The Private Affairs Of Lady Jane Fielding (10 page)

‘You…enjoyed it,’ he accused.

To this initial accusation, I did not know how to respond. I hesitated, willing my cheeks to cool and my head to remain level. ‘Did you wish me not to?’ I said finally, and loathed how cruel my words sounded. ‘Did you say I must accept your cousin betwixt my legs in sufferance and pain only?’ I did not allow him time to interject. ‘How could my suffering possibly be preferable to you, to I, or indeed Matthew?’

I heard Jacob rasp his hand against his jaw in consternation. ‘Janie, no. Of course not. I would never have him wound or hurt you, I merely wished you had not found it so…gratifying.’

I blushed anew, as what verbal parry had I to that? None. If he had indeed heard the sounds of my intercourse with Matthew, there could be no denying the fact I had reached gratification in the act.

‘I waited for you to come afterward,’ I said. ‘I wished to speak with you about it, yet you left me alone.’

Jacob growled beneath his breath. ‘I stayed away, lest Matthew wished to return again to you.’

‘If you had spoken to me about this, or indeed to Matthew, you would have been satisfied in the knowledge that he would not return to me. Once the carnal act was complete, he promptly left. I very much suspect he will not come to me again until such time you broach the subject with him.’

Jacob looked at me, his eyes perversely still wounded.

I felt myself softening towards him. ‘Ask me what you wish to know, and I will tell you. There is no need for you to feel that things are hidden, or that I have taken greater pleasure in another man than I have in you.’ My face heated.

Jacob reached across the table and caught my hand in his. It was a possessive gesture that left me winded, then he brought my hand to his lips and kissed it.

‘Janie, I love you.’

‘I love you more,’ I replied, glad that the awkwardness seemed to have passed. ‘Ask me what you will, I shall hold nothing back.’

‘Were you unclothed?’ he asked, his voice so soft I could scarce hear him speak.

‘No, I wore my nightdress, and he was fully garbed.’

This seemed to give Jacob a modicum of satisfaction. ‘Did he…touch you over much?’

‘No, he was most decorous and considerate of my sensibilities. Our bodies touched only in those places where it was most required.’

Jacob’s eyes darkened.

‘Was he gentle?’

I swallowed, and my throat seemed to contract. He knew the answer to this one, did he not? He knew that the head of the bed had battered the wall as Matthew had plundered my sex. Even in my heightened state I’d noticed the ruckus.

‘Gentle is not a word that comes easily when discussing this subject,’ I said.

‘Was he unduly rough?’

I remembered the deep sensation of Matthew’s phallus betwixt my thighs, the strength behind his motions, the primal sounds of his rut.

My quim began to seep.

‘Not unduly.’ My voice was a mere whisper.

Whether Jacob could sense my desire, or such discussion had aroused his own passions, I knew not. His next words, however, were inflamed and guttural with ardour. ‘Come here, wife.’

I stood and stepped beside him. Here he captured me, pulling me to him. He smelled delectable. His signature scent from Floris in London offered hints of nutmeg and spice, reminding me of the early days in our courtship. Did he wear the scent today on purpose? To remind me of all we had shared?

With a deep sigh, he rested his head against the mound of bust and nuzzled there. I could feel the heat of his breath through the thin muslin of my morning gown.

Then he pulled me down towards him, and I landed with a gasp upon his lap.

There I felt the hard ridge of his arousal. He ground it into me, as if to demonstrate its potency. My breath quickened.

‘Jacob,’ I said, and kissed him.

He groaned against me, grinding his hardness into the soft flesh of my buttocks.

‘Excuse me.’ Matthew’s soft and proper voice interrupted our impassioned interlude.

Jacob’s hands stilled at my waist before he pulled away abruptly.

‘I did not want to intrude, but it appears that your brother has made an unexpected appearance. Bolton is taking his luggage to the guest rooms.’

I felt Jacob’s heart speed beneath the firm planes of his jacket.

We turned to face the speaker.

‘Thank you, Matthew,’ Jacob said, and lifted me to the floor.

I glanced at my husband’s cousin, my cheeks flushed with shame and ardour.

‘Forgive my intrusion, Lady Fielding,’ he said stiffly, and offered a curt bow.

Did he look at me askance? I felt certain he looked at me with…reproach. The use of my title offered confirmation to my concern.

‘Matthew, wait,’ Jacob called as he turned to move. ‘I must apologise.’

Matthew’s deep eyes alighted upon my husband, his face a smooth mask, but he did not otherwise respond.

‘I am jealous,’ Jacob said. ‘I know this is a situation of my own design, but I am finding it damnably difficult to accept.’

I touched his shoulder to offer my support.

‘I realise this,’ Matthew replied, ‘and am coming to believe that perhaps we should not replicate last evening. Why, all three of us now suffer this tedious awkwardness. Let us forget it…’ He inclined his head, a gesture unfamiliar and distant.

I found myself bewildered. I had the disconcerting notion he was going to leave.

It seemed to me that both Jacob and I were holding our breath.

After a moment, Matthew continued. ‘I shall ready a carriage to return me to Mansbury Terrace tomorrow.’ He displayed a level of reserve that I found confronting, but his manner was gentle enough. ‘I am sorry.’

He turned to leave.

‘Matthew, wait.’ It was Jacob, his tone pained. ‘You must not.’

‘Must not what?’ a voice interrupted, a voice all were loath to hear. ‘Devil take you, Jacob, what wickedness are you up to?’

Chapter 10

Arthur strode into the room, and verily the air did freeze. Finely-dressed as ever, his coat strained over the roundness of his shoulders. I observed him with acute dispassion, his face over-ruddy and almost bloated as if he’d partaken of too much rich food and wine — which he most certainly had.

‘A private matter, brother,’ Jacob replied smoothly, standing and striding towards him. ‘To what pleasure do we owe this visit?’

As my husband greeted his reprobate brother, I stole a glance at Matthew.

I knew the two had not seen one another for quite some time, and it was clear that their reunion was not to be a pleasant one.

‘Cousin Matthew, I heard you’d happened upon Fielding. What are you doing here?’ Arthur asked.

Matthew did not hesitate. ‘My reasons are not your concern, especially when you question me with such a noted lack of finesse. Excuse me, gentlemen, Lady Fielding, I wish to pack and return home posthaste.’

Arthur scoffed, ‘You are old beyond your years, cousin. It’s a wonder our lovely Lady Fielding hasn’t been withered by the tedium of your conversation.’

Matthew’s stance straightened, and his expression darkened.

Arthur continued blithely. ‘Indeed, if I may say, Lady Fielding you are positively glowing.’

I thought perhaps that I could see the faint hint of colour rise on Matthew’s countenance, but in the morning sun of the dining room I could not be certain.

‘Arthur,’ Jacob interrupted, ‘is there any reason behind this unexpected visit?’

Arthur smiled. ‘No, I come merely to ascertain if…’ He stopped and leered at me. I could see both other gentlemen move towards me, as if guarding me.

‘Well, well,’ Arthur said, and offered a sly glance to the men. ‘Is my fair lady sister in such a delicate condition that she needs two gallant knights to ride to her rescue? Am I such a threat?’ he laughed.

I could no more stay in Arthur’s odious presence than I could admit my utter dismay at Matthew’s decision to leave. I needed time to consider the rapidly changing circumstances.

‘Gentlemen, please, I find I am feeling quite unwell, if you would be so kind as to excuse me,’ I interrupted any further discussion. I knew without doubt that the conversation would likely continue in my absence, and that was perfectly acceptable.

‘Do not leave on my account,’ Arthur said, smiling.

‘I shall not,’ I replied and swept from the room.

Swiftly I retired to my rooms, to temper my thoughts. To while away the time and lessen my nerves, I wrote, a most pleasant occupation when one’s mind is as fractious as mine.

It seemed as though I stayed an over-long time in my rooms, as after a while I began to feel somewhat hungry, having had my breakfast cut so rudely short. Esther came to dress me in my afternoon dress, a high-necked, pretty pale cream muslin with green floral designs upon it. As I looked at my dress in the looking glass, the sweet green sprigs of embroidery reminded me of one of the herbs in the kitchen garden. A terrible thought struck me.

‘Esther,’ I asked, after yet another moment of consideration. ‘Where is Mary Anne?’ In truth I had not thought of the silly chit, until that moment.

‘Mary Anne? In the kitchens I’d gather, Milady.’

I remembered then most clearly Mary Anne’s protestations of love towards Arthur. ‘Is she aware that my husband’s brother is in Fielding?’ I asked quickly.

Esther hesitated whilst doing my hair. ‘I don’t know, Milady.’

‘Leave my hair for now. Would you visit upon the kitchens and ascertain whether Mary Anne is cognisant of…my husband’s brother’s attendance? The last thing we need in this house is a scandal. We were fortunate last time, this time we may not be.’

Without hesitation, my loyal maid bobbed. ‘Yes, certainly, Milady.’

I stayed in my rooms a little longer, feeling much like a prisoner. Though, the lock keeping me in happened to be my own loathing of my brother-in-law.

There was at that moment a light knock on my door.

‘Yes?’

‘Janie? May I enter?’

I hurried to open the door. ‘Of course.’ I laughed, albeit with little enthusiasm. ‘You need not ask.’

Without a word, Jacob captured me in his arms, pulling me to him and kissing me with a furious passion.

When he released me, I was weak. ‘What has happened?’

‘Though I would very much like to while the hours away in your bed, I fear my ill-timed attack on Matthew’s late fashions has had a most detrimental effect. You must go to him, and convince him to stay. For I cannot, he neither wishes to hear my excuses or accept them. I have been a fool to treat him thus.’

‘Indeed.’

‘Yet, we must not lose him, for I have spoken in depth with Arthur and he is more insistent than ever that I name him heir.’

‘Did you not falsely suggest that I have miscarried a babe or two, as we discussed, to garner more time?’ I asked, unable to disguise my dismay.

Jacob looked weary. ‘I did, and Arthur offered his most insincere condolences. Alas, he has seen these fictitious miscarriages as more reason to name him heir.’

I sighed, heavily, although it was not unexpected.

‘You must go to Matthew and convince him to stay,’ Jacob repeated. ‘There is no other option.’

‘It is your apology he needs, not mine. It is you who must ask him to stay,’ I replied.

‘Do you think I have not tried? I went to Matthew’s rooms to apologise once more, but to no avail. He will not hear it. He merely lamented the loss of our purity in our friendship. He believes that in bedding you, he has irrevocably lost my good opinion. My jealousy was damn poorly timed.’

‘It was,’ I agreed. ‘But did you attempt to explain your jealousy? Surely a man as fine as Matthew could understand the discomfort and difficulty you face?’

Jacob groaned, and ran a warm hand down the length of my throat. I felt my breasts tighten and loins moisten at the gentle caress.

This wicked circumstance was turning me loose.

‘It was a cruel thing for me to say, and a slight that a proud man such as Matthew will find difficult to forgive.’

‘I suppose so.’

‘Would you consider taking Matthew to bed again? To sire an heir?’ Jacob asked softly, kissing me once more.

My answer was immediate. ‘Yes.’

Jacob stilled. ‘Do you love him?’

I laughed. ‘I consider Matthew very highly, Jacob. I would never have accepted him into my bed if not. I do not love him as I do you, never fear.’

Jacob appeared somewhat eased by this confession. ‘Will you speak to him?’

‘Ask him to bed me again?’ I clarified, though it was unnecessary.

Jacob closed his eyes a moment before responding. ‘Yes.’

‘If you will it, Jacob.’

‘If it requires seducing him to make him stay, would you do it?’

‘If it is your will, Jacob, of course.’ If I am truthful the thought of seducing Matthew was an exciting and thrilling thought, though I did not wish to allow Jacob to know this sentiment, just yet — as I so recently had discovered it myself and in truth thought rather poorly of myself for having it at all.

‘Damn you, Janie!’ Jacob’s expression tightened. ‘It is not a matter of
me
willing it. I want you…’ He seemed unable to complete the sentence, yet after a time he continued. ‘I know you found pleasure in the act with him, the sounds alone confirmed it last night. So I do not appreciate the insinuation that I am forcing you to submit to my cousin against your will. Do you think I am such a beast?
Am I such a terrible beast?
’

My beloved’s tone was aggrieved, but guilt assuaged my indignation.

I waited for a moment to create some appropriate response and failed.

Eventually, I decided upon frank honesty. ‘No, perhaps I am the beast. I confess I should be well pleased to have Matthew in my bed again, sinful though it most certainly is. I am sorry if I have made you unduly uncomfortable, and made you think that I do this under sufferance only. I shall tell you now, I do not. Once, I thought I had been given the short straw in the arrangement, but I have begun to think this is not so.’

I heard Jacob’s sharp inhalation. In the strained muscles of his neck, I could see him war with his own sense of jealousy – that which my words had undoubtedly ignited.