Authors: Rachel Higginson
I wasn’t alone. Not by a long shot.
But now what was I supposed to do with that realization? Besides my girls, I couldn’t take anybody with me and there was nothing on earth that could persuade me to stay.
“Thanks,” I mumbled to Kenna who waved me off like it was no big deal.
“Don’t worry. She
is
a bitch. It’s not like she doesn’t know it. She’s just not used to being told the truth,” Kenna laughed and then turned to primp and preen in the mirror.
I smiled in response but didn’t offer anything else. Suddenly and very inexplicably I felt bad for Amber. Which sucked since she made me feel like the worst kind of awful…. but still. I didn’t deserve this kind of attention from Kenna and their friendship didn’t deserve me getting in the middle of it. At the end of all this I was gone, out of here. There was nothing long term between any of us, and besides Amber couldn’t even really be blamed. She hated me for good reason. Especially if she had a thing for Chase….
I sucked in a deep breath and snuck another peek at Kenna.
I couldn’t identify anything going on between Ryder and me, but either way I knew without a shadow of a doubt that Kenna should not be defending me. She should be defending her relationship. I promised myself at least four times a day that I wanted nothing to do with Ryder, but the guilt seeping into my bloodstream and pumping through my heart with crackling clarity begged to differ.
“Are you going back to class?” Kenna asked me while her other two friends waited for her by the door.
“In a minute,” I whispered, still trying to put the broken pieces of myself back together.
“No worries,” she grinned a carefree smile and then met her friends at the door. “See you later, Ivy.”
“Yep,” I croaked and went back to gripping the sink. I looked up and met my watery green eyes in the mirror. I looked over my silky auburn hair, the reddish gold highlights were really coming out now that my hair had a chance to heal from the poor dye jobs I was obsessed with right before I was sent away. My skin seemed paler than normal but still held that milky-porcelain-perfection all the women in our circle kept. I was beautiful.
But empty.
And I didn’t deserve any of this.
Chapter Nineteen
“Oh lord, I’m so nervous!” Exie squealed as we crossed the street to Delice.
I rolled my eyes. “What do
you
have to be nervous about?” I demanded over the clicking sound of our heels against the wet pavement. The sky hadn’t stopped spitting since it opened up yesterday morning and the constant drizzle made even my hair frizzy and wild.
“To meet him of course!” she exclaimed dramatically. “I just hope he’s everything I want him to be! Last night was so anticlimactic that if he’s not there tonight I might die. Seriously, I might just die!”
Sloane laughed delicately from the other side of Exie and I threw her a “what the hell” look just for good measure. “He had band practice last night, or that’s what Phoenix told me today. So he should definitely be here tonight. But, honestly, I don’t understand why you’re so worked up about this, Ex? It’s not like I’m ever going to date him or anything. I’m just mildly curious about why he seems so…. impenetrable.”
“Oh honey,” Exie groaned. “I’m not sure there is a man out there that is…. impenetrable. In fact, I’m pretty sure they are all very aware of how…. penetrating they can be.”
Sloane snorted this time, not at all delicately. Even I couldn’t stop the smile from appearing on my face.
“You sound like my mother!” I laughed. “You’re so gross.”
“But accurate,” Exie giggled.
“I just don’t understand the fascination with him,” I paused at the door to Delice, holding my hand firmly on the handle so they couldn’t muscle their way past me.
Sloane let out an exasperated sigh and explained, “Let’s start with the fact that you have never once,
not once
, been even curious about a boy. But you’re so much more than curious, and don’t even try to deny it. You are protecting him like the fiercest kind of guard dog, which is also completely uncharacteristic. We know he’s hot and that you’re attracted to him. And then throw in the fact that he isn’t the least bit enslaved by the curse, I mean, come on, Ivy, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out why you would be so fascinated by him. But don’t take that the wrong way; it’s Ok that you’re into him. I promise that it is. Just because the curse has repressed us, doesn’t mean we have to live in bondage to it. You deserve a free life, a free
love
life.”
“Plus, he’s hot, Ivy!
Look
at him!” Exie practically swooned right here on the damp sidewalk. Her eyes glazed over and her lips parted slightly as she took in his extremely messy dark hair and full lips. He looked like he just crawled out of bed after hours of making out or something even more lascivious, and his tough, overly masculine hands were working the cash register with practiced, confident movements. He had a black apron folded in half and tied around his waist that accentuated how narrow his hips were, and he was wearing a gray cardigan over a faded red t-shirt that made him look more college-hottie than high school-bad-boy.
Sloane sighed again only this time it was in complete adoration for the boy on the other side of the glass. She pushed past me and walked into the coffee shop with an intense presence that demanded she be noticed. She had never looked more like Snow White in my opinion than tonight, with her long, almost black hair tumbling over her shoulders in soft waves, her glossy red lipstick and soft pink blousy mini dress.
A pang of jealousy clenched my gut and I hated how frumpy and unkempt I felt next to my two gorgeous friends. Exie followed Sloane and the two of them made their way up to the counter while I watched them like a creeper from through the door. I wanted to drag them back outside and explain to them that I hadn’t meant
my
fascination with Ryder, I meant theirs.
They were wrong. There was no fascination on my part. None at all. Only a desire to protect something outside the realm of our world.
Sloane had waged a completely unnecessary argument against me.
I hoped.
Because even now something was fluttering in my stomach and I refused to name the emotion that drugged my senses and narrowed the entire scope of my vision just to him. He was looking at me through the glass now while my friends made fools of themselves gesturing for me to come inside.
The corner of his mouth kicked up into a crooked smile and his face softened into an intimate kind of secret between us. He tilted his chin, silently telling me to join them inside. The movement was so subtle but so commanding my hand was reaching for the door before my brain registered what it was doing.
I was starting to hate those subtle movements he seemed to command so carelessly but received the most immediate results with. As the warmth from the coffee shop blew into my face and tugged me inside I decided that Ryder must have some kind of mind control power to get everyone to obey those casual movements. Or at least he had one over me.
It would explain so very much.
And then there would be nothing to be worried about.
Only, there was no such thing as that kind of mind-control power. So whatever was happening between us had to be something even more unexplainable.
Or at least on my end. With a whoosh of exhaled breath I entered the coffee shop and made my way to the counter.
“Hey, Ryder,” I threw a smile at him. In a weird play of power I wanted to be the one that spoke first.
“Hey, Ivy,” he echoed in only a slightly teasing voice. “Caramel macchiato?”
“Yes, please,” I dropped my eyes to the counter, hiding a wider smile.
“Have a seat ladies. I’ll bring these out to you when they’re ready,” Ryder directed with his gravelly voice.
“How much is it?” I asked, reaching for my purse.
“That’s alright, I’m using my employee benefits.”
“Oooh,” Exie cooed. “Employee benefits! Do all of your friends get these
benefits
?”
Ryder’s small smile turned into a full on grin and he turned his focus to my best friend. I immediately felt the loss. “Sure, and friends of friends.”
“Sweet!” Exie exclaimed in her screechy girl way.
“Mmm-mm. I want to pay,” I argued.
“Not a chance, Red. Go sit down,” Ryder countered with restrained force. He wasn’t going to be argued with. I wondered if I had offended his pride, but when I looked up and met his stare a shock of some emotion rocked my body leaving me breathless. His steely gray eyes were daring me to defy him. They were filled with cocky arrogance and something more.... something like possession, like it was his entitlement in life to pay for my coffee.
Losing the battle easily to that kind of resolve, I simply nodded and followed my giggling friends to a table. I was used to Nix’s male-dominant tactics; they were like the slow poison sucking away at my life. Nix wanted to control, to force me to serve. I loathed the prideful power that was Nix.
But Ryder was something so different, so…. gentle. He was pushy and domineering and a complete Neanderthal. But his feelings came from a place of sweetness, and with a desire to protect.
When Nix ordered me around I felt like a caged animal.
When Ryder ordered me around I felt…. turned on.
Oh no.
This was so not good.
“Ivy, he’s so yummy,” Sloane murmured, her eyes glittering with appreciation for the male species.
“Right!” Exie squealed in an exaggerated whisper. “I told you!”
What was with my friends and look at all guys like they were
edible
? Possibly we should have ordered some croissants too to curb their obvious hunger….
“But you’re right,” Sloane continued, her tone dropping with disappointment. “He’s so not affected by us at all. It’s kind of eerie actually.”
“But kind of nice?” I posed the statement as a question even though for me it was like balm to open wounds. I knew without a question how healing it felt to be around Ryder, to feel how unimpressed with me he was.
That was sick, right? There had to be something wrong with me.
“So are you going to….” Sloane hesitated and I knew what she was getting at but I didn’t even want to hear the question out loud. “I mean, Chase is almost times-up, right?”
“I’m not, no way.” I growled. “He will never get anywhere near Nix, or my mother. Could you imagine?” My voice dropped to a whisper as if the axis of evil could somehow overhear me.
Sloane nodded with approval, her worried expression turning back to one of respect. Exie just smiled at me with this enormous grin that ate up half her face.
“What?” I asked, narrowing my eyes at her.
“Nothing,” she said but kept smiling and now her eyes seemed to be holding a secret.
“Exie, what?” I demanded.
“Nothing,” she sighed contentedly. “I’m just…. I’m just happy for you.”
I snorted. “I just told you, I’m not-“
“I know,” she rushed quickly. “I know you’re not. But can’t I be happy for you anyway?”
“Whatever,” I laughed and then Sloane joined in.