Authors: J. Sterling
My phone rang and I looked down to see
Dani
–
Trunk Mag
flashing on the screen. I hadn’t been to the offices at
Trunk
since the semester began. I pressed the Answer button, resting the phone against my ear. “Hey, Dani. What’s up?”
“Hey, Cass.” Her voice sounded cordial. “I’m really sorry about you and Jack.”
“Thanks.” This had become my standard response. I simply accepted people’s condolences for my now-dead-and-buried relationship and tried to move on.
“Um, I really hate you ask you this, but BC is insisting the school wants to do a follow-up feature on Jack since the draft. He says everyone and their mother has their panties in a wad and can’t read enough about him.”
BC was the editor of the magazine. Half the time I thought he was an idiot, but his ideas usually won us awards, so I stopped questioning his ridiculous demands months ago.
“He freaked out when he looked at our collection of Jack photos.” She snickered.
We had a collection of Jack photos.
Who has a collection of photos of one person?
“We don’t have anything recent and he told me to ask you if you had anything from the summer when he was playing. I’m sorry, Cass, I tried to argue with him, but he was adamant that you’d be
professional
about this.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat. Going through photos of Jack wasn’t something I was sure I could handle at this point. But BC was right. I needed to be professional.
“You don’t have to do this. I can tell him you didn’t have any.” Dani’s sympathy and regret sounded sincere, and I found myself feeling bad for the position she was in.
“No, it’s okay. I’m sure I have something you can use. How many do you need?”
“Just e-mail me a few of your best shots. I trust your judgment.” I could hear the relief in her tone.
“Okay. Deadline?”
“Tomorrow by noon. I know it’s tight but BC wants it to go out in the Welcome Back edition.”
“No problem.” I sucked in a lungful of air.
“Thanks, Cassie. You’re a lifesaver.”
I ended the call, reaching for my backpack and stuffing my textbooks inside. I slipped my sunglasses over my eyes, tossed a hat on my head, and headed out the door toward campus.
I strolled along the sidewalk before cutting to the left, entering the well-manicured campus. I marveled at how green the lawn was even though I couldn’t remember the last time it rained. I passed two girls in hand-painted sorority shirts and I swear I felt a few brain cells spontaneously combust in my head.
A larger crowd appeared up ahead and my chest tightened as I neared. The stares were less subtle now and the whispers sounded less like whispers and more like shouts. I hated the fact that everyone on campus felt the need to talk about me like I was some freak in a circus sideshow.
My phone vibrated in my pocket and I reached in and pulled it out. Text from Melissa.
My fucking savior.
I walked with my head down, my attention focused on my cell phone instead of the gossiping people I passed.
In the SU with Dean. It
’
s not crazy crowded.
With my heart in my throat, I turned in the direction of the student union and punched in a response.
On my way.
If I continued to hide, it would only make things worse. I’d be giving them more things to talk about, instead of less. I had to show them I wasn’t falling apart. That I could survive without Jack in my life. Whether or not I believed it wasn’t the point—I needed everyone else to.
I threw open the glass door before stepping into the familiar smells and sounds. I pretended not to notice as the girls watched my every move, their faces painted with fake sympathy.
I spotted Dean and rushed over, my pace not even slowing as someone called my name. By the time I reached the table, I was practically hyperventilating.
“You’re okay. It’s okay.” Melissa reached across the table, touching my hand with hers.
My eyes pooled as I squeezed them shut to force the tears to recede. Dean slid next to me, tossing his arm around my shoulder and pulling me against him as I struggled to even my breathing.
“I guess if Jack dumped me, I’d date his brother too.” A curvy blonde motioned toward us with a snide smile.
“Shut up, you stupid tramp,” Melissa shouted, her face reddening. “All of you just shut the hell up and leave her alone!”
I was silently thankful for her outburst. Thankful she had the guts to say what I wanted to, but was too terrified of actually doing. My actions were so scrutinized that any flare-up would most likely end up on YouTube. It was hard enough simply getting through the day without adding fuel to the wildfire that showed no sign of stopping its ravenous burn.
Cole and Brett grabbed their trays and headed toward our table. When random girls tried to follow, the guys shoved them away and announced loud enough for everyone to hear that they weren’t welcome.
Cole sat down on the other side of me, his eyes still holding the pain I recognized from the day of the beating. “We’re all really sorry about you and Jack, Cassie. And if there’s anything we can do, just let us know. You’re still our family.”
Brett dropped his tray on the table with a crash. “Girls are such bitches!” he shouted before plopping his muscular body across from me, causing the whole table to vibrate.
“Hey!” Melissa smacked his shoulder.
“Present company excluded of course,” he continued with a wink in her direction. “Good to see you, Cass.” He smiled, shoving a monster-sized sub sandwich into his mouth.
I laughed and my body welcomed the emotion, embracing it like an old friend it hadn’t seen in years.
“There’s the smile I love.” Dean nudged my arm with a grin.
“Are you still working at that magazine?” Cole asked, flicking an unopened bag of chips across the table.
“Yeah. They extended my internship another semester.” I smiled, feeling the excitement course through my veins as I talked about my passion.
“And they’re sending you on an assignment!” Melissa squealed.
“They’re what? You didn’t tell me that.” Dean cocked his head to the side as his face pinched a little.
“She just found out, Dean, don’t get all pouty about it.” Melissa pretended to whine and he threw a grape at her.
I nudged Dean with my arm. “I think it’s a test. They said they want to see what kind of emotions I can evoke in readers with my pictures.”
“What kind of what?” Brett’s mouth twisted in confusion.
“You’re such…an idiot.” Cole teased, shaking his head.
“They said they wanted to see how I viewed the world.” I shrugged my shoulders. “So they’re giving me a chance to show them.”
Cole leaned over the table toward me. “That’s so cool. Do you think they’ll hire you?”
“I don’t know. I guess if they like what they see, but I still have a lot to learn. The photographers they have on staff are mind-blowingly talented. I only hope I’ll be that good someday. Plus, their main offices are in
New York
. The only people they have in LA are the head of sales, a research and development exec, some freelancers, and me.”
“Would you move to
New York
?” Brett looked stunned, lettuce and meat falling out of his open mouth.
My eyes met Melissa’s as curiosity crept across her face. “Why not? You only live once, right?”
“Because it snows there, that’s why not!” Melissa shouted and jutted out her bottom lip.
“
New York
seems pretty cool.” Brett shrugged before finishing off a sports drink and tossing it toward the plastic can a few feet away. When it hit the edge and fell to the ground, everyone at the table broke into laughter and shouting about how much Brett sucked.
I almost felt normal.
And then the moment passed.
Jack was engaged to marry someone else. He had sex with a strange girl without using protection. Something he had never done before us.
Us
.
“Hello?” Melissa waved both arms like she was signaling a rescue chopper.
“I’m sorry, what did I miss?” I asked and the table roared with amusement once more.
I glanced at my phone, noted the time, and started to gather my things. “I have to go. I have class in ten minutes and it’s on the other side of campus.”
“I’ll walk you.” Dean stood as I did, his actions causing the table to fall silent as we left.
“You don’t have to walk me to class, Dean. I’m fine.”
“I know, but I wanted to talk to you,” he said, each step perfectly timed with mine.
“What’s up?” I glanced sideways at him as he tugged at his brown hair the same way Jack used to do.
“I just wanted you to know that I’m going to the wedding.”
My legs started to tremble as his words surged through me with ferocity. I stopped walking and silently begged myself not to lose it. “Of course you are. You’re his brother.”
“I know, but I feel like I’m betraying you somehow. Standing up there with Jack, it’s like saying that I agree with what he’s doing. And I don’t. I don’t agree with it for one second, but he’s my brother and I love him.” He lowered his head as he kicked at the ground with his foot.
I threw my arms around him, squeezing hard until he returned the friendly gesture. “I love you for caring about me, but of course you should be there for Jack.”
“I just wish I could talk him out of it.” He tugged at the corners of his eyes, a yawn escaping.
“Are Gran and Gramps going?” The question alone forced my knees to resume trembling.
“They’re not. Gran can’t fly for that long and Gramps refuses to go without her.” He shrugged. “But honestly, I don’t think they have the heart to watch him go through with it.”
“Does Jack know they aren’t coming?” I suddenly found myself caring for Jack’s well-being.
“He knows. I think he’s relieved, actually. He feels like he let them down, you know? He’s dealing with a lot of guilt right now.”
I swallowed hard as my throat burned with repressed emotion. “I’m gonna be late to class. I have to go. Thanks for telling me.” I turned on my heel and walked away as fast as my quivering legs would move me.
*****
I paced in the living room, my body a bundle of nervous energy as I waited for Melissa to get home from night class. The door flung open as a gust of wind practically blew Melissa inside. She pushed her small body against the door, shutting it with a loud slam before turning to face me, her hair tangled across her face.
“I hate the wind.” She jutted out her bottom lip and blew a huff of air against the pieces covering her mouth.
I frowned. “Me too.” I plunked down on the couch and picked nervously at the edge of a cushion. “I need to talk to you.”
“So talk.” She flipped the kitchen light on, searching the cupboards for her bag of butter-flavored pretzels.
“I want to go out there.”
“Go out where?” She turned and squinted at me in confusion.
“
Alabama
. I need to see him, Melissa. Or maybe he needs to see me? I don’t know, but what if I can stop the wedding?”
“Why would you want to stop the wedding?” Her head cocked to one side as she crunched on a pretzel.
“Because.”
“Because why, Cassie? This guy cheated on you. And he lied.” Leave it to Melissa to press the issue, forcing me to examine my heart.
“I know. And I always believed that cheating was an unforgiveable act. That once you broke down that foundation of trust, it could never be rebuilt. But I was wrong. I don’t want him to marry someone else, Melissa. I don’t know that I can get past what he’s done, but I’m willing to try.”
She stared at me like she’d known this all along and was simply waiting for me to figure it out.
“So why are we still talking about it?”
“Because I don’t have the money for a ticket.” I sighed, plucking at the frayed edges of the throw pillow. “And I was wondering if I could borrow some? I’ll pay you back, I swear.”
“How will you pay me back? You don’t even have a real job.” Even though she was telling the truth, I still wanted to smack her.
“I didn’t say I’d pay you back next week, but I will pay you back.” Irritated at her reluctance, I squeezed the pillow to my stomach, trying to push back at my emotions.
“I’m just messing with you. Let’s go book you some flights!” She tossed the bag of pretzels into the air before heading into the bedroom. I laughed as they spilled out onto the floor.
“And a rental car. And a hotel,” I shouted.
“Yeah, yeah. I’ve got it covered. Get in here!”
*****
The lights at the baseball stadium flicked off as the last of the fans pulled out of the gravel lot. The opposing team piled onto their bus and the engine roared to life with a loud puff of smoke. I stood next to my rented Ford Mustang and watched as the home team players sporadically filed out of the locker room. My legs were shaking like crazy, my nerves completely frayed.