The Queen's Husband (16 page)

‘No,’ said Albert, ‘but I should if you would show me and perhaps let me help you.’

‘Why, Albert, how very kind of you!’

He was elated. He only had to ask and she would allow him to read state documents, to discuss them with her. He would be admitted to those conferences which took place in the closet between her and Lord Melbourne.

But how different it was! She was seated at her table. ‘Dear Albert, draw up a chair and sit beside me. There. That is very
cosy
. Here is the blotting paper. When I sign you can blot them for me and make a neat little pile.’

‘But you must read the papers, surely?’

She laughed delightedly. ‘Oh, I have already discussed all these matters with my Prime Minister. All that has to be done now is sign the papers. And it is
such
a help to have you there with the blotting paper.’

So that was what sharing meant. He had become a sort of clerk to blot what his employer wrote. That was his sole duty; the contents of the documents to which she put her name were a mystery to him.

He was constantly on the point of explaining to her; in his room he rehearsed what he would say. He would speak out; he would tell her that he felt wretchedly inadequate and he would go on feeling so if he were to be useless.

He discussed the matter with his father and brother. He was safely married now, was their advice; it was for him to tell his wife that he wished to be taken into her confidence.

‘Why,’ said Ernest, ‘she adores you. You only have to ask for what you want.’

But they had only seen his loving little wife; they did not know Victoria the Queen.

Was he afraid of her? That seemed absurd … she was so tiny; and she was so appealing in her devotion. How strange that he could not tell her exactly what was in his mind. He always thought he could; it was only when he was face to face with her that he could not bring himself to explain that he was far from happy.

He felt quite angry when on one occasion he went into his room to find the Baroness leaning against the table while the Queen sat at her desk. The Baroness held some papers in her hands and she had obviously been discussing them with the Queen.

So … the Baroness knew what was in those state papers which were to be kept secret from him!

He turned away and walked out of the room.

‘Was that Albert?’ said Victoria.

Lehzen nodded.

‘But why did he go away?’ demanded Victoria.

‘I daresay he wished to see you alone.’

‘But I was really alone.
You
don’t count, dear Daisy. By which I mean that you count so much … if you understand what I mean.’

Lehzen said she understood exactly what her precious love meant and was happy because of it.

‘I heard you last evening at dinner,’ said Victoria with a laugh, ‘telling your neighbour how perfect I am.’

‘I told nothing but the truth,’ declared Lehzen stoutly.

‘Albert thinks me a little frivolous,’ said the Queen.

Lehzen flushed angrily. ‘Indeed.’

‘Darling Daisy, you must not be angry with my dear Albert. He only criticises for my good.’

‘There is nothing … absolutely nothing to criticise.’

‘Oh, come, Lehzen, you do sometimes yourself a bit you know.’

‘I will not allow anyone else to.’

Victoria laughed and threw her arms about the Baroness’s neck.

‘Dear,
dear
Daisy, how lucky I am to have both you
and
Albert to love me so much.’

‘Nobody on earth loves you as I do,’ said Lehzen.

Victoria felt it was a faint criticism of Albert which she must not allow – but of course it was only said out of dearest Lehzen’s excessive loyalty.

A few days later Albert said that he wondered about the manner in which her household was managed. There seemed to be a certain amount of overlapping.

‘Overlapping, dear Albert what
do
you mean?’

‘Several people doing the same job.’

‘Oh, that is Lehzen’s affair. She sees to everything.’

‘Well, it doesn’t appear that she
sees
with any great efficiency.’

‘She prides herself on the way she looks after me and won’t let anyone worry me.’

‘Well, I will make doubly sure that no one does.’

‘My dearest Albert, how
very
good you are. I was only saying today to dear Lehzen how fortunate I am. But you must not interfere with Lehzen’s affairs. She would be most put out.’

‘But, my dear Victoria, I should enjoy looking into some of the domestic arrangements at the palace. It would give me something to do.’

‘My dear energetic Albert, please do anything you wish, but you must not interfere with Lehzen’s domain. She would be so hurt. I forbid that.’

She spoke jokingly, but the edge was there.

He must mind his own business. He was rapidly learning that his duty was to be available whenever the Queen wished, to play at being the ideal husband, to provide an heir to the throne.

He left her and shut himself in his room to write letters to those friends, like Uncle Leopold, who might understand his feelings.

‘I am the husband,’ he wrote sadly, ‘but not the master of the house.’

In less than a fortnight after the wedding Albert’s father prepared to leave for Coburg.

‘You are settled here now, my son,’ he said, ‘and I have my dominions to govern. Cheer up, everything will work out for the best if you are careful. Your brother need not leave yet. He can stay for another month or perhaps two. After that, this will seem like home to you.’

‘I fear it never will,’ said Albert sadly.

‘Oh, come, the countryside is beautiful, the climate very much like our own. And think of your position here.’

‘I think of it a great deal,’ said Albert with melancholy.

‘You will have Stockmar to help you. You know you can trust him.’

Oh, yes, he trusted Stockmar; but he was a foreigner too, and what chance had they against the Queen and Lord Melbourne who seemed determined to keep him out.

He did not feel he could open his heart completely to his father. He admired him and respected him. He knew, of course, that there had been many romantic entanglements in his life but Albert believed this was due to the unhappy marriage. The most easy temptation to fall into was sexual. He was sure of it; and he could not blame his father for past excesses. Women had tempted him. One thing Albert was certain of; he was going to avoid all such temptation. He would avoid all women but his wife. These alien English considered him gauche. Let them. He was certainly not going to get entangled with any woman.

And now another link with Rosenau was about to be broken. His father was going.

The carriage was at the door. He had said his final farewell. He stood watching it ride away with the tears in his eyes.

Then he turned and went slowly into the palace.

Victoria was waiting for him at the top of the staircase.

‘My poor dear Albert …’

She barred his way, her own blue eyes filled with tears.

‘I understand how you are feeling …’

He cried: ‘You don’t … you don’t …’ and dashed past her into his sitting-room. He could not bear to talk to her then. He feared that if he did he would tell her that he wanted to go home, burst into tears and cry like any baby. He could hear her calling his name as she had run after him; swiftly he turned the key in the lock.

‘Albert,’ she cried. ‘Albert, I am here.’

‘I … I wish to be alone.’

‘You
can’t …
not from me.’

‘Victoria, please go away. I am too upset.’

‘No, no,’ she said. ‘I am going to comfort you. Open the door. Open it at once.’

He obeyed and she was ready to throw herself into his arms, but he stood silent, unresponsive.

‘Albert,’ she cried, aghast, ‘I want to comfort you. I know how you feel. Your father has gone away.’

‘How can you know?’ he cried. ‘You have never known a father.’

‘No, but I understand.’

‘And you don’t love your mother, so you can’t understand.’

He turned away from her coldly, but she put her arms round him and held him tightly against her; she began to cry.

‘Albert, my dearest, but I can’t bear to see you unhappy. I love you, Albert.’

He turned to her then and they wept together.

He had been unkind, he said.

No, no, not unkind. It was all so natural. He must
share
his troubles. She must make him understand that.

They kissed and she was immediately wildly happy.

‘God knows how great my wish is to make you happy and contented. I would do anything … anything …’

How could he help but be touched and moved by such devotion?

But later he thought: Yes, she would do anything for me … except let me share her throne.

Albert was deeply shocked. He would not have believed it of Ernest, although his brother had always laughed at him and called him a prude. But that Ernest should have had adventures which could produce such a result was a terrible blow and indeed a great lesson. Ernest had been looking unwell for some weeks.

‘It is this strange country,’ said Albert. ‘You’ll feel better when you leave.’

Ernest had let that rest for a while; but later – so he told Albert – he had become alarmed and seen a doctor.

‘It was a woman in Berlin,’ he said.

‘A woman!’ cried Albert. ‘Good God, Ernest! You can’t be serious.’

‘Albert, for Heaven’s sake do be a little more worldly. These things happen now and then, you know.’

‘And those to whom they happen have to abide by the consequences,’ said Albert severely.

‘You’re right there, my dear brother. I hope you never get into this sort of mess.’ Albert was even more horrified which at least made Ernest laugh. ‘As if you would.’

‘Should one joke about such a serious matter? Ernest, I am glad our father doesn’t know about this.’

‘He knows, Albert. He understood. He is not immune from the temptations of the flesh as you are.’

‘Should we say that I have taught myself to overcome them.’

‘Well, I make a guess that dear little Vic keeps you busy.’

Albert was horrified. ‘Ernest, what has happened to you?’

‘A fate, alas, that catches up with many of us – except the virtuous like you, Albert. That is if there are any more like you … which I very much doubt.’