"You don't understand. If Kalyna is what Mark's just described, she won't fight fair."
"Doesn't matter."
"Would you quit being so cavalier? She kil ed an innocent girl for the
entertainment
value! She kil ed the woman who adopted her--probably for gas money. She's not like any other woman you've ever come across."
"Those victims were both vulnerable to her. They were weaker, unaware that she was dangerous. I won't make that mistake."
"But she has no conscience."
"What do you want me to do? I have a job, Ava. I'l stay here tonight and maybe tomorrow if it'l make you feel better. As long as I stay in the 229
area, I can take some leave. But when that leave is up, I have to report to work whether they've found Kalyna or not."
Anger sparked in Ava's eyes. "You're an asshole, you know that?
You're going to get yourself kil ed!"
Surprised by her harsh reaction, he grabbed her arm. "Whoa, what's going on here?"
"I've dealt with this type of thing before, seen women murdered because they couldn't escape the men who were tormenting them. Do you think I want to see that happen to you? Just because you're a man and feel you shouldn't be frightened of a woman?"
Why was she so upset? Nothing had happened to him yet. "What's the matter, Ava?"
"You're not taking this seriously enough!"
"And I think you're taking it too seriously. Why?"
She glared up at him without answering.
"Are you beginning to care about me?" he asked softly.
"No," she snapped, but she couldn't maintain eye contact. Jerking away from him, she walked out of the room.
A few seconds later, he heard the cabin door slam.
230
A
va had overreacted and she knew it. The lack of sleep, the stress of putting in too many hours and dealing with such high-stakes cases, the knowledge that Jane Burke would be starting at TLS and was il -equipped for the job, the constant fight not to succumb to her attraction to Luke--it was wearing her down. And what Mark had said about Kalyna...God, it was so dark, so sick, so upsetting--
terrifying.
She couldn't stand the thought of Luke in harm's way.
But Ava's problem ran even deeper.
Are you beginning to care about me?
Yes. She was falling head over heels despite her best efforts to keep some emotional distance. And she didn't want to get a call telling her he'd been kil ed, especially when they'd had what so many other victims never had--plenty of warning.
The door opened, and Ava heard Luke come out. Hoping the long grass on the bank of the river would hide her, she scooted back away from the water. She needed a moment alone to collect her thoughts and her energy.
I might've overstated the level of my disinterest....
That was hardly an admission of burning desire. She was female and convenient, nothing more. She'd be better off sleeping with Geoffrey again.
Maybe she wouldn't see fireworks--she never had before--but she wouldn't be left sad and broken, like her mother.
"Ava?" he called.
She didn't answer.
Go back inside. I'm too emotional to deal with you
right now, too tired to shore up my crumbling defenses.
She didn't want to think, be cautious, take care. She wanted to abandon all reservation and grab the pleasure that was within reach. But acting that impulsively was almost always a mistake. And that kind of mistake almost always came with a high price.
"Ava, you might as wel answer me. I'l just keep looking until I find 231
you." His footsteps made hollow thuds as he strode to shore on the pier.
But when he reached land, he turned the opposite way, so Ava took off her shoes and slipped down to put her toes in the river. It wasn't the cleanest water in the world, but she was tempted to dive in, anyway. She swam in it quite often, and she wasn't alone in that. Water-skiers used it all the time.
Maybe the cold water would act like a slap in the face--give her some more fight.
"Ava! Damn it, don't make me root around like some idiot."
It was childish not to respond. So, as much as she preferred to be left alone, she called out to him. "Go to bed, Luke."
Hearing her voice, he came toward her, eventually dropping down by her side. "What's going on?"
"Nothing, really--just the story of that hitchhiker, I guess. It was so depraved. It brings back the clients I've lost." That was partially true. Bella's situation wasn't the same as Sarah's, but her death felt close right now. So did the fact that Ava could've helped prevent it simply by offering her some support.
"You've got a tough job," he said.
"It needs to be done."
"Maybe it would be better left to someone less sensitive. Someone who doesn't care so damn much about everyone and everything."
She was too intense. She'd heard that before. It frightened people, especially easygoing men who liked to take life in stride and not look too closely at the unpleasant. Men like Luke; men like her father. "I know. But the fact that I care is what drives me. I can't be one thing without the other."
He plucked a blade of grass and put it in the corner of his mouth.
"Okay, you're probably doing what you should be doing. But that doesn't make it easy."
The call of the water suddenly proved too strong to resist. It was a way out of the conversation, an escape from his proximity.
Or was it a dare? It had to be a dare because what she was going to do wasn't about escaping from Luke, but getting exactly what she wanted.
Standing, Ava stripped down to her underwear. She would've kept her bra on, but it was expensive and she didn't want to ruin it with river water. She turned away from Luke as she removed it and dropped it in the 232
weeds, then held her hands over her breasts as she waded in.
Luke didn't move, but she could feel his escalation of interest. "How's the water?" he called, as if she hadn't just surprised the hell out of him.
She ducked under, came up and flipped her hair out of her eyes.
"Chil y but...refreshing."
"Being able to take a quick dip whenever you want is sort of convenient. With your neighbors off fishing, you don't even have to wear clothes."
"The isolation has other benefits," she said. "Peace. Quiet. Privacy.
No roots."
"A lot of women like roots," he said, pointedly.
"Not me. I prefer not to get attached."
"Even to a location?"
"Even to a location." Somewhere along the line she'd lost the ability to grab hold and hang on--to anything. Her father had abandoned her to appease his sexual appetites with woman after woman. Her mother had disappointed her in the worst possible way. Her stepfather had always been too hard to put up with. She'd learned to navigate without anchors and had been doing it for so long she was afraid of taking one on. There was the weight, the confinement, the fear of enjoying some security at last, only to be cut loose when she least expected it. She never wanted to find herself flailing around, trying to regain her bearings. She could tolerate anything but that.
"Are you doing this to me on purpose?" he asked.
She could feel his stare, but she knew the water was inky black. He couldn't see anything except her head--and he could see that only because there was a full moon. "Doing what?" she asked, as if she hadn't known from the beginning how this would affect him.
"Driving me crazy?"
"You can go in the house, if you want." Part of her, the sane part that wasn't sabotaging her future happiness, prayed he would.
"I don't want to go in the house. I want to make love to you. But after what I've been through, I need a very clear invitation. Is that what this is?"
She found the muddy bottom and stood up as far as she could while keeping her breasts submerged. Of course it was an invitation, but it was 233
an invitation she wasn't sure she should be extending. "Maybe," she said.
He got to his feet. "What does that
maybe
depend on?"
"I'm stil trying to decide."
"Is Geoffrey the reason you're hesitating?"
"No. We agreed to date other people several months ago. We've just never really acted on it."
Luke moved to the water's edge. "Maybe it's time." He stripped off his shirt and tossed it behind him. Ava could see his muscular torso in the light of the moon and wondered why she'd been foolish enough to provoke him.
Soon there'd be no going back....
"Oh, shit," she muttered to herself. But she'd asked for this.
"Would you mind if he was with someone else?" Luke asked.
How
could
she care when she was staring at Luke's bare chest? She couldn't even recall Geoffrey's face right now. "I don't think so."
Luke had already unsnapped his jeans, but he paused before taking them off. "Would you rather be with him?"
Of course not. Or she wouldn't have removed her clothes in front of Luke. But could she really say that?
"Ava?" he prompted when she didn't answer.
"No," she admitted, and that was all it took. The jeans came off, and Luke stood there in nothing but a pair of boxers.
Ava's mouth went so dry she could hardly speak, and yet she had to speak, to fil the silence in an attempt to appease her nerves. "I don't want to hurt him."
"He hasn't made you any promises?"
"No."
"You haven't made him any promises?"
"No."
"Do you want to make love with me, Ava?"
His voice had softened as if he was afraid she'd say no. But a denial would've been the biggest lie she'd ever told, and she didn't even try. "Yes."
Grinning in obvious relief, he dropped his boxers and waded into the water wearing only his dog tags.
As Luke waded closer, Ava's heart began to pound so loudly she couldn't hear anything else. She was excited, scared, hesitant and fil ed 234
with a driving lust--al at the same time. But fear won out as her most compelling emotion. In a sudden panic, she dove beneath the surface and started swimming as fast as she could in the opposite direction. She had to get away from Luke before it was too late. Before he gave her exactly what she craved and the experience was forever imprinted in her memory....
But he was the better swimmer. Using strong, steady strokes, he quickly caught up with her. He must've been able to feel her shaking because he pulled her close and held her tightly against him instead of touching her in any sexual way. "Hey, don't be nervous," he murmured in her ear. "I'm not in this for a one-night stand. I like you a lot, Ava. You're a good person--stubborn as hell, but a good person. I think we should see where this could lead."
She knew where it would lead. Easy come, easy go. She couldn't trust him. She was too broken, too jaded. How could they start a relationship with her living each day as if she expected him to walk out on her--or turn to the next pretty girl who came along? She was no match for a man like this.
"Let's talk about it later," she said. Presumably when her brain was working again.
"I didn't want you to think this was anything like what happened with Kalyna. I
want
to be with you."
Ava told herself to ignore those words. She couldn't count on them any longer than it took to do the deed. Al men talked that way when they wanted sex. Sometimes she wondered if it was a defect in a male's genetic code. "At least you're not drunk, right?" she joked.
He looked at her as if he considered that an odd response, but if he'd expected to hear that she really liked him, too, he'd have a lengthy wait.
She wasn't going to fall for this. She was going to enjoy the physical benefits because she craved it as badly--or worse--than he did. But no way would she count on him to be there for her afterward.
"You okay?" he asked.
She nodded.
"You're shaking. You know I'l be gentle, don't you?"
She only knew she'd made her decision and now she could scarcely breathe. Between the cold water moving past her and the heat that 235
threatened to incinerate her from the inside, she was already on sensory overload. "It's been sort of a long time for me," she whispered.
"I know. It's okay."
"Like five months," she added. "And it was several years before Geoffrey came along."
"Just relax."
Impossible. His erection was pressing into her stomach, every bit as impressive as he'd promised at Starbucks, when he'd been purposely provoking her. "What about b-birth control?"
"I've got it handled. Don't worry about anything."
Don't worry?
Those were the words any girl needed to worry about!
She spoke at high schools on "How to Avoid Becoming a Victim," repeating exactly that message. But his hands were sliding down her back to cup her bottom and his firm, slick body felt so good against hers she couldn't manage any resistance. She was on fire--and quite happy to burn.
He bent his head, but didn't kiss her. He used his tongue and lips on her neck, moving higher until she dropped her head back. But even as she struggled to forfeit her usual control, she worried that her stepfather was right. Maybe she was frigid, in ways. She almost didn't know how to succumb to the pleasure anymore, at least not gracefully. Was that frigid?
"That's it," he coaxed her. "Trust me, Ava."
She was too much of a cynic to trust any man, especially him. But when he lifted her partway out of the water and settled his mouth on her breast, fiery darts of pleasure raced through her, and she knew--gracefully or no--she would succumb. Blanking her mind, she arched into him, and the fear and stiffness began to ease in direct proportion to the rising desire.
He moved to the other breast, and soon giving herself over to him was no longer a struggle. At this point, she couldn't have thought coherently if she'd tried.
Forget. Forget the past. Forget the fear. Forget the
future....
Catching his face between her hands, she brought his mouth to meet hers, and kissed him with all the longing she'd ever felt. He must've liked it because he moaned as his tongue slid against hers. Then his hands found her bottom again. "You definitely know how to kiss," he muttered against her lips. And then he started to remove her panties.