The Phoenix Darkness (50 page)

Chapter 20

It was not his watch and Rafael had the helm,
which meant it was his turn to sleep. Yet, despite how tired he
was, and haggard, and despite how much he desperately needed it, he
found sleep to be elusive, not the least because of Miles’s loud
snoring. So Calvin climbed out of the small cot in the tiny crew
quarters and quietly left the room, making sure not to disturb
either Miles or Rez’nac as he slipped out.

He thought to make his way to the cockpit to
either relieve Rafael of his shift or else spend the hours
discussing recent events with him. On his way, though, he stopped
in the primary hold, where he was surprised to find Rain wide
awake, sitting in one of the passenger chairs just staring off into
space.

“Can’t sleep either, I take it?” he asked,
walking up to her.

“Oh, hello there, Calvin,” she said, startled
out of her trance. She smiled when their eyes met and he felt a
spark of electricity, but tried not to let it affect him.

He took the seat next to her. “Something on
your mind?” he asked.

“Oh, not really, no,” said Rain. Calvin got
the impression that wasn’t true, but clearly Rain didn’t want to
open up, so he wasn’t going to press the issue. “What about
you?”

Calvin thought about it for a moment. “Yeah,
I guess so,” he said, thinking about how the Enclave was involved
with the Rahajiim. No doubt the Strigoi bastards had helped to
overthrow the Alliance. Now they were helping to deliver isotome
weapons, the deadliest weapon the galaxy would ever know, to the
Rahajiim. He thought about his time on Tybur Canton, what it had
been like to discover his father living with the Strigoi…there were
many unsettled feelings.

“Do
you
want to talk about it?” asked
Rain.

“I don’t know,” replied Calvin, not wanting
to unburden himself on Rain.

“Does it have anything to do with the
Rahajiim?” she asked. “About what we’ve just been through?”

“In a way,” said Calvin, feeling a return of
the guilty sensation that had overcome him over the past few days.
How he’d nearly gotten his team killed, nearly gotten
Rain
killed, by inviting them along on what had been an inherently
insane mission to embark upon.

“If you’re feeling bad about what
happened…about what we all experienced, you shouldn’t,” said Rain.
“We all came here of our own free will. We each knew the risks. And
at the end of it, you saw us through it.” She smiled at him. Then
touched his hair, where he’d been burned. “All of us made it out in
one piece, though it was a near thing.”

“Does it look bad?” asked Calvin with a
slight wince. He hadn’t seen himself in the mirror since he’d
nearly taken a heat beam to the face. The feeling his head was on
fire when his hair lit up, still felt like some kind of
unbelievable dream. He’d had close calls before, but
that
had been the closest.

“No…” said Rain, obviously lying. “Really,
it’s not bad at all. I think it looks kind of good.”

He laughed and she chuckled along. “Okay, now
that
I don’t believe.”

“Aw, what’s a little hair, anyway?” asked
Rain. “Better than if it had been a few inches over.”

“Depends which direction,” said Calvin,
stroking the light burn on his scalp. His fingers met Rain’s as he
did, and neither pulled away for a few seconds. He felt the urge to
grab her hand, but resisted. After a moment, she withdrew her
hand.

“I’m really glad you’re all right,” she
said.

“Thanks,” he said, and both were silent for a
time, as if neither knew what to say. It didn’t feel awkward to
Calvin. Instead, he closed his eyes and relaxed, allowing the
minutes to fly along.

Before he knew it, he was asleep. Images of
the Rotham ship flew before his eyes and faded. He found himself in
a dark hallway. There were bones there. He touched at them, noting
cobwebs over the skull. When a spider appeared, he withdrew his
hand.

“That was your father,” a creepy voice said
from behind. Calvin spun around to see who it was but, as he did,
the images around him faded. He was on the
Trinity
, laughing
next to Christine. Both of them were in his quarters. She’d just
awoken from a dream that had been so funny she’d laughed herself
awake. She’d shared it with him and he too found it hilarious, but
he didn’t remember what it was.

The quarters faded and he was in the
corridor, listening to screams. A Strigoi in a torn naval uniform
shambled around the corner. Calvin felt the cold steel of a handgun
in his hands. He raised it, pointing it at the Strigoi, feeling his
arms tremble ever so slightly. His captain was there too, shouting
at him, ordering him to fire. But Calvin hesitated, recognizing
something in the Strigoi’s face; a familiarity. And then, in a
flash, the Strigoi launched into the air, knocking them down with a
blow. As Calvin rolled to his feet, raising the pistol, he watched
the Strigoi bite Christine. She screamed. The scream stayed with
him, echoing, until he was in a hospital looking down at her.

She was conscious, strapped to several
machines, barely being kept alive. There was agony in her eyes as
she looked up at him. Did she recognize him? He didn’t know. All he
knew for sure was that she was suffering and it was his fault.

“Calvin. Calvin.
Calvin
.”

“
What
?” he woke with a start, finding
himself in the semi-familiar hold of the Rotham ship. It took him
half a second, but then he remembered where he was.

“You were having a bad dream,” said Rain. She
was touching him, clenching his shirt with both her hands. No doubt
she’d had to shake him to rouse him from the dream. Now that he was
awake, her grip on him slackened, but she didn’t move her hands
away.

“I’m sorry,” he said, instinctively, as if
momentarily confusing Rain with Christine. The dream had seemed so
real. As he looked at Rain’s face, losing himself in her beautiful
blue eyes, he didn’t see much in her that looked like Christine.
Yet the feelings, the feelings were all there as if the two people
were one, somehow.

“Sorry for what?” asked Rain.

“I…I don’t know,” he said, shaking his head
to further waken himself. He slapped himself in the face.

“Whatever it was,” she said, “your dream,
it’s gone now. You don’t owe me or anyone else an apology.” She
moved her hands away, then she rested her head on his shoulder. It
took him by surprise, yet he liked it. He felt the urge to reach
around her and hold her tight, but resisted, not sure if that was
what she wanted or not.

“The Strigoi,” he said. “They were in my
dream.”

“There’s no Strigoi here,” she said
soothingly. “And when you see them again, don’t worry. You’ll be
all right.”

She didn’t know that. She couldn’t know that.
Yet hearing her say it, somehow, it made him feel better. And he
did reach around and pull her close. She seemed to approve.

They sat like that for some time, cuddled
together, listening to the stillness. Eventually, Calvin broke the
silence. “It was Christine,” he said.

Rain pulled away so she could look at him.
She seemed confused.

“In my dream,” he said, clarifying. “I…it was
my fault. What happened to her.”

“No, it wasn’t,” said Rain, resting her hand
on his chest. “Whatever is inside you…this
guilt
…you need to
let it go. You can’t just hold onto it forever.”

“I know,” he said, instinctively.

“I mean it,” she said seriously, somehow her
face moved closer to his, now hardly three inches away. “I want you
to promise me you’ll let it go. Promise me that, Calvin. Promise me
you’ll finally forgive yourself.”

He didn’t answer her right away. He wasn’t
sure what to think and found himself feeling a strange mixture of
guilt, arousal, confusion, and a desire for peace. He stared at her
lower lip, hardly able to look away from it. Something about it was
just so…alluring.

“Calvin, listen to me,” said Rain. He blinked
and found himself staring into her eyes. Now their faces were
barely two inches away. “I want you to promise me.”

He nodded.

“Are you listening?” she asked.

“Yes,” he said, completely lost in her
eyes.

“Promise me that you’ll forgive yourself for
what happened.”

“Okay,” he said, feeling the urge to kiss
her, but resisting.

“
Promise
me.”

He blinked, and then it finally registered
what she was saying. He thought about Christine, what they’d shared
together. How beautiful and wonderful it had been and how it had
felt to have that ripped away, violently, in what was hardly a
moment. He thought of her face as she was strapped to all those
machines, about how he’d been unable to squeeze the trigger. That
hesitation…the hesitation which had cost her so much, cost them
both so much…

“Calvin,” said Rain, bringing him back to the
present. Her face, in all its imperfect yet stunning beauty, was
still right there just beneath his. “You have to let it go.
Promise me
.”

He closed his eyes then, somehow, forced the
memory to fade to black. It wasn’t gone for good, neither was the
guilt. But somehow, as he sat there, in that moment, it felt
lighter. Like this thing that had been around his neck, strangling
him, had loosened its grip just enough so he could breathe
again.

“I promise,” he whispered.

When he opened his eyes again, Rain was
smiling at him. She wasn’t beaming and her smile wasn’t perfect.
Certainly it wasn’t the kind of smile he’d expect to see in an
advertisement, or on a film screen, but somehow it made him feel so
warm inside just to see it. Again, he felt the urge to take her
head with his hands and kiss her. He felt his head seem to hover a
little closer to hers, their lips now only slightly apart.

Just as he was going to go for it, they were
both startled by the sound of the alert going off. Instinctively,
they pulled apart, separating themselves, and trying to make sense
of what was happening.

“What is it?” asked Calvin, shooting to his
feet. Rain also stood.

“It’s the alert,” she said. “Rafael must have
pulled it.” They stared into each other’s eyes.

“I’d better go,” said Calvin, knowing he was
needed in the cockpit.

“Yeah,” she said. Not taking her eyes away
from him.

He started to step away then, but before he
could process what was happening, he grabbed her gently, wrapping
his hands around her head and neck, and pulled her in for a kiss.
He kissed her deeply, passionately, and she kissed him back,
showing an equal amount of affection, kissing him with a kind of
fiery craving that matched the color of her brilliant hair.

He pulled away and let go of her.

“What was that for?” she asked, as if she too
was as surprised by what had happened as he felt.

“I don’t know,” he said. “I just needed it.”
With that, he left her and went into the cockpit, ready for
whatever danger now threatened the ship.

***

Rafael pushed on the yoke, adjusting the
shuttle’s alteredspace heading by a few degrees, hoping that would
buy them a few more seconds.

Calvin entered the cockpit and Rafael jumped
up, relinquishing the pilot’s chair. Calvin took it. “What have we
got?” he asked.

“Rotham patrol ship,” said Rafael. “It
noticed our alteredspace signature and took an immediate interest
in us. The sentry ship is currently on an intercept course. Time to
interception, about a minute.”

“Can they force us out of alteredspace?”
asked Calvin, checking several readouts and obviously struggling
with the Rotham script on all the dials.

“Yes, they can,” said Rafael, taking his seat
in the copilot’s chair.

“What about jump depth?” asked Calvin, making
a few adjustments. “Any chance of us outrunning them?”

“Negative,” said Rafael. “Not in our current
state. Half our alteredspace drive didn’t even make it into
alteredspace with us, if you recall.”

“Time to interception?”

Rafael checked the screen. “Thirty-five
seconds.”

“Prepare to arm weapons,” said Calvin. “I’m
going to bring us into normal space, then throw us hard about. With
any luck, we’ll get a few clean shots before they can target
us.”

“I wouldn’t recommend trying that,” said
Rafael.

“Why not?”

“Our missiles are gone, our guns are empty,
and our beam weapons dissolved when we made our alteredspace
jump.”

“You’re telling me we have no weapons?”

“We used them on that hangar door,” said
Rafael.

“Dammit,” muttered Calvin, he looked over the
controls, clearly looking for another option. “What do you
recommend?”

“Me?” asked Rafael. He had no idea. “I don’t
know,” he said honestly. He’d expected Calvin to magically come up
with some great solution, just like he always did.

“Time to interception?”

“Ten seconds,” said Rafael.

“Get ready to practice your best Rotham
accent,” said Calvin.

Rafael nodded, putting the headset on.

“Three seconds. Two. One.”

Their ship shuddered and Calvin yanked on the
yoke, trying to keep their jump stable. It did no good, however,
and the blackness of alteredspace vanished, replaced by a
picturesque view of stars out the windows.

“We’re being hailed,” said Rafael, noting the
blinking light on the console.

Calvin nodded. “I’ll hold her steady; you see
if you can smooth talk us out of this one.”

“Understood,” said Rafael. He accepted the
hail.

“Heave-to and identify yourself,” said the
Rotham voice on the other end in Rotham. “Or we will fire on
you.”

Rafael covered the mic. “They are ordering us
to stop, or they'll shoot us down.”

Calvin brought the ship to a stop, obviously
looking worried.