A curve to his mouth, Vaughn leaned back and slung his arm around the back of the sofa. She realized that if she rested her head against the seat, his fingers would brush her hair. It should’ve made no difference to her, but she found herself leaning forward as she began to speak. “I need to learn to stop the visions.”
“Why do you think we can help you?” Sascha asked.
Faith tried to think past her awareness of the changeling beside her. He might’ve decided to act civilized, but that could change at any moment—she had to complete her self-appointed task before he went cat on her. “I don’t. All I know is what I said before—that you won’t turn me in to the Council.”
“How long have you been having the visions?”
“About three months. They’ve been coming on little by little. At first it felt like . . . a heavy weight pressing down on me.” It had crushed her until she’d taken to sleeping in her bed and not the monitored chair. “I began waking up with night sweats, my heartbeat racing so fast I should’ve called the M-Psy, but I didn’t.” Fingers whispered along her hair and she realized she’d somehow leaned backward without being aware of it.
“Sounds like fear to me,” Vaughn said.
“I’m Psy. I don’t feel fear.” Pulling away, she angled her head to face him.
His focus on her was so intense, she felt stripped bare. “Then what would you call it?”
“A physiological reaction to unknown stress factors.”
The slightest hint of a smile played about his lips. “So, what other physiological reactions did you experience?”
She thought he might be laughing at her but had no way of judging the veracity of that conclusion. He was completely unlike any other creature she’d ever come into contact with. “The night sweats deteriorated into what are termed night terrors. I would wake on the verge of screaming, convinced the dark visions had followed me into my waking life.”
When she felt Vaughn’s fingertips threading through her hair once again, she didn’t shift and break the contact. He might be dangerous, but right this second, he seemed to be on her side. And she thought he might be dangerous enough to hold off the visions, unreasonable as that was.
“I don’t know what you see normally. Were these different in more than content?” Sascha rested her head on her mate’s shoulder, lines of concentration creasing her forehead.
Faith nodded. “Usually, my visions are very focused. Even if they don’t start out that way, I can fine-tune them. But these . . . I couldn’t do anything. I would compare it to being in a vehicle with someone else at the wheel.” That had been the most disturbing part. “They were out of my control, but not chaotic.”
Vaughn’s hand slid under her hair to cover her nape. She jerked, but didn’t move away. He was right—she might not be able to beat back the visions, but she could strengthen her capacity to withstand physical stimulation. “But no more,” she said very, very quietly, meeting his gaze.
She was practical enough to realize that she was far from being able to handle everything. For all she knew, her current immunity to the heavy heat of Vaughn’s hand was being fueled by adrenaline. When the inevitable crash came, she could seize worse than she might’ve done if she hadn’t pushed herself.
“We’ll see,” he said as softly, and there was a look in his eyes that she couldn’t decipher. Perhaps it was challenge, something she’d read about in the endless books she’d devoured in the aloneness of her cottage. Her reading speed and voracity meant she had an incredible amount of knowledge on a multitude of subjects. But it was knowledge without context. Especially where humans and changelings were concerned.
Choosing the prudent option, she returned her attention to Sascha. “After a few weeks, the dark visions began to get more detailed. I started to see flashes, images in pieces, parts of a jigsaw.” Another hobby that kept her sane. Or as sane as any F-Psy ever was. “But it was still out of my control because I couldn’t put the pieces together.”
Vaughn’s thumb rubbed against her skin and she turned her head. “Yes?”
“Why did you wait so long to come to us?”
She was caught by the demand in his voice. That, she recognized. People often demanded things from her. “Because until Marine was murdered, I had no way of knowing whether these visions were real. I thought my mind was disintegrating—it’s something that happens to all F-Psy, but generally not until the fifth decade or so of life. I believed my decline was beginning early.”
“I’ve never heard of that,” Sascha whispered.
“That’s not surprising. The PsyClans don’t want to be known as producing defective Psy and by the time we deteriorate, we’ve accumulated enough wealth to ensure discreet medical care during our decline.” She tried not to think about what was coming, tried not to imagine herself being unable to speak in coherent sentences or tell the difference between foresight and reality. But that didn’t mean she was ignorant of the inevitability. It was why certain NightStar telepaths had trained in the specialist area of blocking. When F-Psy crashed for the final time, it was the blockers who kept their madness from leaking out into the PsyNet, providing the shields the fractured F-Psy could no longer maintain.
“I think that’s a load of bullshit.” Vaughn’s hand tightened a fraction, but it felt like a full-body hug to her senses.
The only thing that kept her from an overload reaction was her concentration on his words. “To what are you referring?”
His touch gentled though she’d made no verbal complaint, that stroking thumb coming to a halt. “They had Sascha convinced she was going mad just because she didn’t fit into the mold they’d created for her. Sounds like the same thing.”
Faith looked at Sascha. “He doesn’t understand.”
“What?” Vaughn’s tone was more growl than sound.
It was Sascha who answered. “The F-Psy had one of the highest rates of mental illness even before Silence.”
Lucas’s arms came around his mate in a tight hug. Faith wondered what Lucas had heard that she hadn’t, because from the look on Sascha’s face, it seemed to have been exactly what she’d needed. “But highest doesn’t translate to all, does it, Sascha darling?”
Faith found her eyes following the movement of Lucas’s hand over Sascha’s curls. Until Vaughn’s thumb whispered over her skin again. She stiffened, caught off guard to find that he’d moved closer. But she couldn’t speak, even to tell him to back off. Perhaps she’d exhausted her ability to deal with the amount of new material she was being forced to process.
“Don’t believe everything you’ve been told, Faith.”
It was the first time he’d said her name and he made it sound interesting, as if it were more than a useful tag to call her by, made it sound . . . She didn’t know to describe it, but she knew it was something she’d never before heard.
“The Psy Council is expert at spinning lies to further their own ends.”
She stood without warning and headed for the door, her steps unsteady but determined. “I need to breathe.” Walking out into the night, she grabbed the railing around the porch and took several gulps of cold night air.
It was no surprise to feel Vaughn’s heat beside her a bare second later. He leaned his back against the railing so he could look at her. When he raised a hand, she shook her head. “Please, don’t.”
He paused. “You’re stronger than this.”
“No, I’m not. If I were strong, I would’ve faced those visions instead of running from them and my sister would still be alive.” There, it was out, the truth she’d been hiding from since the moment her father had told her about Marine. “If I were strong, I would’ve understood what it was that I was seeing.” She stared into the darkness of the forest, a darkness that was a gift and not a curse.
“I’ve seen things since I was a child. Benign, useful things. I see when the market’s going to go up or down. I see if a new invention is going to catch on so businesses can invest money at the outset. I see if a start-up venture has the potential to succeed.” Her hands clenched on the wood of the railing and she felt a sense of chaos beating at the back of her mind, a threat from within her own psyche. That was how the madness began—with the inability to control physical reactions. “I don’t see death and blood. I don’t see murder.”
“F-Psy used to.” Vaughn’s voice was a deep purr that rubbed against her insides in a way that was disturbingly intimate. “They used to see disasters and murders, pain and horror.”
She finally looked at him. “No wonder they went mad.”
“Only some of them.”
But these days, all F-Psy eventually faced that fate. She saw what he was trying to say, but couldn’t accept it. Too much. It was far too much. “I need time to assimilate everything.”
She expected him to push her as he’d been pushing her since the instant they’d met. But he nodded. “Go on.” He jerked his head toward the door. “Sascha’s making up a bed for you in one of the rooms.”
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Ask.”
“Sascha and Lucas—how?” She couldn’t fathom how a cardinal Psy could’ve survived the severance of the Net link, much less entered the changeling world.
Vaughn’s face underwent a subtle shift. “Do you see this?” He lifted his right arm and she saw the tattoo on his biceps for the first time. Three jagged slashing lines, they were reminiscent of the markings on Lucas’s face. “I’m a sentinel. My loyalty is to Sascha and Lucas. And you might yet be a threat.”
She wondered why that caused an odd sensation in her chest. “You really would kill me if necessary.”
“Yes.” Those cat eyes seemed to glow in the darkness. “So play nice.”
“I don’t know how to play.” She couldn’t ever remember doing such a thing. “I’ve been working since I could form any kind of understandable sentence.”
CHAPTER 6
Vaughn’s beast scratched
at the walls of his mind, wanting a closer sniff of Faith, as she walked past him and into the cabin. He leashed the cat this time. Faith was hanging on by the thinnest of threads. He had no desire to push her over the edge and snap that thread completely.
Because the truth was, he wasn’t certain he could kill her without hesitation. And that made him wary. Psy weren’t all gentle and empathic like Sascha. Some of them were cold-blooded killers. DarkRiver knew that too well—they’d lost a young female named Kylie to a Psy serial killer less than a year ago and their blood allies, the SnowDancer wolves, had almost lost a female of their own.
Brenna, the SnowDancer who’d been kidnapped and tortured, remained deeply damaged despite everything Sascha and the healers had done to help her. Vaughn could guess why—as one of the hunters who had tracked down and executed the killer, he’d seen the face of the evil that had touched her, knew exactly what kind of atrocities the Psy were capable of committing.
Faith could turn out to be nothing like she seemed. Until they knew for sure, Vaughn had to distrust his reactions around her. While it was true that Psy generally had difficulty manipulating changeling minds, Sascha was proof that nothing was impossible. And notwithstanding the training he’d received from his alpha’s mate, he wasn’t Psy, while Faith was a cardinal.
Following his quarry into the house, he watched her and Sascha meet in the middle of the living room. His hand rose to rub over the tattoo on his arm—his loyalty to DarkRiver stemmed from an act of the most cruel betrayal and was set in stone.
It was the leopards who’d come to his aid at a time when he’d lost everyone and everything that mattered. And it was Lucas who’d extended the hand of friendship that had brought him back from the savage edge of an all-consuming rage. He’d lay his life down for his alpha and until this moment, nothing and no one had ever threatened to shift the intensity of that focus. That Faith was doing so after only a few hours made him more than suspicious of the reality of his response.
Faith fell asleep
seconds after her head hit the pillow, body and mind both worn out. But that didn’t stop the visions. Nothing ever stopped them when they were determined to find her.
Darkness brushed her consciousness. Her heartbeat accelerated. She recognized this darkness. It wasn’t friendly, wasn’t something she wanted to see. But it wanted her to watch. There was a twisted pleasure in it, pleasure she understood because it wasn’t her own but generated by the darkness. During these visions, she was the darkness and if she’d felt fear, that fact would’ve terrified her. But of course she wasn’t scared—she was a product of Silence.
It wasn’t crushing yet, the darkness. It felt . . . satisfied. Its needs had been fulfilled for the time being and it was relishing the bloody rush. But then it showed her a glimpse of the future. A future she could no more not see than she could stop breathing.
Suffocation.
Torture.
Death.
Unable to bear the ugliness, she tried to draw back. It refused to let her. Her heart beat in a dangerous, jagged rhythm. This was impossible, her practical Psy mind tried to point out. But it was drowned out by the primitive core of her psyche. It screamed because it knew that this
was
possible.
Sometimes, visions didn’t let go. Ever. The end result was insanity so deep and true that no more than twisted fragments of the mind remained. Faith clawed at the darkness, but there was nothing to hold on to, nothing to fight her way out of. It was everywhere and nowhere, an enclosing prison she couldn’t break. Her racing heart began to go sluggish as her mind concentrated every ounce of energy on finding a way out. Only to slam up against a blank wall.
Touch intruded, a sensory alarm so shocking that it snapped the twining threads of the vision. She woke with a gasp, her eyes clashing with a pair that were not quite human. A ragged breath later, she became aware of hands holding on to her upper arms.
Skin to skin.
Her tank top was soaked with perspiration and, by rights, she should’ve begun to cascade because of the sensory overload, but she said, “Don’t let go.” Her voice was a rasp. “Don’t let go or I’ll fall back in.”