The Realest Ever (39 page)

“She wanted me to be dependent on her,”
Kyra concluded.  “But she treated me like crap the whole time I was there.  It doesn’t make sense.”

“Stuff like that happens all the time,” Donovan said.  “You’d be surprised how many parents abuse their kids, but they’d go crazy if someone took
their babies away.”

Kyra’s chest tighten
ed.  She knew what was coming next.

“CPS took your kids from you, in Little Rock?”

Kyra nodded.  She sniffled and started crying before she even began the story.

Everything she told Donovan about her and Leonard’s relationship was true with one glaring exception.  Towards the end, Kyra was n
ot only complacent about Leonard’s drug use, but she was also fascinated by it.  Nearly everyone in the hood had it bad, but Leonard had an escape.  It was cheap and it was long-lasting.  And after watching him get high for a year, Kyra didn’t see any negative side effects. 

But Kyra didn’t think she would’ve
used drugs if not for the death of her grandmother.  When she first moved to Arkansas, her granny was the one person who kept her sane when all Kyra wanted was Donovan; her best and only friend.  Kyra slipped into a bout of depression after her grandmother’s funeral, and Leonard’s form of escape became more and more appealing to her.  Kyra couldn’t blame anyone for what happened next, because she made a conscious decision to get high

Leonard was all for it when she asked to snort some of his powder one day.  It looked like brown sugar, and Kyra thought the high was just as sweet.  She compared it to the marijuana she smoked from time to time,
except heroin was fifty times more powerful.  It didn’t make her hungry or giggly or paranoid or hyper.  All Kyra wanted to do with her heroin high was sit down somewhere and enjoy it and not think about all of the things life had taken from her. 

She started snorting a pill every day after work.  She didn’t realize she was hooked until she tried to go without it one night, and she got an upset stomach. 
Kyra’s bones hurt like she had arthritis.  When she gave in and snorted her daily pill, all of the pain went away.  She never got her fix with a needle, but Kyra was as addicted as any other junkie.

The
raid came three months after Kyra snorted her first line.  By then Leonard was a full-blown addict, and he started to make dopefiend mistakes.  Not only did he sell crack to an undercover police officer, but Leonard made the drug deal at their home (an ultimate no-no for any dealer). 

An hour later
the police kicked in the door waving guns and an arrest warrant.  They took everybody downtown.  Kyra hadn’t committed any crimes, but she was as high as a kite, and the police refused to return her children to her.  When they told her, Kyra lost her mind.  She cried and screamed to the point that she had to be taken to the hospital and treated for anxiety.

A social worker gave her a card when she was released from the E.R.
  Kyra’s brother picked her up and took her to his home.  Kyra could barely walk.  She staggered into Duke’s house looking lost and wild.  No one could comfort her.  To make matters worse, Kyra’s body craved the very drug that cost her everything.  She barely got out of bed for the first few days of her withdrawal.  Kyra cried and shivered and vomited and sweated the heroin out of her system. 

She
didn’t think about Leonard at all, not in those early days.  The only thing on Kyra’s mind was where her babies were.  Who was feeding and tucking them in at night?  How did she let this happen?  How did she become her mother?  And who the hell had her babies?  Would she ever see them again?  Would she ever be able to look in the mirror without hating the woman staring back at her?

It took more than two months for
Kyra to convince the social workers that she was not an irresponsible dope head.  Kyra learned a lot about herself and her decision-making during that time.  When the CPS returned Q and Katavia and closed the case, Kyra ran as fast and as far away as she could.  She ran from Leonard, she ran from the social workers, and she ran from every friend and family member who knew what happened.  All she wanted was a fresh start.

“
If I could go back in time, I probably still wouldn’t tell you what happened,” Kyra said to Donovan as they sat in his truck in the daycare’s parking lot.  “It’s too embarrassing.  I feel like the biggest fool ever.”

“If you didn’t learn anything from it, then
you’d still be a fool,” Donovan said.  Kyra was crying, but at least she got it out of her system.  “But I know you did learn from it, and you have changed,” he said.  “I understand why you didn’t tell me, and I’m not mad at you anymore.  I love you, Kyra.  I always have, and I always will.”

Donovan’s forgiveness meant the world to her.  Kyra
scooted over so she could hug him.  Donovan held onto her for as long as she wanted.  After awhile Kyra’s tears subsided, and her breathing returned to normal. 

She
said, “Thanks for listening.”

“You have to let your aunt cash that check you gave her,”
Donovan said.

Kyra wasn’t surprised by that, but she asked him, “Why?”

“Because she did give you somewhere to live for two months.  Plus you already gave her the check.”

“I was gonna put a stop-payment on it.”

Donovan shook his head.  “You can’t do people wrong just because they did you wrong.  Let her cash the check.  If she doesn’t deserve it, God will deal with her.”

“I’ll only have three hundred dollars left,” Kyra complained.

“I know.  That’s why I’m taking you to the welfare office to get some food stamps,” Donovan said.  He laughed when Kyra gave him a look.  “I’m just kidding.”

“But what are we gonna do?” Kyra asked.  “Seriously.”

“I guess I’ll have to carry you this month,” Donovan said.  “You can carry me next month, to make up for it.”

Kyra knew she should be happy, but she
also felt apprehensive.  No one ever had her back like this before. 

“Donovan, I can’t keep setting myself up to owe you money.  I don’t like it.  I wanna show you
that I can take care of myself.”

“Kyra, I’m not doing this for you.  I’m doing it for
us
.  I told you that.  Why do you feel the need to prove something to me?”

“Because you
always been there for me,” she said.  “I just want to show you, for once, that I can stand on my own two feet.”

“I understand what you’re saying,” Donovan said.  “But you’re not in a position to take c
are of me financially.  Not right now, anyway.  You got three hundred dollars, and you just promised that money to the daycare.  If you want to prove something to me, you can do it by going to work every day, taking care of the kids and paying your daycare bill.”

“That’s not enough.”

“What do you want to do, make my mortgage payment?”

He chuckled, but right away Kyra said, “Yes.  That would be great.  How much is it?”

“A thousand dollars.”

“Okay.  I’ll pay that.”

“Only if you let me pay for daycare,” Donovan said.

Kyra realized they were essentially swapping bills, but paying for Donovan’s home
sounded a lot better than paying for Kat’s babysitters.  “Okay,” she said.  “That’s fine.”

“You’re silly,” Donovan told her, but he was in a good mood for the first time that day.

“I’m in love with you,” Kyra told him.  “I don’t think you’ll ever know how much I love you.”

Donovan’s
smile disappeared as he looked into her eyes.  “I assure you, you don’t love me as much as I love you.”

“Yes I do.  Ten times more.”

“Nope.  Not possible.”

“I’ll prove it.”

“I would love to see that.”

“
You’ll see,” Kyra said, though she had no idea what she could do to show her eternal devotion to this man. 

She kissed him, for starters.  Donovan was very receptive.  He slipped his tongue
inside her mouth, and Kyra’s whole body grew warm. 

They were still making-out three minutes later when Donovan remembered they were parked in front of the daycare.  They drove away laughing.

They didn’t know it at the time, but as fate would have it, Kyra never laid eyes on Leonard again.  Two months after he returned to Little Rock, Leonard got caught up with a desperate crew of addicts.  He tagged along for a burglary that went bad when the homeowner showed up, and somebody started shooting.  Leonard was sentenced to life without the possibility of parole for his role in the burglary-turned-homicide.

≈≈≈≈≈≈≈

Donovan took Kyra to a discount furniture store where he purchased a twin-size bed for Katavia.  He wanted to get a couple of dressers to help fill out Kat’s new room, but they finally reached his spending limit. 

“That’s good,” Kyra told him.

“Good that I can’t afford to furnish her room?”  Donovan was confused.

“Yes
.  I mean no,” Kyra said.  “It’s good because I want to buy stuff for her room when I get paid next month.  I really want to help.”

Donovan knew how much that meant to her, so he didn’t argue this time.

Kat’s bed required assembly.  They loaded it in the back of Donovan’s truck and headed home.  When they got there, Donovan was surprised by how eager Kyra was to get to work.  She helped him clear out the extra bedroom, and she helped tote Kat’s mattress, box spring and other materials into the house.  It was hard work, but Kyra was cheerful.  This was her first project at Donovan’s house.  It made her feel like she belonged there, which was a feeling she’d been searching for her whole life. 

The room looked rather bare when they got done
.  There was nothing in it but a bed, a file cabinet and a few boxes of papers Donovan didn’t know what to do with.  Donovan thought they had a lot of work left to do before it would look like a
girl’s
room.  But this would be the first room Kat ever had to herself, so Kyra thought it looked great.  Plus she and Donovan worked well together.  They laughed and flirted and kissed whenever they got within kissing distance. 

They took showers (separately, to Kyra’s dismay), and met in the kitchen
afterwards for lunch.  Donovan started to make a DiGiorno pizza.  But Kyra wanted to make tuna fish sandwiches, so she’d have a snack for the kids when they got home.  Donovan sat at the kitchen table and watched as Kyra prepared the meal.  Occasionally she’d ask where something was, but for the most part she already knew her way around the kitchen.

Donovan
stood abruptly and left the room.  When he returned to his seat, Kyra noticed his mood was different.  Something in his eyes gave her goose bumps.

“What’s
wrong?”  Kyra was at the sink cooling her hardboiled eggs.  She looked back at Donovan and saw him place something on the table.  “What’s that?”

“Why don’t you come over here and see what it is
?” he suggested.

Curious, Kyra dried her hands and walked to the table.  Her eyes widened when she saw that Donovan had placed a condom on top of it.  The hairs stood on the back of her neck.

Donovan stood and approached her slowly.  “I warned you.”

“About, about what?”  Kyra’s eyes
darted from the condom to her man.  Donovan wore a tee shirt with long, basketball shorts.  The bulge of his erection was a lot more visible than it would’ve been in jeans.

“About you and the kitchen and th
at refrigerator,” Donovan said.  “And you had the nerve to wear that dress.  I think you’re taunting me.”

Kyra didn’t think her dress was
sexy.  It was loose fitting with floral prints.  “What’s wrong with my dress?”

“Easy access,” Donovan said.  He pulled his tee-shirt over his head as he closed the distance between them. 

Kyra gasped.  Donovan got a light workout while putting Kat’s bed together.  His muscles were primed.  His skin was smooth and chocolaty.  The swelling in his shorts looked huge.

“Are you serious?”

Rather than respond, Donovan placed both hands on her waist and walked her backwards.  Kyra’s blood was already racing.  She shuddered when her back came in contact with the refrigerator.  Donovan pressed his body against hers.  He kissed and sucked her bottom lip.  Kyra felt his erection on her stomach.  Donovan’s hands slid down to her hips.  He gripped her flesh and grinded between her thighs.

“Oh.”  Kyra felt a tightening and a sudden slickness between her legs. 

Donovan’s tongue invaded her mouth.  His hands slid up and down her frame.  He reached under her dress.

“Uh.”

His hand between her legs sent a jolt all the way up Kyra’s spine and down to her toes.  Donovan looked her in the eyes as he rubbed her labia through her panties.  His breaths were slow and heavy.  He kissed her again as his fingers slipped past her underwear, and the longest one disappeared inside Kyra.

“Oh
!”

She was about to cum.  This was ludicrous.  He barely touched her!  Kyra’s head was spinning.  Her breath came in
hitches.