‘I … I shouldn’t get lookin’ at yer face just yet, pet.’ There was a trenor in Molly’s voice. ‘It’s still a bit swelled an’ you’ll be seein’ it at its worst.’
‘Gran, I
want
a mirror.’ Amy’s voice expressed that she was determined to have her way, so Josephine slowly crossed to the dressing-table and, lifting the silver-backed mirror that lay there, she carried it back to the bed.
‘Just remember what your gran told you,’ she said. ‘There is still a lot of healing to come and in time it will get much better.’ She handed the mirror to Amy and as the girl gazed into it, her face was sad.
‘I am so ugly now,’ she stated flatly.
‘
You ugly!
why, I never heard such a thing!’ Molly snapped. ‘It would take a sight more than that to spoil you, me lass. Yer still beautiful both inside and out.’
Even as the words were spoken she knew that they were exaggerated, but Amy shocked her now when she told her, ‘It doesn’t matter, Gran. At least I still have my hands and I will still be able to design. But what about François. Do you think he will still want to marry me?’
‘Without a doubt, if his letters are owt to go by,’ Molly assured her. ‘Don’t forget, by next spring when yer get wed, that scar will be hardly noticeable. All you have to do now is concentrate on gettin’ well. The master has already had a crutch made for yer, fer when yer first feel able to get about, an’ then the doctor will be here from London to measure you up fer yer new leg. Everythin’ is going’ to be just fine, I promise.’
Amy nodded and then further surprised them when she asked, ‘Would you mind if I had a few moments on my own?’
Both Molly and Josephine moved towards the door, and as it closed behind them they heard Amy start to cry, and it almost broke both their hearts.
‘Is Adam not coming down to breakfast again?’ Samuel enquired as he looked across the table at his wife the next morning.
Helping herself to a kidney from a silver serving dish she sighed, ‘It would appear not. I don’t mind telling you, Samuel, I am very concerned about him. He spends all his time either locked in his room, out riding Pepperpot, or talking to Seth in the stables. I don’t think he’s been into town to check on his business once this week. He just seems to have lost interest in everything.’
Samuel took a bite of hot buttered toast as he nodded in agreement. ‘I have noticed,’ he said. ‘He seems to have gone steadily downhill since Eugenie’s attack on Amy. He took it very badly when he went into her room to see her; no doubt he is blaming himself for what happened because Eugenie was his wife.’
‘I have the feeling that there is even more to it than that,’ Josephine replied with a worried frown on her face. ‘There is something deeply troubling him, Samuel, and I don’t know what it is.’
‘No doubt he will tell us when he is good and ready to,’ her husband replied, and the couple lapsed into silence as they finished their meal.
As autumn approached, and her wounds healed, Amy became adept at getting about on her crutch, and much to her grandparents’ disappointment, she and Molly moved back into their cottage.
When they expressed their concerns, Amy had waved them aside. ‘My leg is healing well,’ she assured them, ‘and I know that Gran is longing to get back to her own home. But I will still come and see you regularly, although you may have to send the coach for me if you have no objections to that. I don’t think I could walk too far on my crutch just yet.’
‘We shall miss you, my dear,’ Josephine told her, and she meant the words from the heart.
Amy was now busily sketching again and it had been a great comfort to her. So had Toby, who once again came to see her almost every evening. They seemed to have regained some of the closeness they had once shared, and it did Molly’s heart good to see the two of them together. The girl had started to design her wedding dress, although it was not what Molly had been expecting. It was very plain – which she was quick to point out, but Amy just shrugged.
‘You know I’ve never been one for anything too fussy, Gran,’ she told her. ‘And all the frills and furbelows in the world won’t hide the scar on my face, will they?’
Molly’s heart was sore for her. The cut was healing far better than any of them had dared to hope, but it was still very noticeable.
‘Do you think I am ugly now, Toby?’ Amy asked him one evening when her gran had retired to bed. His mouth gaped in amazement as he looked at the scar as if he was seeing it for the first time. ‘You …
ugly
?’ He laughed as his head wagged from side to side. ‘You could
never
be ugly, not even if you were covered in boils,’ he told her.
‘But what do you think François’ reaction will be when he first sees me like this?’
Toby considered his reply for some time before saying, ‘I would hope he would see the same girl that he saw the last time he came here. ‘Cos that’s what I see. To be honest, I never even notice it.’
Amy had sighed, hoping he was right. But then, François was not Toby.
‘The doctor that Mr Forrester contacted in London is coming to see me in November,’ she told him. ‘He thinks that my leg should be healed enough to measure me for my wooden one by then, and he says that if I try very hard and persevere with it, I will be able to walk down the aisle without my crutch.’
Toby lowered his eyes. It was hard to think that Amy would be a married woman next year. His thoughts moved on to Annie. She had never made a secret of the fact that she was his for the taking, but lately he had got the feeling that she was growing impatient with him, so perhaps it was time that he did something about it. His life was going to be very empty once Amy was gone, and a lonely future stretched ahead of him.
Yes, he thought to himself. I’ll call in an’ see Annie on me way home from work tomorrow. He knew that he would be welcome, but he did not tell Amy of his intentions. She was too wrapped up in her own wedding plans to care.
Now that Amy was no longer staying at The Folly, time was weighing heavily on Josephine’s hands and so she renewed her efforts at finding Jessica, badgering Mr Burrows almost daily.
Samuel was growing increasingly concerned about her. She seemed to be slipping back into the melancholy place that she had been in for years following Jessica’s disappearance, and he had no idea at all what he could do to stop it. He was also worried about Adam. The young man seemed to have lost all interest in everything, even his businesses, which were being kept going now by temporary managers who Mr Forrester had employed both in London and Nuneaton to take Adam’s place. There was no way that he could see to the running of them and his own as well. The only thing he could hope for was that it would be a temporary measure, but as time moved on he began to have his doubts.
It was on a bitterly cold Saturday afternoon in October, when the leaves were fluttering from the trees, turning the lawns of The Folly to russets and gold that Josephine returned from one of her frequent visits to Mr Burrows.
Samuel was sitting in the drawing room reading his newspaper and Adam was slumped in the bay window staring out across the grounds when she joined them and promptly burst into shuddering sobs.
‘Why, my dear, whatever is the matter?’ Samuel was out of his seat in a second and leading her to the settee.
‘Despite all his best efforts Mr Burrows has still not been able to discover anything at all about Jessica’s whereabouts since the night that Molly found her in the church doorway.’ Josephine’s sobs were echoing around the room and tears were spurting from her eyes. ‘And today, he said he fears there is no more he can do. He said it might be as well if we settled up what we owe him and leave our daughter in the past. But how can I do that, Samuel? When our child might still be out there somewhere, in need of us. Oh, I just cannot bear it.’ And she broke into a fresh torrent of sobs that were heartbreaking to hear.
Adam stood up from his seat and strode past his parents without a word, his face set. Once in the shelter of the stable-block he dropped his head into his hands and began to weep.
It was there that Seth found him sometime later when he came to feed the horses. He had loved this young man almost like his own since the second he had drawn breath, and it hurt him to see him so upset.
‘What’s troubling you so, Master Adam?’ He placed a gentle hand on his shoulder.
Adam turned tortured eyes to him. ‘It’s my mother, Seth. Searching for Jessica is destroying her. I … I don’t think I can keep up the pretence any more.’
Seth nodded understandingly. He had always dreaded this day but now that it was finally here, he felt strong enough to face it. ‘Then let us go together an’ put the poor woman out of her misery, eh? This has gone on fer long enough an’ it’s no good fer any of us. What do yer say?’
Adam looked at him long and hard before nodding tearfully. ‘I think you are right, Seth,’ he said. ‘It is time.’
‘Well, I can’t say as I’m sorry,’ Seth muttered. ‘It’s been hard to sleep of a night wi’ such a heavy weight on me mind.’
Side by side, the two men walked from the stables and headed back to the house.
His parents were still in the drawing room when Adam entered with Seth and they both looked mildly surprised to see him enter with his groom in tow. Josephine had calmed down a little now, although her eyes were red-rimmed and swollen from crying.
Before either of them could comment, however, Adam told them, ‘Mother, Father … I have something I need to confess. Many years ago I committed a most heinous sin and I made Seth here a party to it. Before I go any further I should ask that there be no repercussions on him. Seth only acted on my orders like the loyal servant that he has always been.’
Adam’s face was as pale as death and behind him, Seth shuffled from foot to foot uncomfortably as he wrung his cap in his work-worn hands.
‘Perhaps you had better tell us what it is then, Adam,’ his father told him, guessing that he was going to hear something of importance.
Drawing himself up to his full height and looking his father full in the face, Adam began his sorry tale. ‘After Jessica and Robert ran away, they kept in touch with me,’ he admitted, ignoring his mother, whose hand had flown to her mouth. ‘Just as Mr Burrows informed you, they went to live in the back streets of Coventry and for a time, Robert earned them a living as best he could. They desperately wished to get married, but of course, that was out of the question because Jessica was not of age, so they were forced to live as man and wife without the blessing of the church. Things were not easy for them and then Jessica discovered that she was pregnant. She did not wish her child to be born out of wedlock, so she wrote to me begging me to speak to you and to ask you to forgive her so that they could marry.’
At this point Adam hung his head in shame before forcing himself to go on. ‘As you know, at that time I had just become engaged to Eugenie and I was terrified of losing her. I was sure that if her father were to discover that I had an unmarried, pregnant sister, he would stop the wedding from going ahead. So I did the most deplorable thing. I sent Seth to Coventry with some money and a letter for Jessica, in which I told her that I had spoken to you on her behalf and that you had truly disowned her and never wished to set eyes on her again.’
‘Oh, Adam,
no
!’ His mother’s voice held such pain that he wished he could die of shame there and then, but now that he had begun his terrible confession he knew that he must end it.
‘Some months later, following my marriage, I received another letter from her telling me that Robert had been killed in an accident down the mine. She was totally distraught. She had used the last of their money to give him a decent burial and now the birth of her child was imminent and she did not know which way to turn. Again she pleaded with me to speak to you for the sake of her unborn child. She said she would throw herself on your mercy if only you would allow her to come home. So, once again I sent Seth off with some more money for her, but when he got to the address I had been given, the landlord informed him that he had thrown Jessica out on to the streets for falling behind with her rent.’
Adam’s voice broke at this point and he was momentarily too distressed to go on, but then he calmed himself and continued, ‘When Seth brought this news back to me I was beside myself and I ordered him to find her at any cost and stop her from returning home. On Christmas Eve he eventually found her wandering on the outskirts of the town and followed her, unsure of what he should do. After some time, he saw her seek refuge in the doorway of the church and from the sounds that were issuing from there he guessed that she was giving birth. Some time later, whilst Seth was still watching, Mrs Ernshaw came along and he saw her go to Jessica’s assistance. All was quiet by then and when Mrs Ernshaw left a short time later, he crept into the doorway and saw that my poor sister’s struggles were over. He presumed that the child must also have died inside her, for he had not heard an infant cry and there was no sign of a baby.’ Adam’s voice broke as he concluded the sorry tale. ‘Jessica was dead, and so not knowing what else to do, Seth removed her body and shortly afterwards had her buried in an unmarked grave.’ Adam faced his parents. ‘And so now you know the terrible secret that I have been forced to live with, all of these years. You will probably disown me and I do not blame you. But I will tell you this: there is no punishment that you could inflict on me that could make me suffer a
fraction
of what I have suffered over the years. You could never loathe me or hate me half as much as I hate and loathe myself. What I did is unforgivable and I can truthfully say I will never forgive myself to my dying day. And all for a woman who turned out to be not good enough to lick my sister’s boots.’
A terrible silence lay heavy on the room. The tale that Adam had just told them was so awful that no words for now could express his parents’ feelings.
But then slowly his father’s eyes found his. ‘I can forgive you, Adam, because in my heart of hearts I know that I am just as responsible for this tragedy as you are.
I
was the one who ordered Jessica from the house in the first place, and like you I shall never be able to forgive myself for that. For me, there can be no excuse for my actions except for a father’s foolish pride. But you were young and in love and could not foresee the terrible consequences of your actions. I have already lost one child through my pride and I do not intend to lose another.’