The Pleasure Slave (7 page)

At that thought, what little confidence Julia had left shattered. Self-consciousness snaked stronger coils around her spine, quickly tightening its grip. This was exactly why she couldn’t ever kiss Tristan again, no matter how much pleasure his slightest touch gave her. With him, she would always worry that she wasn’t doing things right, wasn’t satisfying him. Wasn’t woman enough.

Except, oddly enough, when his lips first met hers, she hadn’t thought about anything except the hot press of his body and all the wicked things they could do to each other.

No. She shook her head. A fluke. Had to be. Were this detached lover to kiss her again, she’d worry, worry, worry that her breath smelled bad, or that he didn’t like her body, or that she’d bore him to death.

What if she’d done that this time?

Oh, God, he wasn’t even kissing her right now and she was beginning to worry. He found her lacking in the sexual arena. She just knew it. That’s why he’d become so unresponsive, and he was probably laughing at her pitiful attempt. Julia studied his face, searching for amusement. She saw confusion…and desire?

No, he didn’t desire her. She only saw what she wanted to see, instead of what was really there.

“Let us go to bed,” he said, his honey-rich voice breaking the stretch of silence. He clasped her arm.

She wrenched away, using anger as a shield. Anything to prevent herself from flying back into his embrace. “You’ll be sleeping—or whatever else you want to do—alone.”

His teeth flashed in a scowl. “Alone? I think not. You do not kiss a man with such passion unless you want him in your bed.”

“Really? Passion?” Delight shimmered through her. “You’re not just saying that?”

He worked his jaw left and right, and didn’t stop until the bone popped from exertion. “You would be happy with such an occurrence?”

Not a denial, but not an agreement, either. “Forget it,” she grumbled. “Just go to sleep. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Must we go over our sleeping arrangements yet again?”

“We’ll go over it until you get it right.” Her chin tilted stubbornly to the side. “This—” she motioned in a circle with her hand “—is your room. That—” she pointed down the hall “—is mine.”

“I removed my weapon. Now you will spend the night with me.”

Jeez, for a man who catered to the desires of women, he sure needed constant instruction. Her exasperation must have given her strength, because she
managed to say quite forcefully, “We’re not sleeping together.”

“Julia,” he muttered softly, all traces of ire melting from him as swiftly as ice cubes in a desert. His lashes swept low over his eyes and his lips parted. “There is never a good reason to deny ourselves pleasure.”

“I told you, I’m not interested in you sexually.” She sounded strong and self-assured, like a woman who knew what she wanted and what she didn’t. So why didn’t she
feel
that way?

“I have already proven your words for the untruth they are. You became liquid fire when I touched you. Your legs wrapped around mine, locking me against you, your lips to mine, your body to mine. Were I to touch between your thighs now, you would be wet for me. So do not tell me you want nothing to do with me sexually.”

Because her tongue was now glued to the roof of her mouth, Julia opted for the coward’s way out. She didn’t offer a reply; she simply turned and ran to her room, shutting the door firmly behind her.

Closing her eyes, she sank onto the bed. What had she gotten herself into?

Trouble,
her mind immediately answered.
You’ve gotten yourself into a whole lot of trouble.

T
RISTAN PACED
the small hallway for a long while. And with every step, he cursed women everywhere for their fickleness. He cursed himself, as well. He hadn’t remained detached. He wanted Julia, had tried to force her to see his way. A small sin, really, when compared to hers.
She
had made his body burn for completion, and then turned him away.

This would not have happened on Imperia, where women flocked to his side.

Imperia
. Just thinking the name caused a wave of loneliness and loss to crash through him, cutting so deeply it nearly cleaved him in two. Never again would he see his home, the billowing white grass, the multihued sky. The soaring dragons. Never would he watch the four suns rise separately and the moons rise together. Never would he know if his friend Roake had taken a wife, if he had children.

Never would he know the life—and death—his dear
est friends and family experienced. Or rather,
had
experienced. They were dead to him now, for they’d lived over a thousand years ago in his other life. The people and places that had been so important to him were now like mist in his mind—sometimes thick and tangible, and at others so sheer he would not know they were there if not for a lingering, ever-present fragrance.

Still he ached at their loss. Ached because he would never again know true friendship or have a home of his own, but would know only the whims and ever-changing desires of his
guan rens.

Bitterness roared to life, an emotion he rarely allowed but could do nothing to stop now, wrapping him in despair so absolute he almost moaned in physical pain. With a virulent expression, he gazed at the empty area surrounding him—an emptiness he found mirrored within himself but usually managed to hide. He’d lost his future. His loved ones.

Mayhap even his soul.

What did he have now except an eternity of slavery? Hopelessness joined ranks with his bitterness, waging a desperate war against his resolve, each emotion clawing inside him, leaving him raw and wounded. Only his pride kept him from capitulation, kept him defiant and prevented him from crying out to the heavens and begging Zirra to free him. Not that she would hear him, but the desire sometimes remained. Aye, only pride stopped him, a thing that had earned him so much despair…yet the only thing that had kept him sane.

As he continued to pace, his steps became agitated,
clipped. His very bones burned with the torment of emotions he felt. He had to distract himself, had to lose himself in a woman’s—in Julia’s—body. Sex wiped the acrid knowledge of his past, and his future, from his mind, if only for a moment, for he controlled the pleasure, therefore he controlled the woman.

But Julia didn’t want him.

His hands curled at his sides. Well, he would just have to use every sensual weapon at his disposal to seduce her. All the while keeping his emotions untouchable.

Scowling, he stalked to her door and paused. Without her permission, he could not enter her room. That thought irritated him even further. By Elliea, he loathed being told what to do. He always had. He had been a soldier, leader of the Elite, and all of these years of enslavement had not destroyed his warrior instincts.

A warrior gave orders, he did not take them.

Body tight with frustration, he tested the handle and found the silver metal turned easily. “May I enter, Julia?” The words left his mouth quickly, for he despised the taste of them.

“Why?” came the muffled reply. “I’ve already told you. You and I are not…we aren’t…”

“I did not come to beg for your favors, if that is what you desire.” He’d spent too many years of his childhood on his knees, begging for clothes, food and affection, his efforts rewarded with pain and humiliation. To willingly hand that power to another…Nay, he would not. He had proven that to Zirra, and he would prove it now to Julia.

“I don’t want anything from you,” she called. “I just want to sleep. Alone.”

She didn’t want him to grovel, then. His muscles released their viselike grip on his bones. “I must ascertain your chamber is properly bolted against intruders.”
Before I strip you naked and seduce you.

A heavy pause thickened the air. Finally she uttered a long-suffering sigh. “All right. You may enter.”

He pushed his way inside. Light dripped like crystal tears from an overhead source, brightly illuminating the small room. Imperian light stemmed from
lamori
gems, stones that were alive, yet in his otherworld travels he had seen such light sources as this before, some much more elaborate, so he paid this one no heed. Julia sat atop a sinfully decadent four-poster bed of pink silk sheets and mint-green shams. Her knees were pulled to her chest, and her long honey-colored hair cascaded like rays of sunshine around her face, shoulders and slender arms.

For an instant, her eyes met his, but she quickly glanced away.

After a determined inhale, exhale of breath, she once again faced him. “I haven’t meant to be so ill-tempered,” she said. “I’m just…I don’t know. Two days ago I flipped a man off, then shoved him at the flea market just to beat him past the doors. Then I yelled at a perverted killer with a sword—that’s you, though I don’t think of you as a killer anymore.”

He arched a brow. “But you still think of me as perverted?”

“No, of course not.” She gave a dejected sigh.
“What’s wrong with me? I’m usually very reserved. I never speak out of turn. But I’ve managed to insult you over and over again, and I’m sorry. So very sorry. I don’t want to hurt you.”

He had expected anger and resistance from her, yet she displayed repentance. She was the only woman ever to offer him such a thing. For a moment, he closed his eyes, unsure of how to respond.

What was he going to do with this woman? Seduction somehow seemed wrong. She deserved so much more than he could give her.

“You have nothing to apologize for, little dragon. I have enjoyed my time with you.”

“I know you’re just saying that,” she said shyly, hopefully contemplating him, “but I thank you, anyway.”

He opened his mouth to comment, but her next words stopped him. “I’m sorry for the kiss, too. I didn’t mean to let it get out of hand, or to lead you on.”

She looked so earnest, so concerned for his feelings. First her apology, now this. A
guan ren’
s concern…so new to him, and yet it was the second time Julia had sought to soothe his ego.

“Do you forgive me?” she asked.

He could not refuse her. “You are forgiven, Julia. As a novice, you knew not what you were doing.”

Her features crumpled, and her chin began to tremble. “You noticed, huh? That I’m a novice, I mean?”

“Aye. Our kiss ended too quickly. A woman of more experience would have known this and continued kissing me.”

“Oh…oh.” Understanding dawned.

Her chuckle rang in his ears as he checked both windows, making sure the locks worked properly and were bolted securely. He searched under the bed, finding nothing but old, dusty boxes. He circled a dark mahogany chest and rummaged through her closet. The amount of clothing contained in the tiny space almost swallowed him whole. Could one tiny female possibly wear all of these garments?

“Um, excuse me,” Julia said, all traces of humor now gone. “That’s my stuff you’re going through. My personal belongings.”

“Your personal belongings need organization. Ten men could hide in here and you would never know it.”

“No one is hiding in my closet.”

“Such is the thought of one who will soon be caught unaware.”

She stiffened. “For your information, I look in there every morning.”

“Then tell me, little dragon, what this is.” He emerged holding a yellow, green and orange floral-print gown. A large mass of painted foliage covered one side. “This is the most hideous garment I have ever beheld. Do your people truly wear such things?”

Offended, she lifted her nose high into the air and he had the distinct impression she wanted to give him another lecture. She didn’t. She settled for “That’s an authentic baby-doll dress from the sixties.”

“It is authentic dung.” He knew his eyes were gleaming with mirth as he tossed her the gown. “Put it on.”

“I most certainly will not,” she said, catching the material with a
humph.
“Why don’t you try it on?”

“Men wear armor and weapons, Julia. They do not wear women’s clothing.”

“Some men do.”

Surely she jested, yet her expression held no trace of humor. “What man struts around in his woman’s gowns?” he demanded.

“Some men like to wear dresses, okay? Let’s just leave it at that. Now, will you please leave my room? It’s time to go nighty-night. And do not come back in here for any reason,” she added for good measure.

“Not for
any
reason?”

“That’s right.”

He crossed his arms over his chest. “What if a witch tries to boil you alive?”

“I’ll beat her over the head with her broom.”

“What if demons of the night attack?”

“I’ll scream my head off.”

He clicked his tongue. “Nay, if I were with you, little dragon, you would scream—again and again. Since you will be alone, you will do nothing but imagine.”

Tristan left her with those words, firmly shutting the door behind him.

C
URSE THAT MAN
, Julia thought.

You will do nothing but imagine,
he’d said, and by God, he was exactly right.

All through the night she tossed and turned, imagining his naked body pressed to hers, his tongue and hands
doing wicked things to her. In these fantasies, she was a wild woman. Totally insatiable. She clawed at his back, screamed out his name and sucked the entire length of him into her mouth.

In her dream, she whispered,
“More. Give me more.”

“For you and no other,” he replied silkily.

“Harder. Harder,” she begged.

He softly laughed. “Oh, but I do love to please you.”

“No talk. Only pleasure.”

Several times she almost called out to him and begged him to turn her dreams into reality. In the end, she suffered in silence. Stupidity on her part? Probably.

Her body might crave the man, but her pride demanded she only give herself to someone who truly lusted for her. As a pleasure slave, Tristan was forced to please his mistress even if he found her unappealing, and Julia didn’t want to be just another let-me-get-this-over-with obligation. How pathetic if she were.

Yes, how pathetic. In a secret part of her heart, she’d always longed for a fairy-tale existence—a man who thought her the most beautiful woman in the world, who loved her madly and deeply. Who worshiped at the altar of her loveliness. Okay, the last was a bit much, but that dream of happily-ever-after had never faded and
would
never fade.

There had to be someone out there for her.
Please let there be someone out there for me,
she prayed. If she found him, maybe then she could regain her sense of contentment.

Closing her eyes, she blocked the image of Tristan
from her mind and pictured the type of man who would find her desirable, yet wouldn’t intimidate her. His features were plain, but he had an easy, gentle smile. Heightwise, he stood below average, not much taller than she. He was kind and tender and just a little shy. Most importantly, he never once made her feel stupid or unattractive or unworthy.

Was that asking for too much?

“No, it’s not,” she muttered. In fact, the more she considered this paragon of manly virtue, the more he took the shape of her new next-door neighbor, Peter. Peter had brown hair, kind hazel eyes, and always wore a good-natured grin. Oh, she wasn’t attracted to him physically, but she did feel comfortable in his presence. The only problem was, the few times they’d spoken, Peter hadn’t acted as if he was interested in her.

You didn’t act as if you were interested in him, either,
she reminded herself.

A sigh slipped past her lips. How would Peter react if she called right now and asked him out on a date? Fall to his knees and thank her? Or demand she never call him again? In a spurt of determination, she decided she didn’t care how he reacted. She would simply pick up the phone and invite him to dinner. Now. Today. This very second.

Well, maybe in the morning.

Confidence swiftly draining, she burrowed deeper into the covers and recalled the first and only date she’d ever experienced. She’d been sixteen, very shy if a bit mischievous. Brian Davidson, the most popular boy in
school, had invited her to dinner. Since she’d had a crush on him for years, she foolishly agreed.

The night of their date, they shared a pizza at the local hangout and talked about their lives. He treated her with such care, was so complimentary, she floated on a rainbow of dreams, imagining the flowers, candy and romance in her future. She’d placed no significance on his glances to the door, or on his laugh, which had rasped a little too high, a little too forced.