When they finally broke apart, Jay breathed, “God, I missed you so much I thought I would lose my mind.”
“Mmm, I know the feeling.” Kate ran her hands up and down her lover’s mostly bare back. “Have I told you how fabulously sexy you look tonight?”
Jay laughed. “Once or twice, but that’s okay, I don’t mind hearing it again.”
“You look amazingly sexy tonight, Ms. Parker, and you made it incredibly difficult for me to concentrate on what I was supposed to be doing. All I could think about was how much I wanted to have my arms around you, and how quickly I could make it to your table if anyone tried to make a move on you.”
“As if—” Jay began, but was stopped by the look in Kate’s eyes.
“Jamison, there wasn’t a guy within fifty feet of you who didn’t have his tongue hanging down to his shoelaces; not that I blame them, I felt the same way.”
“Sweetheart, you’ve got nothing to worry about. This body and this heart belong only to you; I think they probably always have, and I know they always will.”
“Mmm. I like the sound of that.” Kate locked eyes with her lover.
“Jay, about our conversation today...”
“Oh, Kate, I’m so sorry I was such an idiot, I feel terrible about that. I shouldn’t have pushed you and I shouldn’t have doubted you. When I first saw you up there on stage, I just wanted to run up there, fall at your feet, apologize, and beg forgiveness.”
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“Well, that would have been quite a show.” Her lover gave a small smile. “I know that this is going to take some time for you to get used to, and I know that you’ve had reason in the past to expect the worst of people, but I promise you with all my heart, Jay, that you can trust me, and that I will never knowingly hurt you.”
Tears sprang to the emerald eyes. “I know that, love, or at least a big part of me does. It really isn’t even about you; it’s just this little internal voice that says that I don’t deserve happiness, and I don’t deserve to be loved, especially not by someone as perfect as you. It’s an expectation, I guess, that something will happen to take you away from me. I know it’s not rational, and I try to fight the feeling, but sometimes I don’t win,” she finished dejectedly.
“Hey,” Kate said, lifting her chin so that their eyes met again. “We’ll get through this together, okay? Like I said, I know it’s going to take time, and, I hope, we’ll have all the time in the world, right?”
“You don’t want to walk away because I’m an insecure fool?”
Kate pulled Jay close, kissing her forehead and then her temple.
“Sweetheart, I don’t want to walk away for any reason, let alone a false one. I love you, Jamison Parker, and nothing and no one is going to change that. You’re stuck with me for good, okay? How about if we agree that when this kind of stuff comes up we’ll talk through it together until there are no doubts, huh?”
“That sounds great,” Jay agreed, awed and humbled once again by the depth of Kate’s understanding and compassion, and her ability to see Jay’s invisible scars and help her to heal them.
“Now, if you don’t mind,” Kate said with a gleam in her eye, “I’d like to take a very beautiful woman to bed. I’ve been burning the candle at both ends for weeks now, and I’m just about at the end of my rope.
Getting up to rehearse for the show every morning before dawn and working until midnight rots.”
Realization dawned on Jay. “That’s where you were Thursday morning when I was so worried? You were off singing your heart out?”
“No, actually my heart was at home pacing in my kitchen, as I recall,” she grinned. “But yes, I was off practicing with the rest of the cast before I went to get my stitches out, just like I had been every morning for three weeks.” She paused. “Oh, Jay, when you told me you were coming to the show, I just wanted it to be a wonderful surprise for you. I didn’t mean for my evasions to make you worry. I’m so sorry, I should have just told you.”
“No, it was a great surprise; fantastic really. It’s not your fault that my imagination tends to work overtime.”
“Well, how about if we redirect that energy and put your imagination to great use right now?” Kate waggled her eyebrows suggestively.
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“Lead on, woman.”
And with that, the two lovers retired to the bedroom and a night of blissful togetherness.
Kate sighed contentedly, running her fingers lightly over Jay’s bare back. They had made love well into the night, first with the urgency of new passion, and then again more deliberately as each woman strived to express with her body that which her heart was feeling. She had never known such happiness. For the first time in her life, her heart and soul felt full and the future looked bright.
The future—she had never given it much thought. She had always chosen to live one day at a time, tackling whatever challenges life presented her as they had arisen. But the day and a half that she had spent without Jay by her side had made her pensive. She was miserable on her own, wondering how the writer was progressing with her story, what she was thinking, and whether or not she was missing Kate as much as Kate was missing her.
For five years, her career had been her only focus, the only driving force in Kate’s life. Not anymore, she realized with a start. Without giving it a second thought, she knew that this relationship had become the most important thing and she would put it above anything else.
“What are you thinking about, love?”
“I’m sorry.” She smiled affectionately at the blonde limpet attached to her. “I didn’t mean to wake you. Why don’t you go back to sleep.”
“Hmm. I’m not sure if that was a deliberate evasion or not, but I do know, even in my weakened state, that you didn’t answer the question.”
“What weakened state is that?”
“Well, someone, whose name shall remain anonymous but whose initials are Katherine Ann Kyle, managed to turn me into a bowl of Jell-o last night and I haven’t fully recovered yet.”
Kate chuckled. “In that case, we’re even, so there’s no advantage there. Good morning, by the way,” she said as she bent her neck to meet her lover’s lips as the younger woman’s chin rested on her collarbone.
“Mmm, good morning, but it’s not working, Stretch. Out with it. I know that little brain of yours is chewing on something, and I want to know what it is before I have to torture it out of you.”
“Ooh. That could be fun.” At her partner’s raised eyebrow, Kate relented. “I was just thinking about the future, that’s all.”
“Well, that’s kind of a broad topic. Could you be a little more specific, perhaps?”
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didn’t want to scare her away, and she didn’t want to pressure her before she was ready.
This is all happening so quickly!
In less time than it took her to shop for running sneakers she had gone from complete self-reliance and independence to not wanting to spend a single night without the amazing woman who had captured her heart so effortlessly. She had never felt that way before. With Jen, all she had wanted was to maintain her own space and to keep it light, seeing the EMT when it suited her. Now she couldn’t imagine a day without Jay in it. Did the writer feel the same way?
Kate suddenly was afraid of the answer. What if she didn’t? Even though Jay had made it clear that she wanted to be with Kate, what if she didn’t mean that kind of total commitment? She had a life of her own, with a successful career and dreams for the future; what if there wasn’t room in her plans for a life lived together? What if she only wanted to be with Kate every once in a while when it was convenient? Did the 150
miles that separated their lives matter to her?
“Hello, Earth to Kate,” Jay said as she tapped on her lover’s chest with her forefinger. “Honey, your heart is beating a million miles a minute and you look as if your best friend just died. Please, tell me what’s going on.”
Anxious blue eyes met concerned green ones and still, the older woman didn’t know what to say. “Um, Jay, how did you sleep Friday night?”
“How did I...fitfully. Why?”
“Well, I didn’t sleep much, either.”
When no more words were forthcoming, Jay said, “And that’s why your heart is beating out of your chest now?”
“I slept poorly because you weren’t here with me and I missed you,”
Kate blurted out in a rush.
“I missed you, too, sweetheart.” Jay seemed a bit at sea about the direction of the conversation.
God, this was so hard! Why was she thinking about this right now, anyway? She couldn’t do this yet; she wasn’t ready. After all, they’d only spent two full nights together, right?
Who was she kidding; she already knew that she wanted to make a life with Jay, to live together facing the future as one. That fact alone was enough to scare the living daylights out of her, but what if her lover didn’t share the same vision, didn’t want the same thing? Could she live with that? Was it too soon to ask her?
Jay could see the panic in Kate’s expression, but she couldn’t fathom what was causing it, which made her worry. What should she do? Should she keep pushing her lover to talk about it, or back off? She was afraid if 160
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she pushed her too hard she might bolt like a skittish colt. Hmm. A skittish colt...
“It’s okay, love. Whatever it is can wait, I mean, geez, we haven’t even had our morning coffee yet, right? We’ve got time, and I’m a
very
patient woman.” She grinned evilly.
“Oh you think so, do you? I wouldn’t call the way you were last night patient, Princess.”
“Well, that was different, I was going through withdrawal at the time.
That didn’t count.”
“I see.” Kate was relieved at the banter; she felt much more at ease.
Jay nodded to herself; she could tell that she had made the right decision because her lover’s heart had returned to its normal rhythm. She adjusted her position and kissed Kate passionately.
“I thought you said you were Jell-o.”
“I was, but I’m young, I bounce back quickly,” this last Jay said as she began exploring the body below her with single-minded intent. Yep, the conversation could wait.
All talk ceased, as neither woman was capable of coherent thought for the next little while.
“What would you like to do today, love?” Kate asked, coming up behind Jay and putting her arms around her. It was just before noon; they were finally dressed, showered and standing in the kitchen.
Tilting her head back, Jay gazed up into those pools of blue that she never tired of looking at. “Truthfully, I’ve been on the go non-stop for the past few weeks, and I know that you have, too. What do you say we just pick up the Sunday paper, sit in that wonderfully decadent swing on the deck, do the crossword puzzle together, and enjoy the day? Then, if you’re nice to me, I’ll cook you a fabulous dinner and we can watch an old movie on television.”
“Mmm, my idea of a perfect, lazy Sunday afternoon.” Kate squeezed her lover’s waist and nuzzled her neck.
“But first, we’re going shopping.”
“What?”
“Well, Stretch, even I can’t make a feast out of Raisin Bran and American cheese. You need some food in this house.”
The older woman groaned. “I hate to shop.”
“That’s because you haven’t shopped with me.”
“Mmm-hmm,” Kate said dubiously. “I’ll do it, but only if dessert is included with the meal.” She gave her lover a lecherous look.
“I’ll think about it,” Jay smirked as she slipped out of her lover’s grasp and bent down to scratch Fred behind the ears.
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Two hours later they were comfortably ensconced in the two-person hammock swing on the second tier of the deck. Kate was semi-reclining with her back and head resting on a pillow, her legs stretched out the length of the swing; Jay was lying between her legs, using her as a backrest. The younger woman held the
New York Times
Sunday crossword puzzle in one hand and a pen in the other, her lover leaning her chin on her shoulder as they studied the puzzle together.
“Tell me again why we’re doing this in ink instead of using the more widely accepted and cautious pencil?”
“Because, Stretch, it shows that we have confidence in our answers.
Only wusses use a pencil. But if you don’t think you’re up to playing with the big boys...” The blonde tresses were ruffled by a loud exhale.
“Just as I thought,” Jay nodded. “We need a ten-letter word for ‘strong in battle or possessing powerful weapons.’ Any ideas?”
Kate looked at 22 Down, where the writer was pointing. “Yep.”
“Care to share?”
“Armipotent.”
“You’re making it up.”
“Am not, go look it up.”
“Hmmph. I’ll trust you, and besides, it works with the other answers.”
“Of course it does.”
Jay turned her head a little so she could look at her lover. “How did you know that?”
Kate shrugged. “Dunno, just did.”
“You’re so smart.” Impulsively Jay lifted herself up a bit and kissed her lover on the mouth.
“Nope, just full of useless trivia.” The blue eyes smiled down affectionately at her.
They worked on the puzzle for another hour or so, managing to fill in most of the answers. Jay yawned and stretched.
“I saw that, young lady. That’s about the tenth time in the last five minutes that you’ve yawned. Ready for a nap, perhaps?”
“Only if I can take it right here, lying in your arms.”
“I think that can be arranged.” Scooting down further so that they were lying more prone, Kate used her leg to start the swing rocking gently. Her companion turned so that she was lying on top of her, and the two of them promptly fell asleep.
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It was several hours later when they awakened, the sun just beginning its descent in the western sky. It had cooled down quite a bit and Jay shivered involuntarily.
“Cold, love?”
“Just a little.”
“Wait here.” Kate disentangled herself and disappeared into the house, returning several moments later with a quilt, which she laid over them after re-positioning herself. “Is that better?”