The Rocker That Needs Me (The Rocker...) (21 page)

“God, I know that, sweetheart. I know that nothing I say or do will ever make up for the past. I’m even prepared for you to hate me for the rest of your life… I just needed to talk to you. To tell you…” he blew out a long sigh that was full of regret. “I’m sorry for your loss, honey. And I hope that you and Stevenson are happy together. He doesn’t deserve you, but if he makes you happy, then you hold on tight.”

I opened my mouth to yell at him again, but nothing came out but a choked sob. Through my tears, I watched as my dad turned and walked out the door to my hospital room.

--

I spent three more days in the hospital. By that time, Nik had flown out with Mia and Lucy. I hadn’t seen my baby sister since I had moved to New York, so it was a bitter sweet reunion when I got to see her. She was keeping her hair shorter now, all those long dark ringlets now short little curls that ended at her chin just added to her beauty.

My emotions were all over the place at the moment. The doctor told me that it was completely normal, that I would have some postpartum even though I hadn’t been very far into the pregnancy. Seeing Mia, so beautiful and healthy, made my heart ache for the unknown little being that had been growing inside of me…

I was so glad to go home. I felt like I was going to go insane locked up in the hospital room. Instead of going back to my apartment, Drake asked me to go home to his. He wanted me to move in, and I was more than willing to do just that. I didn’t want to spend a day away from him ever again if I could help it. Layla and Jesse tried to talk me into going back to California with them when they went home, but I couldn’t. To me, New York was home now. I only hoped that Drake felt the same way.

Every night, Drake slept beside me. He held me close, and we talked like we had never talked before. I felt like I knew him inside and out now, but something was missing. He kissed me often, but never tried to take it further. Even when I got the green light from the doctor six weeks later, it was as if he was scared to touch me.

I didn’t know what to think about that. I knew that he still wanted me, could feel his erection every time he kissed me. Each morning, I woke to his dick hard as a rock, twitching against my ass. When I tried to make things happen, he would always pull back. To say I was frustrated was the understatement of the century.

Other than being sexually frustrated, life was returning to normal. I was getting through my depression with Drake’s help as well as help from my friends. Layla called every day to check in on me, and Lucy was constantly sending me crazy texts. Jesse was being a little overbearing, acting like the protective alpha male that he was.

“I just worry about you, Lana,” he told me when I complained about it.

“I know, Jesse. And I love you for it,” I told him as I gathered my books for the classes I had that day. “But you need to calm down a little before you have a stroke.”

“Is he treating you good?” he demanded, still not over being pissed at his best friend. “I’ll kill him if he isn’t.”

“He treats me like a princess,” I assured my brother-in-law. “He loves me.”

“That doesn’t mean anything,” Jesse muttered, and then I heard Layla saying something in the background. “Okay, okay. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Love you, Lana.”

“Love you, Jesse.”

Harper and I often had lunch together. I missed hanging out with her like we used to when I was living with her, but with her and Shane always together, I still saw quite a bit of her. Their relationship still had me stumped. I wasn’t sure if they were sleeping together or not, if they were just friends or something more. Crazily enough, it was Harper that was giving Shane the runaround on their relationship and not the other way around. If anything I was sure that Shane was actually ready to settle down, if only Harper would open her eyes.

I saw Linc and Dallas regularly too. Linc was always up for a workout partner and Dallas was over at Drake’s, often with Axton. The video for OtherWorld was coming up, and I was sure that Drake was going to throw a fit when he found out what Axton and his creative director for the video had planned. My tattoo was going to be a big part of it.

The day that Drake had seen my tattoo for the first time had been emotional for both of us. The first day I was home from the hospital he helped me shower. As I took off my shirt and he had seen my back he had lost it…

“Angel!” he exclaimed.

I glanced at him over my shoulder as I felt the temperature of the water. “Do you like it?” I had only really seen the end results the day before while I was still in the hospital. It was healing nicely, and I was really happy with the job the artist had done.

I had known what I wanted on my back for a while but hadn’t decided on the design until I had found Drake’s sketch pad. It was one he had drawn in while he was in rehab. All the pictures were of me, some had angel wings sticking from my back or wrapping around my body. Closer to the back there was a page of nothing but different wings, and I had torn it out and taken it with me.

My entire back was covered in a set of angel wings, each feather detailed and shadowed to look as if they were actually coming out from my back. Between the two wings, across my shoulders in curvy lettering were the words:
THE DEMON’S ANGEL
.

Trembling fingers traced over the words then lower over the defined detailing of each feathery angel wing. “It’s beautiful,” he whispered, lowering his head to kiss the ink.

I turned in his arms. “I love you, Drake. Never forget that.”

“Ah, Angel. I love you.” His lips brushed tenderly over my brow. “You make me complete.”

Drake             

I was a mess.

I didn’t know what the outcome of tonight would be, and I was terrified of the possible negative results. My entire future hung on the hinges of this one night, and I couldn’t fail.

America’s Rocker was doing better than the producers had ever hoped. Halfway through the season, Axton and I both had been asked to sign another contract for the next year. There was only one way I was doing it, and I was hoping to have my answer for the bigwigs before the end of the night.

Demon’s Wings was preforming tonight as part of my contract for this season, and I was using it to my advantage. Emmie had helped me make the biggest of the arrangements, and I had spent days going over exactly how it was all going to pan out. Every last detail had been taken care of, and now all I had to do was wait.

Waiting fucking sucks!

Shane slapped me on the back as he came up behind me. We were back stage getting ready for the show, and the makeup artist was shooting me irritated glares because I kept sweating off the shit she put on me. “Bro! I can’t believe you are doing this. I’m happy for you, man.”

“Be happy for me later, after this night is over,” I told him, waving the girl away when she tried to go for round three with some kind of brush to my face.

“I know how this night is going to end. So I’ll be happy for you now and later.” My brother grinned as he picked up a hair brush and smoothed out his hair. “I’m going out to sit with the girls. See you in a few.”

I watched in the mirror as he walked toward the door that led out to the audience. When he reached it, he paused and turned around. “I really am happy for you, Dray. I love you, brother.”

My throat felt tight and I had to clear it before I could speak. “I love you too.”

I was on pins and needles over the next forty-five minutes. Never before had I been nervous to perform live, not to this extent. As the show went on and the last of the dwindling hopefuls took the stage, I thought I was actually going to throw up. When I should have been paying attention to the girl on stage singing her heart out for me and millions of viewers at home, my gaze kept drifting to the front row of the audience.

Layla and Lucy sat on either side of Lana, having flown out with Jesse to watch the show tonight. While Lucy had no clue what was about to happen, Layla did, and she shot me a wink when she saw me looking their way. Lana raised a brow when she saw that my attention was on her and not work, but she blew me a kiss.

Mia sat on Layla’s lap and was entranced by the goings on around her. I was sure that one year old babies would normally be going crazy, wanting down to explore everything, but Mia was content to just sit on “Tee-tee Lay’s” lap and watch while her mother took care of business backstage.  Shane sat behind Lana with Harper, Dallas, and Linc. Lana’s old roommates were still a big part of her life, and I was glad to have them here tonight for this. Harper waved and I nodded my head in her direction, wondering for the hundredth time if that girl was ever going to put my brother out of his misery. Shane had it bad. He didn’t screw around these days, and it was all because of Harper…

Axton nudged my leg, and I turned around, realizing that the song was about to end and I was expected to give the first critique on the girl’s performance. I don’t know what exactly I said, I was working on only a half a brain, but it must have been good enough because everyone was cheering and clapping, agreeing with whatever it was I happened to say.

Ten minutes later, I was backstage, gearing up for the ending performance. My band brothers all pounded me on the back a few times, Jesse harder than the others because he still hadn’t gotten completely over Lana’s confession from months ago.

As Jesse stepped back, Emmie hugged me tight, wiping a tear away as she smiled up at me. “Good luck. I love you.”

I dropped a kiss on top of her head. “Thanks, Emmie. For everything.” Before I could say anything more, the host announced Demon’s Wings and the audience went crazy. I rushed to take my place before the rotating stage turned.

Jesse was already starting us off before the stage was completely turned around. My knees felt weak as I let my fingers work across my Fender. The whole stage was in complete darkness and the fans in the audience were shouting because they knew the tune that we were playing, but it wasn’t a Demon’s Wings song.

My voice filled the speakers, coming out clear and steady. No one was expecting me to sing, and at first there was a pause in the crowd’s reaction as they realized it was me and not Nik singing.
Heaven
was a clichéd song, one that a lot of guys proposed to their girlfriends with. But not many of them could sing it on stage in front of the entire world.

My eyes sought out Lana as soon as they adjusted to the lighting, but she was sitting too far back into the shadows, and I couldn’t see her or anyone else. I had no clue what her reaction was, or if she even realized what I was doing as I continued to sing the song that Bryan Adams had made so popular.

Oh once in your life you find someone

Who will turn your world around

Bring you up when you're feelin' down

Now nothin' can change what you mean to me

My heart was literally beating me to death, and I could feel the sweat pouring from my face. If there was ever a time to want a drink it would have been now, but I had vowed that I was never going to touch another bottle in my life. I would not put myself in a position where I could possibly lose Lana again. The only whiskey I needed stared back at me in Lana’s eyes every day.

I stepped forward letting Nik, who had been singing backup for me, take over. I reached into my jeans pocket and pulled out the box that I held the ring I had spent weeks searching for. I knew that my angel would never accept something over the top. The simple diamond I had chosen for her was perfect. Not ostentatious or even flashy.

It was a two carat, princess style cut diamond that suited Lana perfectly.

I moved toward the end of the stage and hopped down. The lighting was dim, but before long a spotlight was soon on me, and I could finally make out Lana’s expression. Tears poured down her face, but she was smiling. That smile eased the tightness around my heart, and I fell to my knees in front of her.

My fingers were trembling as I opened the box. “I feel like I’ve waited my entire life to find you, and now that I have, I don’t ever want to be without you. Will you marry me, Angel?”

With a sob she flung her arms around my neck. “Yes,” she whispered through her tears. “Yes. Yes. YES!”

The crowd exploded into applause around us.

Lana

I had everything I could possibly want in life: a loving family, friends that meant the world to me, even a dad that I was trying to get to know now that I was learning to let go of the past and accept him as part of my future. It had been hard to do at first, but Cole really was trying hard to be a part of my life, and I was tired of fighting it.

It was impossible to be happier than I was right then.

I lay on our bed, my gaze on the hand that held the most incredibly beautiful engagement ring I had ever seen in my life. It looked so perfect on my finger, so right. With a contented sigh, I turned onto my stomach, impatiently waiting for my fiancé to come out of the bathroom where he had disappeared when we had gotten home just a little while ago.

The shower turned off and I pushed myself up against the pillows. A few minutes later, Drake came out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped tightly around his waist. My mouth went dry at the sight of him. I wanted to devour him that very second, thought for sure I would spontaneously combust if he didn’t take me…

“Hey, beautiful.” He placed a tender kiss on my forehead before turning toward the dresser to take out a pair of boxers.

I stared at his back for a full minute before I lost it. “Will you please make love to me?!?” I cried.

He turned around. “What?”

I bit my lip, hating that I was resorting to begging the man I loved to touch me. “Please, Drake. Make love to me.” I got up on my knees and held out my hand to him.

Drake dropped the pair of boxers he had just pulled from his drawer and crossed over to me in two big steps. His fingers linked with mine, and I pulled him to me. “Why haven’t you made love to me lately? Are you scared of hurting me?”

“A little.” He kissed the tip of my nose, but his eyes were dark with suppressed desire. “But mostly it has been because I want to do things the right way this time. I want to make you my wife before we have sex again.”

My heart melted and if it were possible I think I fell even more in love with the man. “That…” I swallowed the emotion clogging my throat and tried again. “That is really romantic, Drake.”

His free hand wrapped around the ends of my hair and tilted my head back so I was looking up at him. “I love you, Angel. I ache to have you, don’t ever doubt that. I just want to wait until we are married.”

I grinned. “Okay then. Pack a bag. We are flying to Vegas.”

His lips lifted as he returned my grin, but he was shaking his head. “We are going to have a real wedding. With a church, and a minister, and a giant cake that Lucy is going to get a stomachache trying to eat all of. You are going to have the most amazing wedding dress, and I will actually wear a tux. It’s going to be amazing because that is what you deserve.”

“Stop,” I whispered, blinking in an attempt to keep the tears back. “Stop making me cry tonight.”

One errant tear escaped, and he lowered his head to kiss it away. “I’ll only ever make you cry for joy from now on. I swear it.” His lips trailed down my cheek to my jaw, then lower finding that sensitive spot just behind my ear that made my knees weak. “And just because I want to wait for the sex doesn’t mean we can’t do other things,” he murmured in a passion filled voice that sent delicious shivers up and down my spine.

A moan escaped me as he cupped my breast through the thin material of my camisole. My back arched, trying to get closer to his touch. “Please, Drake.”

“Shh, Angel, I’ll take care of you,” he promised. “I will always take care of you.”

He lifted me into his arms and laid me down against the pillows. I clung to his neck, forcing him to follow me. His towel disappeared and I let my hand drift down his hard stomach to the satin covered steel that lay between us. Drake bit back a curse as my fingers wrapped around him. “This is about you, Angel.”

“No...” I shook my head “...this is about us.” I tightened my hold on him and stroked upward. The head of his dick leaked his pre-cum, and I wiped it away with my thumb. “I’m going to take care of you too, Drake. Always.”

Drake groaned as I stroked downward again, and his mouth found mine as he devoured my lips in a soul binding kiss. I kissed him back, relishing the taste of this man that held my heart in the palm of his talented hand. His hands didn’t remain still as they stroked up and down my body, turning up the heat on a flame that was about to rage out of control.

My panties went flying as he ripped them off of me without breaking our kiss. Long, strong fingers were gentle as they parted the lips of my pussy, and his thumb skimmed over the ultra-sensitive ball of nerves. I cried out into his mouth and bit down on his bottom lip without realizing I was doing so.

He pulled back just a little, licking at his injured lip. “Easy, Angel.” He grinned at me. “I’m not unbreakable.”

“Sorry, babe,” I touched trembling fingers to his swollen lip. “I want you so bad.”

Blue-gray eyes darkened. “Me too. I’ve been dying to have you.”

“I really love that you want to wait, Drake…but I think I’m going to go insane if you don’t put your dick in me right now.” I lifted my knees and spread my thighs wide, showing him how wet I was for him. “Show me how much you love me, Drake. Prove it to me right now.”

“I don’t have anything to protect you with, Angel.”

I swallowed hard. “Do you want a baby Drake?” We hadn’t really talked about the future and children. It wasn’t a game changer for me because as long as I had Drake I didn’t need anything else. But…

“I didn’t think I did until you lost ours. The instant I knew that our child was growing inside of you and that we would never get to hold her…” He looked away, trying to hide his glazed eyes from me. “I want our child, Angel.”

I rubbed my hands up and down his muscular arms. “Do you think it’s too soon? Do you want to wait?”

He frowned, considering his answer hard before shrugging. “I think that we should just let fate decide for us.” He brushed a tender kiss across my lips. “If it’s meant to be, it will happen. Is that okay with you?”

My heart filled with even more love for him. “It’s more than okay, Drake.” I sat forward and kissed his chest right over his heart. “Make love to me, babe.”