everything
is important,' the drone said, then added glumly, 'At least you both got announced.' 'Hello there!' a voice shouted out as they got to the bottom of the stairs. A tall, male-looking person pushed between a couple of Azadians to get beside Gurgeh. He wore garish, flowing robes. He had a beard, bunned brown hair, bright staring green eyes, and he looked as though he might come from the Culture. He stuck one long-fingered, many-ringed hand out, took Gurgeh's hand and clasped it. 'Shohobohaum Za; pleased to meet you. I used to know your name too until that delinquent at the top of the stairs got his tongue round it. Gurgeh, isn't it? Oh, Pequil; you here too, eh?' He pushed a glass into Pequil's hands. 'Here; you drink this muck, don't you? Hi drone. Hey; Gurgeh,' he put his arm round Gurgeh's shoulders, 'you want a proper drink, yeah?' 'Jernow Morat Gurgee,' Pequil began, looking awkward, 'Let me introduce…' But Shohobohaum Za was already steering Gurgeh away through the crowds at the bottom of the staircase. 'How's things anyway, Pequil?' he shouted over his shoulder at the dazed-looking apex. 'Okay? Yeah? Good. Talk to you later. Just taking this other exile for a little drink!' A pale-looking Pequil waved back weakly. Flere-Imsaho hesitated, then stayed with the Azadian. Shohobohaum Za turned back to Gurgeh, removed his arm from the other man's shoulders and, in a less strident voice, said, 'Boring bladder, old Pequil. Hope you didn't mind being dragged away.' 'I'll cope with the remorse,' Gurgeh said, looking the other Culture man up and down. 'I take it you're the… ambassador?' 'The same,' Za said, and belched. 'This way,' he nodded, guiding Gurgeh through the crowds. 'I spotted some
grif
bottles behind one of the drink tables and I want to dock with a couple before the Emp and his cronies snaffle the lot.' They passed a low stage where a band played loudly. 'Crazy place, isn't it?' Za shouted at Gurgeh as they headed for the rear of the hall. Gurgeh wondered exactly what the other man was referring to. 'Here we is,' Za said, coming to a stop by a long line of tables. Behind the tables, liveried males served drinks and food to the guests. Above them, on a huge arched wall, a dark tapestry sewn with diamonds and gold-thread depicted an ancient space battle. Za gave a whistle and leant over to whisper to the tall, stern-looking male who approached. Gurgeh saw a piece of paper being exchanged, then Za slapped his hand over Gurgeh's wrist and breezed away from the tables, hauling Gurgeh over to a large circular couch set round the bottom of a fluted pillar of marble inlaid with precious metals. 'Wait till you taste this stuff,' Za said, leaning towards Gurgeh and winking. Shohobohaum Za was a little lighter in colour than Gurgeh, but still much darker than the average Azadian. It was notoriously difficult to judge the age of Culture people, but Gurgeh guessed the man was a decade or so younger than he. 'You do drink?' Za said, looking suddenly alarmed. 'I've been bypassing the stuff,' Gurgeh told him. Za shook his head emphatically. 'Don't do that with
grif
,' he said, patting Gurgeh's hand. 'Would be tragic. Ought to be a treasonable offence, in fact. Gland
Crystal Fugue State
instead. Brilliant combination; blows your neurons out your ass.
Grif
is stunning stuff. Comes from Echronedal you know; shipped over for the games. Only make it during the Oxygen Season; stuff we're getting should be two Great Years old. Costs a fortune. Opened more legs than a cosmetic laser. Anyway.' Za sat back, clasping his hands and looking seriously at Gurgeh. 'What do you think of the Empire? Isn't it wonderful? Isn't it? I mean, vicious but sexy, right?' He jumped forward as a male servant carrying a tray with a couple of small, stoppered jugs came up to them. 'Ah-ha!' He took the tray with its jugs in exchange for another scrap of paper. He unstoppered both jugs and handed one to Gurgeh. He raised his jug to his lips, closed his eyes and breathed deeply. He muttered something under his breath that sounded like a chant. Finally he drank, keeping his eyes tightly closed. When he opened his eyes, Gurgeh was sitting with one elbow on his knee, his chin in his hand, looking quizzically at him. 'Did they recruit you like this?' he asked. 'Or is it an effect the Empire has?' Za laughed throatily, gazing up to the ceiling where a vast painting showed ancient seaships fighting some millennia-old engagement. 'Both!' Za said, still chuckling. He nodded at Gurgeh's jug, an amused but - so it seemed to Gurgeh - more intelligent, look on his face now; a look which made Gurgeh revise his estimation of the other man's age upward by several decades. 'You going to drink that stuff?' Za said. 'I just spent an unskilled worker's yearly wage getting it for you.' Gurgeh looked into the other man's bright green eyes for a moment, then raised the jug to his lips. 'To the unskilled workers, Mr Za,' he said, and drank. Za laughed uproariously again, head back. 'I think we're going to get along just fine, game-player Gurgeh.' The
grif
was sweet, scented, subtle and smoky. Za drained his own jug, holding the thin spout over his opened mouth to savour the last few drops. He looked at Gurgeh and smacked his lips. 'Slips down like liquid silk,' he said. He put the jug on the floor. 'So; you're going to play the great game, eh, Jernau Gurgeh?' 'That's what I'm here for.' Gurgeh sipped a little more of the heady liquor. 'Let me give you some advice,' Za said, briefly touching his arm. 'Don't bet on
anything.
And watch the women - or men, or both, or whatever you're into. You could get into some very nasty situations if you aren't careful. Even if you mean to stay celibate you might find some of them - women especially - just can't wait to see what's between your legs. And they take that sort of stuff
ridiculously
seriously. You want any body-games; tell me. I've got contacts; I can set it up nice and discreet. Utter discretion and complete secrecy totally guaranteed; ask anybody.' He laughed, then touched Gurgeh's arm again and looked serious. 'I'm serious,' he said. 'I can fix you up.' 'I'll bear that in mind,' Gurgeh said, drinking. 'Thanks for the warning.' 'My pleasure; no problem. I've been here eight… nine years now; envoy before me only lasted twenty days; got chucked out for consorting with a minister's wife.' Za shook his head and chuckled. 'I mean, I like her style, but
shit;
a minister! Crazy bitch was lucky she was only thrown out; if she'd been one of their own they'd have been up her orifices with acid leeches before the prison gate had shut. Makes me cross my legs just thinking about it;' Before Gurgeh could reply, or Za could continue, there was a terrific crashing noise from the top of the great staircase, like the sound of thousands of breaking bottles. It echoed through the ballroom. 'Damn, the Emperor,' Za said, standing. He nodded at Gurgeh's jug. 'Drink up, man!' Gurgeh stood up slowly; he pushed the jug into Za's hands. 'You have it. I think you appreciate it more.' Za restoppered the jug and shoved it into a fold in his robe. There was a lot of activity at the top of the stairs. People in the ballroom were milling about too, apparently forming a sort of human corridor which led from the bottom of the staircase to a large, glittering seat set on a low dais covered with gold-cloth. 'Better get you into your place,' Za said; he went to grab Gurgeh's wrist again, but Gurgeh raised his hand suddenly, smoothing his beard; Za missed. Gurgeh nodded forward. 'After you,' he said. Za winked and strode off. They came up behind the group of people in front of the throne. 'Here's your boy, Pequil,' Za announced to the worried-looking apex, then went to stand further away. Gurgeh found himself standing beside Pequil, with Flere-Imsaho floating behind him at waist level, humming assiduously. 'Mr Gurgee, we were starting to worry about you,' Pequil whispered, glancing nervously up at the staircase. 'Were you?' Gurgeh said. 'How comforting.' Pequil didn't look very pleased. Gurgeh wondered if the apex had been addressed wrongly again. 'I have good news, Gurgee,' Pequil whispered. He looked up at Gurgeh, who tried hard to look inquisitive. 'I have succeeded in obtaining for you a
personal
introduction to Their Royal Highness The Emperor-Regent Nicosar!' 'I am greatly honoured.' Gurgeh smiled. 'Indeed! Indeed! A most singular and exceptional honour!' Pequil gulped. 'So don't fuck up,' Flere-Imsaho muttered from behind. Gurgeh looked at the machine. The crashing noise sounded again, and suddenly, sweeping down the staircase, quickly filling its breadth, a great gaudy wave of people flowed down towards the floor. Gurgeh assumed the one in the lead carrying a long staff was the Emperor - or Emperor-Regent as Pequil had called him - but at the bottom of the stairs that apex stood aside and shouted, 'Their Imperial Highness of the College of Candsev, Prince of Space, Defender of the Faith, Duke of Groasnachek, Master of the Fires of Echronedal, the Emperor-Regent Nicosar the first!' The Emperor was dressed all in black; a medium-sized, serious-looking apex, quite unornamented. He was surrounded by fabulously dressed Azadians of all sexes, including comparatively conservatively uniformed male and apex guards toting big swords and small guns; preceding the Emperor was a variety of large animals, four- and six-legged, variously coloured, collared and muzzled, and held on the end of emerald- and ruby-chained leads by fat, almost naked males whose oiled skins glowed like frosted gold in the ballroom lights. The Emperor stopped and talked to some people (who knelt when he approached), further down the line on the far side, then he crossed with his entourage to the side Gurgeh was on. The ballroom was almost totally silent. Gurgeh could hear the throaty breathing of several of the tamed carnivores. Pequil was sweating. A pulse beat quickly in the hollow of his cheek. Nicosar came closer. Gurgeh thought the Emperor looked, if anything, a little less impressively hard and determined than the average Azadian. He was slightly stooped, and even when he was talking to somebody only a couple of metres away, Gurgeh could hear only the guest's side of the conversation. Nicosar looked a little younger than Gurgeh had expected. Despite having been advised about his personal introduction by Pequil, Gurgeh nevertheless felt mildly surprised when the blackclothed apex stopped in front of him. 'Kneel,' Flere-Imsaho hissed. Gurgeh knelt on one knee. The silence seemed to deepen. 'Oh shit,' the humming machine muttered. Pequil moaned. The Emperor looked down at Gurgeh, then gave a small smile. 'Sir one-knee; you must be our foreign guest. We wish you a good game.' Gurgeh realised what he'd done wrong, and went down on the other knee too, but the Emperor gave a small wave with one ringed hand and said, 'No, no; we admire originality. You shall greet us on one knee in future.' 'Thank you, Your Highness,' Gurgeh said, with a small bow. The Emperor nodded, and turned to walk further up the line. Pequil gave a quivering sigh. The Emperor reached the throne on the dais, and music started; people suddenly started talking, and the twin lines of people broke up; everybody chattered and gesticulated at once. Pequil looked as though he was about to collapse. He seemed to be speechless. Flere-Imsaho floated up to Gurgeh. 'Please,' it said, 'don't
ever
do something like that again.' Gurgeh ignored the machine. 'At least you could talk, eh?' Pequil said suddenly, taking a glass from a tray with a shaking hand. 'At least he could talk, eh, machine?' He was talking almost too fast for Gurgeh to follow. He sank the drink. 'Most people freeze. I think I might have. Many people do. What does one knee matter, eh? What does that matter?' Pequil looked round for the male with the drinks tray, then gazed at the throne, where the Emperor was sitting talking to some of his retinue. 'What a majestic presence!' Pequil said. 'Why's he "Emperor-Regent"?' Gurgeh asked the sweating apex. 'Their Royal Highness had to take up the Royal Chain after the Emperor Molsce sadly died two years ago. As second-best player during the last games, Our Worship Nicosar was elevated to the throne. But I have no doubt they will remain there!' Gurgeh, who'd read about Molsce dying but hadn't realised Nicosar wasn't regarded as a full Emperor in his own right, nodded and, looking at the extravagantly accoutred people and beasts surrounding the imperial dais, wondered what additional splendours Nicosar could possibly merit if he did win the games.
'I'd offer to dance with you but they don't approve of men dancing together,' Shohobohaum Za said, coming up to where Gurgeh stood by a pillar. Za took a plate of paper-wrapped sweetmeats from a small table and held it out to Gurgeh, who shook his head. Za popped a couple of the little pastries into his mouth while Gurgeh watched the elaborate, patterned dances surge in eddies of flesh and coloured cloth across the ballroom floor. Flere-Imsaho floated near by. There were some bits of paper sticking to its static-charged casing. 'Don't worry,' Gurgeh told Za. 'I shan't feel insulted.' 'Good. Enjoying yourself?' Za leant against the pillar. 'Thought you looked a bit lonely standing here. Where's Pequil?' 'He's talking to some imperial officials, trying to arrange a private audience.' 'Ho, he'll be lucky,' snorted Za. 'What d'you think of our wonderful Emperor, anyway?' 'He seems… very imperious,' Gurgeh said, and made a frowning gesture at the robes he was wearing, and tapped one ear. Za looked amused, then mystified, then he laughed. 'Oh; the microphone!' He shook his head, unwrapped another couple of pastries and ate them. 'Don't worry about that. Just say what you want. You won't be assassinated or anything. They don't mind. Diplomatic protocol. We pretend the robes aren't bugged, and they pretend they haven't heard anything. It's a little game we play.' 'If you say so,' Gurgeh said, looking over at the imperial dais. 'Not much to look at at the moment, young Nicosar,' Za said, following Gurgeh's gaze. 'He gets his full regalia after the game; theoretically in mourning for Molsce at the moment. Black's their colour for mourning; something to do with space, I think.' He looked at the Emperor for a while. 'Odd set-up, don't you think? All that power belonging to one person.' 'Seems a rather… potentially unstable way to run a society,' Gurgeh agreed. 'Hmm. Of course, it's all relative, isn't it? Really, you know, that old guy the Emp's talking to at the moment probably has more real power than Nicosar himself.' 'Really?' Gurgeh looked at Za. 'Yes; that's Hamin, rector of Candsev College. Nicosar's mentor.' 'You don't mean he tells the Emperor what to do?' 'Not officially, but' - Za belched - 'Nicosar was brought up in the college; spent sixty years, child and apex, learning the game from Hamin. Hamin raised him, groomed him, taught him all he knew, about the game and everything else. So when old Molsce gets his one way ticket to the land of nod - not before time - and Nicosar takes over, who's the first person he's going to turn to for advice?' 'I see,' Gurgeh nodded. He was starting to regret not having studied more on Azad the political system rather than just Azad the game. 'I thought the colleges just taught people how to play.' 'That's all they do in theory, but in fact they're more like surrogate noble families. Where the Empire gains over the usual bloodline set-up is they use the game to recruit the cleverest, most ruthless and manipulative apices from the whole population to run the show, rather than have to marry new blood into some stagnant aristocracy and hope for the best when the genes shake out. Actually quite a neat system; the game solves a lot. I can see it lasting; Contact seems to think it's all going to fall apart at the seams one day, but I doubt it myself. This lot could outlast us. They