The Rules of You and Me (24 page)

“
Dad needs you,” I said. “He needs both of us.”

Sadness passed across Mom’s face and her eyes became glassy. She blinked quickly, taking a deep breath to compose herself.

“
Hannah, I’m on vacation. I’m not leaving early just because you say so.”

“
This isn’t a game, Mom!” I shouted. “This is real life! You can’t hide here and pretend everything is fine, when you know it isn’t.”

Mom’s gaze darted around the room and she grabbed my wrist, pulling me closer to her chair. “Stop making a scene. You’re acting like a spoiled child.”

I laughed, a short staccato laugh that bounced off the high ceiling above us. “I’m the child? You’re the one living in an imaginary world. If you don’t like something, you just pretend it doesn’t exist. You drink until you forget. Who cares what the rest of us are dealing with? As long as you can check out any time you want, everything is fine, right?”

Mom pushed herself to her feet, swaying as she looked at me. “I’m going to bed, Hannah. We’ll discuss this later when you can behave like the lady I raised you to be.”

I followed as she stalked across the room toward the elevators. “And what kind of lady is that, Mom? One who pretends she doesn’t have a drinking problem? One who runs around Paris with men who aren’t her husband?”

Mom whirled around, glaring as she pointed a finger at me. “You watch what you say. I’m still your mother.”

“
Do you even care about Dad at all?” I asked. “Or do you only care when things are perfect? That’s the only way you know how to love anyone, isn’t it? If they don’t behave the way you want them to, you turn your back on them and pretend things are great.”

Mom’s lip trembled. “I love your father. I have always loved him. Don’t tell me about love, Hannah. You don’t know the sacrifices I’ve made for your father so he can have the things he wanted in life. Do you know how exhausting it is being Daniel Cohen’s wife, making sure everything about our lives is perfect so he looks good among his colleagues? You want to know why I pretend? It’s all for him.”

I clenched my fists. I wouldn’t feel sorry for my mom. She had a part in this whole mess. “I’m done pretending. I’m done living by your rules. I’m not going to Yale. I’m not even applying there. I won’t be the person
you
think I should be.”

Mom’s nostrils flared and her face turned red. “We’ll talk about this in the fall.”

I nodded. “We will. We’ll talk about a lot of things that will be changing.” I took a step back, widening the distance between us. “Have fun on your
vacation
, Mom.”

My teeth chattered, though I wasn’t cold. It was a warm July night in Paris and the city sparkled around me. People passed with barely a glance my way. Happy couples on romantic walks. Families exploring the city while consulting maps. The last time I was here, I had let myself get lost in the magic of the city and forget everything else.

But the magic wasn’t there this time. It was just a city somewhere in the world. Nothing special.

Exhaustion took over. I was emotionally and physically drained and felt completely hollow. I sat on a park bench and pulled my cell phone from my pocket.

I had never turned it on after landing in Paris. When it came back to life, I saw a long list of unread texts and unheard voice mails. I didn’t have the energy to look at any of them right then.

My chin quivered as I scrolled through my contacts. The lump I’d been holding back rose in my throat, almost choking me. The screen of my cell became blurry as tears filled my eyes again.

I pressed a button and then put the phone to my ear.

It rang once, twice, three times—

“
Hannah?” said a breathless voice on the other end.

I opened my mouth, but only a choking sob came out. My shoulders shook and I pressed the back of my hand to my lips.

“
Where are you?” Jude asked. He sounded anxious and relieved. “Are you okay?”

“
I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the truth about my family,” I said.

“
That doesn’t matter anymore,” he told me.

“
Yes, it does,” I said. “The truth is my mom is an alcoholic and my dad is addicted to pain pills, and I have no idea what that makes me other than seriously screwed up. I didn’t want you to know that.”

“
We’re all screwed up, Hannah,” Jude said, laughing a little. “You’re not any worse than I am. I’m sorry I yelled at you. I wasn’t angry with you, I was angry at myself.”

I closed my eyes, enjoying the sound of his voice in my ear.

“
I never thought I was better than you,” I told him. “That wasn’t why I didn’t want anything to happen between us.”

“
Never?” he asked with a laugh.

“
Never,” I said. “You’re amazing and honest and courageous and I was too afraid you’d see that I wasn’t any of those things.” I swallowed as the lump swelled in my throat again.

“
Your aunt called me earlier,” Jude said. “She said you left and she thought you might be with me. We’ve been trying to reach you all day. Where are you? I’ll come get you if I have to.”

“
Paris.”

There was a pause. “As in, France?” he asked.

I laughed. “Yeah.”

“
How did you—never mind,” he said. “Are you with your mom?”

“
No,” I said, gripping the phone tight. “We had a fight and I left. I’m sitting on a park bench.”

“
What time is it there?”

“
Late,” I said.

“
Do you have money?”

I cringed at the mention of money. I always had enough money just a checkbook or a plastic card away. “Yes.”

“
Okay. Go find a hotel—a nice one—and see if you can get a room. Let me know where you’re staying. Just go to sleep some place safe. Everything will be okay tomorrow.”

I wanted to believe that was true. “Rule number one,” I reminded him. “Be honest.”

“
Do you still trust me?” he asked.

I didn’t have to think about it. “I do.”

“
Then everything will be okay.”

I opened my eyes to a white ceiling made of decorative tiles with swirling patterns of birds and flowers.

The knocking sound that had awoken me came again. I rubbed my eyes and then blinked up at the ceiling as I tried to remember where I was. The bed was too large to be the one at Aunt Lydia’s house. For a moment, I thought maybe I was at home in Willowbrook, but my ceiling didn’t look like that.

Then I remembered. The last minute flight to Paris that I had paid way too much for. The fight with Mom. The phone call to Jude.

Jude!

I pushed the blankets off and dashed toward the door as the knocking grew louder and more insistent. I pulled it open, holding my breath.

“
Hannah, thank goodness!” Aunt Lydia wrapped her arms around me, crushing me against her.

She smelled like soap and paint. I closed my eyes, breathing it in. I didn’t even try to stop the tears this time.

Aunt Lydia rubbed a hand over my head. “Shh,” she said. “It’s okay. I’m taking you home.”

“
I’m sorry,” I said between sobs.

“
It’s all right. Where is your mother?”

“
At her hotel, I guess,” I said with a shrug.

Aunt Lydia pressed her lips together and nodded. “Okay. Get your things.”

I didn’t have much to get, other than my purse. Aunt Lydia had a car already waiting for us outside and she gave the driver the address to Mom’s hotel. My stomach churned as we sped through the Parisian streets. I didn’t want to face my mother again, not so soon after our last argument.

When the car pulled up in front of Mom’s hotel, Aunt Lydia looked at me. “You can wait here. I just have a few things I need to say to Marilyn before we leave.”

Was it better to stay in the safety of the car, or should I go to make sure Mom and Aunt Lydia didn’t kill each other?

“
I’ll go,” I said hoarsely.

I told the driver to wait, since my French was better than Aunt Lydia’s, and then we headed into the hotel to Mom’s suite. Aunt Lydia didn’t even stop at the desk to ask the concierge for directions. She strode through the gleaming lobby, her head held high, like a woman on a mission.

Aunt Lydia pounded on Mom’s door, much louder than she had knocked on mine. She kept pounding her fist against the wood until finally, the door opened and Tess blinked at us.

“
May I help you?” Tess asked.

“
I need to see Marilyn,” Aunt Lydia told her. Without waiting for an invitation, Aunt Lydia pushed Tess aside and marched into the suite.

“
Marilyn!” she shouted.

Tess winced and rubbed at her head. “Could you possibly do that a little quieter?”

“
Just tell me which room is Marilyn’s,” Aunt Lydia snapped.

Tess pointed at one of the doors, and Aunt Lydia swung it open. I followed as she entered the room. Aunt Lydia snatched the white comforter off of Mom, who was sprawled across the large bed. Then she pushed open the curtains, letting in the morning sunlight.

“
Marilyn.” Aunt Lydia shook Mom’s shoulder, rocking her back and forth violently until Mom’s eyes fluttered open.

She let out a moan. “Go away.”

“
No,” Aunt Lydia said. “I flew overnight to Paris to speak to you, and you are going to listen this time.”

Mom sat up, pushing at her matted hair. She had slept in her makeup, and dark smudges of mascara lined her eyes. She sneered up at Aunt Lydia. “What are you doing here?”

Aunt Lydia pointed at me. “
She
is the reason I’m here.”

Mom let out a sigh as her bleary eyes focused on me. “Thank goodness, Hannah. I was up half the night worried about you.”

“
Sure you were,” Aunt Lydia snapped. “She’s your daughter, Marilyn, and she needed you this summer. But you decided to go off and ignore reality, like you always do. Do you even realize how much you’ve let Hannah down?”

“
She’s seventeen years old,” Mom said. “She’s not a child, Lydia. But I guess you wouldn’t know that, since you didn’t stick around to see her grow up.”

“
Right, she’s
seventeen
, not an adult! You can’t expect her to deal with tough situations on her own. You can’t expect her to live by all those rules you drilled into her head and be a perfect, well-adjusted little grown up. She needs a mother who is there for her.”

Mom laughed, her eyes gleaming wickedly up at Aunt Lydia. “That’s what this is all about, isn’t it? You’re still jealous of everything I have.”

For a moment, I thought Aunt Lydia would slap Mom. Her body tensed, but she clenched her teeth and took a few deep breaths.

“
You still expect me to live under your rules, don’t you?” Aunt Lydia asked. “Even after all this time, you can’t understand that I don’t want the same things you do.”

“
I was trying to save you from heartache, Lydia,” Mom told her. “Were you really happy then, going through all of that? Are you happy
now?
”

Aunt Lydia straightened her shoulders and lifted her chin. “I may not have what you have, Marilyn, but at least I know a whole hell of a lot more about life and taking chances than you do.” She turned and marched across the room to where I waited by the door. “I’m taking Hannah back to Asheville with me for the rest of the summer. Whenever you decide to return to the real world, I’d advise you to check out Keller-Burns for yourself. Daniel isn’t the only one with a problem that needs fixing.”

We were silent on the way to the airport. Aunt Lydia bought two tickets back to Raleigh, which probably cost her a big chunk of her savings. I offered to pay since it was my fault she had flown out here, but she wouldn’t let me.

I sat in a chair near a big window that looked out at the runway while Aunt Lydia went to buy some breakfast for us. She came back with croissants and two bottles of milk, handing me one.

“
How did you find me?” I asked.

“
Jude,” Aunt Lydia said. “He told me where you were.”

I took a bite of my croissant, but I didn’t have much of an appetite. I chewed slowly as I pushed flakes of bread around the paper wrapper in my lap.

Aunt Lydia put a hand over mine. “Hannah, I want you to know that your mom’s problems aren’t yours. She needs help, but you don’t have to protect her from anything. You’re not the parent here. You’re seventeen, and you should get the chance to be just that.”

I looked down at my food as a happy family passed in front of us.

“
I’m sorry I left Willowbrook all those years ago,” Aunt Lydia said. “I never meant to leave
you
, but I needed a chance to breathe. Your mom isn’t easy to live with. She doesn’t just try to rule your life, she tried to rule mine too. Four years ago, I wanted something that your mom didn’t agree with.”

I raised my eyebrows. “What?”

“
A baby,” Aunt Lydia said.

My mouth dropped open. “A baby?”

“
On my own,” Aunt Lydia went on. “I’m not exactly as young as I used to be. And the right man never came along. So I wanted a baby, and if it meant having one on my own, that was what I would do. I chose an anonymous donor and went through IVF. Your mom was opposed. She thought it would reflect badly on
her
for her unwed older sister to have a baby without having a real family. Marilyn loves gossip as long as it doesn’t involve her.”