The Price of Desire (12 page)

The following morning Caroline sat at the breakfast table with her family, her stomach full of ham and eggs and muffins, and a steaming cup of coffee cradled in her bandaged hands. Dominic had already left for his office in the City, for which she was grateful. Telling her siblings of her decision was better done in private.

Sipping on the scalding hot coffee to give her courage, she announced baldly, “I have agreed to become Mr. Savage’s mistress. In return he will support us all.”

“You knew him before, then?” Emily asked. “I confess I have been wondering why he chose to rescue us—and what he wanted from us in return.”

“I had met him once, briefly, on the same night the Captain broke his engagement to me. I had not thought his interest in me was anything more than a passing whim.” She gave a wry smile. “I still don’t know whether it is anything more than that. But he is at least willing to pay handsomely to satisfy his whims.”

There was silence for a moment and then Emily set down her knife and fork and looked guiltily into her face. “Thank you, Caroline.” Her ears were pink and Caroline could read the shame in her eyes. “I, for one, do not have the selflessness to turn down the sacrifice you are making for all our sakes. All of us owe you more than we can ever repay.”

Caroline’s heart hurt. She did not deserve their thanks. “You don’t know what you are saying. I am no longer a respectable woman. I have sold my body for money, the same as any poor wretch on the streets. I am a gay girl, a whore.”

“Caroline, you should not say such words,” Teddy broke in, scandalized. “Nurse would wash your mouth out with soap if she heard you.”

Caroline shrugged. “You see what I mean? You will all be tainted by association with me. You girls will never make good marriages.”

“You think some man would take us to wife from the workhouse?” Emily asked with a sniff. “You have not spoiled our marriage prospects any worse than they were already. If it had not been for Mr. Savage, we would all have died in the workhouse. I would have made the same bargain as you, if Mr. Savage had offered it to me.”

“All of you, Teddy most of all, will have to suffer taunts about the way of life I have chosen. Taunts that you will not be able to refute, because they will all be true.”

“If anyone says bad things about you and Mr. Savage, I will punch them in the nose,” Dorothea put in. “That will teach them better manners. Mr. Savage gave us all apple pie.”

Caroline bit back a smile. “Ladies do not talk about punching people in the nose. And they certainly do not ever hit anyone, no matter how badly they are provoked.”

Dorothea pouted. “Then I will not be a lady. I will be a boy like Teddy and then I can punch anyone I like.”

“Life will not be easy for you with me as your sister.” Caroline took a deep breath to give herself the courage to propose what she knew would be best for them to accept. “I have been thinking that maybe it would be for the best if you were to publicly disown me and distance yourself from me. I would still support you, of course,” she added hastily, “but you would be free to make your own way in society without me as a millstone around your necks. My name could be rightfully forgotten.”

There was a general gasp of denial. Louisa was the first to speak. “You have rescued us from hell on earth, Caroline. We would all have done the same if we could. I would never turn my back on you, not even for show. Not even if it meant I could marry the Crown Prince himself.” Even those few words brought on another fit of coughing that left her gasping for breath.

The others all nodded in agreement.

Their unwavering support brought tears into Caroline’s eyes. It was more than she had hoped for. “Thank you. It means more to me than I can say that you will back me in the life I have chosen.”

“You only do it for us,” Louisa said, her coughing fit having subsided. “We are grateful to you.”

“The life of a kept woman is precarious,” Caroline warned them. “I will not always be able to support you as well as I can now. Mr. Savage will eventually lose interest in me and I will have to find another protector who may not be as rich or as generous as he is. You would be wise to take advantage of his generosity while you can, and prepare yourself to earn your own living. I would not have you face the same choice that I have had to make.”

Emily poured herself another cup of tea. “You are right. It is not well done of us all to rely on you for longer than we must. As for me, I have always fancied being a teacher in a girls’ school. I will look for a place nearby that will take me on for a trial, with a position at the end of it if I prove to be useful.” She sipped her tea thoughtfully. “Maybe Mr. Savage would write me a recommendation if I were to ask him. My French is fairly dreadful, to be sure, but my mathematics is excellent. And I can teach the piano and the harp, too.”

Much as she hated the idea of Emily leaving them to work in a school, Caroline knew that being a teacher would be a good occupation for her. It was an honorable profession and Emily was certainly clever enough to teach a whole class full of young girls. Though she wouldn’t ever be wealthy, such a career would at least keep her away from the poorhouse.

Selfishly, she was only too aware that the sooner her siblings were self-sufficient, the easier it would be for her. If her sisters were all assured of a future, she would not feel constrained by poverty to take on a protector that her soul revolted against. As long as they were all cared for, when Dominic tired of her she could simply retire to the country and into obscurity on the money from her property. Such a life would suit her very well.

Louisa sighed. “Best of all I would like to be a mother and have a whole pile of children of my own, but if I cannot do that, then I will be a teacher, too. A teacher in a nursery school, though, so I can look after the little children. I will not need much training for that, but I will need a good recommendation, I should expect, to find a position.”

Caroline felt for her younger sister. Just like Louisa, she, too, wanted what she would never have—a husband and children of her own. “It is not what we were brought up to expect, I know, but it is better than the workhouse.”

Louisa gave a telling shudder. “Anything is better than that.”

“I should like to be a nurse,” Beatrice said stoutly. “That way I can look after Louisa when she gets ill. I’m sure Mr. Savage will be able to find a doctor who will take me on to train me in what I need to know. I do not want to learn any more French or music or other silly stuff. I would far rather be an apprentice and learn something useful.”

“I will go for a soldier,” Teddy said. “I will wear a red coat and be the bravest soldier in the whole army and bring you home a whole pocketful of medals.”

“Me too,” Dorothea added. “I will be the other bravest soldier in the army.”

“Girls cannot be soldiers, silly,” Teddy scoffed. “Only boys can be.”

Dorothea’s self-confidence was not punctured in the least. “Then I shall be a pirate instead. I shall be the captain of a pirate ship and I shall make all my captives walk the plank. And when I catch you, I shall make you walk the plank, too, so you splash into the water and spoil your red soldier’s coat. Then you will be sorry I couldn’t be a soldier instead.”

Teddy’s face got a mulish look. “I won’t walk the plank.”

“I will have a big sword and I will make you.”

“Will not.”

“Will too.”

“Teddy and Dorothea, please.” Caroline fixed them both with a glare until their squabbling subsided. “There will be plenty of time later on for you to decide what you want to be. In the meantime you will both be sent to school.”

They groaned in unison at the prospect and only recovered their equanimity when Caroline helped them both to their third plate of ham and eggs for the morning.

Dominic worked fast. Anxious to have Caroline to himself as soon as he could, he put his considerable talents to work finding suitable employment for her sisters. With a few sums judiciously paid to smooth his way, Dorothea and Teddy were quickly settled in new schools close by, Emily was found a position as a trainee teacher at an exclusive girls’ school in Hampstead, and Louisa and Beatrice were settled together in the household of a prominent London doctor—Louisa as their nursery governess and Beatrice as the doctor’s assistant nurse.

Louisa and Beatrice were the last to leave. Their bags in one hand, filled with new clothes and all the other little necessities of life, they waved good-bye, climbed into the carriage and were off.

Caroline stood at the front steps, a tear in her eye to see them go, and watched the carriage as it turned the corner and rattled out of sight.

Dominic put one arm around her shoulders to comfort her. Though it was for the best that they leave to make their own lives, he knew she would miss them terribly. “They have not gone far. Just to North London. None of them have gone far. You will be able to have them here to visit every Sunday.”

Swallowing back her tears, she nodded. “This Sunday?”

He leaned over and licked away the tear that rolled down her cheek, not caring who could see him. Now that her family was gone, she belonged entirely to him. How he had been looking forward to commanding all her time and all her attention. Now she could properly fulfill the terms of their bargain without any other cares to interfere with her duties to him. “This Sunday.” His mind was already racing ahead to plan all the ways he could spend the rest of the week with her until then.

With a slight pressure on her shoulders, he led her back into the house.

“You have been good to my family.”

Her gratitude gave him an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of his stomach. He had only been generous to her because he wanted her in his bed, and that was the quickest and most painless way of getting her there that he could think of. Under his tutelage, she would repay him for every penny he had spent on her, and more.

Heat coursed through his veins at the thought that finally she was his and his alone, and ready to be taught all the sensual games that he had learned in India, all the games that pleased and excited him beyond measure. The people of India were famous for their sensuality. They had created the
Kama Sutra,
after all, and he would explore every page of it with a willing and submissive Caroline. Though he’d had to pay for her subjugation to his every whim, still, her willingness was all that he had dreamed of finding.

“There’s little point in having a mistress with a long face,” he said offhandedly. “If you would rather have a few hundred pounds in school fees rather than the same in jewelry, what difference does it make to me?”

“It makes a big difference to me.”

By now he had led her into the parlor and seated her next to him on the sofa. “Then may I suggest you show me your gratitude in a way that I will appreciate.” He’d waited so long to have her all to himself—he didn’t want to waste another minute of the time they had together.

“What would you like me to do?”

“Kissing me would be a good start.”

After a moment’s hesitation she leaned over and pecked him on the cheek. “Thank you.”

Her breath was soft and sweet and the innocent caress went straight to his groin. He shifted uncomfortably. Thank heavens his house was his own again and he could be assured of an undisturbed afternoon. “That wasn’t quite what I meant.”

Her eyes, when they met his gaze, were completely guileless. “What did you want, then?”

“I want you to take off your clothes, Caroline.”

Her face paled and her whole body went as still as a statue. “Here? Now?”

“You have agreed to be my mistress, haven’t you?” he inquired silkily.

She nodded. “I have.”

“And you have also agreed to be my willing mistress, to do exactly as you are bid with cheerful alacrity, to explore the limits of your sensuality with me, haven’t you?”

“I have.”

“Then why the hesitation in complying with such a simple request?”

Still she hesitated. “I had not thought you would want me during the day. In the parlor. When the servants might come in at any moment to stoke the fire.”

“You might have considered that before you agreed to my terms.” Her innocence was working on him like a powerful aphrodisiac. Did she really think a man would only lust after his mistress in the dark of the night, when they were abed together? “It is too late for you to change them now.”

She swallowed and her fingers moved to the buttons on her bodice.

“That’s better,” he said approvingly. “I like to see your cheerful obedience.” He leaned back on the sofa, watching her through hooded eyes as she discarded her clothing, piece by piece.

As each item fell away, she moved more slowly, clearly hoping for an instruction to stop. He did not give her one. The languidness of her movements and her unconscious grace aroused him as much as the increasing amount of bare skin she was showing.

By the time she had stripped to her chemise, she was moving with glacial speed. Instead of taking off her shift, she plopped herself on his knees, straddling his lap, facing him. “Am I naked enough for you yet?”

Her bottom pressed into his groin, making his erection nestle snugly in the juncture of her thighs. He lifted the hem of her chemise to stroke her firm white legs. “Not by a long way.”

“You want me to take off my shift as well? To have me naked on your lap?” Her voice was breathy and she arched her back, making her breasts sway tantalizingly under his nose.

His tongue snaked out to wet his lips. “I want you naked. Take off your shift.”

“Don’t you want to do it for me?”

“No. I want to watch you.”

“Then, as you are my lord and master, I suppose I will have to oblige you.” She wriggled about on his lap far more than she needed to free the hem of her chemise and then drew it up her thighs a little way. “The fire is too far away. I will be cold with no shift on.”

“I will warm you.”

“You promise?”

“I promise.”

She wriggled her shift up a little higher, displaying the merest glimpse of her nest of curls. The sight made his mouth grow dry. Though he’d had her in his bed every night since she moved into his town house, this was the first time he had seen her naked in the daylight. The bright sunshine displayed her better than any dim gaslight or firelight ever did. He could gaze on her for hours at a time and never tire of the sight of her naked beauty.