The Sasquatch Escape (The Imaginary Veterinary) (9 page)
Read The Sasquatch Escape (The Imaginary Veterinary) Online
Authors: Suzanne Selfors
Tags: #Juvenile Fiction / Juvenile Fiction / Animals / Dragons, #Unicorns & Mythical, #Juvenile Fiction / Fantasy & Magic, #Juvenile Fiction / Action & Adventure - General, #Juvenile Fiction / Mysteries & Detective Stories, #Juvenile Fiction / Social Issues - Friendship
“Bigfoot,” Mr. Tabby corrected. “The sasquatch is also called bigfoot.”
“Does it only have one foot?” Pearl asked.
Mr. Tabby moved to a different stack of boxes. “Of course it does not have only one foot. What a ridiculous question.”
“Then why do they call it bigfoot instead of bigfeet?”
Mr. Tabby stopped searching and stared at Pearl. His whiskered mustache twitched with annoyance. “You are full of bothersome questions. Don’t you children study Imaginary creatures in school?”
“No. Never,” Pearl said. “We study real creatures. We dissected sheep eyeballs in biology.”
“What a shame,” Mr. Tabby said. “Your teacher would have served you better with a hydra’s eyeball or a minotaur’s eyeball. Sheep eyeballs are so ordinary.”
“And slimy,” Pearl said. “Mine slipped out of my fingers and flew across the room and landed in Ms. Bee’s hair. I got detention for three days because she said I threw it on purpose. But I didn’t. It slipped.” She smiled mischievously at Ben.
“Ah, here it is.” Mr. Tabby pulled a cardboard box from the stack and set it on the floor. Pearl and Ben gathered around as he removed the lid and lifted out a small metal box about the size of a loaf of bread. The engraved label read:
“Normally the doctor would take care of this matter, but as I mentioned earlier, she is on a house call. So, seeing as you are the one who did not bolt the door…” He thrust the kit at Ben.
Ben gulped as the box landed in his arms. “You want me to catch the sasquatch?”
“Indeed.”
“For the millionth time, will someone please tell me what a sasquatch is?” Pearl demanded with a stomp of her foot.
Mr. Tabby cleared his throat. “Sasquatch, also known as bigfoot, is a large, hairy, humanoidlike creature that inhabits the forests of the Imaginary World. It has a sloping brow and a small brain. It can stand six to ten feet tall and weigh in excess of five hundred pounds.” He pulled out his creature calculator. “This individual, however, stands at seven feet four inches and weighs four hundred and ten pounds. Dr. Woo is treating it for foot fungus.”
“Gross,” Pearl said.
Ben looked out the front door. “People will start freaking out if they see it.”
“Yes, they will,” Mr. Tabby said. “People always
freak out
when an Imaginary World creature steps into the Known World.”
“Maybe we should call the police,” Ben suggested.
“My aunt Milly is a police officer,” Pearl said. “I could call her.”
“That is a terrible idea,” Mr. Tabby said. “Such a call would most certainly lead to tragedy. The authorities would take the sasquatch away and lock it up. And then the sasquatch would never get back to its home in the Imaginary World, where its family is waiting. You must keep this a secret. We must work together to protect the sasquatch.”
Ben and Pearl nodded.
“Do not worry. The sasquatch is gentle by nature. It will not hurt anyone. Not on purpose. And it will not go far. Sasquatches are lazy. They don’t like to travel. They prefer the forest and will almost always choose it as a place to hide and sleep. I suggest you begin your search there.” Mr. Tabby returned the cardboard box to the pile, then smoothed out his vest. “I have much work to do
while Dr. Woo is away. I will rely on you two to bring the sasquatch back to the hospital safe and sound.” He held out a small brass key. “This will open the Sasquatch Catching Kit.” Pearl’s hand shot out faster than Ben’s and grabbed the key.
And with that, Mr. Tabby turned on his polished heels and opened the
EMPLOYEES ONLY
door. The door closed behind him, leaving Ben and Pearl alone in the lobby.
“This has got to be the weirdest day ever,” Pearl said.
“The weirdest,” Ben agreed.
“Well, we’d better hurry.”
B
en and Pearl huddled on the floor of his bedroom. Grandpa Abe was at the senior center, so Ben’s bedroom provided more privacy than Pearl’s bedroom, which sat above the busy Dollar Store. And when you’re about to open a secret Sasquatch Catching Kit, it’s best to have some privacy.
“Your hamster’s cute,” Pearl said as Snooze chewed on a cheese puff. “My mom won’t let me have a hamster, because she says it’ll make my room smell like a dirty diaper.” She shrugged.
“Your room doesn’t smell like a dirty diaper. Not really. Well, maybe just a little.”
Ben was used to the pungent scent that drifted from the hamster cage, so he wasn’t insulted. “Go on,” he urged, since Pearl still had the key. “Open it.”
She slid the brass key into the lock. It clicked, and the box lid sprang open. With an excited breath, Pearl pulled out the first item—a little leather-bound book:
Dr. Woo’s Guide to Catching a Sasquatch
. Pearl opened the book and read the following text out loud.
This book will help you catch a sasquatch. This book will not help you catch any other two-legged creature, such as a yeti or a troll or a leprechaun. Please refer to my other guidebooks if you are trying to catch something other than a sasquatch.
“ ‘A yeti or a troll or a leprechaun’?” Ben interrupted. “Does it really say that?” Pearl showed him the page, then continued reading.
Before trying to catch a sasquatch, there are a few things you must know.
First thing: The sasquatch is not as stupid as it looks. And it looks pretty stupid. It enjoys puzzles and likes to arrange things by color.
“Weird,” Ben said.
Second thing: The sasquatch has one of the foulest odors among Imaginary creatures. Some people say it smells like a wet dog that has rolled in stinky socks.
Third thing: The sasquatch cannot speak. Therefore, it does not like to be asked questions. If you ask it too many questions, it will get angry.
Fourth thing: Although it is a gentle creature and rarely hurts a fly, do not make a sasquatch angry. It has the ability to tear off your limbs.
Fifth thing: The sasquatch loves to eat and never gets full. In the wild, it eats forest greens, berries, mushrooms, and bark. But if it escapes into the Known World, it
will seek out food that is sweet, particularly chocolate.
Pearl looked up from the book. “I love chocolate, too. But not the kind with nuts. Everything gets ruined when you add nuts. I wonder if sasquatches like nuts.”
Ben elbowed her. “Keep reading.”
After much trial and error, I have found that there are three ways to successfully catch a sasquatch.
First way: Put it to sleep.
A tranquilizer dart is included in this kit. The dart contains enough potion to put an average-sized sasquatch to sleep. It is best to shoot the dart directly at the sasquatch’s rump. The potion will take effect immediately.
When the sasquatch falls, anything it lands on will be crushed, so keep your distance. The potion will last for one hour. If you are unable to carry a sasquatch, do not use the tranquilizer dart.
Pearl looked up again. “How much did Mr. Tabby say our sasquatch weighs?”
“Four hundred and something pounds.” Ben took out a sealed plastic tube and a blowpipe from the box. “I don’t think we can carry a four-hundred-pound sasquatch.” He set the tube and blowpipe aside. Pearl kept reading.
Second way: Trap it.
A net is included in this kit. I have found that if a sweet treat is placed inside the net, the sasquatch will walk right into it and will sit and eat the treat while the net is secured around it.
The sasquatch rarely puts up a fight, unless you anger it by asking a lot of questions.
If you have not arranged for transportation, and if you are unable to drag a sasquatch, then do not use the net.
“If we can’t carry a four-hundred-pound sasquatch, I don’t think we’ll be able to drag it,” Ben pointed out. He set the net aside, then looked inside the box. Three items remained.
Third way: Feed it.
The sasquatch is always hungry and has a sweet tooth. I have found that the sasquatch will willingly follow me if I hand it pieces of chocolate. Do not run out of chocolate before you reach your destination or you will have to use one of the other methods.
“Hey, that sounds pretty easy,” Ben said as he pulled out a chocolate bar. “But what’s this green thing?” The item in question was the size and shape of a tennis ball.
I have also included a fog bomb, which will create a fog bank. This will provide camouflage in case you run into nosy neighbors.
Pearl reached into the box and removed the last item.
And last but not least, I have included a whistle. When used correctly, it releases a sound quite similar to the call of a wild sasquatch. Use this whistle only as a last resort and only if you are a professional, for without the proper amount of airflow, you may attract creatures other than the sasquatch.
Pearl set the book aside and held the whistle up to the light. The overhead bulb shone on the silver surface like the moon. “I wonder what the call of a wild sasquatch sounds like,” she mused.
“It probably sounds like that roar we heard at the hospital,” Ben said.
“You think?” Pearl rolled the whistle between her fingers, a smile tickling one side of her mouth. “I’d sure like to find out.” She brought the whistle to her lips.
“Wait!” Ben cried, grabbing her wrist. “The book said to use the whistle only as a last resort.”
Pearl’s smile widened. “Oh, come on, Ben. Don’t you want to know what a sasquatch sounds like? I’ll use just a teeny-tiny bit of air. I’ll blow real soft. No one will hear it but us.” Then she whispered, “I’ll be very quiet.”
“Okay,” he agreed, releasing her wrist. “As long as you’re very quiet.”
So Pearl put the whistle to her lips, and, with the smallest puff of air, she blew.
