The Return of Brody McBride (29 page)

“I’ll take you anywhere you want to go.”

She smiled softly, more to placate him than anything else.

“You seem to think I gave up everything and gained nothing. That simply isn’t true. The things I wanted when I was sixteen aren’t the same things I want now. Life, time, experiences change the things we want and our perspective on the things we decide are worth giving up for something else.”

“You wanted me then. Has that changed?”

“How can you ask me such a stupid question after what we shared last night?”

“Because I feel guilty about the mess I left for you to clean up. Because if it was me, I’d resent the hell out of you for having the life I’d wanted and never got to have.”

She came to him then. The weight of his guilt settled like a lead brick in his gut.

“Maybe things happened for a reason. Maybe you needed time to realize the dreams I had for myself were dreams you could have for yourself. You always thought you weren’t smart enough, or good enough. Your father had a lot to do with that, and maybe if he’d given you the words he gave to me when the girls were born, things could have been different for you. Whatever the reasons for the way things happened, there was a reason. I’ve had a lot of time to imagine how things could have been if you’d stayed. Can you imagine how tumultuous our lives could have been if you’d stayed?”

Too easily Brody conjured images and scenarios of how Roxy would have made their lives a living hell. How he and Rain would have fought and grown apart because of what he’d done and because Roxy would never leave them alone to raise the girls. She’d have been a constant thorn in his side, gangrene eating away everything good in his life until everything was poisoned and dying. Not to mention the life Autumn would have endured.

“Exactly,” Rain said, reading his mind. Not difficult. They both knew what Roxy was capable of doing. Rain maybe more so.

“I’ve been thinking a lot over the last few days.”

“Why doesn’t that sound like good news to me?” he asked, only half kidding.

“Probably because, like you, I’ve had to deal with a lot of changes in a short time. It’s not easy to make decisions when you’re bombarded and your thoughts are scattered.”

“Great sex will do that to you.”

He loved it when she laughed like that.

“I’ll have to take your word for it. You’re my only reference.”

“Another thing I boxed you into.”

“When you’ve had the best, you don’t go looking for mediocre.”

He’d been with other women and shared an apartment with one of them. He’d had a lot of less than mediocre because none of them had even come close to her. He couldn’t say that to her.

“Brody, stop worrying and analyzing the life you had away from me with the life I had here with the girls. They aren’t the same because you and I aren’t the same.”

“I’m the asshole who left the best behind, left a trail of not-worth-mentioning behind me, and lived out several of your dreams.”

“You’re also the man who went off to war, defended our country and the rights of others to have a life free from tyranny and hate. You came back to face me, knowing I might slam the door in your face again. When you found out about the girls, you didn’t hesitate to claim them as yours, love them with your whole heart, and take on being a father without blinking.”

“That was easy. You’re scary as hell.”

“Why, Brody?”

“Because I don’t know what you want.”

“I’m a simple girl. I want the same thing I wanted when I was ten and you kissed me for the first time. I want you, Brody. I’ve always wanted you.”

“You said
when
we get married.”

“You caught that, huh?”

“A drowning man needs a lifeline.”

“I’d never let you sink.”

“No, you wouldn’t. So, tell me what you want, and I’ll make it happen.”

“You want a list,” she asked on a laugh.

He stood and closed the distance between them without actually touching her. Somehow, that smart remark made him feel better.

“That would be very convenient. I could mark them off one by one until I had you.”

“Oh, Brody. You have me.” She stepped to him and put her arms around his neck, her body pressed down the length of him. She smelled like flowers and citrus. Warm and pliant in his arms, he drew her even closer with his hands at her lower back. His whole body woke up to her. His hard cock was painful against the fly of his jeans.

“I never thanked you for what you did last night,” he said, kissing her temple, inhaling her sweet scent.

“I think I should thank you.” She nibbled at his lips with each of her words. “Once, twice, and again, four times, five.”

His laugh burst free when he tried to keep a straight face. “You’re a couple up on me, but I guess I owe you.”

“Big time,” she agreed, pulling him close and kissing his neck.

He tightened his hold on her hips and rocked his erection into the V of her thighs. Not good. That made the throbbing worse. He wanted to strip her bare and bury himself in her right here on the kitchen floor.

Serious again, he stopped playing and waited for her eyes to meet his. “I meant the way you brought me out of the nightmare last night.”

“Oh well, that was my pleasure,” she purred.

He grabbed her shoulders and held her. Completely serious, he refused to let her joke away the significance of what she’d done for him.

“I mean it, Rain. Every night I lay down knowing what’s waiting for me in the dark. Most nights, I’m lucky to get a couple hours of sleep, which makes the anxiety that much harder to control. Having you with me last night . . . you not only chased away the dream, you made me forget it entirely. Though we didn’t get a lot of sleep last night, it was the best sleep I’ve gotten in months. Even when I was overseas, it was hard to get more than a few hours of sleep sometimes, but I never could rest. This morning when I woke up . . . I felt better.”

Her hand lay over his heart and he took in the comfort of it. Sometimes when he came back in from a dangerous mission, hopped up on adrenaline and a good healthy dose of waning fear, he’d sit among his men and pretend he could feel her hand over his heart, her love magically seeping into him. Two minutes of that and he could breathe easy again, put the mission out of his mind and fill it with images and memories of Rain.

“Brody, you’re having a difficult time adjusting. We haven’t really had time to talk about what happened to you, the things you saw and did. We’ll need to soon, because I need to know how I can help you.”

“You help me just by being with me.” That didn’t seem to take the troubled look out of her eyes. “You’re worried about me.”

“Of course I am.”

“You’re concerned about me being around the girls, that I might . . . that something might happen.”

“I told them if something happened, where you weren’t responding to them, or acted strangely, they should get me or Owen immediately.”

“What if you’re not around?”

“I told them to stay away from you, but watch you to make sure you didn’t hurt yourself.”

“Great. What mom has to tell her kids to stay away from their father because he’s lost his mind?”

She grabbed the front of his T-shirt with both hands and shook him.

“You listen to me, I don’t want to hear you talk like that. Not to me and not to the girls. You haven’t lost your mind. You’ve been through a series of traumatic events. You’ve been shot and cut up and nearly died in an explosion.” The last was said at the top of her lungs.

Tears ran down her cheeks, stunning him. Her hands shook against his chest. For the first time, he realized she’d been here, probably hoping and praying she didn’t have to tell their girls their father was dead, and they’d never get to meet him.

He pulled her close, wrapped her in his arms, and laid his cheek on her head. “Sssh, sweetheart. It’s okay. I’m fine. Nothing’s wrong that won’t get better,” he assured her.

Oddly, he believed it himself, because he had Rain. He wanted to be well for her, Autumn, and Dawn. He’d do anything to never see the look in Rain’s eyes he saw when they’d been walking out of the pizza parlor. He’d scared her then, too.

“I thought you were going to die,” she sobbed.

“Ah, Rain. No way I’d leave you thinking I’m a complete bastard. You’re the reason I put myself through that grueling rehab day in and day out. My military career is over. I’m staying here with you.”

Rain had a lot of pent-up emotions. He’d been wrong about what she’d been holding inside. He should have known the things that bothered her the most about the past had nothing to do with her. As always, her concerns were for him. Always, everyone else in Rain’s life came first. He needed to do something to show her how much he appreciated her.

Chapter Twenty-Three

O
WEN ENTERED THE
kitchen and cleared his throat to get their attention. Brody kissed Rain, long and deep, telling her with his mouth how precious she was to him. Owen clicked open his briefcase behind them. He hated to let her go, but he had to . . . for now. He ended the kiss with a brush of his lips over hers. Her eyes still closed, he swept his thumbs over her cheeks, taking away the drying tears.

“I love you,” he whispered.

“You’ve said that more to me in the last few days than you ever did in the past.”

“I took you for granted. Let’s face it, you carried the bulk of the relationship while I sat back and figured we were together, what more did you want. It took me leaving to realize the reason I believed you wouldn’t forgive what I did was because I hadn’t done enough, loved you well enough, to give you a reason to want to forgive me.”

“You know that’s not true. I always knew you loved me. That’s why it was so hard to believe you’d throw it all away for her.”

“Not for her. The reasons are too stupid to go over again. This time, I’m not taking anything for granted. If I do, I want you to tell me. I want to make you happy, Rain.”

“To that end”—Owen drew their attention—“how about we discuss how to eliminate a very big threat.”

They made their way to the table. Brody smiled when Rain took a second to peek into the living room to check on the girls. Engrossed in their show, neither paid attention to the adults about to discuss something that could change all their lives.

Rain sat next to him. Because she was close, he smoothed his hand down her thigh and rested it on her knee.

“Okay, guys, tell me what you’ve been plotting behind my back.” Rain’s eyes fell on him and moved over to rest on Owen. “You guys look so guilty. Come on, tell me what you’re thinking.”

“We all agree she wants to get paid,” Brody said.

“How much will you give that bitch?”

“As little as possible and still get her to give me what we want,” he answered.

Owen placed a document on the table in front of them. “I’ve drawn up these papers. If you can get Roxy to sign them, they state she relinquishes her parental rights to Autumn. This document will open the door for Rain to adopt Autumn officially.” Owen took out another document. “If Brody can get her to sign, these are the adoption papers for you to sign, Rain. We’ll have a court date, and a judge will make the adoption official. I don’t think we’ll have any trouble convincing a judge you’re the best mother for Autumn. We have all the proof and documentation you’ve raised her since she was a baby.”

“Wait. I can adopt her even though we aren’t married?”

Brody’s chest went tight. Nothing in that question indicated she had any intention she planned to marry him. If she’d just said, married
yet
.

“You adopting Autumn isn’t contingent on our getting married. You’re her mother. Adopting her will give you parental rights. No one can take her from you. It will also give Autumn a sense of permanence and safety knowing she’s yours forever.”

“Without my marrying you,” Rain said again.

“Yes,” he said irritably.

“You said you wanted to get married.”

Brody slammed his hand on the table, frustrated and short-tempered when it came to this.

“Damnit, Rain. You don’t have to marry me just for the sake of the kids. I want you to be my wife because it’s what you want, not so you can have a piece of paper and a judge say what’s already true. You’re Autumn’s mother. We’ll make it legal, whether you marry me or not.”

He ground the heels of his hands into his eye sockets and tried to relax and believe his plans would all work out in the end.

“Brody, I was just surprised. I figured you’d make Roxy give you permanent custody and you and I would raise the girls together.”

“As husband and wife, or co-parents?”

“You keep talking about us getting married, but you never actually asked me to marry you.”

He opened his mouth to ask her. If that’s all it would take, fine. Easy. She slapped her hand over his mouth before he got a single word out. Inches away from his face, her eyes burned a hole into him.

“Don’t you think after everything that’s happened between us I deserve to be asked properly? Shouldn’t we have something special, something we do right? We shared one night, made a baby together, and then you were gone. I went through labor and delivery with my father by my side, but not the father of my baby. Can’t we do something the normal way for a change?”

He pulled her hand away, so he could answer with more than a nod of his head. “Okay, okay. I get it. You’re right. I’m a jerk.”

“Sometimes,” she agreed, but with little sting behind it. “Slow down, Brody. Take a breath. I’ve been in this house my whole life. I’m not going anywhere.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Nothing to be sorry about. It’s kind of nice to know you want to marry me that bad.”

“In the worst way,” he confirmed, and cocked up one side of his mouth in a lopsided grin.

Owen drew them back to the main topic. “So, once we have her signature on these papers, Roxy has no legal right to Autumn. If she takes her again, it will be kidnapping.”

“How will you boys get her to sign those papers?”

“Money,” Brody answered, but never really looked at her. He didn’t want to involve her in the dirty details right now. He had a couple of ideas. The last one depended on Rain and was absolutely a last resort. No matter what, he’d keep his family safe.