I'd been thinking about this moment from the time I'd woken up from my first sex dream. I was equal parts terrified to say it but also wanting it so badly that I could feel every part of me throbbing in anticipation.
“I want you to be in control.” My heart hammered against my chest as I said the words.
“Are you sure?” He raised his hand from my leg to wrap it around mine.
“Yes.” The word was shaky, but I was certain. “No tying me up, but the rest we can take one step at a time.” I risked a look over at him. “Is that okay?”
He made a sound that I couldn't quite identify and raised our hands to his mouth, turning them so that he could brush his lips against the back of my hand. “You can't know how much it means to me that you're willing to try.” He squeezed my hand. “Just promise me one thing.”
“Yes?” I made it a question rather than an acceptance.
“Do you remember the safe words we discussed?”
I nodded.
“Please promise me, no matter what, you'll use them.” He pulled into the driveway of his magnificent house, but didn't get out, rather turning to me with a serious expression on his face. “I mean it, Jenna.” He reached out with his free hand and cupped the side of my face. “I never want to do anything that could hurt or bother you. I don't care what it is. A touch. A word.”
My heart clenched at the intensity in his voice. It wasn't the bad kind or even the sexual kind. This was the sort of intensity that came with wanting to make sure that there was no misunderstanding.
“What I'm going to say may sound crude, but it's the best way to make you understand what I mean.” He dropped his hand from my face. “I don't care if I'm buried deep inside you, ready to come, and you need me to stop, all you have to do is say the word.”
Weird as it may have sounded, that was the most amazing thing anyone had ever said to me.
“Promise me,” he said.
My voice was tight as I answered, “I promise.”
He held my gaze for a moment, as if trying to decide if I was being honest with him, and then he nodded. I wasn't sure what the nod meant, but I didn't have a chance to ask. He got out of the car and came around to open my door. In the short time it took him to cover that distance, the familiar dark voices of doubt reared their heads, whispering all of the reasons why this was a bad idea, how he was going to hurt me.
Then he opened my door and held out his hand. The moment we touched, the voices quieted. They didn't fully go away, and I didn't think they ever would, but they at least went back to the part of my mind where they usually slept.
Even though I'd been to his house before, I hadn't truly been able to appreciate the absolute beauty of the structure. Now, even as I admired the stone structure, my focus still wasn't wholly on it. It didn't matter how expensive the place was or how many rooms it had. I registered all of that on one level, but most of me was just thinking about that room, the one Rylan had shown me.
The one where the bed had been designed for bondage.
We walked into the house and up the steps in silence. I could feel my heart pounding, my chest tightening. I trusted Rylan enough to not try the one thing I'd told him not to do, but I wasn't sure I could keep myself together in that room. Not yet.
But we didn't go to that room. We stopped in the hallway next to the door of the spare room where I'd slept before. That was enough of a surprise, but Rylan shocked me when he opened the door across the hall.
The door to his room.
My expression must've shown what I was thinking because he smiled down at me.
“Nothing crazy tonight,” he said. “And I thought you might feel more comfortable if you weren't around all of the bondage stuff.”
Relief flooded me. I kept my gratitude simple. “Thank you.”
He stepped into the bedroom and I followed. It was bigger than the guest room I'd stayed in with a massive bed in the center. An open door to my right showed a glimpse into a bathroom that I was sure was even more lavish than the one I'd seen. Other than the size of the space and the quality of the furnishings, there wasn't any of the usual shit that made up the bedrooms of rich bachelors. No massive electronic systems. There was a flat screen on the wall opposite the bed, but it wasn't anything gratuitous. No gaming systems, no flashy decorations that said he'd given carte blanche to an interior designer.
The one thing that did make me raise my eyebrows and turn to him with a question on my face was the vase of roses sitting on the end table to the right side of the bed. “Not exactly what I expected to find in a man's bedroom.”
He grinned at me, a surprisingly boyish smile that made me wonder if that's what he'd looked like as a child. “I was telling the truth when I said I didn't have any expectations about tonight, but I was hoping.” He walked over to the end table and plucked one of the red roses from the vase. “Rose petals are extremely soft,” he said as he walked back over to me. “But you can never truly appreciate them until you feel them on the most sensitive parts of your body.”
I shivered as his voice slid across my skin. Something had shifted when he'd picked up that flower and while he never did anything dominating, I knew I was no longer in control.
I waited for the panic to come, but as my eyes met his, I felt the same safety I'd felt when he'd held my hand. I had to spend a couple years learning to enjoy sex, but even since then, I never connected with anyone, never let down my guard. Because I never felt safe. Even in my own apartment, there was still always something in the back of my mind telling me that I was reachable, that people who wanted to hurt me would find me. I knew it wasn't possible, not after I'd reinvented myself so thoroughly, but I'd never been able to get rid of that feeling. I'd accepted long ago that being safe enough to sleep with just the bathroom light on was the best I was going to get.
“I've got you, Jenna,” Rylan said softly.
I didn't know if it was the words, the tone or the look in his eyes, but I believed. I believed him enough that I accepted the fact that I was safe. A weight that I hadn't known I'd carried was lifted off of me and I could breathe more freely than I ever had before.
A slow smile curved my lips. “And now that you have me, what are you going to do with me?”
Rylan made a sound low in his throat and I saw something flash across his eyes. My arousal spiked. Oh, he would do some very good things to me.
“Clothes,” he said. “Off. Now.”
Fuck.
I'd always hated it when people tried to give me orders, but there was something about him, about the way he said those words that turned me on rather than freaked me out.
I reached behind me and unzipped my dress, letting the straps slide down my shoulders. The first time we'd slept together, he'd wanted me to undress slowly and I'd refused. Now, I would give him what he wanted.
His gaze was hungry as he watched the material slip off and pool at my feet.
“Damn.” The word came out in a breath.
I suddenly felt shy even though I was still wearing my bra and panties. While not exactly conservative, they were far from ridiculously sexy. Though they probably did look more so at the moment since I was wearing a pair of high heels.
“Bra.”
I reached behind me, unhooked it and let it drop to the floor.
“Panties.”
He was still completely dressed, but as I slowly pulled down my panties, I saw him toe off his shoes, leaving me wearing the only thing he wasn't. When I straightened, he closed the distance between us, but only to within reaching distance. He held out the rose, brushing the petals across my cheek and down to my lips. He hadn't been kidding about how soft the flower was.
“Will you close your eyes?” he asked.
I shook my head and waited for a question. Instead, he moved on, running the rose down my neck and across my collarbones. He circled around behind me, taking the flower with him. I felt him tracing the angel wings and wondered if he was studying them closely enough to see the scars beneath.
“Do I get to look at your tattoo?” I asked.
He came back into my line of sight. “Maybe after. If you decide to stay the night.”
“And if I want to go home?” I asked.
“Then I'll take you,” he said. “Or you can sleep across the hall again.” He used the rose to circle my right breast, lingering on the nipple. “But I'm hoping you'll stay.”
I didn't give him an answer and he didn't press for one. He ran the rose down my arm, then back up, before moving to my left breast. My nipples were hardening under the gentle touch, my skin humming. When the rose went down the scar on the inside of my left arm, I waited for a question again, but it didn't come.
The rose went across the sensitive skin of my stomach, neither avoiding nor lingering on the six inch burn scar that ran down my side to my hip. He teased at the stud in my bellybutton, the tickling sensation making me smile. He moved behind me again, letting the rose drop to my ass. My eyelids fluttered as the petals teased at the crease between my legs, its touch almost too light. When he came back around the front, he was closer, watching as the rose glided over the thin, dark curls that covered my pussy. I pressed my lips together, swallowing the moan that wanted to escape. I didn't know if he wanted me to speak.
As if he could read my mind, he said, “Don't hold back. Be as loud or quiet as you want. It's your choice.”
I nodded my understanding.
“Now, spread your legs.”
He had that tone in his voice again, that authoritative sound that made me impossibly wet, wetter than I'd ever been.
I did as I was told and was rewarded by the gentle touch of a rose against my lower lips, softer than anything I'd ever felt before. He rubbed the soft petals against me until I moaned, desperate for a firmer friction.
He made a pleased sound. “I could listen to that all day.”
When he raised the rose, the flower glistened with my juices. I flushed in embarrassment, the faint shame from my past coming forward, telling me that it wasn't supposed to be like this. Then he held the rose in front of his face and inhaled deeply.
“Exquisite.”
A different kind of heat spread through me.
“Now,” he said, setting the rose aside. “What do you say we get those shoes off?”
I glanced at the bed, intending to sit and take the heels off, but then Rylan knelt in front of me and I sucked in a breath. His hands slid down my right leg first and I put my hands on his shoulders to steady myself as he pulled off my shoe, then turned his attention to my other one. I gasped as he kissed the side of my calf, then moved higher up my legs. My breathing quickened the higher he got, until, finally, his mouth was there.
I swore as his tongue went to work, dancing around my clit and down to my pussy. I'd never had anyone go down on me like this and it was amazing. I slid my hands up his neck and into his hair, digging my fingers into the thick, silky locks. His hands cupped my ass, holding me firmly against his mouth until I could feel my orgasm building inside me. As his lips closed around my clit and he began to suck, I came. I called out his name as my body shook and he kept going, drawing out my climax until it took all my willpower to keep my eyes from closing.
As he stood, he kissed his way up my stomach, pausing to lavish attention on both of my breasts, teasing around my nipples with his tongue before taking them into his mouth.
“Fuck!” A jolt of electricity went straight through me as his teeth scraped my nipple.
He froze, looking up at me. I knew what he was waiting to hear. Instead, I said, “Please.”
His teeth found my nipple again, worrying at it until I was pulling at his shirt, desperate to feel his skin, to touch him. As he slid his hand between my legs, I felt the beginnings of another orgasm building low inside me. His finger slipped easily into my pussy, the heel of his hand rubbing against my clit. His mouth moved to my other breast even as he added a second finger, stretching me even as he coaxed me higher.
I cried out as he bit down on my nipple, not hard enough for real pain, but rather the exact right pressure I needed to get me to the boiling point.
Then his mouth was gone, his fingers curling inside me, pressing against my g-spot. His lips brushed against mine as he spoke, “Come for me, Jenna.”
I couldn't have disobeyed that command even if I'd wanted to. And I didn't. Pleasure exploded over me, every muscle in my body tightening. Rylan swore as my pussy contracted around his fingers and he wrapped his arm around my waist, holding me as I came.
It wasn't until I began to come down that I realized Rylan was still fully dressed. I reached for the front of his shirt as he removed his fingers from me.
“No,” he said, pushing my hands aside. “On the bed.”
I climbed onto the bed and settled back against the pillows, eager to see what would come next. To my delight, Rylan began to slowly unbutton his shirt, revealing inch after inch of tanned, muscular torso. His eyes were impossibly dark, watching me watch him. I felt a throb of arousal as he tossed his shirt onto the floor. His pants went next, revealing a pair of tight, black boxer-briefs that showed just how much he enjoyed what he'd been doing to me. When those came off, I let my eyes run down his body to the thick, hard cock that was waiting for me.
He reached into the top drawer and pulled out a condom. I swallowed hard as I watched him roll the condom over his cock, remembering what it had felt like to have it inside me. He climbed into the bed, resting on his knees as his fingers skimmed over my ankles and then up to my calves. I could see in his eyes that he was remembering our last time together.
“Open your legs, Jenna.” His voice was soft, but the words were a command nonetheless.
This was a deciding point, I knew. If I did as he said, I knew what would come next. Something I had never allowed before. It had been done to me, but never with my permission.
I moved my legs apart and gave permission. Fear tried to overwhelm me, but I looked up into Rylan's eyes and reminded myself that I was safe. He moved slowly as he came toward me, giving me the chance to stop him with every pause. I didn't though. I kept my eyes on his even as my heart began to race.