The Pretty Lady and the Cowboy (Songs from the Heart) (21 page)

At Thanksgiving, Auntie Esther had teased me about devoting too much energy to the store. She said with her usual wry humor that being a spinster like her must somehow run in the family. But she must have seen the hurt on my face because she abruptly dropped the subject and didn’t bring it up again.

I didn’t talk about Levi to anyone, not even to Jess. But there was a place in my heart that ached with longing to feel his lips on mine, his arms around me. All the work in the world couldn’t make that ache go away.

# # # # #

The weather had been very mild early in December; we’d even had a few days when the temperature neared sixty degrees, so until the actual winter solstice, no one seemed to take the season seriously or to consider the fact that Christmas and Hanukah weren’t far off. But suddenly, winter was officially here and even though the weather was still unseasonably warm, crowds of shoppers began lining the streets in our small town.

The Finish Line was running a special promotion: Make a contribution to the annual New Year’s Day Polar Bear Plunge that we sponsored as a fundraiser for the local women’s shelter, and we’d give you a free Finish Line cap decorated with two furry polar bear ears. It did our hearts good to see those polar bear ears popping up all over town.

Then early on the morning of December 23, before the store had even opened, Jess popped her head into my office. We had both gotten there early that morning to prepare ourselves for the final two-day onslaught of determined shoppers. I was sipping a cup of herb tea and finishing a bran muffin.

“Can I pour you a cup?” I asked her. She was giving me a strange look, as if she wanted to tell me something but couldn’t decide how to get started. This wasn’t like her. She never had any sort of hidden agenda and she never had a problem letting me know exactly what she thought, which was why she was so great to have as a partner.

“Thanks, no,” she said. “I just wanted to let you know something.”

“Okay, shoot,” I said. I couldn’t imagine a topic that would make Jess this hesitant to begin.

“It’s about Levi,” she said. I knew she had friended him on Facebook; I knew she followed him on Twitter, even now. And I knew she had deliberately avoided mentioning his name the last couple of months. I had told her about my final midnight drive out to the casino the night I tried to see him one last time. I had tried to make it sound like a funny adventure. But Jess knows me too well and I’m sure she saw through me in a heartbeat.

I felt my cheeks grow hot, whether with embarrassment or fear I’m not sure. I tried to keep the emotion out of my voice. “So what’s new with him?” I asked, as casually as I could manage.

“That’s just it,” Jess said. “Nobody
knows
. The
rumor
is that he’s back in
rehab
somewhere.”

I could hear the excitement building in her voice as the italics crept in.

“I just Googled his name
half a dozen
different ways and
every time
the
first
automatic suggestion Google makes is ‘Levi McCrory
rehab
.’ I must have read about a 
dozen
message boards and there’s
conjecture
all
over
the place but I couldn’t find out
anything
for sure.” She stopped and looked closely at me. “I guess I was hoping he’d been in touch with you—that you knew he was okay.”

My heart ached with longing, with wanting to hear Levi’s voice, feel his touch. I would have given anything to know that he was safe and well. I tried to keep my voice steady. “Sorry, girlfriend,” I said, “I haven’t heard anything. Looks like it was a good thing I said good-bye to him when I did.”

“Right,” she said. I had the feeling she was a little embarrassed at having come in here with the news. She made some remark about making sure we had change in the cash register and said she’d see me later, backing quickly out of my office.

And I tried to tell myself one more time, as I’d been trying to tell myself for weeks now, that I was better off this way, better off without him, better off not worrying about him.

Then I caught a glimpse of my princess shoes up high on the corner shelf where I’d tossed them just to get them out of my sight the morning after my casino “adventure.” And the memories came flooding back: Levi’s smile, the scent of his aftershave, the way his eyes crinkled at the corners when he laughed, the passion of his embrace, the romance of his kisses, the tender way he had made love to me… and his songs, those magical songs that made me
believe.

I stopped myself. I couldn’t bear thinking about it all again. It had happened; it was over. End of story already. Let it go.

I stood up abruptly and headed out to open the store.

The day went by in a blur. It seemed a lot of people were getting and giving running shoes for Christmas—or socks, shorts, bras, tee-shirts, tights, pants. The runner’s GPS was a huge item this year. We were already out of stock on the caps that held headphones for iPods. From what people were telling me, a lot of people were making New Year’s resolutions that included running. Music to my ears!

All the stores in town stayed open until nine that night and by that time, Jess, Dan, and I had been there almost twelve hours, so we were ready to drop. Ally had even come in to help for a while in the afternoon. We were running low on some sizes by now, but there was nothing I could do about that until after Christmas. We all staggered out of there as soon as the last customer left, knowing we had to get back by ten the next morning for the final day of the holiday rush.

I gave Jess a fist-bump as we left. “We’re doing this, girlfriend,” I said.

“And to all a good night,” she replied. It didn’t make a ton of sense, but I think we were both too tired to care.

# # # # #

When I looked out my window the next morning, it was still dark, but I saw that a few flakes of snow had started to fall. Perfect! Snow on Christmas Eve. For some reason, Christmas just doesn’t feel as Christmas-y without at least a little snow, at least in Connecticut. Probably in Texas the natives had other ways to make it feel like Christmas. I stopped myself before I could continue that thought. I had gotten pretty good at heading myself off on any subject that could directly or indirectly lead to Levi.

I was too tired to do a whole free weight routine, but I went through the motions with a few upper body exercises, then headed off to the shower. Plenty of hot water indoors, snow outdoors—it doesn’t get better than that in December. The sight of the snow falling put me in a festive mood, so I put on a sparkly red sweater over a white shirt. That didn’t seem to go with my jeans, so I traded them for a pair of black wool pants. It was a little dressy for selling shoes, but, hey, I was in a holiday mood. I pulled on a pair of warm boots and went out to start the car.

By that time the snow was beginning to cover the grass. I grabbed the ice scraper out of the trunk, brushed off the snow, and then cleaned the windshield. Old Ray was pretty good in the snow, and I’d just had new snow tires put on, so we made it to the store with no trouble.

I had an old thirty-cup coffee urn in the back, and I decided to fill it with some hot chocolate and put it out for the last-minute Christmas shoppers. I found a stack of small paper cups and put those next to the pot, which I plugged in on a small table near the rear of the store. If customers wanted hot chocolate, they were going to have to come all the way into the store to get it. Of course, I hoped they’d find something they wanted to buy as they sipped.

Jess and Dan arrived, shaking the snow off their polar bear caps. Even Ally got there early. She knew this was the last big push. She had mentioned that she had her eye on a particular GPS and told me that she planned to start training for a marathon. I already had that wrapped up for her under a tiny, two-foot tall Christmas tree that stood in a corner of my living room.

Light snow continued to fall through the afternoon. Santa himself must have been orchestrating the weather because there was exactly enough snow falling to make the whole town feel festive and Christmas-like, but not enough to keep the last-minute shoppers home. In her spare time, Jess had somehow managed to make dozens of cookies shaped like running shoes (what spare time, I wondered!) and the shoppers happily nibbled on those while they sipped their cocoa.

Since it was Christmas Eve, we were only scheduled to remain open until 5:00 p.m. The crowds started thinning around 3:00, and I was thinking for a while we might even shut our doors a bit early. I was looking forward to the Christmas Eve dinner that Ally, Jess, Dan, and I had planned. They were all coming to my apartment and each of them was bringing a dish. I had thought about roasting a turkey, but in the end decided to get a take-out bird from my favorite health food store. With gravy. And stuffing. Yum! The season had been spectacularly good for us and had put The Finish Line solidly in the black, but I was more than ready for a little rest.

So when I looked out the window at 4:30 and saw crowds gathering in the street in front of the store, I had mixed feelings.

“Wow, guys, look out for the last of the last-minute shoppers!” I called out. Jess and Ally joined me in looking out at the crowd while Dan finished up with a customer.

Several people in the crowd looked in our window and waved. They chatted with each other, stamped their feet to keep warm, a few started singing Christmas carols… but no one headed into The Finish Line. Clearly the excitement—whatever it was—was outside.

“I think maybe Santa is going to make an appearance,” Ally said.

People were leaning out over the curb looking up and down the street. I tried to remember whether the Chamber of Commerce announcements included anything about a visit from Santa. I honestly couldn’t remember. The season had been a happy, busy blur. But clearly people were expecting something.

Dan finished ringing up his sale and then joined us at the window. Looking out at the happy shoppers and the gently falling snow made me feel as if we had stepped into an old-fashioned Christmas movie. I smiled, thinking of my own little Charlie Brown Christmas tree at home. I linked arms with Jess, and then she reached out to Dan, who in turn offered his arm to Ally with a small secret wink.

“Merry Christmas, everyone!” Jess said. We were all quiet for a few seconds, savoring this special moment, the first Christmas with our Finish Line family.

And then suddenly there was a roar of applause outside the door. We looked out the window but couldn’t see that anything was happening. From our perspective inside the store, everything looked just the same. But everyone now seemed to be looking down the street in the same direction. People were digging cell phones out of their purses and pockets, getting ready, it seemed, to take photos of this event.

Whatever it was.

“Shall we go out and get a look at Santa in person?” I asked my crew.

“I’ll grab some cookies for the reindeer,” Jess said.

So we hurried into our coats and polar bear caps, locked the front door, and dashed out to join the crowd. It was growing dark and you could see halos of snow in the glow of the street lights.

“I believe!” Ally said. “Honest, Santa, I believe!” With the snow falling on her cheeks, she looked like a child. I felt a tug at my heartstrings when I saw Dan put his arm around her waist and saw her lean toward him.

And just at that moment, through the darkness, the shape of a large vehicle rolling down the street came into view. I heard the teenage girl standing next to me tell her friend that she had just gotten the tweets, but didn’t know whether to believe them or not, what with all the rumors that had been going around. Then the friend said she’d heard there might be a permanent deal with the casino in the works so maybe they’d be able to see him more often. The girls hugged each other in anticipation.

And then my heart almost stopped beating as I saw that the snow-covered vehicle pulling up in front of The Finish Line was a bus. And not just any bus—Levi McCrory’s tour bus. The girls had been talking about Levi. Maybe planning to stay in Connecticut?

The top of the bus was open, like the top level of one of those British double-decker buses. And there was a roar from the crowd as Levi, guitar in hand, appeared there, smiling and waving. Snow was falling gently on his jet-black Stetson and on the soft, grey suede of his jacket. To the complete delight of the crowd, he put his hand up to the brim of his hat as if in greeting, but then yanked the hat off and sent it sailing down to the fans, where it was caught by a young man who immediately put it onto his own head. With all eyes on him, Levi pretended to be struggling to get something out of his jacket pocket, and then bent over and pulled on a red and white Santa cap. A cheer went up. It seemed Santa had arrived after all.

And then, Levi struck a chord on his guitar. He riffed for a while as the crowd grew quiet, then started talking about how he had the perfect thing to get everybody warmed up on a cold, snowy evening: a country line dance. You could see people getting into makeshift lines, some linking elbows. The sidewalk was a little slushy, but no one seemed to care. They were on a Christmas Eve high, part of a magical surprise mini-concert that Levi had tweeted about to his followers.

I had been telling myself that I would probably never see Levi again, at least never in person. But here he was. My heart was pounding so hard I could hardly hear him sing. Why was he here? Could I dare to hope what every fiber in my body was hoping?

I caught a line as he sang,

“When it’s right, you just know it! You can feel it in your heart and in your hands.”

My heart was crying out that yes! I had felt it. When Levi kissed me, held me, touched me with his gentle hands, even when he just looked at me. I had felt it with my whole body.

People were dancing in the streets and on the sidewalk. I saw some drivers simply leave their cars and join in the dancing since there was no way they could get through the crowd on this street anyway.

And now I heard, “This is right, and I know it. I can feel it in my heart and in my soul.”