The Quality of Love (28 page)

‘I don't go every week; only about once a month. He does charge a lot, though,' she admitted reluctantly.

‘I bet he does and I'm afraid Dad is bound to tell you that he's a complete charlatan.'

‘He may be right,' her mother admitted sadly. ‘I certainly don't feel any better; in fact, if the truth be told I seem to feel worse as time goes by.'

‘Then you must go and see the doctor again.'

‘It's pointless doing that, cariad. He's already told me that I've left it too late and there's nothing he can do for me.'

Lloyd was most distressed when he heard about what had been going on. Like Sarah he
was anxious that Lorna should go back to the doctor.

‘You've not been looking well for a long time and I suspected there must be something wrong with you. In fact, I said to Sarah that you look very drawn sometimes. What's more, you've lost weight. I put it down to the fact that you've been economising and not eating as much as you should be.'

‘Well, now you know all there is to know you can stop worrying.'

‘Oh no,' Lloyd told her firmly. ‘You're going back to see the doctor and this time I'm going with you. I want to hear what he has to say with my own ears. You may not have understood him correctly. I'm sure there is some sort of medical treatment you can have.'

‘Oh I heard him correctly,' Lorna assured him.

‘Well, perhaps he thought you couldn't afford to pay for special medicine or whatever it is that is necessary and that is why he didn't hold out any hope.'

Two days later they went to see the doctor together and when they returned home Sarah knew from the look on her father's face that the news had been far more serious than he'd expected.

‘It's not good, not good at all,' he told Sarah when they were on their own.

‘What did the doctor tell you?'

He shook his head. ‘Nothing that was helpful. He said the growth had gone too far when she
first went to see him and that it was still growing and there was nothing he could do for her.'

‘Did you tell him that she'd been seeing a faith healer?'

‘Yes, I did and, like me, he considered the man to be a quack and said he shouldn't be allowed to build up people's hopes like he does.'

‘Or take their money.'

‘Well, yes, there's that as well but you can't blame him if people are gullible, now can you?'

‘I suppose if you are told something is incurable and then you are offered what seems to be a miracle cure you are going to want to try it, no matter what it costs,' Sarah said thoughtfully.

‘That's what he plays on; I wouldn't grudge him the money if there was any hope of a cure but to string folks along like he does is all wrong.'

‘So what happens now? Is there anything at all that we can do?'

‘Absolutely nothing, apparently, so we must do all we can to look after your mother and make things as easy as possible for as long as we can,' Lloyd said gloomily.

Sarah looked shocked. She knew her mother was desperately ill but it sounded so final and the thought of losing her was heart-breaking. They'd all had problems recently but her mother had been their rock and even though
at times she must have felt desperately ill she'd never said a word and her main concern had been supporting them.

‘Is that what the doctor said? I can't believe he told you that in front of her?'

‘She asked him outright how long she'd got so the poor man had no alternative but to tell her the truth. He did it as kindly as he possibly could.'

‘Does she know that you are telling me?'

Lloyd nodded. ‘She thought it might be best if I was the one to tell you because she thought you might be upset and she didn't want you making a fuss. She wants us to treat her as normal and she doesn't want either of us to worry about her.'

‘Maybe not, but things will change. For a start we must cancel the wedding.'

‘You'd better talk to her about that. I think she will probably insist that you go ahead. She says it will give her peace of mind to know you are married and settled.'

‘I think all the worry about getting everything done is going to be too much for her and will make her worse,' Sarah protested. ‘She needs peace and quiet, not all the fuss associated with a wedding.'

Owen understood Sarah's concern when she told him the news and he suggested that if her mother insisted they went ahead then it should be a very quiet wedding with just a meal for the four of them afterwards.

‘Who's going to be best man?' Sarah asked. ‘We'd have to invite him to the meal as well.'

‘I have no family and no really close friends so I thought of asking Bryn Morgan. He knows both of us and he knows your dad. I'm not sure if he would want to stay on afterwards but if he did then that would be no problem, would it?'

When she talked to her mother about it and told her what they were planning Lorna was adamant that things should go ahead as already arranged and wouldn't hear of them cancelling or even cutting back on what they'd planned to do afterwards.

‘I've been looking forward to seeing you married more than anything in the world. It's what's been keeping me going. You two need to concentrate on more important matters, like deciding where you are going to live,' she scolded.

‘That's all very well, Mam, but we don't want you to be stressed out, it won't help you, you know.'

‘Your wedding is less than a month away so nothing is going to happen to me between now and then, is it, so I want the three of you to stop making such a fuss.'

In that Lorna was wrong. A week later she started coughing up blood and when the doctor was called in he instructed her to go into hospital right away.

She struggled feebly against his decision. ‘If
I'm that ill and it means that I'm near the end then I'd rather stay here and die in my own bed,' she protested.

Two days later she was in a coma. The doctor visited twice a day but there was very little he could do for her except administer morphine to help control the pain she was in.

Owen was in complete agreement when Sarah said they must call off the wedding. He also arranged for both Sarah and Lloyd to take time off from work so that they could be with Lorna.

‘Bryn Morgan agrees with me,' he told them when they protested. ‘You can't possibly concentrate on what you should be doing here, so it is far better that you have the time off.'

Lorna died three days later. Lloyd and Sarah were with her at the end; one on each side of the bed holding her hands, devastated to be losing her but thankful that it was very peaceful.

At Easter they found themselves arranging a funeral instead of a wedding. Lloyd was beside himself with grief because he hadn't realised how ill she was. There had been so many times when she'd been quiet and withdrawn and probably in pain but he had been so wrapped up in his own troubles that he had said nothing. Now, he was certain that if she'd gone into hospital earlier they could have done something for her.

Both Sarah and Owen tried to explain to Lloyd that there was as yet no treatment or known cure for the sort of illness she'd been suffering from and that they should all be grateful that her life had ended so peacefully.

Several of the neighbours they were on speaking terms with came to pay their last respects. As they were about to leave the churchyard Sarah felt a hand on her arm and gasped in surprise as she turned and found herself face to face with Gwyn Roberts.

‘What are you doing here?' she asked. It was six years since she'd last seen him and she was shocked to see him there.

‘I spotted your mother's name at the office on a list of bereavements that we receive to alert us about current happenings and I thought it would be an opportunity to see you again. I wish it could have been under better circumstances. I am so sorry for your loss. I know how close you were.'

Sarah nodded. She felt awkward and wished he hadn't intruded at such a time.

‘You remember my dad, of course,' she said hesitantly, remembering how much her father disliked Gwyn.

‘Of course I do.' Gwyn turned and held out a hand to Lloyd. ‘As I have just said to Sarah I am very sorry about your loss; your wife was a wonderful lady.'

Lloyd shook Gwyn's hand and nodded but from the dark look on his face Sarah wasn't too sure that he wanted to remember him.

‘This is Owen, Owen Phillips, my fiancé,' she said, introducing the two men to each other. ‘Owen, this is Gwyn Roberts. I have mentioned him to you.'

The two men shook hands, weighing each other up and saying nothing.

‘Well, I must get back to the office,' Gwyn stated, replacing his black Homburg. ‘Perhaps we could meet sometime; I'd like to have the chance to catch up.'

‘Well, I'm not sure about that,' Sarah said hesitantly, looking at Owen.

‘If you can spare the time, the three of us were going for a meal, perhaps you'd like to join us,' Owen invited.

‘I'm sure Gwyn is far too busy to do that,' Sarah said quickly. ‘Perhaps some other time.'

‘No, I would very much like to join you,' Gwyn affirmed as he fell into step alongside them.

Sarah felt sick with embarrassment. What on earth would they talk about, she thought anxiously. With the mood her father was in at the moment, if he did recall everything that had gone on between her and Gwyn there might well be ructions. It wouldn't be so bad if Owen wasn't there but things she had skimmed over might well be discussed in detail and that could be very disturbing for all of them.

As the meal progressed Sarah began to relax. She quickly discovered that Gwyn hadn't changed all that much. He was still adventurous and kept them all entertained with stories about his trips as a foreign correspondent. It appeared that he'd been to most parts of the world and as she listened to his lively dissertation Sarah couldn't help feeling that Owen seemed very reserved in comparison.

Owen was curious to know why Gwyn was back in Cardiff covering what must be such a very minor occasion.

‘I've come back to take up my new appointment as Assistant Editor on the
Western Mail
,'
Gwyn explained. ‘I happened to see the name Lorna Lewis and recognised the address and, of course, it immediately brought back memories of the past and I thought it would be rather nice to pay my respects.'

‘So does that mean that from now on you will be based in Cardiff?' Owen questioned.

‘For the present. My next step will be an editor's chair. There probably won't be a vacancy where I am for a long time to come so I will have to move somewhere else. It will all be good experience, though, and one day I'll be back again as Editor of the
Western Mail
. That's always been my ambition, hasn't it, Sarah?'

‘Yes, I think you did mention it when we were at university,' Sarah said non-committally. ‘Things have changed since those days,' she added pointedly.

‘Some things never change,' Gwyn countered.

Sarah felt a prickle of fear tingle down her back as he raised his thick eyebrows and stared back at her speculatively. She was aware that Owen was listening and watching the interchange between them and she felt uneasy, wondering what he was thinking.

Sarah found that with the funeral over and both of them returning to work it was difficult to establish a routine that suited her father and herself.

In the past Lloyd had never had to lift a finger around the house when it involved anything
to do with domestic matters because Lorna had taken care of everything.

He was used to being waited on and his meals being on the table when he arrived home from work. He expected his shirts to be washed and ironed ready for when he needed them, and having his buttons sewn on and his socks darned.

He handed over the housekeeping money on a Friday night and everything was taken care of from then on. He never asked how Lorna spent it.

Now, he was expecting Sarah to do the same. On the first Friday when he sat down to his meal he placed the housekeeping money on the table.

‘I think we've got to talk about sharing the responsibility of running the home,' she told him as she pushed it back towards him. ‘Perhaps you should be the one to pay the bills for a start.'

‘You'll be doing the shopping so you'll be the one needing the money,' he pointed out.

‘You are much better placed to do it than I am,' she told him. ‘I don't finish work until six o'clock, whereas you finish at five. The shops are still open then so you can buy what we need on your way home.'

‘Are you asking me to shop for groceries?' Lloyd exclaimed in a startled voice.

‘I'm not only expecting you to shop for them
but I'm also hoping you'll learn to cook them as well. You are home an hour before me so there's nothing to stop you starting the dinner before I come in.'

‘Don't talk rubbish, cariad; I've never cooked a thing in my life. That's been your mother's job.'

‘Yes, but Mam's not here now and I can't do everything. I work just as hard as you do and I'm tired, too, when I get home. As well as the shopping and cooking there's all the housework and the washing and ironing to be done. Either we share the load or we pay someone else to come in and do it for us.'

Neither suggestion appealed to Lloyd. He simply wanted things to go on as they'd always been, but Sarah knew that wasn't possible; there simply weren't enough hours in the day.

She'd worked hard to justify Bryn Morgan's faith in giving her a job in his firm and she still needed to be alert to keep on top of things there.

Instead of being willing to discuss it and trying to find a solution, Lloyd pushed the money back across the table towards her. ‘You do whatever you think best,' he told her. ‘I don't know anything about these sorts of things.'