart. It had no effect on the pony.

‘Where was I?' asked Joe, putting his whip into its rest.

‘Doin' some fancy talk,' said Aunt Edie.

‘I tell yer, love, I dunno when you wasn't a real lively sort, and a knockout into the bargain,' said Joe. ‘'Specially doin' yer turns at our concerts. I seen other knockouts in me day, but I never seen—'

‘In case you don't know, Joe Gosling,' said Aunt Edie, ‘that's my knee you've got 'old of.'

‘Is it?' said Joe. ‘Well, I never, so it is. Funny, I never knew me 'and get 'old of a knee before, not down the old Walworth Road.' He took it away. The little cart slowed in thickening traffic. ‘Yer know, Edie, since me reg'lar pearly partner, Ma Rawlins, passed on, God rest 'er, I been thinkin' about someone to take 'er place. Someone with an 'eart of gold, just like she 'ad. And could she warble, she was still pipin' away at concerts for kids when she was gone sixty. “I've Got A Lovely Bunch Of Coconuts”, that was 'er fav'rite.'

‘I know,' said Aunt Edie.

‘'Ad the figure to go with it, she did,' said Joe.

‘Don't look at me,' said Aunt Edie.

‘Good old pearly queen, Ma Rawlins was,' reminisced Joe, ‘always takin' sweets to orphanage kids, and doin' a knees-up by request. So I been thinkin', Edie, you still bein' a single lady and me bein' a widower, we'd make a rollickin' good team. You can sing like a bird, and my voice ain't one that's 'ad rotten termaters chucked at it yet. So what d'yer think, old gel?'

‘I think that's my knee you've got 'old of again,' said Aunt Edie.

‘Well, blind me, so it is,' said Joe. ‘I dunno what's come over it today, it must 'ave a temperature or something.' He removed his wayward hand again. In the back of the cart, Jimmy hid a grin and Hetty stared moodily at her flowers. ‘I'm embarrassed at the way it's playin' up.'

‘Well, talk to it, then,' said Aunt Edie, ‘or something sharp will come along and chop it off.'

Joe bawled with laughter. ‘You're a card, you are, Edie,' he said.

Jimmy, naturally friendly, tried again with Hetty. ‘Are you a pearly?' he asked.

‘Am I what?'

‘Pearly princess?'

‘Me?' Hetty looked disgusted. ‘Course I'm not. I'm goin' on the stage, I am.'

‘As a comic, tellin' funny jokes?' said Jimmy.

‘Doin' what?' said Hetty

‘Well, I can see you're a laugh a minute.'

‘You daft or something?'

It was Jimmy's turn to give up.

Joe, trying to win Aunt Edie over as they approached Camberwell Green, said, ‘You can take yer time considerin' me proposition, yer know, I ain't goin' to rush yer.'

‘Well, I can tell you, Joe, I'm not thinkin' about that kind of commitment,' said Aunt Edie.

‘Proud and 'andsome, with a mind of yer own, that's what you are, Edie,' said Joe. ‘Listen, could yer think about doin' a turn at a concert we're givin' next Saturday week for kids and their parents in St Mark's church 'all? You can choose yer own songs.'

‘I'm not sure I'll 'ave time.'

‘You can find time, Edie, you got a big 'eart,' said Joe. ‘I remember you doin' a turn at the old joanner at me weddin' to Chloe. Yer know, it's still 'ard to believe she's gorn. I been a widower nigh on two year now.' He did more reminiscing as he headed his pony towards Camberwell Grove.

In the back, wooden-faced Hetty said, ‘'Oo d'yer think you're lookin' at?'

‘Can't help meself, can I?' said Jimmy. ‘You're sittin' over there and I'm sittin' over here. Does it hurt?'

‘I don't know I like it.'

‘Well, try fallin' out,' said Jimmy.

‘What d'yer mean, fallin' out?'

‘Out of the cart.'

‘What, and ‘it me 'ead on the road?'

‘You could try it,' said Jimmy, ‘it might not hurt as much as bein' looked at.'

‘Yer bleedin' potty,' said the lovable little lady who was going on the stage.

‘Whoa there,' said Joe, and the cart came to a halt outside Aunt Edie's flat in Camberwell Grove.

‘Thanks for the ride, Joe,' she said, ‘and if you'd let go of me knee again, I'll get down.'

‘Can't 'ardly believe it, can yer?' said Joe. ‘Me mitt's doin' it again. I'll 'ave to take it to the doctor's.'

‘Get 'im to give it an operation,' said Aunt Edie, and alighted. Jimmy swung himself down, and lifted the shopping bag out of the cart. He thanked Joe.

‘Pleasure,' said Joe, grinning, gleaming and sparkling in his pearlies. ‘Keep in touch, Edie, eh?'

‘If I've got time,' said Aunt Edie. Joe blew her a kiss and set off again. Jimmy thought he'd better give Hetty a wave, and did. Hetty stuck her tongue out and departed from his life.

‘Just as well she's not a pearly princess,' he said, ‘or I'd lose me faith in them.'

‘Yes, a bit of a brat,' said Aunt Edie. ‘Spoiled rotten. Well, let's go up, lovey.'

Camberwell Grove had quite a superior look. Aunt Edie rented the top floor of one of the terraced houses, and enjoyed the privacy of what was a self-contained flat. Jimmy and his sisters knew it well, for Aunt Edie often invited them to Sunday tea. Jimmy liked the bright look of her living-room. She went in for colourful cushions. He meandered about the room while she packed some things in her bedroom. A framed photograph on the mantelshelf was familiar to him. It was of the young man to whom she'd been engaged. Jimmy could never help feeling sorry for him, he'd really missed out. Aunt Edie would have made him a happy bloke.