‘Oh, come on. I’ve heard all about your boyfriend. Sorry – your not-boyfriend. I gather he’s all dark and threatening.’ He shot a look at Chris, making it quite clear who had told him what he knew. ‘He’s a copper too, isn’t he? Do you work with him?’
I smiled, unmoved. ‘He’s one of my colleagues. Not all that threatening when you get to know him, either.’
‘Walter didn’t like him. But then Walter isn’t that keen on the old Bill. They don’t tend to approve of his little habits.’ Brody pinched his forefinger and thumb together and inhaled deeply from an imaginary joint.
‘Brody! Shut up, all right? She is a police officer, you know. And it is illegal. Are you trying to get Walter into trouble?’
‘I didn’t hear the details,’ I said quickly. ‘In one ear and out the other.’
Brody laughed. ‘That’s lucky. What else should I confess to while you’re in a forgiving mood?’ He stared at Chris. ‘What have you got to hide, Swain? What’s making your toes curl with fear?’
‘Nothing, obviously.’ Chris shifted in his seat, clearly uncomfortable. ‘But I don’t like you talking about Walter behind his back. Leave him out of it.’
Perhaps realising he’d gone too far, Brody shrugged. He turned his glass upside down and shook a single drop onto the floor. ‘All gone. Who’s for a refill?’
‘Slow down, mate.’
‘Piss off.’ He stood up, swaying a little, and peered at Chris’s glass. ‘Come on,
mate
, you’ve hardly touched yours. Make an effort.’
I was quickly running out of patience with Brody. I was tired, my forehead was hurting and I wanted to go to sleep. The headache that had been bothering me earlier was back, and this time it had brought reinforcements. For the sake of neighbourliness I had dragged myself up to his flat but I was not prepared to put up with drunken scene-making. I stood up.
‘You know, I’d love to stay, but I’m going to have to leave. I’ve got work in the morning and those serious crimes won’t investigate themselves.’
‘What about your drink?’
‘You can have it.’ I slid it across the table towards Brody. ‘Sorry, but I really shouldn’t be drinking anything stronger than tea tonight anyway.’
‘So have tea.’ It was Chris who spoke. He had got to his feet as well. ‘Don’t worry about Brody. Just ignore him. He’s attention seeking.’
Brody snorted. ‘If I wanted your attention I could be a whole lot more drastic about how I got it, believe me.’
‘Stay a bit longer,’ Chris said, almost pleading. ‘I’ll make you some tea. I’ll make us all some tea.’
‘Another time.’ I smiled at him, privately promising myself that it would never happen.
‘You
twat
, Brody. Thanks for spoiling a nice evening.’ Chris looked genuinely annoyed.
‘By doing what exactly? Trying to enjoy myself? Excuse the fuck out of me.’ He threw himself back into his seat, took a slug out of my glass and coughed.
‘You’re excused,’ Chris said under his breath. ‘Maeve, I don’t blame you for not wanting to be here. I don’t want to be here either. I’ll walk you down.’
‘There’s really no need. I can find my own way to my flat.’
‘Well, I’m leaving too. So we can ignore each other and keep our distance, or we can walk down together.’ He gave me his surprisingly charming lopsided smile. ‘I know which I’d prefer, but maybe you have a different view.’
‘Well, if you’re leaving anyway, I can’t object.’ I looked down at Brody. ‘Thank you for the hospitality. Sorry I couldn’t stay longer.’
‘No, you’re not. You’re a pair of fuckers and I can’t believe you’re leaving me on my own.’
‘Too bad,’ Chris said with a toughness I wouldn’t have expected from him. He raised his eyebrows at me. ‘Shall we?’
‘You’ll be back,’ Brody said from the depths of his armchair. ‘And you’ll be welcome, Maeve. But you, Chris, you can forget it. You’re dead to me.’
Chris sighed in a martyred way but didn’t respond, and neither did I. I took a long look at the room as I left it. I had a feeling I wouldn’t be back any time soon.
Once the door closed behind us, Chris’s shoulders slumped. ‘I’m really sorry to have dragged you into that. He’s not himself. I think he’s depressed about being kicked off his show.’
‘No one likes being unemployed,’ I said, trying to sound understanding. It was hard to concentrate when I felt as if my bones had been replaced with damp cotton wool. ‘And you hardly dragged me up here. I came of my own free will.’
‘You came because Brody wouldn’t have left you alone if you hadn’t agreed to it.’
‘Which is nothing to do with you, so there’s no need to apologise.’
‘Okay, then. But I still feel guilty.’
Chris was staring at me with big sad-puppy eyes but I had run out of sympathy, or at least the energy to express it.
‘And you promise me he’s not always like that.’
‘He’s not great when he’s drinking, put it that way.’
‘I’ve never seen two and a half gins go further. He doesn’t seem to have much of a head for it.’
‘He doesn’t drink much usually. Bad for his weight and his skin, he told me. So when he does get drunk, he really goes for it.’ Chris shook his head disapprovingly. ‘Anyway, never mind him. How are you?’
I was taking my time negotiating the stairs, holding on to the banister. ‘Just tired, I think.’
‘Are you sure? You’re looking quite pale.’
‘How can you tell in this light?’ The stairwell was gloomy; I could barely see his face even though it was close to mine when I turned. ‘I’m fine. I got checked over at the hospital. No concussion, they promised me.’
And yet I was feeling woozy. I wondered with a flicker of concern if they’d missed something, if I shouldn’t have been sent home. Or maybe I was getting the flu. Chris was still peering at me.
‘I’m fine, I promise you,’ I said again.
‘You’re walking like you’re hurt. That bang on your head isn’t the only damage, is it?’
‘It’s not serious.’
‘I’ve got painkillers, if you want. Ibuprofen, definitely, and I might have some codeine somewhere. I could pop over.’
No more socialising
. I forced a smile. ‘Thanks, Chris. There’s no need.’
‘It’s no trouble.’
We turned onto the last flight of stairs and the ‘Hallelujah’ chorus started up in my head at the sight of my own front door, the promise of peace and privacy. ‘I just want to go to bed.’
Before Chris could reply, a shadow moved behind the stained-glass inlay of the front door. A second later the bell rang.
‘I’ll get it.’ Chris slipped past me and ran down the last few steps, fumbling at the door as if he was too conscious of me watching to be anything but clumsy. He pulled it open, but only a few inches, peering through the narrow gap suspiciously. Everything about his body language suggested he wanted to slam it closed again, but he didn’t quite dare. He settled for saying, in a tone that was borderline rude, ‘What do you want?’
Curious, I leaned sideways to catch a glimpse of who was outside, and when I did, my heart jumped.
‘Rob.’ My voice wavered as I said his name. He pushed past Chris as if there was no one barring the door and came towards me.
‘Are you okay?’
I nodded, clutching at the last shreds of my composure as I wondered why it was I felt like crying. ‘It’s nothing.’
He had stopped on the step below mine. ‘Doesn’t look like nothing. Did you put ice on it?’
‘Isn’t that my line?’
‘It’s late.’ I had forgotten Chris was there, but he was still standing by the door, watching us. ‘Maeve’s tired. She was just going to bed.’
Rob twisted around to stare at him, stony-faced. ‘Then it looks as if I turned up in the nick of time, doesn’t it?’
Chris reddened, but whether it was with embarrassment or anger I couldn’t tell. ‘You should leave.’
‘Not happening, pal.’
Chris might as well have tried to argue with the furniture; he wasn’t going to get anywhere. As if he realised that, he switched his focus to me. ‘Walter doesn’t want him here. You could get in trouble.’
‘I’ll talk to Walter if he’s upset about it.’ I kept my voice very calm, reassuring him. ‘Look, Chris, I know you’re worried about me and I do appreciate it, but I’m all right. And I’m quite capable of telling Rob to leave if I want him to.’
‘Better believe it.’ Taking his cue from me, Rob sounded more amused than hostile. ‘I wouldn’t dare argue about it either.’
Chris ignored him. His eyes were still fixed on me. ‘You know where I am if you need me, Maeve. Just knock on the door. Any time.’
I was trying very hard not to laugh, knowing that it was absolutely essential to allow Chris to believe I might need to call on him. I wanted to leave him with his self-respect intact, even if his dignity was long gone. ‘Right. Thanks again.’ I turned to Rob, not quite catching his eye. ‘We should go into my flat. Stop causing a commotion in the hall.’
‘You’re right. Much better to cause a commotion in private.’ He nodded to Chris, who had gone red again. ‘See you later.’
I unlocked the door and pushed him through it with minimal concern for either his well-being or the paintwork. I shut it firmly behind us, seeing Chris still staring at me through the narrowing gap before I did so.
‘Remember, just knock on the door. Any time.’ Rob was leaning against the wall, an innocent expression on his face, when I turned around. I frowned at him.
‘Can I just point out that I have to live here?’
‘So?’
‘So stop taking the piss out of my neighbour, please.’
‘Come on, Maeve. You can’t expect me to take him seriously. It was like being threatened by a not-very-fierce rabbit.’
‘Rabbits can bite,’ I said vaguely.
Rob looked at me quizzically. ‘Have you eaten?’
I shook my head.
‘Typical. I should have brought something with me.’ He peeled himself away from the wall. ‘I suppose there’s no point in hoping there’s anything in the fridge.’
‘You don’t have to take responsibility for feeding me.’ I wandered after him, standing in the door of the kitchen as he inspected the contents of the cupboards.
‘So, basically, you’ve just got eggs. I’ll do you an omelette.’ He glanced up at me and winced. ‘Let’s have a proper look at you. I could see fuck all on the stairs.’
I started to back away but he took me by the arms, pulling me into the kitchen so he could see me clearly.
‘It was just a stupid accident.’ I could feel myself starting to blush at his close scrutiny.
‘I heard you got pushed over.’
‘Yeah, by Derwent. He put me on the ground. For my own good, apparently.’
‘Is that so?’ Rob was frowning. ‘Why don’t you tell me about it while I do the cooking?’
I levered myself up onto the counter and swung my legs, knocking my heels against the cupboard doors as I filled him in on the events of the day. It reminded me a little too much of the last time he had been in my flat, and I resolved not to pick a fight with him this time. He made no comment on what Derwent had done in Forgrave’s flat, but he was interested in Godley’s reaction to Skinner’s taunts, and how he had been at the hospital.
‘Sounds as if the boss was pretty close to the edge.’
‘You’re not wrong. I’ve never seen him like that.’ I shivered. ‘It was just rage. He’s always so calm. At least outwardly.’
‘Yeah, I think that’s the point. There’s a lot more going on there than he ever shows the likes of us.’
‘Don’t you think it’s disturbing though? That he lost control like that?’
Rob didn’t answer straightaway, as if he was choosing his words carefully. ‘I think that if anyone threatened someone I loved, I’d find it hard to restrain myself.’
‘Not in those circumstances, surely.’
‘Absolutely in those circumstances.’ He looked up, his eyes steady. ‘If you love someone, the rules change. Reason goes out the window. You’d do anything for them. That’s the point.’
I was annoyed to find my heart thumping against my ribs. I couldn’t look away from him. What I said in the end was a slightly sharp-edged. ‘Remind me, why are you here?
‘I was worried about you. I wanted to know you were all right.’
‘You should have phoned. I’d have told you how I was.’
‘I wouldn’t have believed you.’ He laughed. ‘Come off it, Maeve. We both know you’d have said you were fine.’
‘Which is the truth.’
‘Which is total rubbish, actually. You look dreadful.’
‘Thanks very much.’
He tipped the egg mixture into the frying pan and swirled it around. ‘This is how you make an omelette, by the way.’
‘I can see the broken eggs from here.’
‘Well, watch and learn.’
I pointed with my toe. ‘You haven’t noticed, but I fixed the tap too.’
‘I had, actually. Well done.’
‘I did it after you left.’ I had needed something to take my mind off what had happened.
‘How long did it take you?’
‘Hours. I had to ring Dec halfway through for advice.’
‘I’d have done it for you.’
‘I know. But I didn’t want to ask you.’ I hesitated, then plunged in. ‘And I didn’t want to ask you to come over tonight, but I’m really glad you’re here.’
‘That’s a relief.’
I waited, but he didn’t say anything else. I could see why. I was the one who had insisted on ending it before. Twice, now. The last thing he had said was that he wouldn’t change his mind, that over was over, and Rob generally meant what he said. I had told him I didn’t want us to be together because I was afraid of risking everything I’d worked so hard to achieve, but suddenly I was more afraid of losing him. I fought panic, knowing that I might have missed my opportunity, knowing suddenly what that would mean to me.
He had been concentrating on the pan, tilting it sideways to coax the uncooked egg to the edge. He glanced up briefly and then looked again. ‘What’s the matter?’
I blinked unshed tears away. ‘Nothing.’
‘Let me guess. You’re fine.’
Something about the resignation in his voice made me lose my grip on myself. I put my hands up to my face to hide it from him as I sobbed, ‘I’m not fine. I’m not. And I miss you. And I know I’ve made a complete mess of it, but I was just trying to do the right thing.’ I dropped my hands and said, slightly desperately, ‘If you could just forget what I said before …’