The Revenger (3 page)

The car passed, and Savvy had just sat up when the front door was yanked open.

“Savvy!” Tobias wasn’t keeping his voice down in respect of the early hour. “Savvy, goddamn it!”

She heard the worry in his voice and stepped out of the car. “Look, I’m right here.”

He sighed with relief the moment before he was overcome with anger. “You know, when you’re not where you’re supposed to be I assume you’ve tried again.”

Savvy hung her head at the mention of her suicide attempts. He’d done nothing to deserve this crappy of a sister. And he was right. Last night she’d gone looking for someone to kill her. Hurt her. Punish her.

She watched as he looked at the bucket in her hands and gave her a distinct glare that said
What the hell
without words.

“I was washing my car.” She spilled the remaining murky water out onto the grass.

“You’re washing your car with bleach? On the inside?” Tobias stepped toward her.

He must be cold.

Her brother was lean but muscular. The neighborhood girls would peek around bushes to get glimpses of his hard chest anytime he mowed the yard without his shirt. This morning they were most likely asleep and missing the show he put on in his flannel pajama bottoms.

“Let’s get inside.” Savvy brought the bucket and the bleach past her brother and into the house.

He followed her into the laundry room. “I’ll take an explanation any minute now.”

She turned but couldn’t get past him; he stood firmly in the doorway.

“I went out last night. I hit a deer. My window was open.” She was a horrible liar.

Her brother crossed his arms. “Really? I find that hard to believe since you don’t drive anywhere if you can help it.”

Savvy started pinching him, and he backed up. He hated to be pinched.

That’s it. I’ve cleaned up everything.
But when she looked at her feet, she remembered the clothes she’d worn last night. She couldn’t just leave them stuffed in the hamper. She marched past Tobias and gathered them into an incriminating bundle. He followed her through the house despite her shooing hand motions.

“Where are you going?”

In the kitchen, Savvy grabbed the lighter stick she’d used back when she needed birthday candles to shine for her precious little girl and swallowed the pain.
Is there nothing that doesn’t hurt?

Last night. Last night didn’t hurt.

She opened the back door with Tobias still following. He clearly wanted better answers, more answers. Savvy walked out to the burn barrel, and the memory pounced on her: The smell of burning leaves wafting in the windows, and her daughter asleep, safe in her bed. It was late, too late for yard work, but Kal worked so hard during the day. She had walked into the freshly raked yard barefoot, the soft grass tickling her toes. He’d sat facing the barrel, which had a ridiculously high flame as it burned the yard debris.

“I’ll have you know the ash from your insane fire is going to get all over my stuff,” she’d told him.

He’d looked over his shoulder at her, smiled as he took a swig of his beer. “Your stuff? This is our stuff, baby. If I want to light it on fire, I’m gonna do it.”

He’d reached his hand out for hers. She loved how big and warm he was, and she’d wrapped her fingers around his palm. He pulled until she fell off balance into his chair, settling on his lap.

“Well, far be it from me to damp down your cheerleader, pep-rally tendencies.” Savvy had wrinkled her nose as she insulted him.

He’d tickled her until she started slapping him. Finally, when her giggling had tapered off, he’d let his face get serious. “In all my days, I have never seen a sight as beautiful as you laughing. God, I love you so much.”

“You always have the best lines.” Savvy had been teasing, but she loved his words, his easy soul.

“Whatever it takes to get you to kiss me.” His teeth had been so white when he smiled at her.

She’d leaned up and kissed him, tasting the beer on his lips.

Instead of kissing anyone, now she tossed her clothes in the barrel and tried to get them to take the flame. They wouldn’t. Tobias disappeared from her side. When he returned, he took the lighter from her hand and poured gasoline over her bloody garments. He pushed her back, farther away, and lit the bonfire.

In the early, fresh-smelling morning, the flames seemed intrusive. But they matched the early sky perfectly.

“Look at me. Look at me.” Tobias ducked his head to see her face.

She reluctantly gave him her attention.

“I don’t care what happened last night. I just want you safe. All this blood? Are you okay?”

Savvy nodded.
Unleashing on a man with some sort of superhuman power has made me a little better
. She couldn’t tell him.

“I’m not even going to ask why we’re burning clothes and bleaching cars like fucking serial killers; I just need you to be okay.” He paused for a moment. “You never talk about them. You never talk about the accident. You spend your days in a graveyard. What am I supposed to do here? Tell me and I’ll do it.” Tobias looked so intent on fixing her.

“I can’t talk about…them.” She shrugged. Savvy didn’t want to spend the day silently crying again.

“Well, what about me?”

The fire raged up higher behind him. Savvy pulled his arm so he would be farther from the flames.

He didn’t acknowledge her efforts. “I miss them. I miss Sara,” he said.

At the sound of her daughter’s name, Savvy grabbed her middle. The pain sliced through her, through everything.

“I’m sorry. I don’t want to hurt you, but seeing you like this? It’s killing me. You need help. Let me get you help.” Tobias tried to hold her hand.

Savvy turned and walked toward the house, ignoring her brother’s offer, his willingness to be there for her. She spent the day in her room, blocking out his stomping around.

Night came, like it insisted on doing, and the darkness ignited her pain, her loneliness again. She wanted to think, to analyze what had happened to her. But she needed another hit. Though she couldn’t remember much, she knew without a doubt that
brutalizing the man had given her peace, given her sweet reminders of her family.

Savvy found another pair of heels in the back of her closet. She changed into jeans and a shirt, and slipping on the shoes gave her permission again. She began to feel powerful from her feet up. She climbed out through the same window she’d bleached clean earlier in the day.

Savvy started her car and drove into the distance, not sure what she was going to find.

And Soon

Toby felt relatively certain Savvy hadn’t seen him watching from the window, and once she pulled away, he was out the door and on his motorcycle before he could lose sight of her car.

She’s lost her mind. Again.

Watching his sister crumple in the aftermath of the accident had been horrifying. Savvy used to be known for her quick retorts, easy smiles, and happy attitude. Now she was a ghost of a shadow. And Toby had started to get frustrated. He missed his brother-in-law and, God, he missed his niece so fucking much, but Savvy needed some growth, some change. Evidently she’d grown frustrated too.

The first time he’d found her in the bathtub with a kitchen knife, he thought his heart would actually jump ship. Hours later, their good-for-nothing father had dropped by the hospital. Bruce had looked his son up and down before delivering his own diagnosis. “If you want to die, you don’t flop around in a bathtub. She’s not serious.” At that point Toby had asked his father to leave.

Over the next six months, Savvy had tried twice more to kill herself. Finally, Toby sat her down.

“Savvy, you’re still Kal’s wife and Sara’s mom. You can’t keep hurting the person they loved so very much.” He had squeezed her hand too hard as he spoke. He knew that.

“I want to feel them again,” she’d finally said. “I can’t feel them anymore.” Her voice was so quiet, Toby had to lean closer to hear her.

“Savvy, I can’t live life worried about you. Thinking of you killing yourself hurts me. You don’t love me enough? I’m your brother. Listen, let me move in, I’ll keep you company. The quiet has to be hard.” He’d tilted her chin until she saw him, saw his pain.

“I’m sorry,” she’d said. “I’ll be stronger. I won’t do it again.” Tears fell from her eyes. And she’d agreed to let him move in.

After that, Toby had to take her at her word, though it was tremendously difficult not to call her constantly from work. But as months went by her cuts healed into scars. His sister had never broken a promise to him in her life—whether it was to not eat her favorite candy out of his Easter basket or the vow she’d once made to come to every one of his football games.

Savvy continued her vigils at the cemetery, but Toby had decided to take that as a positive.

Now he watched as she used her car’s blinker and turned not toward the cemetery, but down the street that would take her to the worst part of town. Toby cut his headlight and followed her a little closer. His sister slowed down each time as she passed pedestrians.

What the Hell? Everyone knows not to stop in this part of town
.

Finally, she seemed to have spotted what she wanted and pulled over to the curb. Three huge men approached her car with smiles as she got out on the driver’s side.

Is she buying drugs?
Toby cut his engine and parked his bike. He left his helmet on in his rush to get to his sister’s side.

One of the men spoke up as they drew near. “Here, kitty. Look at that, boys. We got curbside service.”

Another began clapping and taunting her. “You lost, baby? ’Cause I know just what you’re looking for now.”

Savvy spread her arms and laughed.

Toby stopped. His sister sounded nothing like herself. Her voice was deep and hungry as she waved the men over.

“Come and get it, assholes.”

Toby sprinted as the first man reached Savvy. He grabbed a stray pole from a collapsed metal fence and wielded it like a baseball bat in hopes of defending his sister.
We’re going to die.

Savvy knocked the first guy flat with a three-punch combination as Toby arrived at her side. The second man came at her, and Savvy dropped low, swinging her leg to take out his knees. Toby heard a sickening, splashing crack as the man fell, screaming.

Toby clocked the third guy across the face with his pipe, and Savvy turned and saw him for the first time. It was obviously her, but it wasn’t. She looked furious, and more alive than he’d seen her since the accident. Her eyes jumped wildly, and she snarled as she took the pipe away from him.

Toby could do nothing but stare as she stood behind the third man and twisted the metal pipe around his throat. He began turning blue as Savvy panted with obvious pleasure.

“What the hell is going on?” Toby refused to be afraid of her, though the first man she’d punched was now crawling away, looking over his shoulder as if Savvy were a monster.

“Go home, Tobias. Get out of here. You weren’t supposed to see this.” Savvy took quick breaths and her eyes stilled and came back into focus.

“I’m not leaving without you,” he countered. “And you have a fucking lot of explaining to do. Can you drive?” He led her by the arm back to her car.

She nodded and got in as Tobias went back to his motorcycle and started it. He swung an illegal U-turn and followed Savvy. As they drove, he ran through the events again in his head but couldn’t make any sense of them.
At least she’s alive.

Back at home, Savvy parked the car, but didn’t get out. Toby pulled off his helmet and
set the kickstand. They both just sat in the driveway. He wanted to feel his
heart slow to a more reasonable rate. He assumed Savvy was doing the
same.
Finally his anger set him in motion, and he pulled on her door until she
unlocked it.

“You promised me! You promised me you wouldn’t try to kill yourself again.” Toby squatted so he could be eye level with her.

Savvy’s hands were covered in blood, and her smile brought her face to life in a way he hardly remembered. She looked like she used to when Sara walked into the room.

“Savvy?” Toby waited until the euphoria passed and his sister’s haunted look returned.

“I wasn’t trying to kill myself. Something’s wrong with me. I don’t know how I do those things, and I can’t even control it. But after? I get to feel them. Tonight I could smell her hair and feel his laughter. It was perfect. I want more.” Savvy clenched her fists and looked around as if scanning for someone to attack.

Toby ran his hands down his face. She was explaining nothing.

“Move over.” He stood up.

“What? What do you mean?” She clenched the steering wheel again.

“We’re going. Move to the passenger side.” Savvy let go and pulled her legs over the emergency brake, scooting across to give him control of the car.

Toby eased his tall body into the driver’s seat.

“Where are we going, Tobias? I need to go shower.” Savvy put her bloody hand on her window, leaving her handprint as a macabre request.