Authors: Natasja Hellenthal
They saw her licking her lips in doubt. W
as she to turn away these women before it was too late? Call the child inside of her; what child? She was long dead, killed at a young age, not broken, but turned into stone.
‘There is no little girl. Not anymore
…’
Artride came
even closer and could almost touch her. Sempervirens automatically stepped back when she felt her warmth.
‘She’s not gone because she is a part of you. She still is and will always be. Can you not hear her?’
‘Oh stop the nonsense!’
‘She just wants to be heard and loved!’ Artride stubbornly reflected, not letting go.
She dropped her head and whispered, ‘Did you not love Eolas? And did he not love you?’
‘It intervened with my work!’ she said through gritted teeth, trying not to let memories slip through.
‘That may be so, but did it not feel good while you had it? To have someone who cared for you, wanted you, needed you, respected, trusted and loved you for the person you are?’
‘Like I said, love is a burden; nothing but trouble.’
‘To love someone is easy, but to keep it is a risk, yes and painful sometimes because we are vulnerable in our love; afraid to loose, to be hurt. But even if relationships are an effort and we will get hurt from time to time, it
is a risk worth taking. Life means both pain and joy and it’s not separable. You have experienced both; but you like pain better don’t you? It’s easier to hate than to love.’
Sempervirens uncontrollabl
y thought back to her early days and her life in fear and agony. She had seen the same emotions in the eyes of her servants and even in these two women during their way of getting here. So vulnerable and sad. How could she have let it come so far? A moment of clarity followed; what was she doing? Her fear had turned into hatred long ago and she could not let go anymore. Even Eolas failed in saving her. She was appalled by the idea that someone looked through her and saw her as a small helpless hurt child, for she wasn’t. And she had also hated Eolas for that and for wanting to change her. And now this queen had the same intentions … Could they not see she did not need them? She was not a frail, weak child. And they were doing it for themselves anyway. Couldn’t they just leave her alone?
‘Everyone needs love, even you, Sempervirens
,’ Artride continued with her hands spread out. ‘I believe the will is there, although it may seem you have turned your back on humanity. You posses the wisdom to understand by observing people in their struggles. You have learned a great deal from the relations between people, and thus yourself. Through relations you truly learn and even you comprehend this. Therefore, I also believe you have the ability to change for the better.’
‘Hmm, and you think you can do that to me? My, you must think
yourself
a mighty sorceress then!’
‘No, you alone can do that with some help. You yourself hold the key. So, you think
it impossible then?’
‘That word does not exist to me. But you are very mistaken if you think I’ll ever love again, for I won’t.’
‘Not even yourself?’
‘Oh stop it!’ and she turned, avoiding the immense deep blue eyes of Artride.
Sempervirens always confused love with pain
, and she never wanted to feel that again, so she would never let love captivate her heart again.
Suddenly she turned to Artride and smiled lightly. ‘Perhaps
… I should thank you for your concern. Yet I do not want your pity. You can use that on yourself. We are very much alike, Artride, you and I, if you like it or not. Both have no one left who loves us for who we truly are, not what we appear to be.’
‘Then you have not seen how much I care for her
,’ Tirsa interrupted.
Artride stared at Tirsa who blushed slightly when she returned her look.
‘Well, isn’t that sweet, but how long will it last? A decade, twenty, thirty years before you realise your bodies will begin to work against you and fail you? Or better; if you are tired of one another?’
‘You talk about getting older and physical attraction?’ Artride said. ‘What has that got to do with true love? Love does not age and does not judge; nor will it ever die if love is true and deep. Romantic love and passion is two souls wanting to emerge as one; beyond the boundary of a body eventually. Love grows and only deepens over the years. You talk about physical attraction; that’s not love alone, lust is only a part of that. Eolas was immortal, he would not age if that was a problem for you
–’
‘He wanted to posses
s me, control me, own me … no one will ever own me!’
‘He loved you
with all his heart!’
She narrowed her eyes. ‘If you think you can seduce me, you’re wrong. I am not attracted to women.’
Artride sighed. ‘I want to help you, not sleep with you. Like you said, I do understand how it feels to be adored for what I am, not
who
I am. Well, I know you now and still love you.’
Those words drummed in her head.
Love you … love you … love you …
‘Love me?’ Her words sounded dubious and suspicious.
Artride slowly approached her and gently picked up one loose hand and held it in her own. Sempervirens looked alarmed, but let her, knowing she was too strong for her to really be a match for her. But still she suddenly looked a little vulnerable, looking at their entangled hands and felt warmth beginning to glow around her heart.
No, it cannot be …
‘I love the girl you once were and the woman you were supposed to be. Not what
they
made you to be. I do not believe this is you at all. You were not responsible for the girl, but the woman you are today you can still change, if you just let go of that dark, negative side of yours. Then you can love yourself … finally.’
Sempervirens was speechless for a moment and just stared at her
, while Artride wouldn’t let go.
‘You have suffered so much and a big part of you knows you deserve better. You have tried. You have surrounded yourself with beauty and riches and it is all yours. You even have people serving your every desire. All you lack is the most important thing in life; unconditional love. Instead you cause harm to others, giving them pain and distress
, and you took away the most important thing: their freedom. Because that is all you ever knew. It happened to you. Can you not see you have become what you hated most?’
Her eyes grew bigger before they narrowed again. For the first time the sorceress was
… speechless.
‘You must have felt so powerless; perhaps a bit like I feel every day back in Ceartas. But you have grown so strong despite everything you suffered. You’ve built your power with hate into the sorceress you are today. The question is
, do you want to continue living with hate in your heart or will you start to admit they did you wrong, but that those people are long gone and you cannot continue this into eternity?’
‘Oh, but I can, my dear, for I have all the time in the world.’
Artride looked worried and solemn.
‘Is it that hard to let go?’
‘Says spoilt brat number one!’ and she let go of her hand, moving away.
Artride’s mout
h twisted. ‘I admit I am spoilt. I knew all the love one can get, that’s why I have enough to share with you!’
‘Share with me! Just hear yourself. Give me a break!’
‘We are not your enemy!’ said Tirsa and stepped forward, next to Artride. ‘Nor are you our enemy. I see that now. Your enemy is the whole world.’
‘You’re more human than you will admit,’ Artride interrupted, not wanting to let go of the mind of the sorceress. ‘You have a human heart; you just have to learn how to use it. Let me help you. Your enemy is indeed the whole world, but I go one step further. I say your true enemy is you, Sempervirens. Your wrongdoers have paid a long time ago; but you punish yourself every single day and with that hundreds of others. But if you do not care for them; I know you care for that little girl inside you. She is all alone. She is innocent. Even
you
have forsaken her. You let the crimes continue, the pain and the suffering. She watches too, you know, over your shoulder. She hates it, doesn’t she? All she wants is to play and to have fun, no more bad dreams and worry for what is to come.’
‘But I must! My revenge will be complete if I can control the human race, let them crawl under my feet!’
‘No it won’t. More suffering and pain will follow. You can end it, here, now, today! You won’t be alone.’ And she paused to allow the weight of her words to have their effect. ‘I am her to stay and help you.’
Tirsa’s mouth opened in shock, Sempervirens noticed and her eyes turned watery and Artride’s heart jumped. She was really getting to her. It was only a matter of time now
…
Artride knew she really had no time to actually help her if she was to sa
ve Elimar in time, but Sempervirens knew that as well and found it remarkable even so that she would use her precious time on her right now, while she could be saving her own country. But how, she needed her for that, so a part of her was still suspicious and thought she did all this for herself. To make her weak and beg for a spell. They wouldn’t kill her in her weakest moment when one could; they needed her too much.
However
, Artride had not made a deliberate choice; she genuinely tried to save Sempervirens’ soul. And besides she hoped, if the sorceress would give in she might even decide to release Eolas and give them the spell they required in return. But in the back of her head she knew that was just a heart’s desire.
‘It will be a long way, but at least you are not alone
,’ she repeated honestly, because that seemed to work. That touched her heart truly for it sounded so sincere. One single tear appeared in the corner of Sempervirens’ eye and slowly ran along her olive skinned cheek. With one hand she touched her face, feeling her wet cheek. She blinked her eyes, not used to the salty liquid stinging her eyes. Artride responded instinctively and enclosed her arms around the same woman they had just tried to kill moments ago. Sempervirens let her, while she softly shuddered.
Tirsa watched the scene with an open mouth; simply amazed by what she saw. Tears came to her own eyes while a broad smile painted her face. A warm proud smile.
Sempervirens lifted her head for a moment and saw the blonde woman smiling. She took the smile differently with her suspicious mind, and all of a sudden she stopped trusting Artride, thinking that this could be a trick to melt her stone cold heart and kill her after all. She was very human at this moment; she even felt her illusion weakening. But they could not know this weak spot of hers, not even Eolas did. Or perhaps they thought they could escape this way, that she would let them. And they had mentioned Eolas, even though in her heart she needed him; she would never admit to anyone, including him, she needed him, loved him more than she loved herself and could not deal with it. She, however, had hoped the two women would find him and over time would bring the book to her and she would release him when no one was looking. But now her plan was falling to pieces! Quickly she grabbed Artride by her throat and squeezed hard.
‘I believed you
… almost! But you are just like the rest, you lied to me!’ she screamed at her, with her face still wet from tears.
Artride shook her head, not able to speak, while Tirsa protested, understanding her mistake.
‘No, no. You have it wrong.’
She ignored her and slapped Artride with her free hand. A hard blow burning her face. It felt like hitting a child; all wrong, but quickly she regained her composure
as Artride hit the ground. She looked at Tirsa who jumped to catch her, and flew an invisible hand at her to prevent her. Falling back in the hallway, she broke her own fall with her hands and immediately rolled backwards before standing up again. She surprised the sorceress with that, but she turned the invisible hand at her again and held her firm in her hold.
‘Artride?’
‘I don’t think so.’
‘Please let me see if she is alright.’
Sempervirens grasped Artride by her hair and lifted her head. Her eyes were closed and at the corner of her mouth fresh blood run. She shook her head. ‘Oh-oh, she’s not alright.’
‘Oh, gods, she did not deserve that, not after all she said to help you!’
Tirsa exclaimed.
‘To help herself
, more likely! She betrayed me, but that is hardly surprising.’
‘You could have asked the blue amulet to see she has not been lying to you! Or surely you know other spells to do so?’
Sempervirens stared at the helpless woman hanging slightly above the floor with her arms firmly pinned to her waist. ‘I am done with the truth and I don’t need any more proof of your doings!’ Sempervirens said.
‘You fear the truth?’
‘I have been listening too long to the both of you. Now it’s my turn!’ she yelled and threw Tirsa with enormous speed across the hallway at one of the far walls. She stretched her arms to lessen the impact, but yet the impact of the blow was fierce. When she hit the floor she collapsed immediately.