The Queen's Husband (50 page)

‘Come and look at this,’ he would say and take her from what she was doing and explain how it would look when it was finished.

He was in constant consultation with workmen. If it were not somehow disrespectful one would say that Albert was
almost
like a child with a toy over Osborne. And what a wonderful job he was making of it!

‘Sometimes, my love, I think you should have been an architect. I even go so far as to think that you would have enjoyed being a
builder
.’

Albert smiled indulgently.

He would slip away at all times to see how the work was progressing. One night at about ten o’clock he left the drawing-room and was making his way through a wooded part of the grounds when he was roughly seized.

A policeman had him by the arm.

‘What are you doing here, eh?’ demanded the policeman.

Albert, who never acted without due thought, was silent, and the policeman went on: ‘Prowling about the place. Up to no good I’ll be bound. You come along with me.’

The servants’ quarters were close at hand and the young policeman, delighted that he had arrested, as he thought, a suspect, opened the door and pushed the Prince into the servants’ kitchen, where they were seated round the table over the remains of supper.

‘Caught this beauty on the prowl,’ announced the policeman.

There was a second or two’s silence after which all the servants rose to their feet. The policeman stared at his captive. One of the women said in a shrill voice: ‘It’s His Highness …’

But there was no need. The policeman knew. The Prince acted characteristically. He turned and walked out without a word. In fact he had said nothing during the entire episode.

As soon as the Prince had gone the babel broke forth. ‘Now you’ve done it.’

‘Fancy arresting his Royal Highness!’

‘You’ll hear more of this, young fellow. There’s one thing we have to remember here. The important one is not so much Her Gracious Majesty but His Royal Highness … and that’s because it’s the way Her Majesty wants it.’

The poor young man could scarcely bear his humiliation, especially as he feared it might end in dismissal, and the next morning when he was summoned to the Prince’s study he felt this was indeed the end.

Trembling with mortification the policeman bowed. The Prince inclined his head. Then he said: ‘I have called you here to commend you on your attention to duty. I have already mentioned to your superiors that you acted with promptitude last night and that you should be put in line for promotion.’

The young man began to stammer, but the Prince coldly waved him away.

The policeman couldn’t resist looking in at the kitchens to tell them what had happened.

‘Well, you could have knocked me down with a feather when you dragged him in last night,’ said the cook. ‘But you couldn’t see from his face what he was thinking.’

‘That’s it,’ said one of the kitchen hands, ‘you never can. He’s like one of them there masks.’

‘Cold as a corpse,’ said the cook. ‘But
just –
you’ve got to give him that.’

One of the older women shook her head and said: ‘He might have said it last night, that would have made his nibs here sleep better, eh? But that’s him all over –
just
, I grant you. But he likes to torture you a bit.’

‘Perhaps he tortures himself too,’ said a pert kitchen maid. ‘The good are like that sometimes.’

When the Queen heard of the incident she laughed uproariously. ‘The idea of arresting
you
, Albert. And how
good
of you to speak up for the man. It is pleasant to know we are so well protected at dear Osborne.’

Bertie loved the sea and making sandcastles. He shrieked with laughter as the tide came in and flooded the moat. Affie toddled along beside him, shovelling sand into pails, Bertie’s devoted henchman.

A boy – a little older than Bertie – carrying a basket of fish which his father had caught and which he was taking to a customer, strolled along the beach and watched the progress of the castle. Bertie, who always liked to show Alfred how clever he was, demanded to know what the boy was looking at.

‘At the castle,’ said the boy.

Bertie became very haughty. ‘You must not look unless I say you may.’

‘You can’t stop me,’ said the boy.

Bertie jerked the basket from the boy’s hand and the fish were scattered all over the sand, at which the boy’s face grew scarlet and he punched Bertie in the chest. Bertie was unprepared and went sprawling into the sandcastle. He jumped up and came at the fisher boy but he was no match for him. In less than five minutes Bertie was bleeding from the nose and had a bump on his forehead.

Affie began to scream and attendants were soon running up. The fisher boy thought it was wise to retire and Bertie was taken back to the house.

Such an incident could not be passed over unnoticed. The Queen would want to know what had happened to Bertie’s face and the truth must be told.

There was nothing to be done but to consult the Prince, who immediately summoned Bertie.

‘So you have been fighting?’ he said sternly.

Bertie stammered: ‘Y … yes, Papa.’

‘And for what reason, pray?’

‘He … he … this boy …’

‘
Which
boy? Pray try to be less incoherent.’

When Papa said ‘pray’ it usually meant one really was in trouble but Bertie felt confident that he was not in the wrong about this. It was that wicked boy who had beaten him; he had scarcely been able to touch his adversary; Bertie put a hand to the bump on his brow and said: ‘Affie and I were building castles and the boy came along. He stared without asking if he could. I knocked his fish all over the sand.’ Bertie wanted to giggle at the thought of the squirming fishes. He elaborated a little: ‘Great big fishes … a big whale and he was going to swallow Affie so I picked up a big stick.’

‘You will go to your room, Bertie, and wait there until I send for you,’ said his father.

Bertie went to his room but was not disturbed. The boy would be punished for fighting the Prince of Wales and he liked his story about the whale. He went on with it in his mind. It swallowed Affie and it was like the Jonah story. Bertie kept it and talked to Affie from inside and then he climbed into the whale and rescued Affie.

His father sent for him and when he went into the study the Prince said: ‘We are going to see your fisher boy. I have discovered who he is.’

Bertie felt very proud. Now he would stand beside his father and that boy would know what a bad thing he had done.

The fisher boy came into the room where the Queen and the Prince received visitors. With him was a man who was clearly his father. They looked very shy and awkward as though they wondered what was going to happen to them – and well they might, thought Bertie.

The Prince had gripped Bertie’s shoulder and pushed him forward.

‘Ah,’ he said, ‘you are here. My son has an apology to make to yours. He is very sorry he behaved so churlishly. Now, Bertie, let me hear you say how much you regret your conduct and that you promise not to behave in such a way again.’

Bertie was astounded. Papa had got it wrong. It was the boy who must apologise to him.

‘I am waiting,’ said the Prince.

He really meant it. Somehow, Bertie was in the wrong again. He couldn’t understand it but there was nothing to be done but obey so he said that he was sorry that he had upset the basket of fish. He had behaved badly and would never do it again.

‘And now,’ said Papa to the visitors, ‘I will have you conducted to the kitchens where you will be amply compensated for the loss you suffered.’

The boy and his father, as confused as Bertie, bowed their way out. The Prince was still gripping Bertie’s shoulder. He looked at him with an expression of mournful regret in his face but Bertie saw a gleam in his eye which he always associated with an imminent caning.

He was right.

‘You will go to your room and prepare for a beating, which I shall administer myself. Lies I will not tolerate. First you disgrace us by indulging in a fight with a fisher boy and then you tell me monstrous lies.’ He put his hand to his forehead. ‘I have no alternative but to beat the wickedness out of you.’

Bertie went fearfully to his room.

They could not stay at Osborne for ever. With the opening of Parliament imminent it was necessary to return to London, but the whole family was sad to leave dear Osborne.

‘Never mind,’ said the Queen, ‘we shall be back soon, and won’t it be fun to see what dearest Papa’s plans have added to the house. How fortunate we are to have such a clever Papa!’

Vicky said that Papa had told her what he was going to do about the new staircase. He had shown her the drawings.

Surely not, thought the Queen, before he has shown me! Really sometimes she thought Albert thought more of his daughter than of his wife.

Albert certainly doted on their eldest daughter. She supposed it was because Bertie was such a disappointment.

Down on the shore they went to embark on the royal yacht. One of the yachtsmen picked up Vicky and carried her on board, but Vicky hated to be carried. She thought it made her look like a child, and in front of Bertie too. ‘There you are, my little lady,’ said the yachtsman as he set her down.

Vicky said coldly: ‘It would be well for you to remember that I am a Princess, not a little lady.’

The Queen, who had been standing by, said sharply: ‘You had better tell the kind sailor that you are not a little lady
yet
although you hope to be some day.’

Vicky was startled. It was not often that she was reproved by her parents. She blushed scarlet with mortification. Bertie was sorry for her. He knew what it meant to be snubbed in public. He allowed himself to be lifted aboard without protest.

And back at Buckingham Palace was Mr Birch.

Bertie regarded him with some suspicion when he was brought to the schoolroom by his father and Baron Stockmar.

‘You will find the Prince of Wales somewhat backward, I fear,’ said the Baron. ‘He is not exactly devoted to study. But I have worked out a curriculum for you to follow and I think if you will abide by this you cannot go far wrong. I have His Highness’s approval of what I have mapped out. But you will see for yourself.’

Bertie was quaking inwardly, wondering what a curriculum was. Surely something horrible since the Baron had devised it.

‘If he is disobedient,’ the Prince was saying, ‘you have my permission to beat him. It is a procedure I have often found myself forced to follow, even though it has invariably been very painful to me.’

Bertie listened to an account of his shortcomings and when his father and the Baron had left him alone with Mr Birch he almost expected him to bring a cane and apply it right away. Instead of this Mr Birch smiled at him and said: ‘Let us sit down and look at this plan of work, shall we?’

‘Is it a … cur …’

‘Curriculum? A very long word for nothing very much. Just a plan of what we are going to do together.’

‘Is it very hard?’

‘I don’t think you’re going to find it so.’

‘I’m not clever like Vicky.’

‘How do we know?’

‘They know.’