The River Rolls On (Bellingwood Book 10) (21 page)

"What was his name?" she wondered to herself. Then it came to her. Jimmy McFarlane. She wondered where he was now. She hadn't heard anything more from him since the funeral. That was probably as much her fault as anything. He'd written a quick note to thank them for their hospitality and Polly was so overwhelmed, she'd let Mary respond to that one.

The dress Sarah had worn to the Valentine's Day dance was hanging in the open wardrobe. Polly needed to make sure this was cared for. One day Rebecca would be able to wear it. Then Polly smiled. The moon stone necklace and earrings that her father had given her would actually make it to another generation. How beautiful would they be on Rebecca with this dress? And what if she was going out on a special date with Andrew?

Polly scolded herself silently. She would not do that to those kids. If they fell in love with other people, that was going to be fine. She stole a glance at Rebecca and wondered how Andrew was going to handle Sarah's death.

He wasn't comfortable spending time here with Rebecca. Kayla had been good about it all, somehow understanding that her friend wanted her to know her mother.

That was one of those things that made Polly's heart ache. When she had gotten to college ... heck, even now, there was no one in her life that knew her mother. Sal had known Everett and that meant the world to her. But no one knew that beautiful woman who had loved Polly. She was thankful that Kayla had gotten to see Rebecca and her mother together, even if it was in this circumstance. Rebecca would want that as she grew older. Just to know that there was someone in her life who could help her remember Sarah.

Evelyn had taken Polly's chair and picked up her crocheting. She was pulling together the granny squares into a blanket that was nearly finished. The squares were bright and Evelyn was using a navy blue as the unifying color. It was so Rebecca.

The fuzzy purple pillow that Andrew had given Rebecca last year was on her bed. Polly's throat caught when she saw two stuffed animals that belonged elsewhere lying beside it. Kayla's stuffed teddy bear named Silver and Jessie's purple horse named Durango had been keeping Rebecca company when the girls couldn't be with her. Polly shook her head. Sometimes friends never ceased to amaze her. She sat down on the bed and picked Durango up.

Rebecca glanced her way and grinned. She whispered, "Jessie said I should keep him for now. She said I needed him more than she did, especially now that Molly is there."

It felt so strange to hear a voice speak. While the room was by no means silent with Sarah's raspy breathing, the normalcy of speech was out of place. Then Polly realized that it shouldn't be, so she said, "And Silver?"

"Kayla gave him to me this weekend. She'll want it back soon. I know she misses it." Rebecca giggled. "She asked about Silver tonight at dinner. I should have just come to get it and give it back."

"I think Kayla will be glad Silver is here with you tonight," Polly said.

"I'm glad you're here," Rebecca replied.

Polly nodded. "I promised your mother I would be and honestly, I wouldn't want to be anywhere else right now." She glanced at her watch. It was nearly two o'clock.

All of a sudden Rebecca gasped. "Did you see that?" she asked.

Both Evelyn and Polly looked up in surprise and then looked at Sarah. Something had definitely changed.

"What did you see?" Evelyn asked.

Rebecca looked down at her hands, "It's going to sound strange," she said.

"Go ahead," Polly prompted.

"I saw her spirit leave. Maybe it was her soul." Rebecca pulled her hand away from her mother and scooted her chair back an inch or two. "She's not there anymore. Can't you feel it?"

Polly walked over to stand beside Rebecca. "I believe you."

Evelyn put her crocheting down and put her hand on Sarah's arm. She touched the woman's face, brushing an imaginary hair away from her forehead.

Rebecca wasn't sure they believed her, because she insisted, "It's like this is just a shell now. And it was so peaceful when she left."

"I'm glad you saw that, honey," Evelyn said. "It will take a few more minutes for the body to realize that no one is there, but your mama isn't in pain any longer."

Polly knelt and took Rebecca's hand. The girl was still processing on what she'd experienced. "I wish you had seen it," Rebecca said. "It was so cool." She turned to Polly. "I know that it isn't cool that she died, but it had to happen and the way it did was like a gift to me."

Obiwan nuzzled their clasped hands and Rebecca slid out of the chair to the floor and wrapped herself around him. "Did you see it?" she asked. "I know dogs see things differently than people do."

She looked up at Polly. "Am I crazy? Did I make it up?"

"No honey," Polly said. "Evelyn knows what you saw and just because we didn't experience it, doesn't make it any less real."

"It was real," Evelyn said, reassuring the girl. "And it's something that you'll keep with you for the rest of your life."

It took another twenty minutes. Polly and Rebecca leaned forward every time Sarah stopped breathing and started again. Polly found herself praying that she would just stop. And finally ... she did. They waited, silently as seconds passed and then as a few more seconds passed.

When it became apparent that it was finished, Rebecca sat back up in her chair. "I feel like I should say something. But I don't know what to say."

Polly patted her knee. "You don't have to say anything at all."

"But it's really over. She died."

"What do you think you should say?"

"That I'll miss her every single day. That when I grow up and have children, I want to be a mom like she was. That I wish she'd had the opportunity to do great things."

Polly nodded.

"But I already said those things to her when she was alive," Rebecca said. "And she told me that she was proud of me."

"I know she was," Polly said.

Evelyn walked toward the door. "You two stay as long as you want. I'm going to call Ben. He knows this call is coming."

Polly smiled. "Thank you, Evelyn."

Rebecca looked at her mother's body. She patted the hand that was lying next to her. "I don't need to talk to this body any longer," she said. "Now I can talk to her wherever I am. Can we go upstairs?"

"Absolutely," Polly said. "Shall we take Durango and Silver with us?"

"Yes please." Rebecca started to walk away and turned back. "I don't want to leave her alone."

"You won't," Evelyn said as she came back into the room. "I'll be here. Go on upstairs and I'll see you tomorrow."

Rebecca rushed toward the woman and hugged her. "Thank you for everything. Mom told me that you were one of her best friends. Did you know that?"

"Oh my dear, thank you. That means the world to me." Evelyn looked over Rebecca's head at Polly, tears in her eyes. "I'm going to miss her something fierce. And I'm going to miss spending time with you, too."

The two held on to each other and finally Evelyn broke away. "Now you go on upstairs with Polly. You need to get some sleep because tomorrow will be a busy day."

Polly handed Durango and Silver to Rebecca and carried the purple pillow. "Thank you so much," she said to Evelyn as she went past her. "For everything and for taking care of this now."

Evelyn smiled at her. "It's my honor. We'll talk tomorrow. After Ben leaves, I'm going to drop into my bed in the next room and you might not see me until late."

"Which is when you might see us. Thanks again."

Rebecca stood in the doorway and looked back at her mother. For the first time in days, there was no labored breathing and no pain in the woman's face. She was finally at peace.

"She's beautiful, isn't she?" Rebecca asked Polly.

"Yes, honey, she is."

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

Opening the door to the apartment, Polly felt like she had been completely deflated.

"Polly?" Rebecca asked quietly.

"Yes, honey."

"I don't want to go to my bedroom. Can I just sit out here on the couch for a while? Maybe you guys could leave your door open so the dogs could come out?"

Polly hugged her shoulders. "Let's bring our pillows out. You take one sofa and I'll take the other. If we sleep, great. If not, that's fine, too."

Henry opened the bedroom door. Polly heard the television.

"You weren't sleeping?" she asked.

"No. I was worried about you two."

"She died, Henry," Rebecca said matter-of-factly. "It's finally over."

"Oh honey, I'm so sorry." He strode across the room and gathered Rebecca into his arms. With a great lurching sob, she sagged against him. Henry reached down and lifted her up, then carried her to a sofa, where he sat with her in his lap.

Polly watched as he stroked Rebecca's hair and let her cry. She smiled down at him, her own eyes filled with tears. It was just what Rebecca needed, strong arms to make her feel safe while she fell apart. How had she gotten so lucky as to marry this man?

Obiwan sat down on the floor in front of them and Han jumped up on the couch, trying to insinuate himself in between Rebecca and Henry. After attempting to push the dog away, Henry finally gave up and flashed Polly a grin. He was just a goofy, happy dog, there was no getting around it.

After a few minutes, Rebecca stopped crying and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry," she said.

"Don't be sorry," Henry said. "We're family. This hasn't been an easy time for you and you've been awfully strong."

"I never wanted Mom to know how sad I was. I didn't want her to feel bad." Rebecca stood up and walked to her room. "Will you stay out here with me, Polly?" she asked.

"Why don't you two girls take our bed? You can watch television or sleep or talk. I'll spend the rest of the night on Rebecca's bed," Henry offered.

"But you have to work tomorrow," Rebecca said in protest.

"And I'll sleep wherever I put my head down. Don't argue with me. I'm the man of the family, got it?"

She gave him a little giggle and disappeared into her room.

"Thank you, Henry," Polly said.

"For giving up my bed? You
should
be thanking me. I like sleeping with my wife. But I think Rebecca needs you more than I do tonight."

Polly kissed his cheek. "For that and for letting her sob. That was pretty cool."

He threw his shoulders back. "That's me. Cool. I won't make much noise tomorrow morning when I leave, but I'll take care of the dogs. You two sleep until you wake up." He walked toward the bedroom. "Is Mrs. Morrow taking care of everything?"

Polly nodded. "We'll talk tomorrow."

"Give me a minute to get my things and you two can have the room."

Rebecca came out of her bedroom, dressed in her pajamas. Polly still had the two stuffed animals that had been lent to her and carried them into the bedroom. They passed Henry on his way out. He gave Polly a kiss and hugged Rebecca again, then pulled the door halfway closed behind him.

"He didn't have to do this," Rebecca said, climbing up into the bed.

"He knows that," Polly said. "But he's a good guy and sometimes life is more important than sleeping in your own bed." She put Durango and Silver between them on the pillows. "Do you want to watch television or would you like to talk about things?"

Rebecca looked up at her. "Can we talk tomorrow? I don't want to think about it right now."

"Of course we can. TV on or off?"

"It doesn't matter," Rebecca said with a shrug. "On is fine."

Polly handed her the remote and chuckled as the two dogs tried to decide where they belonged. Han walked around the bed once and put his paws up beside Polly. She patted the bed and he made a half-hearted attempt to jump up, but then walked back to Rebecca's side and looked at her. He finally padded out of the room, turning to look back at them. Henry gave a low whistle and the dog disappeared from the doorway.

Obiwan, on the other hand, jumped up and planted himself between the two girls, his head nuzzling Rebecca's elbow.

"He knows I'm sad," she said.

"I'll never figure out how he got to be so smart," Polly responded "He's always known what was going on with me."

"Do you think I'm going to be this sad for the rest of my life?" Rebecca asked, clicking through channels on the television.

"No, not at all," Polly said. "You're going to have times when your heart completely breaks and with no warning, you'll start to cry. Even if it's fifteen years from now."

Rebecca creased her brows. "Really?"

"Absolutely. Something will happen and you'll wish your mom was there to experience it with you. It's going to take time for the raw pain of all of this to go away, but it will smooth out and every week that passes, you'll be able to think about her in different ways and learn to smile at the memories rather than cry at her loss."

"Do you still cry sometimes about your mom and dad?"

Polly thought about it for a moment. "Sometimes I get sad that Mom missed out on so much of my life. I was about your age when she died. I don't know that I miss her as much as I miss Dad, though. There are times I get wrecked when I think about how much I miss him. And I miss Mary, too. She was there throughout my life." Polly bit her lower lip. "I do cry when I miss them."

Rebecca thought about that, then she asked, "Did Mary ever act like she was jealous when you missed your mom?"

"No, honey. Mary loved my mother. She was my friend and only wanted to make sure that I was happy and healthy. Are you worried that I'll be jealous of how much you love your mom?"

"I think I worry about too many things," Rebecca said. She turned the television off. "Mom told me that I didn't need to worry about you. Sometimes I worry that if I love you and Henry like I love her it isn't fair to her, but she told me that it doesn't matter, that she'd be gone when that happened."

Polly stroked Obiwan's back. "You are one of the most loving girls I know. I think you have plenty of love inside you for all of us. It doesn't have to be one or the other. You don't have to love one of us more than the other."

"But..."

Polly put her hand up. "It's different love. You love me differently than you love Henry or Andrew or Kayla, right?"

"Yes." Rebecca turned on her side and scooted so she could see over Obiwan.

"But do you love any of us more than the other?"

That made the girl think. "It wouldn't be fair if I did."

"It's not about fair," Polly said. "I love you as much as I love Henry, but it's different love. I believe we have the capacity to love everyone with more love than we even realize."

"Okay." Rebecca shut her eyes and Polly wondered if she was falling asleep. "Will they cremate Mom tomorrow?" she asked out of the blue.

Polly wasn't quite sure what to say. "I suppose so. Why?"

"I was just wondering." Rebecca opened one eye to look at Polly. "Would it be creepy if I wanted to see what that looked like?"

"The actual cremation?"

"No!" Rebecca exclaimed. "The remains. Will it just be ashes?"

"If we're going to spread them in the woods and the creek, you'll get to see them then." Of all the conversations she could be having with Rebecca right now, this one was not something Polly was prepared for. The practicality of the event wasn't something she'd considered.

"Okay. That makes sense. When are they going to pick up the hospital bed?"

"Sometime this week. Why?"

"I was just wondering. Are you going to turn that back into a guest room right away?"

Polly raised up on her elbow. "Would it bother you if we did?"

"I don't know," Rebecca said. "I was just thinking about how you should do it really fast so I don't have time to think about it. Is Evelyn going to move back home tomorrow?"

"Probably. Do you want her to stay?"

Rebecca shook her head. "No. We talked. I can go see her any time. She just lives over there in the apartments where Andrew used to live. And she said that she would call and ask to take me to lunch sometimes. We'll still be friends."

"You're a pretty practical girl," Polly said.

"Mom told me that life keeps moving on and that I'm not supposed to get stuck at this point. We talked about death a lot the last couple of weeks. She was cool about it."

"It sounds like you two worked it all out. That's wonderful."

"She made me promise to do three fun things every week until I didn't have to think about doing them. And she made me double triple promise to do three fun things in the week after she died."

"What do you want to do?" Polly asked.

"For one of them, I want to go back for the class party on the last day. Do you think Mrs. Hastings will let me?"

"Of course she will."

"Then I want to go on a horseback ride. Kayla wants to go too. Can I go down and ask Eliseo about that tomorrow?"

Polly smiled. "I'm sure he would love to. What's your third thing?"

"I saved a little money. Do you think that Sal would take me shopping for a new dress for Mom's funeral?"

"I think Sal would be thrilled," Polly said. She reached out and squeezed Rebecca's hand. "You two would have a great day."

"You can come too," Rebecca said. "I didn't mean to leave you out."

"You aren't leaving me out, you're having fun with friends. We'll call Sal tomorrow and set up a time."

Rebecca took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I was going to talk tomorrow, but I talked a lot now."

Polly chuckled. "We can talk tomorrow, too. Are you ready to try to sleep?"

"Maybe just for a while."

~~~

Polly woke back up to Henry tapping on her shoulder. She glanced at Rebecca, whose face was peaceful in sleep. Obiwan turned his head, then rested it against Rebecca's side.

"What's up?" she mouthed.

Henry tilted his head to the living room. The cats followed her out and she pulled the door shut. Obiwan knew what he was doing, he'd be fine.

"What time is it?" Polly asked, fumbling for her phone.

"It's eleven thirty," he said.

"In the morning? Why are you here?"

"I got a call from Jeff." Henry picked an envelope up from the coffee table. "He wanted to know if he should call the Sheriff, but I thought you might want to know about this before we did that."

Polly pulled her hand back from the proffered envelope. She gave a deliberate shudder and said, "I don't want to touch it if it's what I think it is."

"Do you want me to just call Aaron?"

She nodded and dropped down onto the couch. "Go ahead. I'm too fuzzy to even think straight. Is there any coffee left in the kitchen?"

"I just started a fresh pot. It will be ready in a few minutes. Are you sure you don't want to look at this first?"

Polly put her hand up to take it from him. "I don't. Every time one of these comes in, I'm terrified of what I'll find in it." She grimaced. "But if I don't look, that FBI lady will take it out of here and I'll never see it again." She turned it over and then back over again and again. "Has anyone seen Ray or Jon this morning? Do they know about this?"

Henry chuckled. "I think Ray is keeping his distance."

"Good for him," she said. "What about the rest of 'em? Are they around?"

"No. I talked to Jon this morning and told him that you would probably be in all day with Rebecca. I would have let you sleep, but I thought that if the Sheriff needed to start moving on this, you wouldn't want to make him wait."

Polly turned it over again and slid her finger under the flap. "This almost makes me sick to my stomach. I'm so worried about that other girl he kidnapped."

"I'll get coffee. You decide whether you're opening it or not." Henry left Polly alone with the envelope.