Authors: Lauren Rowe
He sighs. “You’re such a pain in the ass, you know that, woman?”
“Yes.”
He rolls his eyes. “A little over a year ago, I went on a date with this woman and she faked having an orgasm—”
“Yes, I know, the woman who inspired you to seek
redemption
the second time around. I really should buy that lady a bottle of the finest champagne to thank her, by the way, since I’m the one who’s benefited more than anyone from the higher learning she inspired.”
Jonas smiles. “How about I tell you this story after I lick you and make you come?” He reaches for my inner thigh.
I swat his hand way. “Nope.”
He frowns like a little boy denied a cookie.
“Come on. Spill.”
He exhales, resigned to his fate. “Thanks to that faker, I started reading up and studying and I realized for the first time what a gift it is to make a woman reach orgasm—how much effort it takes beyond just fucking her. Before then, I just thought, ‘If it feels good to me, it must feel good to her.’ I thought it was a crapshoot whether a woman comes or not, like out of my control—sometimes yes, sometimes no.” He smiles. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, my natural instincts were better than most, I’m not a complete Neanderthal—but the minute I started reading and learning, I realized there was so much more to it—so much technique to learn. I realized that if I wanted to make a woman come, I could, every single time. I just had to do it
right.
”
“Oh, God, you’re turning me on, Jonas.”
His face explodes with desire and his erection twitches. “Then let me lick you and make you scream.”
“You’ll have to finish your story first.” I tease him by caressing my breast.
His chest heaves. “So-then-I-licked-a-bunch-of-women-between-their-legs-and-made-them-come-whenever-I-wanted. The End.” He smiles and reaches for me.
I push him away again. “You’re so gross.”
He laughs.
“Seriously, though. I’m blown away I’ve finally discovered the one sex act you’ve never done before.”
“Oh, there are
lots
of sex acts I’ve never done before—and a whole bunch I’ve only done with you
.
”
Now I’m genuinely reeling. “What? I’ve been your
first
for some of this stuff?”
“For lots and lots of it.”
I blink quickly like he’s just given me mental whiplash. I sit up and look him in the eyes. “Babe. What are you talking about? I’m totally confused.”
He puts his hand on my cheek and kisses me. “My Magnificent Sarah,” he says, nipping at my jawline. “You turn me on, baby. Do you have any idea how much you turn me on?” His hand softly brushes my breast.
Blood rushes between my legs. “No, Jonas. Tell me.”
“How ‘bout you give me a little taste first—your pussy’s calling to me like a siren, woman.”
“No.”
He pouts.
“Tell me.”
He grunts and sighs. “Before I found religion, so to speak, I’d already had plenty of sex
,
of course, with hook-ups, girlfriends, flings, one-night stands. All the typical stuff—fucking, oral, threesomes—I did it all. But never, ever like it is with you. Never like, you know... ” His eyes sparkle. “Going to
church
.” His face lights up. “And then
after
I found religion, after I’d started studying and learning and seeking out women to practice on, sex for me was always about making a woman come harder than she ever had, making her
surrender
to me—becoming
God
.” He rolls his eyes at that last part.
“Redemption,” I say quietly, a light bulb suddenly going off in my head. How have I not understood before this moment how thoroughly Jonas’ need for redemption has pervaded his entire life? “Everything you do, even sex, is about redeeming yourself, Jonas. Proving you’re not worthless.”
He stares at me for a long beat. “Yeah,” he finally says. “I guess so.” He flashes me those mournful eyes. “Huh.” There’s another long beat. “So, anyway, I’ve always wanted to make my sexual partners surrender to me, but I never... ” He twists his mouth. “I never wanted to be the one who surrendered
.
” He swallows hard. “So, you know, to answer your question, I haven’t done a whole lot of stuff that puts me on the receiving end of things—stuff like The Peep Show. I’ve always steered things in the opposite direction.”
I can barely contain my bodily impulses right now.
“But what about before this past year—before your ‘quest for
sexcellence
?’ You’ve had girlfriends before all that—what about receiving from them?”
“Occasionally, sure. But before you, my girlfriends were pretty uptight. I guess I picked girls who made it easy for me to
suppress
rather than
reveal
. Yeah, I’ve had girlfriends before you, but this is the first time I’ve been a true
boyfriend
in return—the first time I’ve
revealed.
”
I’m electrified. “But what about all those one-night stands? I can’t believe you didn’t try sex every which way... ?”
“Think about it. When you fuck a different woman every night, and your only goal is making your partner come hard, you actually wind up being
less
experimental, not
more
. You’ve got one, maybe two, shots to make this stranger come like a rocket, so you wind up having certain go-to moves you fall back on again and again, just to be absolutely sure you succeed.”
“So all those sexual positions we’ve been doing?”
“I’m trying most of them out with you.”
My entire body flutters with excitement. “The butterfly?”
He looks shy. “Just you. My beautiful butterfly.”
My clit zings like he’s just licked me there. “The ballerina?”
“Who else but you could even stand like that, let alone get fucked like that?”
My head is spinning. “What about that upside-down sixty-nine thing we did the day we got back from Belize?”
“Just you.”
“But right before we did it you said it turns you on and—”
“I was talking about sixty-nining
in general. I’ve done
that
before, sure, but not that crazy-ass acrobatic thing. I’ve always wanted to try that—but who would I have done that with besides you?” He sighs, enraptured. “That was amazing.”
I’m ridiculously turned on. “Oh, Jonas.” I shake my head. “I thought you’d done everything there is to do with a thousand other women.”
He shakes his head. “I licked ‘em and made ‘em come and then fucked ‘em just to get myself off. Nothing like what we’ve been doing. You’re my first on a ton of stuff I’ve always wanted to try—my sexy little guinea pig.”
I feel like a cat in heat, like I want to rub myself against his thigh.
“You’ve got to be plenty comfortable with someone to do some of the more adventurous stuff we’ve been doing—there’s got to be mutual
trust
.”
I grab his face and kiss him and he leans into me, ready to crawl on top of me and mount me. I push him back again and he groans.
“Come on, baby. I’m dying here. I can’t wait anymore,” he whimpers.
“Too bad.” I’m panting. I grab my laptop and call up the diagram labeled “peep show fellatio.” I click the back button on the website—an entire site devoted to every sexual position known to man, complete with animated diagrams, detailed instructions, and message boards—and navigate to the website’s home page. On the left-hand side of the page, there’s a lengthy menu of generalized categories like “face-to-face” and “sixty-nine” and “rear entry,” each category linking in turn to a series of more specific sub-options and demonstrative animations. I click the general link for “fellatio” and twelve animated blowjob diagrams fill the screen.
“What about these? Which of these have you already done?”
He looks through the images, his chest heaving. “Oh man,” he says. “Wow. Look at that one.” His erection twitches. “No. I’ve just had, you know, the basic blowjob—which is fucking awesome and I’m not complaining, believe me. Oh, and that one, of course, standing up like that, but I’d consider that pretty basic. Oh, and that one, too, sitting down like that.”
“But what about this one?” I click on a link.
He shakes his head and laughs. “Nope.”
“This one?”
“Uh, no. I don’t even
want
to do that one. I’d crush you.”
I look. “Yeah, agreed. Scratch that one. I wouldn’t survive it. But how about this one? Have you done that?”
“Nope.”
“Well, baby, it’s your lucky day. Today begins the Twelve Days of Fellatio-Christmas. We’re gonna do each and every one of these variations, right down the line—except ones that might literally crush me.” I laugh. “I might not be able to pull them all off with particular skill...” I glance down at one particularly enigmatic diagram and make a face. “Some of these look really challenging—I don’t even understand how some of these would work from a logistical standpoint—but I promise, I’ll give ‘em the ol’ college try.”
“Sarah, you don’t have to—”
“I
want
to.”
“Baby, listen, when I go down on you, it isn’t a tit for tat kind of thing. I
love
eating you out. I get off on tasting you. You’re delicious. I don’t do it to get something in return—”
I bend down and lick the tip of his penis and he instantly stops talking.
I look up at him. “You like tasting me?”
He inhales deeply. “It’s my favorite thing.”
“Well, that’s how I feel about sucking on you. It’s a total turn-on. I fantasize about doing it. I crave it. I dream about it. I like the way you taste. I like the way you feel in my mouth. I like the way you grab at my hair when I’m down there. I like the sounds you make.” I lick him again and he moans. “I feel powerful when I do it—like I own you.”
“Oh fuck, baby, I’m gonna blow my load before you even get started.”
I grip his shaft. “Well, then, I guess we’d better stop talking about it and start doing it. Look at that list again and tell me which one you wanna start with. I’m horny as hell right now.”
He looks at the computer and scrolls urgently through the options, his breathing labored.
“Well?”
“I can’t pick—asking me to pick is cruel.”
“What about this one?”
“Yes, please.”
“Or this one?”
“Yes, please.”
I laugh. “Which one do you want to try the most?”
“That’s like asking me to pick a favorite child. I love all my babies equally.”
I laugh again and take another look through the diagrams.
He tilts the computer toward himself. “Hey, why don’t we look at all the cunning options for you, too? That’d be fun.”
I tilt the computer back to me. “No, this is about
me
becoming a sexual samurai—you’ve already earned your sword.”
“Hang on.” He commandeers the computer from me again and clicks on the word “cunnilingus” on the side of the screen. When the options come up, he groans like I’ve just taken him into my mouth. “Just these little cartoons get me off like a motherfucker. I want to do them all to you right now.”
“Haven’t we already done them all by now?” I peer at the screen.
“Not this one,” Jonas says. He moans. “You’ve never lain on top of me like that. Oh, I want that. Oh, God, yes, that looks nice. Yes, please.”
He’s right. It looks incredible. But I shake it off. “This is supposed to be about me doing something for you.”
“Yeah, but you
would
be doing something for me, I promise.” He moans again. “I’d probably cream rinse your hair if you let me eat you like that one.” He points at another diagram in which the woman’s head dangles precariously close to the man’s penis. He shivers. “Oh, I want to do that one, Sarah.
Please.
” He moans. “Please, please.”
I shudder with desire. “That certainly does look delicious.”
He quivers again. “Let’s do it right now.” He reaches between my legs and touches me. When he feels how wet I am, he moans loudly again. “Come on.”
“Hang on,” I gasp. “Wait, Jonas.
Wait.
”
He pulls his hand back, pouting.
“It’s your turn to
receive
right now
.
”
He sighs and looks back at the computer, ignoring me. He clicks on another link. “We’ve never done this one before, have we? With your leg in the air like that?”
He’s missing my point here—I want to be the giver.
But I can’t resist sneaking a peek at whatever cunnilingus option he’s talking about this time. Oh God, it’s so tantalizing, it makes my clit flutter just looking at it. “Licking the Flagpole,” I read. “Oh, that one looks lovely.”
“I want that,” Jonas says like a kid in a candy shop. “Me want,” he adds, caveman-style. “Me. Want. Now.”
I grab the computer. “We’re way off track here. This is about me figuring out how to maximize
your
pleasure.”
“You couldn’t possibly maximize my pleasure any more than you already do, just by being your beautiful, tasty, delectable self.”
I blush. “But I really want to try some new things.”
He bites his lip. “Okay, fine. I’ve got a proposal for you, my little samurai in training.”
“What is it?”
“We’ll do this tit for tat style.”
“You really like that expression, don’t you?”
“Shh. Listen up.”
I make a smart-ass show of giving him my undivided attention.
“This is gonna be Jonas and Sarah’s Tit-for-Tat Adventure. Of course, you’ll be the Tit—”
“As usual.”
“And I’ll be the Tat. You’ll kick things off each time with whatever configuration of fellatio you desire and I’ll humbly and gratefully receive your precious gift—and then it’s my turn to do whatever the fuck I want to you, any way I please.” He shudders with excitement.
“Isn’t that what we do now—you do whatever you want to me, any way you please? What’s gonna be different about this?”
“Shh. Now it’s
official
—with rules and everything. Tit for tat. You give to me however you like—and then I’ll turn around and give back to you, however I damn well please.” He licks his lips.
“For twelve days,” I add. “It’ll be the Twelve Days of Blowjobs for you.”