The Perfect Location (24 page)

Rose felt sick for her. Her eyes filled with tears. ‘Oh, Lauren, he should die, not you. I know who you need to talk to. I want you to talk to my doctor, okay?’

‘I don’t want medication,’ she answered passionately.

‘No, a therapist. Did me the world of good a long time ago when I was unwell. I wanted to die also once but I’m glad I didn’t,’ she said, thinking of Max.

‘Really?’ asked Lauren, disbelievingly.

‘Really,’ said Rose.

‘What happened? If you don’t mind me asking you? I just don’t know if I can ever live a normal life again after this. I keep seeing myself in the video.’

Rose held her hands and looked into her eyes. ‘We all have great battles in our lives, Lauren. This is yours and it’s a terrible one. My battle was a horrible marriage and psychosis from depression. I ran into a wall with a knife to my chest. It was terrible for me, and for my housekeeper who found me. I survived, got divorced and started again. Everyday, I start again. Some days are easier than others but I get up and that is what therapy has helped me to do. I think this will help you have control over this situation, not the situation control you.’

Lauren nodded fiercely. ‘That’s how I feel, like my life has been taken away from me.’

Rose searched her phone to call her doctor. Lauren touched her arm softly. ‘I’m glad you’re here, Rose. I’m glad you survived and are in my life. Thank you.’

The tears that had threatened to fall when Lauren told her story to Rose now ran down Rose’s cheeks. ‘Lauren, it is an honour to help and to be your friend.’

Rose dialled the number of her therapist; the time had come to pay it forward.

Rose’s life in LA was tumultuous since the arrest of Jerry Hyman. Lauren had taken an extended leave of absence. Rose had asked her to consider resigning until she knew what her future held, but Lauren insisted she just wanted some time and would be back as soon as she was able.

Rose hadn’t heard from Max, although he was constantly on her mind. She missed the sex and the company. She missed the sounds of the boys playing outside, yelling and demanding her attention.

Rose retreated back into herself in LA. Avoiding events, she sat at home most nights.

After returning from a rare night out at Kelly and Chris’s house for dinner, she was overwhelmed with missing Italy. Moving about the kitchen she opened the liquor cabinet to see the limoncello that Lucia had given her before she left. Opening it, she sniffed it and reeled backwards. It was a strong potion and Rose poured herself a little over some ice and sat on the deck sipping the sweet but tart drink.

This is becoming ridiculous, she thought as she drained the glass, I’m going to see Max. She wondered if the limoncello had influenced her judgement but didn’t care. Logging onto her computer, she efficiently organized her own first class flight to London the next day including a car and driver, but decided against accommodation. She could stay with Max, she thought, imagining them all back together again.

Leaving the next morning, Rose was excited and nervous. She never did things like this; she was controlled and a planner. She had written a list of pros and cons about Max but gave up after the only con was him being in Britain. It was not as though she thought he was perfect; it’s just that she didn’t know him enough to list them. They had spent an idyllic time in Italy, seeing the best of each other, with real life not interrupting them. Now it was complicated and Rose wondered how much she would have to give up to get what she wanted.

On the flight over, she sat in first class, with a nerve-steadying Tanqueray and tonic. She knew his address from having sent parcels over to the boys of movie paraphernalia from the studio. What was she going to say? Would she ring the doorbell and wait, or call him from her hotel?

Rose played over the scenarios in her mind. ‘Listen to your heart,’ she heard Kelly’s voice in her head. Rose sat still in her seat and closed her eyes. She tried to listen to her heart but heard nothing but the quiet hum of the plane. Shit, she thought to herself, not even my heart has anything to say.

At Heathrow, it was chaos from the waiting paparazzi. Even though Rose had security to get her through the airport, she knew she had to go to Max straightaway. Her arrival would be in the papers the next day and she wanted to see him before he found out she was in London.

Getting into the car the hotel had sent, she instructed the driver to take her to Max’s address. Pulling up in Primrose Hill outside a white Victorian terrace, badly in need of painting with a red front door, Rose told the driver to unpack her luggage onto the kerb beside her.

Steeling herself, Rose walked up the path and rang the doorbell. She waited for a while, then she heard Max’s voice. ‘Coming,’ he yelled and then he opened the door.

Surprise registered on his face. ‘Rose!’

‘Yes. Hello,’ she said shyly.

‘Hello, wow, what a surprise. You didn’t tell me you were coming.’ Max had a tea towel over his shoulder and was wearing jeans and t-shirt with a stain on the front. His hair was messy and he looked tired. Rose had never found him more attractive.

They stood in the doorway. Max looked down at the luggage next to her and then back up to her, confusion in his eyes.

‘Can I come in?’ asked Rose, puzzled by his reaction. Was he pleased to see her or not? ‘Yes, yes, of course,’ he said. ‘Excuse the mess, the boys are back at school and I’m trying to clean up and wash everything after breakfast. Chaos reigns, as you can see.’

Rose looked around the living room they were standing in. There were pairs of shoes and tennis rackets on the floor. Half-drunk glasses of milk and a cereal bowl on the coffee table. Unread papers and a pile of letters sat on the stairs in the hallway. There were clothes draped on the backs of chairs and the room smelt stuffy. It was the bachelor pad of all bachelor pads, Rose decided.

It could have been a nice room, probably once was when Alice was alive, thought Rose. There was a lovely fireplace and the furniture was comfortable: a large couch she recognized from the Conran shop, a few old pieces, maybe family heirlooms. Silver frames with pictures of the boys and Alice and Max from years ago.

Rose stood in the room and tried not to look around too much, as much as she was desperate to look at the picture of Alice more closely. Instead she heard herself lying to Max. ‘I had to come over for work, a last minute thing. I tried to ring you but the line was busy. I thought I would pop by and say hello.’

‘I’m glad you did, although I wish I had known, then I wouldn’t have had so much mess around me. Cup of tea?’

‘Lovely, yes please.’

Rose followed him to the kitchen where she was sure a bomb had gone off and she had to stifle herself from saying something. Max turned to look at her. ‘I know, I know what you’re thinking and you’re right.’

Putting on the kettle, he sat down at the kitchen bench, gesturing Rose to sit next to him. ‘I am terribly embarrassed. I suppose this is why I didn’t want you to come over. My life is, well, bedlam to say the least. I’m not the most domesticated of beasts and I’ve had to learn since Alice died. The cleaning lady left me, said it was too much and I guess it is. I just have never been able to get a handle on it. My priority is to get the boys fed and dressed in clean clothes each day and hopefully fit in some work when I can. Italy was the first trip we had had as a family without Alice and it was lovely, for all of us.’ He took Rose’s hand. ‘I really like you, Rose, in fact, there’s a distinct possibility I love you, but this is my life and I have to sort it out. I cannot and will not ask you to make any sacrifices to be with me until I get on top of things. It’s not fair on anyone, least of all you.’

There was a pause, while Rose thought of what to say. She waited and then heard herself speak. ‘I love you, Max, I’m sure of that. I know you have things to sort out. I’m not trying to butt in but I’ve waited my whole life to be with you and I know you are the right one for me. No matter how long it takes, I will wait till you are ready for me, and if you are never ready or should decide you don’t want to be with me, then I will accept that. I am happy I’ve known you and your boys even for a little while.’

Rose sat still. This was what Kelly meant about speaking from her heart. She had listened to Kelly’s advice and every word she spoke was true. Max smiled at her, with tears in his eyes. Rose looked around at the overflowing sink, the dead flowers on the table, the fridge door filled with out of date school notices and spoke again from her heart. ‘Fuck, what a mess though, huh?’

Then they laughed till they cried.

‘Done,’ said Rose as she put the last cup away in the cupboard. A natural organizer, Rose had taken to Max’s house with enterprise and with his blessing they had cleaned up most of it before the boys were due to be picked up. Rose had taken off her pink Theory shirt and had slipped on one of Max’s old but clean t-shirts. Tying back her hair with a band she found at the bottom of her bag, she and Max talked as they worked. Rose dusted and aired the house. Max swept, mopped and vacuumed, and they did the dishes together.

Rose looked at the bathroom and closed her eyes, then threw half a bottle of toilet cleaner into the bowl. ‘That’s your domain, my dear,’ she said as she led him by the hand. ‘Give it a good clean and then wipe down the seat with this,’ she said, handing him some cleaning wipes and a toilet brush.

Max laughed. ‘Jesus, we’ve gone straight into domesticity, haven’t we?’

‘Perhaps, although I refuse to clean your toilet.’

While Max was in the bathroom, Rose went downstairs and looked into the lounge room. The picture of Alice beckoned her. Picking up the silver frame, she saw a young woman, with a small boy on her lap, maybe Dominic, she thought. Blond hair, a pretty face, smiling into the camera. She looked happy, thought Rose.

‘That’s Alice with Dominic,’ said Max from the doorway.

‘I thought so. She looks happy. Dominic is very sweet,’ said Rose, putting it down again.

‘She was, we were,’ said Max simply.

Rose turned to look at him, waiting for him to speak. She knew he was thinking of the right way to say it. ‘Rose, you are the only person I have been with since Alice died. I haven’t slept with another person. In some way, as you can tell by the state of my house, I’ve been on hold. Stuck back when she died. Then I met you and after a disastrous first encounter, we connected. Then I came back here and it all felt like a dream, Italy and you. I care about you, Rose, so much, but I am not quite ready to let Alice go. You see, she has been coming to me in my dreams. I know you may think I’m silly or mad but she does and she is trying to tell me something.’ He started to cry, weeping openly and Rose felt her heart break. ‘I don’t think she wants me to be with you yet. Maybe someday, but not yet. I’m sorry, Rose. I am so, so very sorry.’

Rose walked over and held him close. ‘I understand. When you are ready and when Alice is ready, come and find me.’

And she picked up her bag and walked out of the clean house, leaving Max sitting on the stairs, his head on his knees.

‘I’ll send someone for my bags,’ she said with more ease than she felt and turned from him.

Rose walked towards the tube station in a daze. Having lived in London growing up, she knew where she was going and she bought a token with the small amount of pounds she always kept in her travel wallet and got the train. Sitting on the tube, she didn’t feel people looking at her, trying to see if it was Rose Nightingale; her dirty t-shirt and messy hair gave her some level of protection. Rose got off at South Kensington and walked a few blocks. She walked up to the door and rang the bell. She heard footsteps coming and the door opened.

‘Mummy?’ Rose said, and then burst into tears.

The news about Leeza’s video of her blowjob had shaken Calypso to the core and she had jumped out of bed as soon as Greg had rung to tell her. Her head was reeling from too much vodka and not enough sleep. ‘I have to fly back to LA now,’ she said as she started to pull on clothes.

‘What happened?’ asked TG, concerned and getting up to get dressed also.

‘Something’s happened in LA and I’ve got to go back now,’ she said.

‘What? What’s happened?’ asked TG as he followed her to the bathroom, where she started to throw her cosmetics into a bag.

‘I’ve got to deal with something. I’ll call you when it’s over,’ Calypso said, not looking at him.

‘Christ, Calypso, tell me. There are no secrets, I want to help you.’

‘You can’t,’ she said, walking to the wardrobe and pulling out her clothes.

‘I can, let me try at least. Jesus,’ he yelled.

‘I’ll have to leave some things here and send for them when I get back,’ she said, not listening to him.

He stopped her walking past him and held her by her shoulders. ‘What has happened? Tell me so I can help you, goddammit.’

‘There is nothing you can help me with, all right? I have to sort this out. It’s private and terrible and if I need you I will let you know. I’m not a child, so stop treating me like one.’ She was angry now.

‘Then stop acting like a fucking child. We are in a relationship. You tell the other person when shit happens, you share it, Calypso. Do you think that Raphael got kicked off the film by accident? No, I did that. I helped you so you would be okay. I can make things happen.’

‘You did what?’ said Calypso, incredulous.

‘I took care of it. I can help with this, I know I can.’

‘Jesus fucking Christ!’ said Calypso as she ran down the stairs with her things. ‘I never asked you to plant drugs on him. I always thought that was weird. The guy can never work in the US again. What the hell were you thinking?’

‘I was thinking of you. Anyway, I didn’t know that was going to happen. I just asked some people for help and that’s what happened. Don’t be sorry for the guy; he raped you, for fuck’s sake!’

They were screaming at each other now.

‘I didn’t ask for that and I won’t live with it either. I had no idea that’s what you did.’

‘You have no idea about anything, Calypso. You live in some idealistic world. Things happen and we have to take care of them and yes, sometimes that means doing the wrong thing to make something right. Don’t stand there and judge me, I did what I did for you, not anyone else, not the film, for you! Do you know why?’