The Rocker That Needs Me (The Rocker...) (9 page)

Drake

Lana was avoiding me.

I knew that she had to study. She only had two more weeks of school left and her exams took up an entire week of that, but she didn’t have time to text me back or have dinner with me. I had no idea what was up with her, and it was driving me up the wall.

It didn’t actually bother me until one night midway through the week. Shane went out for his run and came back with Lana. They were walking, both of them sweating like they had run a marathon. I watched from the living room as Shane stopped on the patio and said something to her that made her chin tremble. My brother pulled her into his arms and hugged her.

Okay, I’ll admit it. I wanted to punch my brother at that moment. His relationship with Lana was a strictly friends-in-passing kind of thing. They had only ever hung out when I was around. Now, all of a sudden, he felt like he could hug her…

Yeah, I was thinking of punching him, possibly in the throat or his pretty face that got him laid at least once a day.

I contained that urge, albeit with some difficulty. After all, it was a one-time thing. She was probably having an emotional melt down because she was working so hard studying. It wouldn’t be the first time she cried because the stress of studying for a test became too much and she needed some kind of release before it drove her over the edge.

So I sucked it up and went to bed with a fifth of Jack.

The next night Lana went for a run with Shane again, and then again on Friday night before Shane went out. Apparently, she had time to go on an hour long run, but not enough time to eat with me. I was positive then that she was avoiding me on purpose, and I was determined to get to the bottom of it.

This week had sucked without her. There was no reason to smile when she wasn’t around. No peace to be found when I didn’t have her close. Before I passed out every night, it was with her name on my lips. When I woke every morning, just before the memories of the nightmares invaded my mind, and I went rushing for the toilet, it was her face that I saw behind my eyelids.

Saturday morning, I was determined to corner Lana and find out what was going on. I walked downstairs, dressed for the day, in hopes of talking Lana into going shopping with me. Christmas was only two weeks away, and I hadn’t bought any presents yet. This was going to be the first year that we had an actual home to celebrate in, and I wanted to make it memorable.

As I got to the bottom of the stairs, I heard Jesse shouting from the back of the house. He and Layla must have left Vegas at the crack of dawn to get home so early. I was glad he was home. Maybe he could tell me what was going on with Lana.

“I don’t want this!” he shouted. “Layla is going to go off the wall when she finds out.” The door to Emmie’s office slammed and Jesse came stomping down the hall.

“Hey, how was the honeymoon?” I asked when I saw him. His eyes narrowed on me, but he didn’t answer as he stormed out of the house—typical Jesse behavior when he was in a rage. He probably hadn’t even heard a word I said.

I opened my texts and sent Lana a quick message while I ate a bowl of cereal. The house no longer smelled like bacon morning, noon, and night, and I was starting to miss the smell if not the taste of fried pig.

By the time I had rinsed my bowl, Lana still hadn’t texted me back. Clenching my jaw, I went in search of her. If she was pissed at me, she needed to tell me so I could fix whatever I had done. When I opened the door to the guesthouse, it was empty of their things. Everything was either at the new house or in storage.

Muttering a curse, I jogged down the beach to Jesse’s house and knocked on the back door. Lucy opened it, a slice of toast sticking out from her mouth as she let me in. “Where is everyone?” I asked when I didn’t see anyone else.

Lucy sighed. “They’re upstairs. Lana’s in trouble.”

My eyebrows rose at that. “Why?”

“I don’t know.” She tossed the crust of her toast in the trash and reached for her glass of juice. “Jesse came in a little while ago. He started yelling, but I couldn’t make sense of it. Layla started crying, and Lana ran upstairs. They’ve been up there for a few minutes now.”

What the fuck was going on with Lana?

I took the back stairs up to the second floor. I had no idea which room was Lana’s but Jesse’s deep voice was coming from the one at the end of the hall, so I figured that was it. As I grew closer, their conversation was easier to hear behind the closed door.

“…something happened in Vegas.” Jesse was saying. “I know it did. You were fine up until then.”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Lana told him. “Why can’t you just accept that I want to go? You promised me that I could go to the college of my choice. Well, I chose this one!”

“You’re running away!” Jesse shouted. “I know you, Lana. You wouldn’t move all the way across the country for some fucking school unless you were running away from something. I thought you were smarter than this!”

“Jesse, that’s enough,” Layla’s calmer voice interceded. “This is her choice. We have to accept that. She’s eighteen, an adult. Whatever her reasons, she feels like she has to do this. I…I don’t like it, but she knows what is best for her.”

“Best for her? Being away from everyone that loves her? What if something happens?”

I couldn’t take it a second longer. I turned the knob on the bedroom door and pushed it open. Lana stood by the window, her face streaked with tears. When she saw me, she paled. I watched her, startled when what felt like an invisible wall went up between us as she clenched her jaw and turned her head away so I couldn’t see her face.

“Drake…” Jesse was standing by the dresser, a mixture of emotions on my band brother’s face.

“I need to talk to Lana,” I told him, knowing that I had interrupted a family situation but not giving a fuck.

Jesse stared at me for a long moment and then ran a hand over his face and smooth head. “I had so many plans for today. Nowhere was
this
part of them. I don’t know what the fuck has been going on around here, but I’ve come home to a shit load of trouble that I am powerless to fix.”

Layla put a hand on her husband’s arm. “It’s going to be okay. Really.” She tugged on his hand, pulling him toward the door. As she passed me, she offered a small smile. “Good luck,” she murmured and closed the door behind her.

I waited until their footsteps had faded before turning my eyes back to Lana. She was looking out the window, but I doubt that she was really seeing anything. “Are you mad at me?” I finally asked.

She bit her lip and shook her head. “No,” her voice was clogged with tears.

I took two steps toward her but stopped when she looked at me. “Then why have you avoided me all week?”

“Because it’s hard enough being this close to you without breaking apart.” A tear escaped the corner of her left eye and spilled down her cheek.

“What does that mean?” I demanded, feeling like I was losing her right before my eyes, and I didn’t even know why.

Lana slowly turned her head and met my gaze. “It means that I love you, Drake. And I know that I’m not supposed to. All you want from me is to be your friend. And I am, but I can’t turn off my emotions. I can’t hide how I feel. I’ve tried.”

Her confession gutted me. I knew that her feelings were strong for me, but I had just brushed it off as a teenaged infatuation. Now, I could see the truth shining at me from those whiskey eyes. Lana loved me.

My heart jumped for joy in my chest. That was all I had ever wanted, and I hadn’t really realized it until this moment. “Lana...” I started to tell her I loved her too, but she went on.

“Maybe I could have kept hiding my love for you. I don’t know. But last Saturday night showed me that I couldn’t keep hiding it. I can’t be just your friend anymore. Especially…” She closed her eyes, swallowing hard. “You brought a girl back to the hotel with you, and I realized that I can’t keep doing this and keep all of myself intact.”

I felt the blood drain from my face. Lana knew about the one-night stand in Vegas…Oh fuck. Our rooms had had connecting doors! Of course she would have known. She probably heard the whole damned thing. Nausea rolled in my stomach as I realized that I had no one to blame but myself.

“I’m sorry, Angel,” I whispered. “I was drunk…” I knew being drunk didn’t excuse any of it, yet drinking had always been my excuse. Now I was going to lose my best friend…

“I know, Drake,” Lana murmured. “I know that you were drunk. And I know that you probably don’t remember much from that night.” Something flashed across her face, but I couldn’t read the emotions in her eyes. “I still love you anyway. I wish I didn’t. I wish I could turn it off and continue being just your friend…but I can’t and that kills me.”

I felt my eyes burn with tears. “Angel…”

“Remember that I told you about the early acceptances? Jesse promised me that I could go anywhere I wanted, and I was still undecided before he married my sister. But…” she swiped at the tears on her cheeks “...but I realized as I tried to drown out the sound of your moans as you… I realized that I couldn’t stay here.”

I went numb. I didn’t feel the blow as Lana said she was going to NYU. I wasn’t sure how deep the cut went, but I knew that when the numbness wore off it would be deep enough that I’d  bleed to death. Three thousand miles. My angel was moving three thousand miles away from me, and it was all my fault…

Lana

I was miserable all week as I waited for my sister to come home from her honeymoon. I buried myself in studying, taking care of Lucy, and anything else that kept my mind off of Drake and the many texts he had sent.

Wednesday, I couldn’t take being in the guesthouse a minute longer. For the first time in two years, I put on a pair of sweats and my running shoes. I had been on the track team back at my old school before my mother had died. It had been a requirement that everyone pick an after school sport, but I had loved track. Running had been my outlet to clear my mind when things were so bad at home.

I took solace in it again.

Lucy was asleep on our shared bed as I shut the front door behind me. I headed down the beach, determined to keep all thoughts of Drake out of my head, but it was no use. With every step I took, he was all I could think about. All our time together, all the fun we had shared together, even the arguments replayed in my head.

I ran faster, trying to excise him from my mind by putting unused muscles through a brutal workout. Two miles later, I was out of breath and lying on the beach, staring up at the night sky. Sweat soaked through my shirt and made the cool night air a little uncomfortable, but I welcomed it. The stars above mocked me, and I let the tears fall freely.

I didn’t notice the other runner until he was almost over top of me. Shane stopped with his hands on his knees as he looked down at me. “Lana?”

I sighed. “Hey, Shane.”

He dropped down beside me without asking if I wanted company, which I didn’t. “Are you crying, Lana?”

“Looks like it,” I muttered, sitting up and dusting the sand off my back. I had some in my hair, but I didn’t care. Right now, I didn’t give a flying fuck about anything.

“Did you and Drake have another fight?” he asked, both amused and concerned.

I shook my head, my eyes focused on the waves as the surf hit the beach. “I haven’t seen your brother since Sunday.” I had been able to avoid him but knew that my luck was running out. When Jesse and Layla got home, everyone would know what I had done. There was no way Drake wouldn’t hunt me down then.

“Okay, you don’t want to talk about it.” Shane nodded. “I can understand that. Just know that if you need a shoulder, I have two strong ones to lean on.”

“Yeah, thanks.”

I had hoped that he would get up and continue with his run. Instead, he just sat there with me for the next hour. Neither of us spoke, not a sound uttered, but for some reason it eased some of the pain around my heart. Maybe it was because he was Drake’s brother. We both loved Drake, after all. Or maybe it was just because Shane was Shane.

“I love him,” I whispered, not sure why I was confessing my feelings.

“Yeah, I know.”

“But he doesn’t love me. Not the way I want.”

“I don’t know. Drake keeps a part of himself closed off, a part that not even I can reach, but I know that he does care about you, Lana.” He draped his arm across my shoulders. “Especially after Friday night… Sorry, I heard you guys when I came home…”

I blushed. “He doesn’t remember.”

“Yeah, I figured.” He grimaced. “I guess Saturday night was hard for you. I’m sorry, Lana. I shouldn’t have taken him out with me. Maybe…”

“No. It wasn’t your fault. It’s no one’s fault. Drake didn’t really do anything wrong. I’m not his girlfriend. He’s free to screw anyone he wants.” That didn’t mean I had to stick around to witness it.

“I’m still sorry. This can’t be easy for you. Have you talked to him at all?”

I shrugged. “A text or two.”

We were quiet for a while longer. It was getting late, but I wasn’t sure I could sleep. Shane stood and offered me his hand. “Come on, sweetheart. You have school in the morning.”

We walked side by side back toward home. A mile from the house, I confessed what I had done. Shane stopped, his face a mixture of emotions that I couldn’t decipher in the moonlight. “Lana…”