Read The Same Deep Water Online
Authors: Lisa Swallow
“I’m glad you were there,” I whisper and touch his cheek.
“On the plane?”
“No, on the night you saved my life. Maybe part of me already knew there was a world I belonged to, one you lived in too.”
“And we can go back there?” he asks.
“There’s a lot more life to explore together.”
“Travelling companions,” he says with a grin.
“In our world and theirs.”
I wrap myself in his arms, the outside world retreating. Who cares what came before? We live for what happens next. Guy is my second part, his world clicking into place with mine as my body melds with his through our embrace. The fusion of our lives happened months ago, in the moment I walked away from death and into a new future. This man brought me life and light, risked himself as he fought against the darkness. Even when lost, he fiercely held onto his belief in us.
Epilogue
“Every man dies, but not every man really lives.”
- Sir William Wallace
The waves fought me today, elusive and frustrating, but I refused to let the ocean win. Guy wanted to head to Margaret River where surfers had circulated news of the monster waves left by the retreating storm. He showed me the images on his phone, waves as tall as a multi-storey building towering over a surfer you could barely see. I told him I may have conquered my fear of water, but I’d also conquered my death wish too. Guy wrinkled his nose and wandered around the house for a few minutes, debating what to do and eventually we headed to our favourite local spot for catching waves.
In the moment when the wave is beneath my board, I’m lost in a world created by the battle for those few seconds before the ride ends. I’m here with Guy but we are chasing a high we can only achieve separately. Rivalry breaks out as he catches more waves than I do, his years of experience outdoing my year on a learning curve as steep as the ocean I ride.
The trip to the UK continued, and with our secrets out, we stepped onward and left them behind. Since we returned to Australia, our growing closeness over the months has cemented into a loving, trusting relationship. Our relationship likely has less secrets than the everyday people who’ve never struggled in the depths. Our hearts and souls are anchored together to fight the inevitable storms we’ll face in the future.
I drag my board to the shore and drop it on the sand, aching after finally replacing the frustration with elation. I scan the beach for Guy and we see each other at the same time. This is a casual day; he’s in boardies and rash vest rather than his wetsuit he wears when serious surfing has to be done. I still expect him to disappear south to catch the monster waves and I’ll let him go, of course.
Guy watches as I approach, reaching out to hold my damp head and kiss me with his warm lips. His growing fringe tickles my forehead as I tiptoe to press my lips harder against his. In response, he circles an arm around me.
“Finally caught one?” he asks, eyes glinting.
“I always do.”
“You never give up, that’s one of the things I love about you.” He brushes his mouth against mine again.
“One of many I hope.”
His hand roams around to my ass and drags me against his hips. “One of very many.”
Slapping Guy’s hand away, I drag a towel from the top of the nearby rucksack. I spread the towel onto the sand, and sit to take weight off my tired legs. Guy sits next to me and passes a bottle of water. The Indian Ocean churns, hiding the cerulean blue beneath the white crests of the waves. The Perth summer sun heats my bare arms, drying my pink rash vest.
“I never thought I’d find peace in the water,” I say half to myself and rest my head on Guy’s shoulder. “I love my life with you. I’m a world away from the girl I was a year ago. Thank you.”
“You know that you saved my life too, Phe,” he whispers and rests his damp hair against mine. “I think that makes us quits.”
I nudge his arm so he has to wrap his strength around me. “Just promise me you’ll never try to be my Prince Charming,” I whisper.
“I’m happy to be just some Guy, if he’s your guy.”
Guy never returned to his old name, arguing Noah is the sick part of himself when he’s uncontrolled and that Guy was the man who found peace with me. His remaining family are wary, worried he’ll struggle again and that between us we’ll create a perfect storm of mental illness which will drown us both. What they don’t understand is the depth of our understanding of each other; the intuition into Guy I now have would head off this situation. We’ve made a commitment to never be alone at a point of no return; a promise we’ll tell each other if we’re heading there.
The only place we’re moving to now is into a new life.
“I love you,” I whisper and look around, ensuring he really sees and doesn’t just hear.
Guy strokes tendrils of damp hair from my face and rests his fingertips on my cheek. “And I love you. Always.”
“If we were a movie, which one do you think we’d be?” I ask, trickling sand through my fingers.
“Our life isn’t like the movies, remember? In those, the story ends with a happy ever after.”
“Are you saying we won’t have a happy ever after?” I ask and smack his leg.
“No, because this story is nowhere near the end. This is just the beginning. Stories have to end to have a happy ever after.”
Our original story began with pain and confusion, surrounded by darkness and fear of the future. But stories, like the future, can be rewritten. Fate has a hand in pulling people together, and sometimes the reasons why make no sense until months later. Fate brought Guy to me on the night he saved my life, unaware that I would save his.
We have love. We have understanding. We have acceptance. Not only for each other, but more importantly, for ourselves.
We have a future that stretches far beyond twenty items on a list.
Swimming the same deep water as Guy was hard, but struggling in the depths with him is better than losing myself amongst those who never find their way out of the shallows.
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Summer Sky (Blue Phoenix #1)
Sky changed her life for a man once, and she has no intention of doing it again - even if he is a six foot, tattooed rock god who makes a mean bacon sandwich
Sky Davis is fed up with boyfriend Grant taking her for granted and when she comes home to find him wearing a girl, Sky suspects the relationship is over. She takes an unscheduled holiday and leaves the life (and guy) she hates behind.
Rock star Dylan Morgan is struggling with fame and infamy, sick of his life being controlled by other people. Dylan cuts his hair and walks away from his role as lead singer of Blue Phoenix, leaving chaos and speculation behind.
Outside the English seaside town of Broadbeach their cars and worlds collide.
Chapter One
You know that moment when you meet someone, only to discover they're the most arrogant, self-important asshole who you've had the displeasure of colliding fates with? Somewhere, on the edge of my normal life, this just happened to me.
Three hours driving non-stop from Bristol to Broadbeach, and I’m in a crappy mood. This trip would take three hours if every traffic cone in England wasn’t blocking the motorway, therefore forcing all the cars into a ‘traditional English traffic jam’. Or if I didn't get stuck behind the slowest tractor in the world, after I had the bright idea of leaving the motorway for country roads to speed things up.
I whined when I was dragged to Broadbeach on summer holidays with my parents as a teenager, every time. At that age, the quiet seaside town was the armpit of the universe and no longer the sandy playground by the beach I loved as a little kid. There's no place I'd rather be now, than the small house on the edge of the dunes. When I finally bloody get there.
Frustration mounts as the afternoon grows late, and skipping lunch to get away from Bristol as quickly as possible hasn’t helped. I took a wrong turn thanks to my stupid decision to take a short cut, and I’m lost on a narrow country lane looking for a road sign. So when a fricking dog runs across the road in front of me, I'm not exactly calm about the car behind rear-ending mine when I hit the brakes. There is one screech of tyres, one exchange of alarmed looks between the black and white dog and me, and one loud metal crunch.
I glance in the rear-view mirror. Some guy in sunglasses hastily puts down his mobile phone and starts gesticulating in a way that demonstrates he's as happy about the collision as I am. Like this, is my fault? I throw open the door and slam it closed. Heading to the back of my small, silver car, I'm aware of his scrutiny as I inspect the damage. Great. There’s a broken light and a bloody huge dent.
I turn to his. I know nothing about cars but I'm sure this is going to cost him more than me. Sleek, black some-kind-of-penis-extension prestige vehicles like this costs more to fix than my I-have-no-money-and-a-crap-job ten-year-old hatchback.
The guy remains in the car, so I stomp over and indicate he should lower his window. The tinted windows seem a bit excessive in the English climate, but I guess this adds to the image of the car. All I can see of the man is dark sunglasses and spiked brown hair, with his hand waving at me to stand back. I huff and back away.
Out of the car steps a guy with an attitude as big as the dent in my bumper. He doesn’t speak, but his body language indicates an apology isn’t coming anytime soon. Six feet of tightly drawn muscles and a hard set mouth. I'm immediately drawn to the sleeve of colourful tattoos disappearing under his greying black t-shirt. Why do people get so many tattoos? They're plain ugly when there's so many they merge into one canvas of colour.
I shift my gaze to his face. His sunglasses remain in place, and I can't see much beyond his sharp jawline and the fact he really needs a shave. My first impression is he's trying to cultivate some sexy, edgy image to match his sexy, edgy car. The guy whips off his sunglasses revealing bright blue eyes circled by tired black marks. The looking rough is more than an image then. I figure he's in his twenties like me, but his exact age is difficult to tell beneath the exhausted face.
Without a word, he stalks to the front of his car and rubs the dented paintwork, sucking air through his teeth. Flakes of silver paint from my car drop to the road. I take the opportunity to size him up. He's grungy in an attractive way; or the way attractive people can be as scruffy as hell and still look okay. He looks more than okay. I'm momentarily distracted by how his dirty jeans hug his backside but blink the image away.
"It's your fault if you ran up the back of me," I inform him.
"You stopped without any indication!" he retorts, straightening and turning back to me. His accent is odd – English but as if he’s lived overseas too long and lost part of it.
"A dog ran out in front of me."
He looks into the road. "What dog?"
"The dog’s not here now. I don't think the dog realised it needed to be a material witness and ran off!" I narrow my eyes at him and he deliberately looks me up and down. I’m wearing a short floral summer dress. Hardly sexy, but his scrutiny makes me feel exposed. I cross my arms over my chest.
He hesitates, tapping his fingers against his teeth. "I wouldn't normally do this, but I'm in a hurry. Forget the insurance, I'll give you the money. How much do you think it'll cost to fix your car?"
Do what?
"I don't know."
Cocking his head, he studies the car. "Not much, I think. It’s an old model. Was the paintwork that bad before I hit you?"
Cheeky bastard.
"I'm not taking your money. Repairs might cost more than you have! If you give me your name and number, we can sort the insurance out the proper way."
He laughs. "Very fucking clever. Do you think I would?"
I'm taken aback at his attitude and language. "Swapping details is a strange and ancient custom which occurs when dickheads on mobile phones rear-end the car in front."
For a moment, he looks as if I slapped him across the face, and he’s rendered speechless. I mentally clap myself on the back. If he can afford a car like this, I bet people in his life rarely call him a dickhead. At least not to his face anyway.
"I don't give people my personal details." As he speaks, he scrutinises my face and something in his ocean blue eyes prickles the back of my neck.
Oh, I see, turn the smouldering on and get me eating out of your hand. Forget that, buddy; men aren’t my favourite species currently.
"What makes you so special?" I snap.
A slow smile spreads across his face. "Nothing, what makes you so special?"
He traps me in a well-practiced seductive gaze, accompanied by the grin sharpening his stubbled features.
Not going to work…
"Do I have to call the police?"
His brow tugs together and he responds with a sharp. "No. Wait. Okay."
As he turns and goes back to his car, my heart rate picks up. Shit. Maybe he's a drug dealer. Or has a body in the car. And he's got a gun. And he's going to shoot me. Or maybe I watch too much CSI. Time to leave.
I attempt to memorise his number plate as I jump back into the driver's seat. Jamming the car into gear, I take off as fast as my not very fast car will take me. Through my mirror, I see six feet of muscled, tattooed, blue-eyed hotness (possibly with a gun) watching me drive away.
*****
The house by the sea never changes, inside or out. Or in my mind it doesn't. The whitewashed building belongs to my grandmother, and has been in the family for years. The house nestles between the sand dunes and the town, isolated from the neighbours but close to the track running up the hill to Broadbeach.
My heart rate won’t slow following my accident and encounter with the other driver. Why is my day going from bad to worse? I push the incident out of my mind; I'm here now, things will change.
I park my poor, mistreated car on the side of the track and climb out, inhaling until my lungs are full of the sea air. Odd how somewhere I resented so much is now a symbol of sanctuary. The sandy front garden is overgrown, weeds now resident in the huge terracotta plant pots full of geraniums. I tip the largest to one side and pull out the spare key. Gran needs to learn spare keys under plant pots don't equal good security, but I suppose security isn't as big a concern in Broadbeach as in Bristol.
A musty, familiar smell greets me as I push open the front door. Old books, lavender perfume and the seaweed smell of the sea. The mix of scents transports me back to summer days playing in the sand dunes and getting into trouble for sneaking off to the nearby shop for ice creams. The house is a few hundred metres from the beach. A small path and the dunes I rolled down until my knickers were full of sand, lies between the house and the shore.
Nobody has rented recently, and the house is cold and clean. I’m lucky to be able to stay here, especially as I phoned and asked to stay at short notice. Early June and heading into summer holiday season, Broadbeach is quiet. A week’s solace should help with the break-up from Grant.
Grant who took me for granted; who I changed for, morphing into someone I didn't recognise. I came home one day last week and found him with someone else. Such a fucking cliché, Grant knew I was due home, so he either decided to live dangerously or didn't give a shit. Personally, I think being told the relationship is over beats coming home to find a girl wrapped around your boyfriend of five years.
I left him (and attached girl), and slept at my best friend Tara’s for a couple of nights. But this wasn't far enough away from Grant. So I walked away from my job at his parents' finance company and headed to Broadbeach for some 'me' time. Some 'find me' again time. I've left behind the consequences of losing my boyfriend and probably my source of income.
I head upstairs with my stuffed blue rucksack and dump the bag on the bed. The duvet cover is seashell patterned, and the curtains match, the same bedding has been used for years. A local painting of the coast hangs on the cornflower blue wall. In a fit of glee, I tip the contents of my rucksack on the bed. Clothes go everywhere. I giggle. Grant hated my mess. Picking up underwear, I drop items around the room, and then scrunch back the bed covers. Now, the place is lived in. Imperfect. A little voice in my head whispers: "Fuck you, Grant."
The view from the window is what I dreamt of in the traffic jams on the way down. Unspoilt after all these years, the sandy beach stretches to the sea. Closing my eyes, I imagine I can hear the waves but I'm too far. The absence of sound is somehow louder than the traffic noise from my house back in Bristol. My ex-house.
One disadvantage of being the first guest of the season is there's nothing in the fridge or freezer. Zilch. Nada. I once came at the end of the season and the assortment of items in the cupboards and fridge kept me going for days. Unopened packets of cold meats, frozen bread and UHT milk conveniently located next to the teabags in the cupboard. One year someone left frozen pizza and two bottles of expensive wine. Win. This time? Big lose.
Pouting, I open the plastic bag I packed my lunch in. Pulling out the banana peel left from my emergency refuelling as I was driving, I discover the bottle of juice I packed has leaked all over my cheese sandwiches.
I don't want to drive anywhere again in a hurry, but a trip to the new out of town supermarket is needed. I need supplies. Lots of unhealthy, relationship break-up goodies. Guilt follows me out of the seaside town, away from the local shops in need of my money. However, I’m too tired to face twenty questions from Mrs Hughes or see the weird guy at the newsagents who never speaks. I'll spend money there too, of course; I’m here for a week. But tonight, I need bulk amounts of chocolate, crisps, ice cream and wine. So Asda is the place to go. Sorry, Mrs Hughes.
Chapter Two
Evening encroaches as I return to the house; I spent more time and money than I expected at Asda because choosing the right wine for wallowing is important. And don’t get me started on the number of ice cream flavours to choose from. I bought the hottest pre-packaged curry I could find because I couldn't eat curry around Grant. He didn't like the smell. Add wine and a juicy new book for an awesome evening ahead.
When I get back, the lights are on, shining through the downstairs window at the front of the house. I halt, the plastic carrier bags digging into my hands.
What the?
I push open the creaking front door and peer inside, aware the isolation I craved is not so good at this point. Unable to detect anything strange, I step inside and close the door, hand on my phone. Just in case. In case of what, I don’t know. A projectile weapon? Setting the bags on the table, I listen. Nothing. Maybe I left the lights on before I left.
First things first: wine. I open a bottle of red, and rummage around for the biggest glass I can find. After a satisfying gulp or three, I pull my curry out of the pre-packed box and shove the container in the microwave. After only a minute, the smell pervades the house.
The sense of relief and freedom from being here, away from someone else's scrutiny or criticism, engulfs as I slump on the sofa. The wine glass empties quicker than the curry cooks, and I close my eyes, soaking in the moment.