The Queen of Minor Disasters (25 page)

“No one.” I shrug it off as if
it doesn’t matter.           

           
 Gina sighs and flips through her list. “Can’t you bring someone?”

           
“I’d rather not.” I reach for my second cookie of the morning. Damn these
things are good.

           
“What about Roberto?” my mom interjects.

           
I wrinkle my nose. I want to explode on her, but I know I can’t. Not with
Lorenzo and Lucy’s bug announcement coming her way this morning.

           
“He’s already on the list,” Gina sighs, exasperated. “According to Martha
Stewart only seventy-three percent of your invited guests will actually attend.
That means that to get three 300 people, I need to invite 411. Right now the
list is only at 382.” She looks as though she might cry.

           
“For God’s sake, Gina. Calm down. It’ll be fine. What does Martha Stewart
know anyway?” my mom blurts. She’s not as good with this wedding stuff as I am.

Gina looks as though her head
may pop off. “Martha Stewart is the queen of weddings!”

           
“She’s divorced,” my mom adds the last word the way we DiLucios know how.
Martha Stewart may be the queen of weddings, but she couldn’t hold her marriage
together, so my mother discredits everything she says.

           
I smile and take a sip of my coffee. “We can start inviting customers,” I
say jokingly.

           
“That’s a great idea. Who can we add?” Gina lights up and grabs her pen.

           
“Are you crazy,” my mom says, shooting me a look. “None of our customers
even
know
you. Pietro never
worked a day in the restaurant. And now that we’re closing it will look like
we’re begging for friends.”

           
Gina throws her pen on the pad. “I guess we’ll just have to pay for empty
seats.”

           
Before my mom can start her “I told you so” tirade, I jump in. “What
about the photographer’s dinner? And the wait staff? Their meals can come off
head count.” I know exactly what I’m talking about because I’ve read so many
restaurant management books.

           
Ok, maybe not so many. But I’ve read a few.

           
“Yes!” Gina squeals. She counts the crew who will pull the wedding
together and starts writing their names on the list.

           
“How was last night?” my mom asks, eager to change the subject.

           
“It was good. Where’s Dad?”

           
“He went shopping off-shore. I think he’s at Wal-Mart.”

           
My father is addicted to shopping at low-end chain stores. He likes to
browse through the aisles slowly, looking at all the potential savings. Usually
he only buys small things, like shampoo or crackers, but he’s been known to
make a large dent in the credit card bills. One time he spent a whopping $900
on various household products, replacing our old toaster and microwave with lesser
models, which only lasted a year. Still, he loves a bargain. He could be
shopping for hours. I look at the clock. It’s already 9:30. Lorenzo and Lucy
will be over in one hour.

           
This was
not
in the plan.

           
I eat another cookie. I’ve always been an emotional eater, eating more
when I’m stressed or worried, or even bored. Lucy is just the opposite. She
runs to get her frustrations out, though she’s been feeling too sick to lace up
her sneakers lately. I think of running upstairs to call her, but I don’t move.
I don’t want to look suspicious.

           
Pietro and Dante come downstairs. “Good morning,” they say and walk into
the kitchen for coffee.

           
God, why is everyone up so early?

           
Dante sits at the table and takes a cookie. “So, I just got an email from
the headmaster,” he says looking at me.

What do I care about his
headmaster?

           
“Is everything OK?” my mom asks. Even though my brother has tenure at
Philadelphia’s top private school, she still worries about job security.

           
“Yeah, they actually got notice that one of the English teachers is
leaving. The headmaster asked about Stella.”

           
I can barely swallow my coffee. How does the headmaster even know I was
an English major? “Why did he ask about me?”

           
“He wanted to invite you to apply.”

           
My mother’s eyes light up. “That would be amazing, Stella. You could
teach during the off season!” She’s so excited at the possibility of her
daughter actually using her overpriced college degree.

           
“I don’t know,” I say. “I never even thought about teaching.”

           
“Well start thinking,” Pietro says. “St. Iggy’s is the best school in
Philly. You won’t get an opportunity like this again.”

           
It annoys me when my brothers think they know what’s best.

           
“But maybe I don’t want to teach,” I snap.

           
“Why not?” my mom snaps back. “Siete tutti pazzi.”

           
The last thing I wanted to do was to start my mom on
that
number. Especially when Lorenzo is
coming in with huge news of his own.

But now I’m upset. I hate it
when my family gangs up on me.

“Think of how great it would
be to work with Dante and Lucy,” Gina chips in. Now
she’s
telling me what to do? She’s not even family yet.

           
“Yes, that would be amazing!” my mom adds.

           
“There’s no harm in applying,” Dante says. “You can always say no after
the interview if you don’t want the job.”

           
I know he’s right, yet somehow, I feel that if I did interview and were
to say no, it would look bad for him. “I’ll think about it,” I say, hoping to
end the conversation.

           
“Think about what?” Mario says walking into the kitchen. “What’s everyone
screaming about?”

           
“Your sister is going to be a teacher!” my mom says getting up to get him
coffee.

           
“Teaching what?” Mario asks sarcastically.

           
“English,” I say defensively. Two seconds ago I was unsure and now I’m
defending myself. What’s going on this morning?

           
Lorenzo walks through the door first. “Hey,” he says as we all turn to
look at him. Lucy follows close behind. “We have something to say.”

           
My heart begins to pound. Are they going to do this right now? In front
of everyone? I shoot him a look but he doesn’t see me. This is
not
at all how we planned things. After
we talked on Thursday the plan was to speak to my parents alone. I was going to
stay close by so that I could step in if needed. This is totally different. My
dad isn’t even here.

           
“Why don’t you guys have a seat? I made some cookies,” I say hoping he’ll
get the hint.

           
“What’s going on?” Mario asks. He’s the only other person who saw Lucy
vomit in the kitchen that day, and now I think he suspects something.  Maybe
I’m just being paranoid.

           
“Maybe you should wait until Dad gets home,” I reply before Lorenzo can
even say a word.

           
“What is it?” my mom asks.

           
Damn it.

           
“Lucy and I are getting married.” Lorenzo takes her hand. He smiles
widely and I’m happy that he’s so confident in his decision. Lucy looks a
little green.

           
The room goes silent. I hold my breath, waiting for the big explosion.

           
“I didn’t even know you were dating,” says Pietro casually. He really
doesn’t mean anything by it; since he lives away he misses some things.

           
“They’re not.” My mom stands. She looks visibly distressed and I know she
understands what’s going on. For someone who’s so old fashioned, she sure
catches on quickly.

           
I want to jump in but I know it’s not my place.

           
“We’ve been dating for a few months now,” Lorenzo says and looks at everyone.
“We just wanted you to know. The wedding is next week.”

           
“What?” Gina says a bit too loudly. She realizes this and looks down at
her list of invites, trying to fight off tears.

           
“What’s the rush?” Dante asks. God love him, he is so naïve when it comes
to these things.

           
Everyone in the room is silent and you can cut the tension with a knife.

           
“Lucy’s pregnant.” Lorenzo squeezes her hand. He looks at her with love
and I can tell that he’s excited about being a father.

           
My mother stoically walks away from the table. We all watch as she walks
up the stairs in silence.

We’re stunned. It takes a lot
to silence my mother. We’ve never seen her like this. We hear the creaking of
the floorboards as she walks to her bedroom, then the boom of her door
slamming.

           
It seems like I have a thousand steps to climb before I reach my mother’s
bedroom. The door is still closed and as I knock on it, I feel like I’m a
little girl who had a nightmare in the middle of the night. “Go away,” she
screams.

           
“Mom, it’s me.”

           
“Stella I don’t want to look at anyone right now.”

           
I take a deep breath. “Mom, open the door.”

           
I wait for her to move but she doesn’t, so I turn the doorknob. I open it
to see my mother lying face down on top of the bed. She looks up at me. Her
eyes are puffy from crying and black mascara is streaked down her cheeks.

 “Never in my life would I
think one of
my
sons would do
this,” she says as I walk towards her.

           
I sit on the bed and put my hand on her back. “Mom, they really love each
other. They’re getting married.”

           
“Please,” she says as if the thought of it sickens her. “That little
puttana
trapped him.”

           
I’m shocked to hear my mom call Lucy a tramp. “Mom you love Lucy. You
wanted her to date Dante.”

           
“That was
before
I knew her
true
character,” she says. “She
had me fooled, and you too.”

           
This is worse than I thought.

           
“Mom, she didn’t fool anyone. And she’s
still
my best friend.”

           
My mother looks at me as if I’m crazy. “That’s the kind of friend you
want? One who uses the entire family, and traps your innocent brother? She’s
been calculating this one for years. And she goes after Lorenzo because he’s
the most successful.” My mom starts sobbing.

           
She’s lost it. Seriously, she’s over the deep end.

“And you act as if you’re
happy for them!” she screams at me. “Your twin brother! His life is over.”