Authors: A. L. Jackson
What the hell was I supposed to do?
I pulled my cell phone from my pocket, scrolled through, called her. She didn’t answer.
I left no message. This needed to be done face-to-face.
It was hell forcing myself back to go back to the office for an afternoon meeting I had. I was pointless, really. There was no focus, just images of her, the need that steadily built in my gut. The only thing I could see was Elizabeth. My life.
The second the meeting was adjourned, I headed straight for the door. I drove, my mind reeling and my heart pounding.
I couldn’t let this happen.
I wouldn’t.
This was my
family
. A family I’d always promised I’d fight for. That I’d live for.
Monday night had made me realize I wasn’t.
No more. I refused to sit stagnant. I wouldn’t let what was most important to me be ripped away.
I wouldn’t let him have them.
I jerked my car to a stop in front of Natalie and Matthew’s house. I jumped out.
What I was doing here, I didn’t really know. But other than me, Matthew and Natalie knew Elizabeth best. They’d taken care of her through the roughest times in her life.
This, it was the greatest tragedy either of us had ever faced. She had to have gone to them. Another shot of jealousy hit me. I wanted to be that person, the one Elizabeth turned to in her time of need. How had we pushed each other away when we needed each other most?
I banged at their door.
Movement rustled from the other side, and the door opened to Matthew. Uncertainty lined every inch of his face, his eyes narrowed in distinct concern as he took in the mess that had to be my expression. “Christian…hey, man. Are you okay?” He peered behind me as if he were looking for an explanation before he turned his focus back on me. “What’s going on?”
I shouldered by him and began to pace in the small entryway just inside their house. Every second that passed, I felt myself crumbling, my spirit thrashing, my control slipping a little closer to the edge. I tore at my hair before I looked back at the disquiet that had taken over Matthew’s entire demeanor.
He placed placating hands out in front of him. “Hey man, I don’t know what’s going on, but you need to cool off. You look like you’re about five seconds from having a coronary.”
I blinked, swallowed, tried to rein it in. It left me in a ragged exhale that trembled through my chest. “Is she seeing him?” I demanded.
I felt Natalie’s presence emerge behind me at the end of the hall.
“Who?” True confusion seemed to saturate Matthew. He let the door swing shut as he turned to fully face me. “What are you talking about, Christian?”
I shot a glance at Natalie, who squirmed, restless as she pressed her hand to the wall, as if she were holding herself up. Uncertainty washed her face as she frowned.
I jerked my attention back to Matthew. “You two need to tell me what is going on with Elizabeth. Is she seeing that asshole? And don’t lie to me.”
Just the notion sent another shudder convulsing through my veins.
Was she sleeping with him?
I choked over the thought. Nausea rolled in my stomach. I was coming unhinged.
“Christian, come on, man, take a breath or something. Settle down for a second, because I don’t have a single clue what you’re talking about.”
“Logan…Kelsey’s dad,” I clarified through hardened words. “Lizzie said Elizabeth has been over there, and I went over to Elizabeth’s to talk to her earlier today and she wasn’t home. She’s
always
home.”
Something like a smirk crested Matthew’s mouth. “Well, it’s about fucking time. I take it back…don’t calm down, because you’ve been sitting on your ass for far too long. It’s about time you fought for her.”
Natalie approached and placed a gentle hand on my back. “Why don’t we go sit on the couch?”
I didn’t resist, and I let her lead me around into their family room. I sank down onto the couch and buried my face in my hands.
Matthew plopped down in the recliner next to the couch, sat hunched over with his hands clasped between his knees.
Natalie settled beside me. Sorrow rolled from her, washed over me in burdened waves. A supportive hand found my knee. She squeezed it. “Tell us what’s going on.”
I raked my hands from my hair to my neck, blowing out a weighted breath. “I don’t know…I just…” I cut my eye to Natalie, looked at her in all honesty. Brown eyes, so much like
Elizabeth’s, blinked back at me. Emotion tightened my throat. I could barely speak.
“I’ve been
waiting
for her, Nat. Waiting for something to change, for
her
to make a change.” I raised my face to the ceiling. “I never once thought she’d make a change that didn’t include me. But this guy…he said something a couple of weeks ago, and I just got this
feeling
.” My mouth set in a grim line when I looked back at her. “Then on Monday, Lizzie told me she and Elizabeth had gone over there for a barbecue. Of course, to Lizzie, it was all in fun, but I know something’s going on.”
Speculation twisted Natalie’s expression, like what I’d said was an impossibility. I hoped to hell it was. “Do you
know
something is going on? Or do you
think
something is going on?” she asked.
In frustration, I drummed my fist to my forehead. “I don’t know…it’s just one of those things that hit me, you know?”
“Damn it.” Matthew scrubbed his palm over his face as if he didn’t want to believe it either. “Did you talk to her about it?”
“I’ve
tried
. I went over there on Tuesday and she said she couldn’t talk to me. I knew I had to get through to her, so I went back today, but she was
gone
.” I turned to Natalie, looking for some kind of reassurance. For her to tell me
something
. “She’s different, Nat. I can see it.”
Natalie’s voice was low, cautious. “You know I’d never lie to you, Christian, and I promise you, she’s never mentioned anything about this guy. But she hasn’t really talked to me about anything. I made her come out to lunch with us a couple weeks ago, and she had a meltdown right in the middle of the restaurant. But in the car…” She worked her jaw as she seemed to think back. “I thought maybe I’d gotten through to her. I told her it was time, and she promised me she would try.”
It is time
.
Those three words. Who knew they could be so destructive? Every time they were said, I lost a little more.
Hopelessly, I searched Natalie’s face. “What does that mean, she’s going to try?”
She shook her head, her words subdued with regret. “I honestly don’t know. But I’m worried she’s not capable of making the right decisions in her current state of mind. She can’t see through her grief, and I have no idea what’s really going on in her head. But the one thing I do know is the two of you belong together. Nothing is going to be right for either of you until you are.”
Matthew leaned forward, sitting on the very edge of his seat. “If she really is messing around with this guy, is it going to change anything? I mean, fuck, Christian.” His gaze fell on Natalie who fidgeted at my side. Adoration filled his eyes. His head slowly shook as he turned back to me. “I can’t even begin to imagine what you and Elizabeth have gone through, but I can guarantee you if I did, I wouldn’t stop until I got Natalie back.”
Tremors shook me, and I dropped my attention to the floor. Would it change the way I felt? Knowing she’d been with someone else? I swallowed hard. It would kill me. God, could I see through it?
Sitting back, I laid my head on the back of the couch as I crammed the heels of my hands against my eyes. A tortured groan flooded from my open mouth. “What the hell am I supposed to do?”
But I already knew the answer to that. There was only one.
I had to get her back.
Chapter Sixteen
Elizabeth
Present Day, Early October
“Are you ready, sweetie?” I leaned on the doorframe of Lizzie’s room and crossed my arms over my chest as I watched my daughter pack for her first sleepover.
“Almost…I just gotta get my toothbrush.” She was on her knees, stuffing her backpack full of things I was sure she really didn’t need—Barbies and little dolls, markers and stickers, and about different pairs of shoes.
Amusement tugged at me. This little girl was just too cute. I bit back my laughter as she struggled to close her zipper. “Do you really think you need to take all those dolls with you?” I asked.
“Uh-huh. Adriana has the same kind and we’re going to play with them
all
night,” she drew out.
I was betting she’d be asleep by ten.
She clamored to her feet, her little legs taking her as fast as they could as she rushed by me into the hall. I heard her digging through the drawer in her bathroom. She was back in seconds. She stuffed her toothbrush case into the side pocket, slung her backpack on her back, and grabbed her pink sleeping bag. She grinned as she rocked back on her heels. “All ready!”
“All right, let’s get you over there.”
She raced downstairs, and I followed her out into the cool evening air. I raised the garage door, and Lizzie climbed into the backseat of my car. I backed out and put the car in drive, couldn’t stop my smile as I glanced at my over-eager daughter through the rearview mirror. A suggestion of joy hinted at my heart, slowly pumping, pulsing through my veins. I drew in a breath.
“Are you excited,” I asked, knowing full well just how excited she was.
“I can’t even wait!” she squealed from her spot, holding her sleeping bag snugly on her lap.
At the stop sign at the end of the street, I peered at her reflection, searching, making sure my six-year-old child was really ready to take this big girl step.
I wasn’t entirely sure I was ready for it.
“Are you nervous at all?” My eyes narrowed in question.
She was growing up so fast. And the last few months had been such a blur. I felt as if I’d missed so much. Now, I had the urge to hold on, to cling to her, to relearn my little girl. No doubt, I’d missed much that had shaped her, missed all those little things that had been important to her life.
And as important as the little things were, I had to accept that I’d essentially been absent as Lizzie had to deal and grow accustomed to the trauma she’d been dragged through over the last few months. There was no question it had made a huge
impact on her life. Lives had been ripped apart when Lillie’s had ended, the hopes and dreams we’d all had crushed.
Sadness thrummed, beat along with that joy I now felt slipping through my veins.
God, these conflicting emotions were overwhelming.
I knew I had to talk to her about it, that I had to
talk
, when I’d done so very little of it since Lillie had been taken from us. Fear held me back, though, fear of opening myself up to the profusion of pain. But for Lizzie, I would, and I’d have to do it soon.
Lizzie’s gaze drifted out the window, and she seemed to ponder my question. She slowly turned back to me. “I don’t think so, Mommy. Maybe a little bit. My tummy kind of feels funny, but I think it’s in a good way.”
A soft smile curved my mouth. She was truly the most amazing child, the depth of her, the way she thought, and the keen way she looked at the world. I studied the road then glanced at her.
“Well, you know my cell phone number, right? If you feel scared at all or just want to talk, you can tell Adriana’s mommy that you want to call me, okay?”
“Okay, Mommy.”
I turned right onto a narrow neighborhood street and pulled up behind the line of cars parked on either side of the road.
Lizzie was already unbuckled and out the door by the time I went around to her side. She ran up the walkway ahead of me, scrambling up two steps to the ranch-style house, the front lined with lush trees. The front door opened before she had the chance to ring the bell.
Logan stepped out, waving behind him.
“Hey you two.” He flashed a wide smile when he noticed us there. He tapped Lizzie’s nose. “Are you excited for the party?” he asked her.
“Yes! I’m the most excited in my whole life. Is Kelsey already here?”
“She sure is. Already inside.” He inclined his head toward the door. “You better go catch up with her. She was asking for you.”
“Okay.” Lizzie raced inside.
I cast a small smile at Logan as I edged toward the entrance. “I’m glad Kelsey will be here tonight. That makes me feel better.”
“Me, too. I’ve been worrying about this all day.” He huffed a sigh. “Guess it’s time to let them grow up a bit.” He ambled down the two steps, turned to the side so he could slide by me. He gestured back to the house with his chin. “It’s pure mayhem in there. Prepare yourself. I don’t think I’ve ever seen so much pink in my life.”
I laughed and shook my head. “Thanks for the warning.”
“Not a problem.”
I stepped through the door and into the chaos happening inside. Girls ran, squealing as they howled with laughter. Streamers and balloons hung from what seemed every surface, confetti strewn across the entry table where the gifts were set. I set Lizzie’s gift down just as Dana, Adriana’s mom, rounded the corner.
Amusement filled her face. “Oh, hi. I thought I saw Lizzie blaze by me about five seconds ago.”
I offered an awkward smile as I tried to peer farther into her home. “Are you sure you can handle all these girls tonight?”
“Pfft.” She waved a dismissive hand. “They’ll be great. As long as they’re having fun, I figure I can handle it.”
“Well, you’re a brave woman.” I hesitated before I cast a cautious glance into the depths of her home. Turning back, I lowered my voice. “I really appreciate you having Lizzie. This is her first sleepover, so just give me a call if she can’t sleep or you need me to come pick her up or whatever.”
Understanding slipped into her expression. “Of course, Elizabeth. But please don’t worry, I think they’ll all be fine. We have tons of stuff planned for them, so I figure they’ll all pass out by the time bedtime rolls around.”
I nodded my thanks then slowly made my way to the end of the hall. The living space was large and open, the kitchen and family room separated only by a large island lined in barstools. Three little girls sat in the middle of the rug, playing dolls, why another handful of them ran wildly from room to room.