The Phoenix Encounter (12 page)

“How is Jack's carrier working?”

Robert's words jerked her from her reverie. Gathering the fragments of her composure, she tugged on the straps, praying he didn't notice that the carrier was the last thing on her mind. “It's comfortable.” She looked at Jack and smiled. “I think he likes it.”

Robert had spent most of the day making the carrier. He'd fashioned it from soft Rebelian wool, sewing on adjustable straps so that either of them could carry Jack in front at their abdomen or as a backpack. With six miles to cover before dawn, she figured she would be needing Robert's help at some point.

A hundred yards from the cottage the forest seemed to swallow them. Towering pines blocked the dim light of dusk. The path tapered to a narrow trail. Lily was aware of Robert moving behind her. The steady tread of his hiking boots against the earth, strong and steady, just like the man. She found her rhythm and tried to concentrate on the trail, on making good time. But as much as she didn't want to talk to him, her mind was reeling with all the things they needed to discuss. They were going to have to talk about how they were going to handle having a child.

The thought terrified her.

Almost as much as the thought of what it could cost them if Robert decided he wanted to be part of Jack's life.

A tremor of fear moved through her when she thought of all the things that could happen. She knew Robert well enough to know he would want to have a role in his son's life. He was a good man who would never turn away from such an important responsibility. He had every right to know Jack. To spend time with him and guide him and love him. Lily knew Robert would make a fabulous father one day.

Only in this case, it could get him killed.

“Which way?”

Lily started at the sound of Robert's voice, then looked up to see that the trail had intersected an unpaved road. She
didn't like traveling on the open road, unused as it was, but she knew if she wanted to make it to Rajalla before morning they didn't have a choice.

Next to her, Robert had removed a compass from his backpack. “Compass says we're heading east.”

“We go right.”

“What's to the left?”

“The road goes through a small village a few miles from here, then veers northwest into the mountains.”

“Toward the Veisweimar Castle?”

Lily tried to suppress the shiver, but didn't quite manage. “Yes.”

Robert tugged a palm-size electronic gadget from his pack, opened the top and punched a few buttons.

“What's that?” she asked.

“Global positioning system.” He cut her a look. “In case we get lost.”

“Yeah, and you're here to inoculate children,” she said dryly.

Hefting his light pack, Robert started down the road. “At least the weather is cooperating.”

Lily glanced over at him, trying not to notice how good he looked in the Rebelian wool sweater she'd given him. It was old and a bit tattered, but the deep blue matched his eyes perfectly. At least he wouldn't look out of place if the soldiers stopped them. They were traveling as a couple. Robert's documents identified him as a French doctor working to inoculate Rebelian children against some of the diseases that had cropped up in the last couple of years. Diseases that had once been eradicated but had been revived by poverty and malnutrition and poor living conditions.

The story they'd decided on was that their son had gotten sick and they were taking him to the hospital in Rajalla. It was a good story—and true in part—but she hoped they wouldn't have to put it to the test.

“There's an old Rebelian saying,” she said after a moment.

Robert looked at her.

“Nothing changes quickly in Rebelia except the weather and the government.”

He smiled, and Lily's heart gave a couple of hard taps against her rib cage. Mercy, she'd forgotten what his smile did to her. Robert Davidson had the kind of smile that would melt even the hardest of resolves.

“I don't think we can avoid talking about our situation much longer,” he said after a moment.

She risked a look at him, dread twisting inside her because she knew what he would say next. She knew what he wanted. And she knew it was the one thing she could never allow.

“I'm not going to walk away from Jack,” he said.

“You're not the only person involved, Robert.”

“This isn't just about us anymore, Lily.”

“I know that—”

“I grew up without a father,” he cut in. “I don't intend to let my son grow up the same way no matter how you feel about me.”

“Unless you plan to move to Rebelia permanently I don't see how—”

“Surely you don't plan to stay here.”

She didn't respond.

“You have a child to raise,” he said. “This hellhole of a country is no place to raise a child, especially my son.”

“Don't you think I know that?” she shot back.

“Evidently, you don't or you would have gotten on a jet and hightailed it back to the United States a long time ago.”

She stopped in the center of the road, aware that her heart was pounding and that her temper was riding a fast second. “I would have been stopped at the airport or the border.”

“You could have called me,” he snapped.

“What about the rebels, Robert? Are you willing to give
up on them? What about the orphans?” She thought of the dozens of children she'd known over the years and had to brace against the swift slice of pain. “There are seventeen orphanages in this country. An untold number of children have lost their parents. How can I walk away?”

“Damn it, Lily—”

“There are over a million children in Rebelia,” she said breathlessly. “Dozens are dying every single day. None of them should be raised under such conditions. I love Jack with all my heart. I would die for him. But I can't bring myself to leave when I know more of those children will die if I do.”

“You need to get your priorities straight,” he said.

“How dare you suggest that I wouldn't put Jack first?”

As if sensing his mother's distress, Jack began to fuss. Lily looked down at him. “Oh, honey, it's okay. Shh…Mommy's okay. She's just…angry.” She frowned at Robert. “See what you've done?”

“I didn't do anything,” he said defensively. But he'd come over to look at their son.

Shaking inside with the remnants of temper, she worked the straps of the carrier from her shoulders. “I know he can't understand what we're saying, but I'd appreciate it if you didn't start arguments in front of him.”

“I didn't start an argument,” Robert growled.

“He's very perceptive.”

“He's probably hungry or wet.”

Lily dipped her finger into his diaper and frowned. Damn it, she hated it when Robert was right.

“That's what I thought,” he said.

Annoyed, she gently worked Jack from the carrier. Robert tugged a rolled up blanket from his backpack, walked over to a clearing a few feet away and spread the blanket on the winter grass. Jack was crying in earnest, so Lily held him close and carried him to the blanket where Robert knelt.

He reached for Jack. “Let me,” he said.

Keenly aware that this would be the first time he held his son, Lily pressed a kiss to Jack's forehead and passed him to Robert. “If you want to change him, I'll get the bottle.”

“Fine,” he grumbled. But his expression softened when he took his son into his arms. “Hey, big guy. How about if we lose the diaper for a moment? Sound like a good idea to you?”

Lily watched them covertly as she dug through her backpack for the bottle. The sight of father and son together in such an ordinary situation warmed her with unexpected emotion. She stared at them, her pulse quivering, her heart swelling against her ribs. Robert held Jack expertly, but she could tell he lacked experience. He might be a doctor, but there were some things that could only be learned by doing, and holding a baby was one of them.

He unfastened the diaper pins, rolled the soiled diaper into a tight ball and slipped it into a small plastic bag. Jack flailed his arms and giggled. “I thought you'd appreciate that,” Robert said.

The sight moved her a lot more than she wanted it to, certainly more than she wanted to admit. She'd dreamed of Robert holding his son but never really thought the moment would come.

“Aha gee!” Jack shouted and kicked his chubby legs.

Grinning, Robert looked at Lily. “That sounded like I'm hungry.”

Jack's outburst hadn't sounded even remotely like
I'm hungry,
of course, but the thought made her laugh.

Robert looked down just in time to see the tiny fountain spray upward.
“Hey!”
he said, twisting to get out of the way.

Lily dug into her diaper bag, quickly pulled out a fresh diaper and draped it over her son. “That always happens when I change him.”

Robert was busy checking his clothes for wet areas. He
looked ruffled and, Lily thought, utterly adorable. Caught up in the moment, she chuckled.

“What's so funny?” he grumbled good-naturedly.

“I don't think I've ever seen you look so surprised.” She put her hand over her mouth to stifle a giggle.

“Yeah, well, who would have known he could aim like that.”

The laugh trapped inside her broke free. Shaking his head, Robert burst into laughter. Their laughter echoed through the silence of the forest. It was a foreign sound in a place that had been besieged with violence and hopelessness for the last two years. But it was like music to her ears, the sound of simple human joy, the sound of hope, of life and the promise of tomorrow.

The laughter felt joyous in her throat, like chocolate ice cream on a hot day. She laughed so hard tears rolled down her cheeks. She looked at Robert in time to see him double over, and she laughed even harder. Months of stress and worry and fear broke loose inside her and were exorcised. For the first time in as long as she could remember, she felt hopeful and unburdened and indescribably free.

She looked over at Robert and saw him sit back on his heels. He was holding one of Jack's pudgy hands and laughing so hard tears were rolling down his cheeks. Lily stared at him and knew this was a moment she would never forget. No matter how things turned out, no matter what happened in the coming days and weeks and months, she would always have this moment in time, and she would forever cherish it.

Feeling foolish for making such a big thing out of a silly moment between two tired, stressed-out adults, she reached into her backpack and pulled out the baby bottle. When she turned, Robert was struggling to pin the fresh diaper.

“Now might be a good time to try that bottle,” he said.

She looked at him to find him gazing steadily at her, seeing too much, she knew. “Before he gets restless,” he added.

Unnerved by the way he was looking at her, she glanced down at Jack and offered him the nipple. “Okay, big guy, now's your chance if you're hungry.”

Jack suckled eagerly. Lily smiled at him and felt her nerves begin to settle. “He's so cute,” she said, mostly to herself. “I love to watch him take milk.”

“He's a good-looking boy,” Robert agreed.

Lily glanced at his diapering job and gave him credit for creativity. Because disposable diapers weren't available in Rebelia, she used cloth, which required the old-fashioned pins. Hiding her smile, she lifted Jack—and the diaper drooped to his knees.

“Oops,” she said.

Robert chuckled. “So much for my diapering skills.”

“Takes practice.” Laying Jack on the blanket again, she handed the bottle to Robert. “Hold this for him, and I'll tighten up the diaper a little.”

“Sure.” He reached past her to hold the bottle steady.

Lily tried to concentrate on the task at hand, but Robert was so close she could smell his subtle scent. Feel the heat coming off him into the chill night air, touching her as surely as he'd touched her the night before.

“You're good at that,” he said.

“I've had lots of practice.”

“Did you breast-feed?”

She nodded. “For about six months.”

“Good. I mean, that's healthy for the baby.”

She could feel his eyes on her, but she didn't make eye contact. To do so now would be a dangerous prospect, to say the least. Lily might not be afraid to live alone in a war-torn country, but there was no way she was brave enough to look at Robert when she knew what she'd find in his eyes. When she knew what he would see in her eyes.

“Lily…” Gently he put his hand on her arm.

She froze, all too aware that his hand was warm and comforting against her skin. She hadn't realized how chilly the night had become until he touched her. She knew it
would be a mistake to look at him. But she did, and the earth quivered beneath her. Vaguely, she heard Jack cooing. The whisper of a breeze through the naked treetops. The cry of a night bird in the distance.

Leaning close to her, Robert brushed the hair from her face. “I like hearing you laugh,” he said.

Even though her heart was pounding, she forced a laugh. “Kind of a rare sound these days.”

“It doesn't have to be that way.”

Yes, it does,
she thought, but the words refused to materialize.

“Why are you trembling?” he asked gently.

“It's cold.”

“Or maybe I'm the reason.” He touched the side of her face with the backs of his fingers. “I don't know if that's good or bad.”

“Maybe it's best if we don't find out,” she whispered.

His face was only a few dangerous inches from hers. It would be so easy to lean forward and let him kiss her again. She could tell he wanted to and felt need rushing through her with every beat of her heart. She could feel the pulse of it, hear the roar of it in her ears.

The next thing she knew she was being shoved quickly backward. “Hey!”