The REASON Series - the Complete Collection (9 page)

There is also an envelope that contains two hundred dollars in cash in various denominations. After what she told me earlier, I wouldn't have thought twice about it, except that the food stamp vouchers are in an official-looking envelope, and this isn’t. Is this money out of her own pocket?
 

I'm trying very hard to accept the money without throwing a fit, regardless of its source.
I have enough money in my— "Oh, No!" I exclaim, looking around frantically.
 

"’Oh no’ what?" a female voice says from the door.
 

My head snaps up and I see Nurse Fang from the blood draw earlier.

"My stuff?"

"In here," she says, pointing to the closet door. "Did you need something?"

"My purse, please?"

"Sure." She opens the door and looks around. I can see my skirt and top hanging on the back of the door. After a moment she bends down and retrieves my purse. The panic I hadn't realized was building in me rushes away in a flash as she hands me my purse.

"Thanks."
 

"Of course. How are you feeling?"

"Much better.” I suddenly realize that my bladder’s uncomfortably full. “I need to go to the bathroom, actually."

"No problem. I'll show you how to unlock the IV pole so it will move with you. Then you can move around freely. After you eat, I want you to take a nice long walk around this wing. If you can handle that okay, I'll remove your IV. Sound like a plan?"

I nod, and she shows me the button on the IV pole that unlocks the wheels.

I climb gingerly out of bed, testing my feet to make sure I'm stable before I take a step.
Upon entering the bathroom I'm grateful to see that the mirror isn’t staring me in the face. I'm not sure I want to know what kind of messy state I'm in.
 

After only about a minute and a half, Amanda knocks. "You okay?"

I roll my eyes. "Yep."

When I come back out — still avoiding the mirror because I'm sure I'm hollowed out again — I climb back into bed and tell Amanda, "I'm ready to eat." It's been more than twenty-four hours since I ate last.

"I thought so. I ordered some soup, crackers and fresh fruit for you. You can have more whenever you want, but first I want to make sure it doesn’t come right back up. Deal?"

I nod, slipping the white envelope with the money into my purse. Between this, what’s left of my paycheck and the money Mikah foisted on me, I’ll actually have some left after paying rent. Maybe with the little extra, I can find myself a new book at the used book store near the laundromat. A little something small for me?
 

"So are you babysitting me all night?" I ask as she's documenting my chart.
 

She laughs. "No, I'm just here until you eat, take a walk, and get settled in for the night. Is that okay?"

I snort. "Do I get a choice?"

She laughs again. "Nope, not really."

I chuckle. "At least that's settled." I smile. "Can I use this phone?" I ask, pointing to the phone beside the bed.
 

She nods. "The T.V., too."
 

"I don't watch T.V., but thank you." She gives me a puzzled look. "A luxury I can't afford," I explain. She nods and I dig into my bag for the little notebook I keep important information in, such as phone numbers.
 

As soon as I open it, Mikah's card falls out. I feel my chest tighten, and I quickly tuck it back out of sight. So far I've done a good job of holding myself in check and not thinking about him.
 

I find the number I'm looking for and dial. The phone rings three times, and then I'm met with a lot of noise. "Hello?"

"Hi, Laura, it's Vivienne."

"Oh my goodness. Hi, sweetheart. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm staying in the hospital tonight."

"Oh dear."

"Don't worry, I will fill you in later. Was Bartie pissed?"

"Oh, sweetheart, no. I had Nyssa covering your shift before I told him. She said that she would cover Sunday for you as well."

"No need, but thank you. I'll be back in Sunday. Tell Nyssa I can cover her Tuesday shift, if she needs."

"I'll tell her, but she seemed pretty concerned when I called her today, so don't count on it. Okay?"

"Alright. I'll see you Sunday?" I say before she can start questioning me again.
 

"Okay, sweetheart."

"Thanks, Laura."

"Anytime. Bye, Viv."

"Bye." I hang up the phone.
 

I look to Amanda, who is smiling at me. "Is everything okay?"

I nod. "I work for a jerk of a boss that tends to be a bit on the harsh side if you don't work a scheduled shift. He's fired two girls since I've been there because they didn't show up, whether they called or not. So I wanted to make sure I still had a job."

"And?" she prompts.
 

"For now." I smile. "One of the girls covered my shift and offered to cover Sunday's as well."

"That might not be a bad idea. Get some extra rest."

"I wish I could, but I can't afford to go without the pay. Today will be hard enough to make up in tips. Which is why I offered to cover her Tuesday shift."

"I'm sure it will all work out," she says. She is trying to be nice, but I'm sure she has a hard time relating to being without money. The rock on her right ring finger is a dead giveaway.

There is a knock on the door. My heart stops. Before Amanda turns to open the door, she pauses to look at me reassuringly. She opens the door and I let out a rushed breath when I see it's a hospital staff member carrying a tray.
 

"Hi, Harold," Amanda says, opening the door wider so he can come in.
 

"Hi, Amanda. Ms. Callahan." He nods in my direction and I breathe in deeply through my nose. "Here you are, sweetheart. Have a nurse call if you’d like anything else," he says as he sets the tray down on the table and slides it in front of me. He pulls the dome off of the top, and the smell of chicken noodle soup fills my nose. It smells good.
 

"Thank you, Harold."
 

"Anytime." He smiles at me and quietly leaves the room.
 

"I'll let you eat. I'll be back in a little bit."

"Okay," I say. She follows Harold out the door, shutting it behind her.
 

Now that I'm alone with my thoughts and my dinner, I have a hard time moving past what happened with Mikah earlier today. He was only trying to be there for me, and I was being a bitch – something that he most certainly does not deserve. Slurping a spoonful of soup, I contemplate calling him and decide that all I would do is torture myself because I can't be the all-accepting person he wants me to be.

But there is also the fact that I reacted so quickly to his insistence on helping me that I don’t even know what his offer to help entails. This doesn’t help me feel any better about my reaction to him. Is he really trying to help, no stings attached? Just being generous? Would he have done this with anyone else, or is it just me? Is his help a long-term thing, or only until the baby is born?

For the first time since I told Riley I was pregnant, I consciously touch the pouch between my hips. Chills of delight dance across my skin. I switch hands, placing my right across my belly, and pick up my spoon to take another sip of broth.
 

Considering it’s hospital food, it's really not half bad. But then again, cardboard would probably taste good to me right now. I meant to eat something earlier, when Mikah was here, but I kept falling asleep. I plow through the soup, bread roll, fruit and crackers in what feels like less than five minutes. I still feel hungry, but I don't want to overdo it.
 

I sit back and pick up the book that Dr. Alston left for me,
What to Expect When You're Expecting
. The cover has a picture of a pregnant woman standing against a blue background, and the back jacket promises that the book will help me understand my body and my baby throughout the various stages of pregnancy. It looks very...clinical.

I open it and start to read. I was right — it is quite clinical — but there are some really cool things in here. Now I understand why my breasts hurt so much. I also learn that the vomiting and exhaustion should start to ease soon. The prospect of this is exciting on so many levels.
 

Eventually Amanda returns to my room. Once she’s satisfied that I ate everything, she pulls me from my bed to walk around the hallway. I’d rather not walk — I’m feeling sleepy again — but she lures me out with the prospect of removing my IV, and I can't resist.
 

It turns out that I am in the maternity ward. A couple of other women walk the halls, too. Every so often they stop and groan. They must be in labor. I shudder. I'm still trying to come to grips with the fact that I'm pregnant, never mind the prospect of labor or — I shudder again — delivery.
 

Once we are back in my room, Amanda removes my IV. Another nurse, Jackie, comes in and introduces herself as the nurse on duty tonight. I'm told to push the button if I need anything. She will be back in a few hours to check on me, but for the most part, she'll leave me to sleep.
 

I say thank you and goodnight to Amanda, who reassures me she'll be back in the morning even if Dr. Alston can't make it.
 

Once they're gone, I roll onto my side, gently placing my hand upon the small mound. Lying in this position again reminds me of when Mikah was here, his eyes bright green with wonder. I can no longer ignore the fact that I feel horrible for kicking him out. The more I think about it, the more I am convinced he was just trying to help.

I've never had someone willingly want to take care of me the way that Mikah does, and it makes it hard for me to accept without suspecting there is more to it than meets the eye. Riley always paid for everything and I never worked, but I was expected to do things to him and for him in return. But somehow I can’t believe can’t believe Mikah operates that way. But if I'm going to consider accepting his help, Mikah needs to back off from pushing me to do things.
 

What’s more, since that ultrasound and reading some of the stuff Dr. Alston left me, I'm finally beginning to see that this is far bigger than I've allowed myself to realize.

I slowly rub my hand across my tummy. "You give me reason," I whisper, and then I fall asleep.

THIRTEEN

Around ten the next morning, I'm in a cab driven by Chuck - a nice man who’s old enough to be my grandfather and who says he’s a native of Minneapolis – ready to head back to my apartment. As we’re leaving the hospital campus, a really nice, sleek black Mercedes drives into the lot next to us. I can't be certain, but I think it’s the same one I saw in my neighborhood on Thursday night. And I'm pretty sure it’s Mikah driving.
 

I toss the thought aside. I don't want to hope that maybe he was coming back to see me. Or that it was even really him to start with.

Fifteen minutes later, we are pulling up in front of my apartment. I reach into my bag to pay Chuck, but he stops me. "The hospital takes care of it," he says, smiling warmly. I try to tip him and he refuses that, too. Instead he helps me from the car and stays standing near the rear passenger door until I'm inside my building.
 

Once inside my apartment, I start to feel tired again and consider resting for a bit. But as much as I want to lie around all day, I have laundry – and now grocery shopping – to do. Better to stick to my routine.
 

I gather up my laundry bag and empty the contents of my hospital bag into it. I’m wearing a pretty cool pair of light purple scrubs Amanda found for me. The top is huge, but the pants are really comfortable. I leave the pants on and swap the shirt for a white t-shirt that used to say
meh
across the chest but has since faded. After taking a good look at my tummy during the ultrasound yesterday, I’ve realized that I'm going to start needing clothes here really soon. Most of the bottoms I own are pajamas or sweatpants with an elastic waistband, so those I know can wait to be replaced, but shirts are going to become a problem.
 

Once my laundry bag is packed, I grab a small envelope off of the fridge. It is addressed to my landlord and already has a stamp on it. I place the four money orders of a hundred dollars each inside — I got them when I cashed my check at the bank, like I do every payday — seal it, and throw it into my bag.

I pull out the wad of cash from my wallet. All in all, there are about two hundred and thirty dollars here, but I don't need to be walking around these streets with this much cash. I pull out forty dollars, place the rest between the pages of my journal and put it back under my bed. I also grab the food stamps and the list of approved foods to look over while doing laundry and head out the door.
 

As I step outside, I throw my laundry bag sling-style across my back, over my purse. I look like Rambo with bag straps instead of belts full of bullets.

It’s a little cloudy out today, and there is a fall chill in the air. I pull my hood up over my head and start walking the two blocks to the Laundromat. This time of day is nice. Sometimes people even say hi. No one says hi today, but I get some nods and smiles — which I return — from some of the people sitting or standing around outside their homes or shops.

I get to the Laundromat and head over to load my card with enough for wash and dry, plus detergent. Find a washer, load it, start it and sit back to wait.
 

My stomach grumbles. I pat my tummy. Having eaten so much in the last day or so is going to make it hard to not eat. It's only eleven in the morning and I just ate breakfast three hours ago, but I’m hungry again. I let out a sigh and decide that I can afford something from the coffee shop next door, so I get up and head over there.
 

"Hi, Ms. Wilson," I say to the elderly woman coming in the door. She is here this time every Saturday. Most mornings we talk - about nothing really, but the company is nice in a boring old Laundromat. Ironically enough, she reminds me of Mrs. Wilson from those Dennis The Menace cartoons.