The Proviso (86 page)

She flushed a little. This was the Knox who’d
defended her, given her her name and her first kiss, sent her to
Giselle’s for pampering and coddling, done those . . .
indescribably magical things to her out in the grass.

He was also the one who’d forced her to stay in the
prosecutor’s office and marry him at gunpoint. Force. It was a word
she used often in reference to Knox.

“You knew I was a virgin,” she said low, pretty sure
Sebastian couldn’t hear over the distance and the running water.
“The whole
world
takes one look at me and knows I’m—was—a
virgin, but I certainly never expected it to hurt. My mother— She
didn’t want me to get mixed up with boys until after I’d done
something grand. So I didn’t. It didn’t matter anyway. I never had
any time to learn anything about it first hand, never had anybody
to talk to or ask. I never had a boyfriend, I never went to a prom.
I never participated in any of the university activities and never
dated.

“I had work to do and books to study and articles to
write and blogs to keep up with.” Justice didn’t attempt to hide
the bitterness in her voice because she
deeply
resented that
he didn’t know who she was. “I didn’t have time to read for
pleasure and certainly never had time to think about what other
girls think about. Last week, at Giselle’s—thank you, by the
way—was the first vacation I’ve ever had and I got to read what I
wanted to read and that was the nicest thing about the whole
week.”

She drew a deep breath and decided to lay it all out
for him. It wouldn’t make any difference anyway; she couldn’t be
more humiliated.

“You come at me and do things to me I don’t have any
experience with. Yes, I’m almost twenty-five and yes, it’s pathetic
that I’m like this, but I can’t help it. You’re so much older than
I am and I’m scared. I’m scared of you, scared of what you make me
feel, scared of what you’ve made me do, scared to know why you’ve
made me do it, scared of what you’ll do to me or my dad if I don’t
do it. That night at the symphony? That was my first kiss.
Ever.”

His eyes widened a bit and she could see his Adam’s
apple bob when he swallowed. Then he reached across her and touched
her chin, the same way he had done three years ago, and gently
guided her face around to his. He leaned over to her, his wrist
brushing her hip as he put his hand on the floor to brace himself,
and kissed her. Softly. Slowly.

She closed her eyes and sighed, kissed him back the
way he had taught her, because— What else could she do? She hadn’t
forgotten that she had come out here to beg him to let her go, but
she didn’t seem to want to do it right now.

All she wanted right now was this man to keep
kissing her.

“Hello! Does anybody remember I’m still in the room?
Dammit, Knox, you couldn’t have taken your time and slowly seduced
the girl, could you? Oh, but wait. I forgot. That’s not your style.
It just wouldn’t be the same if you didn’t terrify her
first
and then seduce her. You’re a bull in a fucking china shop, as per
usual.”

“Shut up, Sebastian, and mind your own
business.”

“She
is
my business.”

She blinked. And how was she this man’s
business?

“Isn’t it past your bedtime?”

Sebastian ignored that. “Any blind man can see the
girl’s naked as the day she was born. Why couldn’t you have just
done it
her
way instead of dragging her along doing it
your
way? And why couldn’t you have just
told
her up
front and let her decide? That would’ve been the honorable thing to
do.”

“Sebastian,” Knox said slowly. Justice realized his
temper had blown and fortunately this time, not at her. “Shut. Up.
And. Go. Home.”

“Fine,” Sebastian snarled, and stalked around
looking for something until he found his car keys. He walked to the
other door, then turned for a parting shot.

“You’re a piece of work, you know that? You were
so
disgusted at Giselle’s cowardice that she kept Kenard on
ice for almost a year, and it wasn’t a month ago you pounded my
head into the table for being a coward, but now you have way less
room to talk than either of us. You’re so much of a coward you’d
rather sink to the lowest evil than risk being turned down if you
asked for what you wanted with a modicum of decency and sincerity.
Shit, and here I thought what you did to Leah was fucked up, but
she
did
have a choice. So the next time you feel like
getting all self-righteous and indignant, you remember this. This—”
He pointed at Justice. “Makes you no better than Lucifer
himself.”

“You don’t believe in Lucifer,” Knox snarled in
return.

He stared at Knox, his eyebrow cocked. “I do now.
The Lord might forgive you Parley, but this— No.”

With a click, the lights died and Justice couldn’t
see at all. Then headlights pierced the blackness but were gone
when the car—an old battered pickup—drove away.

Justice and Knox sat there on the barn floor in the
dark and the silence. For the first time since she could remember,
she did not mind the silence; in fact, it seemed rather comforting,
like a soft blanket fresh from the dryer on a cold day.

She turned the situation over in her head, looked at
it, took it apart and put it back together again seventeen
different ways. A few incomplete hypotheses later, she realized
that she couldn’t deduce the bigger picture because she didn’t have
enough information or experience or both.

The only thing she could deduce for a certainty was
that she had been handpicked to be Knox’s wife and the mother of
the child he needed, and that
she
—no one else—was crucial to
their situation. She could also conclude that no matter who had
chosen her, she would’ve ended up here one way or another. She’d
just saved everyone the trouble by showing up on Knox’s
doorstep.

“You’re thinking again,” Knox said quietly,
interrupting her thinking, which annoyed her.

“Why did you choose me for this—this
Handmaid’s
Tale
? Why this elaborate farce?”

“There’s a method to my madness, Iustitia.”

“You should’ve just asked me. I would have given you
anything after that day in class when you touched me and defended
me—if you had just asked.”

Knox arose. “No, you wouldn’t have,” he said, his
voice suddenly hard.

Justice gulped. The Knox of the soft kisses and the
Knox who had held her and apologized over and over as she sobbed
her pain into his chest was not the only Knox inside that beautiful
body of his. She must do better to remember that.

But that didn’t stop her from taking Lucifer’s hand
and allowing him to gently help her to her feet. She also didn’t
protest when, as they walked across the lawn back to the house,
that his hand splayed lightly across her back.

At least she could now conclude that he did, in
fact, remember her and that day in class.

* * * * *

All the way home from Knox’s house, Sebastian
thought about his visit with Little Miss Kingmaker, his unwitting
partner in crime.

She’d shocked him, that girl, the most magnificent
redhead he’d ever seen in his life sitting quietly on the barn
floor watching him paint. With her arms wrapped around her knees,
she’d been lost in the hugeness of Knox’s clothes and she looked so
very sad, so very alone and bewildered. And
very
young. She
reminded him of someone, though he couldn’t figure out who.

Obviously the poor girl had been threatened,
probably at gunpoint. She had looked a tad on the roughed-up side,
so he guessed there’d been no wedding night ecstasy.

Sebastian sighed.

He vaguely regretted he hadn’t met that girl before
he’d met Eilis because wouldn’t it be a kick to have a matched set
of the three women in his life? But no, Knox would shoot him if he
even suggested painting her.

Sebastian knew Knox’s taste in women and Miss
McKinley clearly rose head and shoulders above any woman Knox had
ever had in his bed. In fact, he thought absently, if Eilis weren’t
in his heart and soul, filling every corner of his mind, he’d have
taken that girl home, stripped her down, painted her, and then
fucked her himself, mind and body, Knox be damned. She was that
beautiful, that brilliant.

She had large tousled mahogany copper curls that
framed and accentuated her face, then fell to her shoulders. Her
face was pure pixie, the freckles, amazingly, screaming “fuck me!”
and freckles
never
said that. Her skin was as pale and
almost as iridescent as the paint he’d tried to mix with diamonds.
She had amber eyes that she probably classified as hazel, but would
glow gold when she laughed.

Copper and gold. Copper and gold.

That girl was a simmering teapot about to blow. With
rage or passion, he couldn’t tell, but he’d sure like to be witness
to it. She looked like she was about to morph from a timid wee folk
into a sword-wielding virago if Knox pushed her hard enough—and
Knox would definitely do that. He could clearly see this girl had
spirit and was ripe for the training she’d need to take on Fen if
she had to.

On the other hand, Knox had given her no choice, and
what had seemed rather innocuous in theory was, in reality, truly
evil. It went against everything the Dunhams believed and
practiced, and Grandpa Dunham would have kicked all three of their
asses for it. He felt shame rise in him again as he thought about
all the bitching he’d done about his involvement in OKH, constantly
riding Knox to get married.

He was enjoying the hell out of every minute of this
takeover, especially once Giselle had drawn the blueprint and
Kenard had thrown his checkbook and influence in the ring.
Likewise, Oakley had figured out the entire plot the minute Knox
had told him, “We want you to run for Senate” and agreed with a
hearty laugh; then the rising star conservative pundit had been
persuaded (albeit covertly) to give her endorsement to Kevin,
however reluctantly.

When Little Miss Kingmaker had set about lecturing
Sebastian, he’d seen her true colors in a blinding red, white, and
blue fireball. He might have had a good friend and ally in her if
they hadn’t been willing to take her freedom, make her a prisoner,
manipulate her and use her youth and naïveté against her.

Yeah, it’d been easy in the abstract.

He’d pressed Knox to this. All Knox had wanted to do
was wait until after his birthday, go find that beautiful girl—with
too much knowledge and wisdom for all that selfsame youth and
naïveté—hat in hand, and ask her out, woo her, court her, charm her
so that she never, ever had to see who and what the corrupt and
murderous Chouteau County prosecutor was all about.

In a flash of insight, Sebastian understood what
Knox had really wanted with Justice: To feel like the good Mormon
kid he’d been before he’d traded his personality and his
salvation—his
soul
—for the lives of people he didn’t know,
when he’d been looking for a nice LDS girl he could take to the
temple. He could have approximated that feeling with Justice if he
hadn’t been able to use Sebastian’s constant bitching as an excuse
to justify his impatience to have her, to have that with her.

He had borne Sebastian’s mockery for years for being
faithful, for believing what Sebastian considered a senseless
doctrine. He would have thrown Knox a party after his
excommunication if Giselle hadn’t pitched one of her better
fits.

First Fen wouldn’t let him go on a mission like he
wanted, which made him completely untouchable to the single female
population of the church. And now he’s just lost his priesthood,
his membership, and most of his family—the most important facets of
his life—in one fell swoop. You’re damn near an apostate and
everybody in the family still loves you; he’s a true believer and
he’s been disowned. I swear, you can be such a fucking asshole
sometimes.

Sebastian never thought he could feel
more
miserable than he already did.

When Sebastian had stood at the sink cleaning his
knives and Knox’s voice had come out of nowhere, he had looked over
his shoulder to see Knox seated on the floor beside the girl,
snuggled up against her as if to beg forgiveness for whatever he’d
done or hadn’t done. Sebastian had gone back to cleaning but
strained to hear their quiet conversation, then turned again when
they’d stopped speaking to see them making out like teenagers. He
watched them together and sure enough, Knox had lost ten years off
his face, that cruel edge it had acquired during Parley’s
trial.

And her!
She was a woman in love, lost in a
daze of sensuality and seduction, taking anything and everything
Knox had to give her, wanting more.

Sebastian was pulling into his garage when it
crossed his mind that though Justice would have gone to Knox
willingly if he’d told her the truth and asked her, Knox would
never have believed it even if he’d been told straight up, thus, he
hadn’t bothered to try. Then Sebastian’s eyes widened with
devastating epiphany.

So
that
was why Knox did everything the hard
way.
Oh.
Sebastian swallowed. Hard.

Mab.

That was who Justice McKinley reminded him of.

Faery Queen Mab, bringer of dreams.

* * * * *

77: A
PROBLEM WITH HIS POWER

Last night
had
been a dream. It had to have
been because Knox was no different today than he was yesterday. Or
the day before that. Or any day since she’d walked into the
courthouse. The only reason she knew it wasn’t a dream was because
she was very sore and very stiff and she was in his car, going to
work with him.

He hadn’t slept with her. Once in the house, he’d
clipped down the stairs to the basement without a word, leaving her
to journey on to the bedroom alone.