Read The Reluctant Goddess (The Montgomery Chronicles Book 2) Online
Authors: Karen Ranney
Tags: #paranormal, #romance, #paranormal romance, #vampire, #humor
Dogs leave paw prints on your heart
“I’m sorry, Charlie,” I said when I buckled up. I turned to him, my heart aching at the sight of his ravaged neck. “I’m so sorry.”
I started the car and pulled out into traffic, right after a Walmart truck and what looked like a million dollar motor home. Lots of bells and whistles, but it was still the slowest thing on the highway.
“The man’s a bastard.”
“You can say that again,” Charlie said.
I blinked, stared through the windshield, then reached over and turned off the radio. We traveled in silence for a few minutes while I wondered if I was having some sort of auditory hallucination.
“Of course, I haven't made it easy for you.”
I turned the radio back on, turned it off, and stared at Charlie.
“You are
not
talking to me,” I said. There, that sounded sane enough, right?
“I am, actually.”
My mouth dropped open and every thought flew from my head. I stared at the highway and told myself to concentrate on my driving. I didn’t want to fly off an overpass.
You didn’t see that guard rail, Miss Montgomery?
No, officer. I was too busy talking to my dog.
Next stop, your friendly mental health facility.
I glanced over at Charlie. His tongue was hanging out sideways and his mouth wasn’t moving.
"Charlie?"
He tilted his head a little.
I saw a rest stop sign. All I had to do was keep it together for a half mile. I stared straight ahead and when the sign with the arrow pointed to the turnoff, I pulled into the circular drive and stopped, put the car in park, and tried to calm my heart. I was up to about thirty beats a minute, which for me was practically stroking out.
My hands were frozen on the steering wheel as I stared straight ahead. I closed my eyes, took three deep breaths, but when I opened them, nothing had changed. I was sitting in my grandmother’s car, not far from a cinderblock building rest stop.
Charlie was regarding me with warm brown eyes.
I pressed both hands against my mouth, certain I was losing my mind. Vampires and witches and ghosts, oh my. What next? The Loch Ness monster in my bathtub? A gaggle of wizards overseeing my shower? A succubus in my bed?
I must have struck my head in the explosion at Ye Olde Bookshop. I should have gotten help for myself along with Charlie. But look how well that had turned out for him.
"Even if you hadn't said that," Charlie said. "I wouldn’t have gone back. That is one mean son of a bitch. Not that I like speaking ill of anyone.”
I closed my eyes, then opened them again. No, Charlie was still on the passenger seat, his paws on the console.
Watch Marcie Montgomery lose her mind. Come one, come all.
Maybe I should whip out my borrowed phone and take a picture of him talking. Exhibit 1, Your Honor, the canine talking trash and throwing shade.
Dan pulled up next to me. He rolled down the passenger window and I did the same with mine, plastering a smile on my face that felt fake. I wondered if it looked the same.
"What's wrong, Marcie?"
"Nothing," I said grinning at him brightly. "I just realized I didn't get any treats for Charlie. Would you mind going back to the grocery store and picking up some peanut butter cookies? He loves peanut butter cookies. I think he should have some peanut butter cookies, today of all days, right?”
Dan was looking at me funny and I couldn't blame him.
"I'm sure we have something at the castle he’d like."
I had to get rid of Dan so I could talk to my ventriloquist dog.
"Please, Dan. Would you mind? I would feel so much better if I could give him a peanut butter cookie."
Did I sound as stupid to him as I did to myself? I think so, but the look on his face was a cross between trying to be sympathetic while thinking I was a loon.
I had to agree with him.
"There's a Walgreens about a mile from here," he said. “We'll pull in there. I'm sure they have peanut butter cookies.”
I nodded, my head going back and forth and up and down like one of those spring-loaded dashboard dolls. Hula Loon.
At least Charlie hadn't said anything in front of Dan.
The minute Dan pulled off, with a command to follow him, Charlie started speaking again.
"I'm sorry, Marcie. But I thought now was as good a time as any to announce myself."
“Why now?”
“You weren’t ready before.”
And I was now?
My hands were shaking on the wheel. I ignored Charlie for the time being, conscious of Dan checking his rearview mirror repeatedly.
I was afraid, honestly afraid, that I was going to lose it any moment. I didn't want Dan to see me throw my hands up in the air and start screaming like a banshee. I pulled into a parking spot next to Dan, gave him a little finger wave as he left his car and went inside Walgreens.
I turned to Charlie.
“Have you got on one of those trick collars? Something like a GoPro camera but with a speaker?"
"Marcie, I'm sorry to be doing this to you. I understand how you’re disoriented. I felt the same when I found myself inside a dog. I treated them enough in my lifetime. I never thought to be one, however."
Where were you when Ms. Montgomery lost her composure?
I object, Your Honor, to the characterization of my client as losing her composure.
I consider tearing out her hair and screaming at the top of her lungs to be losing her composure, Your Honor.
There is no reason for this bickering, gentlemen. We're here to decide whether or not Ms. Montgomery needs to be institutionalized.
Oh my God.
I put my head back against the head rest and counted to ten, very slowly.
Maybe it was my grandmother's potion. Maybe I had just had enough of this vampire thing and it was wigging me out. Maybe my mother had infiltrated the castle’s water supply and given me a dose of something poisonous. Maybe I had a brain tumor and all of this stuff, from becoming a vampire to hearing a dog talk to me was only a symptom of a malignant tumor.
I slitted open one eye and glanced at Charlie.
If I believed in vampires and shape shifters and creatures of the night, including those I had yet to meet, why couldn't I believe in a talking dog? On the face of it, a talking dog was one of the lesser things that had happened to me.
“It’s going to be all right.”
I knew that voice.
"Ophelia?"
"I'm here," she said and it seemed to me that her tone was very gentle, almost reassuring. Be nice to the crazy vampire.
"Reincarnation?"
For some reason I was only capable of uttering one word questions. Thankfully, Ophelia didn't need much pressuring.
"No, I don't actually think no. I've never read of anything like this happening, but it doesn't mean that it hasn’t before. I think I'm a ghost.”
A ghost in a golden retriever suit, just what I need.
I reached out with one shaking hand and placed it on Charlie’s/Opie’s warm head.
I stared through the windshield. I was listening to a golden retriever. Not just a regular golden retriever, but one that had once been a vampire.
“Maddock is a master vampire," I said in a reasonable voice, as if it were rational talking to a dog. “But you attacked him.”
"He smelled wrong," she said. “It’s because of my nose, of course. Dogs are so much more talented with their noses than people could ever be."
Of course the dog was lecturing me on olfactory science.
“Thank you for saving me from Maddock.” Marcie the Polite. Even while losing your mind, always be gracious.
"It was the least I could do."
"How did you get out of my apartment?"
The night I’d “adopted” Charlie, if the word could be used, I’d left him in my apartment alone. I thought I was going to the annual vampire bash, but it turned out that Meng betrayed me and delivered me up to Niccolo Maddock. By the time I’d returned home, which required me rappelling down the side of a very tall house and hiding with the bullfrogs, Charlie had disappeared.
"About that, Marcie. Quite a few people came into your apartment when you were gone. I just managed to leave through an open door. If I had opposable thumbs, I would have opened it myself."
“Who came into my apartment?"
"Maddock, for one. That woman who hangs around with him.”
I couldn't remember the name of Maddock’s mistress, but the idea of her prowling through my belongings would have ramped up my rage. I would get angry as soon as I got sane.
“Here you go,” Dan said, holding up a plastic bag. I opened the car window, smiled that idiotic smile again, and prayed Charlie wouldn’t say anything.
“I got two packages of peanut butter cookies,” he said, still looking at me funny.
I thanked him and watched as he got into his car, glancing back at me as he did so.
When he pulled off, I turned to Charlie.
“When we get back to the castle, don't say anything to anybody else."
"I haven't so far, have I?"
I followed Dan. We were only a few miles from the castle, so I had to get my equilibrium back before we hit the gates of Arthur’s Folly.
"So, are you liking being a golden retriever?"
"Well, I guess it's better than being a hamster. Are you liking being a goddess?”
That question earned a quick glance. “You know about that?”
“You talked to me a lot.”
I nodded. “How much of Charlie is you and how much is, well, Charlie?"
"I would have to say about equal. He does doggy things and I go along with it. I want to investigate human things so he has no choice but to take me where I want to go. We both wanted to leave his owner.”
“I’m sorry about that.”
“I know you didn’t want to let me go to him.”
I was talking to a golden retriever. Or he was talking to me. Or he was a she who had once been a vet. I glanced over at Charlie. His mouth didn’t actually move. What I was hearing was not a voice as much as words in my head.
“Are you punishing me by haunting me?”
“Why would I do that?”
“I got you killed.”
Charlie licked his lips. “Nonsense. You did something nice for me. You loaned me your sweater.”
“What is this, karma?”
“I don’t know,” she said. “I think I should know and sometimes I do, but then I start thinking about kibble and every thought flies out of my head.”
I knew how that felt.
“It’s very odd being a dog, especially an intact male.”
How did I even answer that?
I should've been reassured by her presence as a dog. After all, I’d attended her funeral, which meant the soul lived on. But I was a little disheartened by the fact I could be a snail or a cockroach in the next life.
“Are you stuck being a dog?"
"You're asking the wrong person," Opie said. "I have no idea. It gives a veterinarian a unique perspective on treatment, however. I would love to be able to communicate what I know to my fellow practitioners, especially the people in my own practice."
I could just imagine how that would go, but stranger things that happened, especially in the last two months.
“I’m sorry my mother ran you over.”
Charlie tilted his head a little. “I don’t hold you responsible,” Opie said. “It just happened.”
“Kenisha does. She holds me very much responsible.”
Charlie placed his head on his paws. “I’m sorry about that. She and I became good friends, but she really shouldn’t blame you.”
“It’s the cop in her,” I said.
Charlie sighed heavily.
“I think that’s why I’m here. I think I’m supposed to reassure you that you weren’t responsible. Maybe even protect you.”
“Well, you certainly did that. Thank you.”
I grabbed the steering wheel tightly, wishing I knew what to say to a ghost turned into a dog.
“Does that mean you’ll become something else now? Go poof and turn into a hamster after all?”
“I don’t know the answer to that, either.”
That made two of us.
When we got back to the castle, Dan carried Charlie, leading the way to what I considered the hospital wing. I was right beside him. I wasn’t letting Charlie out of my sight.
I didn’t care if the ice cream melted, a sure and certain sign of my devotion to my ghost-ridden retriever.
Dan turned left instead of right and halted in front of a closed door. I brushed in front of him and opened it.
I had to stop being surprised at what I found in the castle.
The layout wasn’t that different from the vet’s office. A stainless steel table sat in the middle of the room. A sink, counter and cabinets were on the other side. The service, however, was impeccable. No waiting. No time for angst.
The minute we entered, a young woman came into the room from the other door. She looked like a high school senior, her long black hair pulled back from a beautiful round face.
She glanced at Dan, nodded, then bent and began to examine Charlie. In the next minute she earned my admiration not only for the gentleness with which she examined Charlie, but for her anger.