The P.J. Stone Gates Trilogy (#1-3) (19 page)

Khol pulled away from me and stood on visibly shaky legs, a small smile tipping the corners of his lips up. “Ah, and that’s the truth of the matter. I will not betray your trust. It means too much to me. So remember, my little Seer, if you lose your trust in me, you lose all that stops me from taking what I truly desire.”

I licked my lips nervously, Khol’s eyes following the movement. “And we’re not just talking about sex, are we?” I don’t know where I found the courage to ask, but I had to know.

A dark laugh filled my dark room, making me want to pull the covers over my head and hide like a little girl. “No, my little Seer, we are not talking about just sex. I want more—ever so much more from you than just that.”

“What? What is it you want from me?” I said with shaky breath. How could I trust someone who scared the crap out of me on so many levels?

“When you are ready to know what I am, then you’ll be ready to know what I want from you. Until then, you can know nothing more than that one day you will belong to me.”

I raised my chin to meet his eyes defiantly, despite the tremor of fear coursing through my veins. “I’m already Bryn’s. He belongs to me, and I belong to him.”

Khol grunted. “It’s time for me to go . . . for now.” And just like usual, he simply disappeared.

I stared wide-eyed into the darkness of my room, the depth of it seeming that much deeper with the absence of Khol and his luminescent green eyes. I had so much to think about and none of the emotional experience to deal with any of it. A part of me longed for the innocent times before I had figured out my feelings for Bryn and we had slept together. To me, that night at Ryan’s party was a clear demarcation of before and after, simple and complicated. I may not have officially been with Bryn, but I’d at least had him in my life, and without Khol and Jeremy hanging around trying to muck everything up, not to mention guys like the still un-named punk from Ryan’s party and Eddie from school. I used to think I wanted attention from guys, and well, what is it they say?
Be careful what you wish for
. And going along with that line of thought, I had once wished so hard to come into my abilities as a Seer. That night at Ryan’s didn’t just mark a change for my romantic life but my life in general, because it was that night at Jenna’s when I’d had my very first vision.

I was tired of not doing anything. I hadn’t done anything when Bryn was sent away. I hadn’t done anything about the visions I’d been given. I hadn’t done anything but lay around and feel sorry for myself, and I was tired of it. But what could I do, really? I was just one eighteen-year-old teenage girl with no remarkable powers beyond having visions. My gift seemed to mirror the state of my life. I was a perpetual spectator, and I didn’t know how to join the game.

I’d lain awake all night, ruminating about what I could do about all of the many issues I was facing, trying to formulate some kind of plan to take some action, and I’d come up with nothing. Nada. Zilch. Zero. And now I found my mind wandering to thoughts of Bryn. He was never far from my mind lately, even when I was liplocked with someone else. I lost myself so much in my imaginings that I could almost touch him, smell his scent wrapped around me as if I were really in his arms. It reminded me that even though I was attracted to both Khol and Jeremy, Bryn was
home.
And I would always choose him over anyone else—always. Missing him so much was torture. I hadn’t been separated from him for more than a few days since we were kids. It was truly like losing a part of myself. Nothing seemed exactly real without him to share it with. He was the one person who I always ran to tell all about anything of importance. Not being able to share the recent events of my visions made them all seem like a dream, I realized. Everything felt completely surreal without Bryn. I pushed my face deeper into my pillow and sobbed.

“Oh, peanut,” my mother’s pained voice said as the bed shifted under her weight. I just wished she’d go away. I didn’t want comfort from one of the people who had ripped Bryn from my life. It was partly her fault I was so miserable.

Her small hands softly stroked my hair. “I know you’re upset now, but it’s for the best, you’ll see.” I had to fight the urge to lift the pillow from my head and scream at her. Instead, I burrowed deeper into the comforting fluff. “It could be worse. At least you didn’t end up pregnant, and then you’d have to marry the first Seer descendant or Gatekeeper that would have you. At least this way you won’t have to live a lie the rest of your life. You can move on from your mistake.” I’m not really sure what it was that tipped me off. Maybe it was the catch in my mother’s voice, or the knowing way she seemed to speak, but that’s when it hit me.

I slowly lifted my face from my pillow, my eyes widening to twice their normal size. “Oh my God,” I whispered with shock. “Oh. My. God. Is that what happened to you? Am—am I even Daddy’s real daughter?”

“Of course you’re your father’s, don’t be ridiculous. I just knew . . . a friend . . . a friend had that happen, is all,” my mother snapped with as much indignance she could muster, but she wasn’t fooling me. I could see the panic that hid beneath the surface of her faux anger. I’d hit it right on the nail.
Holy shit
. . . I wasn’t even biologically the daughter of the man I’d grown up thinking was my father.

I reached over and grabbed my mom’s hand. “Tell me,” I demanded. “I have a right to know. Wait—does Daddy know? Does he know I’m not really his?” My mother’s shoulders slumped in defeat, and she looked at me with tears welling in her eyes. It was then, for the first time, it occurred to me how young my mom was in comparison with all my other friends’ moms. “How old were you?”

“I love your father. I don’t want you to ever doubt that,” she stated with a shaky voice. “It’s just I was young—so young—and he was—well, he was—he was like nothing I’d ever seen before.”

“He couldn’t have been a Guardian, that much I know, because I would’ve been a boy,” I interjected, speaking my thoughts out loud.

“No, you’re right. Your father”—her voice shook—“your biological father, I mean—he wasn’t human. Or not like any human I’d ever met before. He had these eyes—these iridescent blue eyes—and powers I’ve never seen before or since. He, well, I couldn’t seem to resist him.” My mom swallowed and looked away, unable to meet my gaze. “I gave myself to him completely. I thought I was in love. I would have done anything to be with him. But when I found out I was pregnant, he disappeared. I never heard from him again.” My mother’s tears spilled from her eyes. “He just left me all alone. I didn’t know what I was going to do, and then . . .” She paused to compose herself, wiping the tears that were flowing down her cheeks. “Your daddy . . . well, he was in love with me, and when he found out I was in trouble, he wanted to take care of me, of
us
.”

“What was his name, my father?” His eyes . . . although they weren’t iridescent green like Khol’s, I knew the second my mother had described him that whatever Khol was, my biological father had been as well. The shock of what that meant coursed through my system. “I’m not even fully human?” It came out sounding like a question, but it was meant more as a statement.

“You’re human—you’re my daughter—”

“And something else. I’m human, and something else.” My voice started getting all shrill like it did sometimes when I was freaking out. And let me tell you—
I was freaking out
.

“Yes, but—”

I didn’t let her finish. She didn’t even know what I was. She didn’t have the answers that I really needed, but I knew who did. “What was my father’s name?” I asked again, my voice going up another octave.

“Dragos. His name was Dragos.” My mother wore a defeated look on her face. “But he doesn’t matter. The only father you need to know about is the one who raised you.”

“I need to know
what
I am. Can’t you understand that? It changes so many things. What if—what if I can’t even have Seer children? Isn’t that the only reason why I supposedly can’t be with Bryn? Because of my duty? But what if that doesn’t even matter?”

“No, no, that’s not how it works. That’s—”

“You’re in denial. That’s what all of this is. You don’t wanna face the fact that none of the rules may apply to me. Get out. Leave me alone,” I growled. A part of me hated seeing my mother cry, but a larger part felt even more betrayed than I had before.
How could she have kept this from me?

She silently stood and made her way to my door, her face pale and her lips pressed together in a thin line. “I love you, my little peanut. None of this changes that. And your daddy—none of that matters to him. You’re his daughter, and he loves you, too.” I didn’t respond, and I didn’t look at her; I just waited until my door clicked to signal she’d left.

“Khol,” I growled. “I know you can hear me, or sense me, or whatever. Get your ass here now.”

He appeared in my room like he always did. One minute he wasn’t there and the next he was. His green eyes glowed in the dark as he peered down at me. “So you know,” he stated without any preamble.

“Yeah, I do. At least the bit that I’m obviously part whatever you are. Care to share with me whatever that is now?” I glared at him, every muscle in my body tense as I waited for his answer.

“You are half
Arach
. Your father and I are both full blooded. We are what you might call dragon.”
Dragon? This isn’t real. Dragons don’t really exist
. “And most people wouldn’t believe you exist, either, or the creatures you’ve been having visions of exist.” Khol smiled tightly as he studied my face for a reaction.

“Is that why my powers called to yours? Because of what I am?” I asked numbly. It was like a part of me was in complete shock, and at the same time, there were so many questions that seemed imperative to ask.

“Yes, and why you awakened not just me.”

“So you can, like, turn into a dragon?”

Khol nodded once tightly. “Yes, a dragon is my other form.”

Other form? My head was spinning. “Can I? Or will I be able to . . . ?” My voice trailed off, not able to truly fathom the possibility.

“No. You were born with only one form. It’s very rare for a mixed blood to have a second form.”

I laughed tightly, on the verge of hysteria. “Good to know. I—” The room began to spin, but I pushed on with my questions. “What do you want with me? Really?”

Khol dropped to his knees in front of me, cupping my face with his hands, locking gazes with me. “With my kind—
our
kind—when the female is ready to find a . . . mate, she sends out a call with her magic, letting the male dragons know she is willing. The strongest and most powerful have rights to her first, the right to try to claim her. I want to be your mate, P.J.”

“Mate? What does that even mean?” I squeaked.

“I’m attempting to explain in a way that you might understand. The bond I’m referring to—we call it
Anam Cara
—loosely translated it means soul friend or soul mate. Humans have been using our term for centuries, but it means so much more for a dragon—more than mere words. It refers to the soul-deep bond we form with our desired partner. Our kind, once we find our desired partners, bond for the rest of our days.”

“And how long is that? How old are you exactly? How old am I going to live to be?” If I were a computer, I’d have been reading
Error, error, does not compute.

“A very, very long time.”

“Oh.”
Bryn—what about Bryn?
At first I thought my new found heritage might enable me to be with Bryn, but what if it meant he would die centuries before I did? “
When all others turn to dust, there will only be you and me.
” I mumbled the words Khol had said to me the last time I’d seen him. “That’s what you meant, isn’t it?” I looked at him sharply. “You don’t care that I’m in love with Bryn now, because you think once he dies, it’ll be just us, that I won’t have a choice.”
Oh no
. The thought of me burying Bryn tore at my insides.

“Yes, you’ll come to me eventually, and I’ll claim what rightfully belongs to me.” Khol’s eyes blazed brighter. “I would prefer to have you now, to make you my
Anam Cara
, but I can be patient when I need to be.”

So many things that Khol had said to me were beginning to make sense. “And why do you think that I’m going to be yours? Even if I go along with the logic that my magic calls to yours, and that I’m eventually going to crave more—I’m assuming that has to do with our shared blood—then why you? Why not some other dragon?”

A low animal-like growl escaped from Khol, and his voice seemed to echo inside my head as well as outside of it. “I am Lord Kholkikos, ruler of the
Rua Arach
, and you will be
mo Anam Cara
.”

“Lord, huh? Well, aren’t you special? Isn’t there a King or something? Why are you the ruler of, well, of whatever you just said?”

Khol studied me for a moment, and I raised my chin defiantly at him as I met his gaze. His lips turned up slightly at the corners. “I do like the fact that you are so . . . feisty. I find it an extremely attractive, and yet completely annoying, character trait.” I scrunched my face up at him, and he chuckled.
Glad I could amuse.
“
Rua Arach
means Red Dragon, and no, there are no Kings, only Lords of each faction—the Red, the Black, the Silver, and the Gold.”