She was everything I wanted to be and nothing that I was.
I took note of the boys behind her. One was skinny with freckles
and a crewcut. The second was blond with piercing blue eyes. He was wearing
cut-off jeans and a dirty white T-shirt. The third one wore a Reds baseball
cap, and the forth had a wild cowlick that emphasized his round eyes.
“Get lost, punks. This is our territory,” Julie said.
“We’re allowed to be here,” Wendy said. “It’s a free country.”
I wanted to tell that girl to shut up, but I swallowed my words
and turned away, too shy to speak.
Nobody knew what to do next, but it felt like something big was
about to happen. I could almost hear a drum roll.
Then the boy with the Reds baseball cap spoke. “Let them stay.
There’s no harm in it. Besides, you used to hang out with Wendy.” Long dark
hair spilled out recklessly under his cap. I liked him already.
“Dave? What’s gotten into you?” Julie looked at
him bug-
eyed,
mouth open, with her arms folded across her chest.
“Nothing. I just think there’s no harm in it, that’s all.” His
complexion was clear, especially compared to Freckles.
“But what about New Girl here?” Julie asked.
“We don’t know her,” Freckles said. He turned and spit in
disapproval.
“We should still let them stay,” Reds baseball guy said.
“Okay then.” Julie puffed up and looked at us. “If you want to
stay, you guys have to swim out to Slippery Rock.”
I looked out at the rock. The distance to swim out to it seemed
impossible. The sun made the river look like a thousand stars dancing on top of
it. I heard birds chirping and I wished I could fly away home.
“Swim, swim, swim . . .” Julie started chanting.
A few seconds later, the boys chimed in. All but Reds. The chorus
became louder. “Swim, swim, swim . . .”
I looked nervously at my cousin who was looking back at me,
equally nervous. The chorus got louder. “Swim, swim, swim . . .”
“I can’t swim,” Wendy said above the chanting.
Julie gave me The Evil Eye. “Then you swim for the both of you,
New Girl.”
“Yeah, New Girl, you swim for the both of you,” Freckles said,
looking at the shoe nailed to the tree, then at me. “If you want to stay.”
I was tired of this bull, tired of feeling left out, too shy to
make very many friends. Tired of worrying about my mother all the time. I
looked at Wendy with her lopsided ears, knowing that she was pinning all her
hopes on me. I had nothing to lose so I studied the water as they continued
chanting.
I walked to the riverbed and studied the
black water. The river was swollen with rain and the constant up and down
motion made it look like it was breathing. Wendy followed me.
“Don’t do it,” she said. We were far enough away from the group
that I was sure they couldn’t hear. I heard her say the words, but her eyes
were saying something else entirely.
I looked away and kicked off my flip flops and walked to the
river’s edge and stopped when I felt something slimy under my foot. A dead fish
stared up at me with its eye, unfocused and glazed over. Disgusted, I pushed
further into the water, trying to shake the image.
I swam across the current diagonally toward Slippery Rock. The
further I swam, the more I could feel the world changing. And not in a good
way.
The water’s flow carried me toward the rock and the cold made my
muscles tighten. I thought of winning the first place ribbon in the butterfly
stroke for my swim team last summer, and pride surged through me.
A few minutes later, my lungs began to burn. The current was going
faster than I could motor across it. I swam harder, but my muscles tired and I
let the current carry me. I had miscalculated. The force of the water pulled me
under. It felt like giant hands were forcing me down and I couldn’t break free.
I wasn’t going to make it. The water closed in around me. A glimmer of light
filtered down through the murky water, then grew dark.
Under water, the river cut through me, pushing
me farther from the rock. I had experience swimming in a pool where the water
was clear and there was no current. But in this smelly, muddy water with the
rushing current, I had no strategy to survive.
I kept sinking but just as I began to panic, my feet hit bottom. I
pushed off with everything I had.
When I surfaced, I swam harder, the river threatening to pull me
under again. Now I was past the rock and had to swim with twice as much effort
against the flow. I struggled toward the rock but my wet clothes stuck to me,
hindering my efforts. I tried to scream for help, but water rushed into my
mouth. I know my scream drowned before it reached shore.
I heard a whisper inside of me. “Be brave.” It was something my
mother always said to me, especially after my dad left. I blocked out the pain
from my burning muscles and swam toward Slippery Rock. I knew if I didn’t make
it to the rock, I didn’t have a chance.
I filled my lungs with air, which helped me float. I put one arm
out in front of the other and kicked my feet, closing the distance between me
and the rock.
Finally the massive rock plunged up from the bottom like the
wrinkled palm of a giant’s hand, saving me from the river. The surface was
covered with tiny hairs of moss dancing with the current, making it slippery. I
couldn’t get a grip.
Lord help me
. Then, as if in answer to my prayer, I
felt a little crevice and pulled myself onto its surface.
Listening to the chattering rush of water across the rock, I
looked over at the shore. Julie stood with her hands crossed against her chest.
In contrast, my cousin was jumping up and down, screaming, and the boys were
all waving me in. I could barely make out the group from my vantage point but I
knew who was who from their clothing.
I raised one hand up in the air, triumphantly waving to the group
while holding onto the rock for dear life with the other. I was stuck in the
middle of the river, alone. Abandoned.
I forced a smile at the irony of it. I rested
a few minutes, filling my lungs with deep breaths of air, letting my muscles
relax.
“C’mon,” the wind delivered. “C’mon, New Girl,” Julie said, waving
me in with the others.
I don’t know why, but when I saw her waving me in, I wanted to
scream at her for challenging me, but at the same time I wanted to prove to
that stuck-up pretty bitch that I could do it. So I released my grip and jumped
into the water with a battering jolt. My lungs emptied on impact. I lifted my
arms out of the water while kicking my feet, sucking in a huge breath when I
felt how cold the water was. I tried to swim toward the group, but the current
took me down river. I closed my eyes and just kept swimming toward shore,
praying that I would make it back alive.
Finally I reached land and collapsed on the
riverbed, breathing frantically. Mud squished between my fingers as I tried to
push myself up but my muscles were shaking. The wind brushed over my wet
clothes, sending a chill down my back.
Everyone except Julie rushed over to me and helped me away from
the riverbed back to the clearing. But I saw something in her expression like I
had impressed her.
“I thought you were a goner!” Wendy said, smiling so wide her eyes
almost disappeared above her cheeks.
I bent over and coughed up muddy water, happy
that I survived.
“How did you do that?” Reds asked.
“Good job,” Owl said.
I stood up and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. Mom always
told me that winning wasn’t everything. I disagreed. At this moment, with
everyone surrounding me, winning felt like
everything
.
Julie sauntered over to me, breaking through the group. “That was
a stupid move, New Girl. I can’t believe you did it.”
“Well, you shouldn’t make stupid challenges like that then,” I
said, staring into her eyes. Whatever her next move was, I knew I would be
ready this time.
Julie sat down on a log and lit a cigarette in a practiced motion.
“Wendy, what’s your friend’s name?”
“She’s my cousin Chris.”
Julie drew on her cigarette, sizing me up. “I’m Julie.” Then she
pointed to the blond guy. “And that’s Tommy.”
He smiled and nodded.
“Hi,” I said, trying to be cool. I hope they didn’t notice that my
voice shot up a bit.
“That’s Billy behind us,” she said, pointing to Freckles. The sun
shone high behind him, isolating each red hair on his head. He had a faint scar
under his chin.
She raised her chin toward Reds. “That’s Dave.”
“And Max is behind those trees, bleeding the lizard.” Reds pointed
to the boy with round eyes, laughing.
Max was standing with his back to us, legs slightly parted. He
zipped up and came over. He was twitchy, his head moving nervously from side to
side, looking for what, I didn’t know. He walked up to me, tucking something in
his back pocket.
I pointed to each boy in the order they were introduced and said
the nickname I had for them. “Hi Freckles, Reds, and Owl. I’m New Girl.”
Everyone laughed and I relaxed a little.
“Wendy?” Julie flipped out a cigarette from her pack and handed it
to my cousin.
“Thanks.”
I couldn’t believe she took it. Freckles lit her cigarette,
expertly cupping his hand to prevent the wind from blowing the flame out.
“Hey, New Girl. Want one?” Julie offered the
pack to me.
In my brief hesitation, the boys stopped what they were doing and
watched me. Wendy nodded her head urgently toward the cigarette, so I took one.
I felt like it was a rite of passage, though I didn’t know for what.
Freckles lit my cigarette, cupping his hand like he did for Wendy.
The cigarette felt strange between my fingers. With my coordination skills, I
was more than likely going to burn myself or start a fire than anything else.
I inhaled and coughed. It burned my throat and smoke got in my
eyes. Why couldn’t I ever pull off being cool?
“Is this your first time smoking?” Julie’s question was laced with
sarcasm.
“No.” I coughed my way through another drag, feeling more and more
light-headed.
Julie was the most comfortable smoking. She held the cigarette
delicately between her fingers like a movie star. Then she pushed the smoke out
through her full lips as if she was releasing a secret.
“I remember my first cigarette. I was ten.” Owl swiped at the air,
chasing a mosquito away.
“Oh, that’s bull,” Freckles said. “I gave you your first smoke
last summer.”
“That wasn’t my first. My folks have always smoked. I snatched one
when I was ten years old and smoked it in this very spot.”
“I don’t think that counts,” Freckles said.
“Why not?” Owl asked.
“Because you took two hits and puked,” Freckles said.
“I did not!”
“Yeah, you did, Puker,” Freckles said. “I could tell you what you
ate for lunch that day—pepperoni pizza. The pepperoni was still whole!”
“He’s a puker,” Tommy said, pointing to Owl.
“Gross,” Reds said.
“Am not. Shut up.” Owl pulled out a squirt gun he’d been hiding in
the back of his shorts and pointed it at Freckles.
“Oh, I’m afraid. It’s a squirt gun,” Freckles
said sarcastically. He put both hands to his mouth pretending to bite his
nails.
“Stop it, or I’ll shoot.”
“Oh, I’m scared.” Freckles laughed and looked at the guys for
approval.
The first blast from the squirt gun landed on Freckles’ forehead.
Then again and again, until his face was totally wet. Freckles tried to block
the barrage of squirts with his forearm but it was useless.
His mood darkened. “Stop it, dork. I mean it.”
We all laughed, watching Owl unload the squirt gun until it was
empty.
“You stupid jerk.” Freckles cleared his eyes with the sleeve of
his shirt. He looked confused and stuck his tongue out to a droplet above his
lip. His faced soured. Then he swiped his forehead with his hand and brought it
under his nose and sniffed. “Did you piss in that squirt gun?”
Owl’s expression changed quickly from triumph to worry. Freckles lunged
forward and grabbed Owl’s shirt. The shirt ripped at the shoulder as he
struggled to get free, but Freckles was taller and stronger, and he grabbed Owl
around his waist and plunged him into a tree.
“It was only a joke,” Owl said. His bottom lip was bleeding.
Freckles kept Owl’s face against the bark while cursing, pushing
him into the tree with each poisoned word, each movement making new scratches.
Owl gasped for air and spit blood out of his mouth.
“Do you give up? Huh?” Freckles pushed Owl’s face harder into the
bark.
Owl did what he could to nod his head, being that half of his face
was smashed against the tree and hard to move.