The Scandalous Duke Takes a Bride (19 page)

He covered her lips with his but made no move to claim her in any other way. In fact, their bodies weren’t even touching.

As she leaned back, Jessica’s weight was perched on her hands enough that she couldn’t wrap them around his neck and pull him closer. His kisses were fleeting, gentle. Was he afraid he’d hurt her? Frighten her off now that she’d invited him into her room … into her bed?

While she loved the lightness of his touch, she wanted to feel the solid weight of his body crushed against hers. Eventually, his lips parted hers and they tasted each other. This was not simply discovering each other on a new level but devouring something long denied between them.

She nearly laughed with that realization. When her lips tilted, Hayden pulled away. They both opened their eyes.

“And what have I done to make you laugh?”

Her grin turned into a full smile. She couldn’t help herself.

Shaking her head, she felt silly telling him but felt she owed him the honesty of her self-revelations. “I realized that I’ve wanted this for some time.”

One eyebrow cocked, Hayden assessed her. “Honestly?”

“Don’t ruin a perfect moment by doubting me now.”

“I could never doubt you.”

“Why did you come back tonight?”

“Need you ask?” His hands clasped one of hers. He massaged her fingertips before exposing the inside of her wrist and pressing his lips there. The feel of his touch, his mouth, had her eyes slipping closed for the briefest moment.

“Hayden…” She meant to ask him what he planned, but his name sounded more like a seductive sigh instead.

“Don’t say anything. Just let us have tonight without questions or worries of what tomorrow will bring.”

And that was exactly what she wanted. Regrets would have to wait for another day. Right now there was only one thing she wanted, and that was Hayden in her bed next to her.

“If I still can’t agree to marriage, what will be between us?”

“We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.” He tucked her curl behind her ear. “But I believe that if you follow your heart that’s not what will happen.”

“You’re asking for a great deal. Maybe too much if I had enough of my wits about me to snap out of the daze you’ve put me in.”

“I’m asking for your trust, Jessica. I want to stay the night. I want the feel of you in my arms. I don’t care about the rest right now.”

That was exactly what she wanted, too, so why did she continue to question him? She had accepted him into her private chambers. Into her bed. And at no point did she think she should refuse his company, since that was the last thing she wanted to do.

“I don’t want you to leave. My feelings and desires are all jumbled together right now and I confess that it’s confusing me.”

“Once the heart is involved, I fear there’s little sense to be had.”

His observation made her smile. Reservations set aside, she took his hand, guiding him up the bed so he could lie behind her. She lay with her back to his chest, her head resting on his curled arm. His free hand found its way to the flat of her stomach and it stirred nervous butterflies and caused a shudder of excitement to course through her veins. She had forgotten that she’d removed her corset and the only material she wore to separate them was a light cambric chemise.

Hayden on the other hand was fully clothed. It was too late to worry about her lack of dress when she lay half-naked and more than willing in his arms to explore something more.

Slowly, she relaxed in his hold. As their breaths evened out she felt herself nodding off into a slumber she wanted no part of. It had been an incredibly long day, and having Hayden here like this, she felt safe and cherished for the first time in a very long time.

*   *   *

Hayden knew the precise moment she fell asleep. He brushed her hair away from her temple and lightly pressed his lips there.

Why he came back to her house had been twofold. He’d worried about who precisely had caught her attention as they’d strolled the streets of London. And then there was the more obvious reason: he couldn’t leave her alone tonight when he needed to hold her in his arms. Did she realize that by allowing him to stay she was admitting that there was so much more than friendship between them? She’d admitted as much.

“I love you, Jessica Heyer. I’ll not walk away from you, either,” he whispered next to her ear, even though she was deep in sleep.

Tomorrow would reveal a host of new realities in their relationship. For the moment, she was wholly his. And he’d be damned if he ever let her go.

After tucking her body tightly against his, he finally fell asleep.

Chapter 13

How ever did the Duke of A—— find himself involved with a certain sect of immoral pleasure seekers? Considering his standing, and his father before him, and his father before even him, one must assume he is hiding something of an illicit nature.
Dear readers, don’t fret over any disparaging words I may pen of your fair duke; I’m merely speculating aloud considering the inordinate amount of time he’s spent with a certain dowager countess.
Mayfair Chronicles,
July 1846 As Jessica awoke, it was as though hot coals lined her back. She nearly jumped out of bed before remembering how her night had ended … with Hayden. He’d not only stayed the night; he also hadn’t left before she’d awakened.

While technically nothing untoward had happened, she was now questioning her judgment. There was a man, whom she was not married to, in her bed.

The first thing she took note of was that the sun hadn’t yet kissed the horizon, but the sky was lightening outside and creeping through the windows with dim amber tendrils. She had no way of telling how late or early it was, but the fact that she was still exhausted told her she couldn’t have slept for more than a few hours.

Needing to relieve the heat at her back, she turned carefully in Hayden’s arms so as not to wake him. His hand slid from her stomach to her back as she faced him, the deadweight comforting even though it wasn’t easy to maneuver. His eyes were closed, his breathing still deep, so she hadn’t disturbed his sleep.

She took the opportunity to study his familiar features in the semi-darkened room. It was like relearning someone you’d always known theoretically but unexpectedly saw in a new light.

His lashes were a few shades darker than his ash-blond hair and were thick enough to make many a woman envious. His brows were heavy and light brown in color, their emphasis on his face adding to his strong character. His hair wasn’t coiffed and pomaded as usual, but it was thick and she couldn’t stop herself from running her fingers through the disarrayed strands, brushing them back from his chiseled cheekbones.

He’d removed his cravat at some point in the night, and she trailed her eyes down to the deep vee of his shirt. A speckling of hair lay at the center, and she barely caught herself from touching the exposed skin there.

Last night had been no more than an escape from the harsh reality of her world. A beginning for new things. But in her moment of weakness when he’d appeared in her bedchamber she’d been selfish to want him as her own.

It dawned on her in the reality of the morning that she could not ruin his future associations by agreeing to his offer of marriage. She couldn’t trap him in an arrangement that had more disadvantages than benefits to him.

While he’d been sincere and she did not doubt his feelings nearly as much as she doubted her own, she would never give cause or reason for him to regret his decision later. Their friendship was and always had been very precious to her. She cherished it above all things. There were too many secrets and lies about her past that once exposed could ruin even that.

He was the bloody Duke of Alsborough. Rightfully, he should be untouchable by the likes of her.

So lost in thought, she hadn’t noticed that her explorations had stirred his awareness.

“Is it morning already?” he asked on a whisper.

“Still quite early, I should think.”

She focused on his dark eyes. Though she could see the tiredness clouding his gaze, there was something else present that she did not recognize. Or maybe she did.…

“About this—” She started to pull away, sliding her hands to her side of the bed, putting necessary distance between them now that she had her wits mostly about her.

He halted her, tightening his hold on her hip so she couldn’t escape far. “Don’t say anything, Jess. The night is still ours.”

“It won’t be for much longer. What did you say to Wilson when you came back to the house?”

“Just that we had something left to discuss.”

She pressed her forehead to his chest for a moment. She would miss the feeling of being in his arms. But all good things had to come to an end eventually. “You have to leave before my maid arrives.”

“If that’s what you want.”

Releasing her hip, he moved to trace the side of her face. As his thumb parted her lips her eyes slipped shut. She wanted to kiss his hands, his mouth, every part of him, but daren’t or else risk doing so much more she might regret. So much more that would make him angry with her when she refused his proposal once again, because she knew she had no choice but to do so. She might not be able to save her reputation, but she’d not drag him down in the process.

“Don’t deny that you want more, Jess.”

“What I want and what has to be are two very opposing things.” It surprised her that she admitted that much. She hated to appear vulnerable to any man, but this was Hayden.

Both his hands cupped her face as he pressed his lips to hers. She was helpless to push him away when that was the last thing she wanted. Instead, she accepted his touch, their tongues searching each other’s mouths as though they had all the time in the world.

Hayden’s knee rode up between her legs, holding her captive where she lay. She welcomed the press of his body and the feel of his hands on her as he cupped one of her breasts while his other hand tangled deep in her hair.

She’d never been so attuned to anyone in all her life as she was in this moment. She wanted to do the wickedest of things. How far would be too far, though?

Hayden pulled away from their kiss, though he didn’t relieve his weight from her. “I can hear you thinking.”

How well he knew her. “It’s what I do.”

“Stop for a moment and just surrender to your desires this once.”

His gaze trailed to where his hand held her breast. When his fingers brushed lightly over the distended tip the most delicious sensation fluttered deep in her stomach.

“No thoughts left,” she whispered, breathless from the sensual feelings bombarding her as he gently rolled her nipple with exploring fingers. He did it over and over till her breath hitched in her lungs and she was biting her lip to keep from making a sound that might indicate she’d lost control of the situation.

“If you want me to go, you’ll have to tell me to stop.”

She shook her head, unable to voice her thoughts, especially considering he hadn’t ceased with his wicked ministrations. She’d never felt anything so beautiful in all her life. Her body nearly hummed with the excitement, his touch only further setting her body ablaze with a need so deep she was helpless to fight it.

“Tell me to stop,” he said again, only much more quietly.

She shook her head. Words were truly lost to her. Instead, she pulled his head closer so she could kiss him deeply.

Why was it that the things you knew were wrong always felt so right? Whatever the reason, she’d have to think on it later, because reason was flooded out by his sure actions.

Braced on one arm, Hayden pushed her knee out and wedged himself in the cradle of her spread thighs. The sure thickness of his desire confined by his trousers rocked against her core.

While they weren’t together flesh to flesh, this was certainly the most erotic thing she’d ever done. She should be embarrassed for acting like an untamed wanton … so like her namesake—a complete Jezebel.

While one arm kept his weight from crushing her his other hand lowered to her waist, her hip … and kept moving lower. Grasping the bottom edge of her chemise, he yanked it higher. The fabric gave as his hand skimmed determinedly over her knee, then her thigh, as he pushed her leg out farther, never stopping the easy rhythm of their bodies rocking together.

His hand caressed her leg, squeezing it at intervals that matched the easy thrust of their bodies coming together over and over again. He pulled the material of her underclothes hard enough that it slit right up to her bare buttocks.

Jessica pulled his shirt free from his trousers, settling her hands on his lower back, feeling the latent strength beneath her fingers as their pelvises continued to grind together, never losing momentum as she brushed her hands lightly over his sides, learning his shape and every dip and contour of his muscled body.

He stilled for a moment, pulled away so far that she nearly voiced a protest, but he only shucked his shirt before returning to her. Holding himself above her on both fists, he gave her time to explore him more intimately. She traced every lean line, running her fingers through the coarse hair that trailed down to where their bodies joined. The leg he’d worked free of her chemise she hitched over his hip and she used it to keep him pressed tightly to her. She didn’t want him escaping again.

He lowered his head to her material-clad breasts and pulled gently at one peak with his mouth. The tug of his lips and teeth had her arching off the bed in a silent plea for more.

Could she forget herself for one day and just
be
with Hayden like they were? She didn’t want to stop what they were doing; she didn’t want him to leave.

“Can we lock ourselves in here all day?” she asked even though it was her house and her rules.

His mouth trailed upward, nibbling a hot path along her neck and biting at her rapidly beating pulse before his lips were tugging lightly at her earlobe, sucking it into his mouth and releasing it. A cool kiss of air brushed over her dampened breast, causing her to shiver with the sudden absence of his ministrations.

“Yes,” was his response.

“I want this and nothing else.” She ran her hands over his broad shoulders and arms, loving the strength and hardness of his body. No one could ever steal this memory from her.

“I gave you the night. Who’s to stop us from taking the day?” He held himself above her and looked into her eyes. He wanted this as much as she wanted him. The intensity of his desire was clear in his gaze, as though it echoed exactly what was in her heart.

She trailed her finger over the side of his face and his hair-roughened jaw. “Make me forget everything except us.”

“Your wish is my command.”

The promise in his words was emphasized with a thrust of his hardness against her core. Her breath caught in her lungs as he swept his tongue into her mouth and kissed her deeper than he’d ever kissed her before. It was as though she’d broken through the levee that had stopped him from tipping over the edge all this time.

“Are you sure you want to commit to this?”

“Don’t ask a question like that at a moment like this.”

“I have to,” Hayden said.

She pulled him back down to her mouth, unwilling to relinquish him and not willing to hash over the consequences that would be born of their actions.

He was determined to get his way, for he pulled back from the kiss yet again, his smoldering gaze dead serious.

“I need your answer to us, Jessica.”

She shook her head and placed her hands on either side of his face.

“I can’t answer you right now. I’m sorry.”

“Not as sorry as I am.” He was off her before she had enough sense to pull him back.

She sat up, pushing her chemise down to cover her exposed knees. “You’re angry.”

“It doesn’t take much to deduce that.” He retrieved his shirt from the floor, pulled it over his head, and draped his untied cravat around his neck.

She slid her feet under her, feeling suddenly exposed as she wrapped her arms around her breasts and waist. “I’m sorry.”

“You’re willing to test our friendship by laying with me, yet you worry about what marrying will do to our friendship?”

“One is permanent and cannot be changed,” she argued.

“I love you, Jessica. I have always appreciated and admired every facet of your character. But I never thought you could act so foolish as this.”

She stood from the bed, reached for her dressing gown, and slid into the soft silk while he sat on her vanity stool and pulled on his shoes.

“Don’t be angry with me.”

He looked up at her in the midst of sliding on his second shoe. “I’m not angry; I’m disappointed. You want the impossible from me, Jess, and this time you can’t have it. How long am I supposed to wait for you? Surely you know that even I cannot wait forever.”

He stood and placed both of his hands on her arms. She knew that he couldn’t wait for her forever, but having just heard those words from his mouth left her in such a panic she could do no more than throw her arms around his shoulders and bury her face in his neck. She inhaled the familiar and comforting scent of his cologne as she waited for him to embrace her in return.

His arms eventually came around her, his hands resting at the small of her back. She took comfort in the embrace.

She looked up at him then and found that his expression was torn. He wasn’t angry, she realized. That look was all disappointment.

“So much in my life has changed these past few weeks that I can’t make a life-changing decision at the drop of a hat.”

He pressed his forehead against hers, his thumbs tracing her cheekbones. “I’m done waiting for you when I’ve waited as long as I have.”

“I need time enough to put my affairs in order. To sort out the final details with the estate.”

“All excuses.” He pulled away from her and slid the back of his hand over her cheek as he looked at her once more. “I’ll call on you in a few days. If you don’t—”

She pressed her finger to his lips. She didn’t want to hear an ultimatum pass his lips; it would ruin their night and what little they had of the morning.

Chapter 14

There comes a time in every writer’s life when they feel as though they’ve found that golden pot at the end of a rainbow. A reliable source has given me some very delicious news. What I’m about to reveal will ruin one person so thoroughly that their subsequent banishment from society is delightfully expected—which we all know has been a personal goal of mine for some years while penning this column. Your fingers must be tingling where you grip the edges of the paper.…
Dear readers, what I say here must be spread far and wide, for the Dowager Countess F—— was never who you thought. Perhaps the tension visible in her marriage provides timber to the flames I am about to burn bright enough to shun her from society once and for all. The woman who has been a blight for too many years to count is in fact of questionable parentage.
“Where’s the proof?” you say? I’ll give you that and so much more. I’ll tell you a little story about how she fooled everyone for so long. I warn you, this story is reserved for the mature mind, for the scandalous nature in which the Dowager Countess F—— lived during her most formative years would make even the grand Duchess Georgiana of Devonshire turn in her grave.…
Mayfair Chronicles,
August 1846 Hayden met Tristan at their club, slapping his paper down on the table in front of his friend as he sat across from him. Tristan sipped his coffee and glanced down at the well-known rag detailing the more scandalous events of the
ton.
Tristan slid it closer to read the headings.

“Bea showed this drivel to me this morning.” Tristan pushed the paper away as Hayden rubbed his hand over his face.

“I understand the columnist’s desire to exploit your friendship for something it is not.”

Hayden didn’t bother to correct his friend in that regard, because he wasn’t ready to discuss the particulars of his relationship with Jessica with anyone other than Jessica herself.

But he did say, “I wouldn’t precisely say that. We’ve been out every night for the past two weeks. It makes assumptions inevitable. That, however, is not what worries me.”

Hayden stirred lemon into his tea. He wasn’t thirsty for tea but for revenge. Tea kept his hands busy when all he wanted was to find the persons responsible for the gossip circulating and wring his hands around their necks good and tight.

“The rest, then. What interested me is where they would have come by that information. Jez’s father is long dead, as are any other living relatives she had.”

“That’s all you have to say? You’re not even questioning the validity of this information?”

Tristan took a sip of his coffee. “What makes you think I would judge her for her parentage, or lack of? Have you forgotten what my children are in the eyes of the
ton
?”

Hayden gave his friend a scathing look. He’d always been accepting of Tristan’s children. Always, and without question. “The Mayfair Chronicler has been writing about us for the better part of a decade. I wouldn’t put much stock into what they say, though I’d like to hang them out to dry in front of all those they’ve exploited for the sake of their column.”

“Come now,” Tristan drawled. “This writer has been far kinder to us than some of the other more sanctimonious members of society; while some of them have been slaughtered and raked through the coals time and time again, we’ve practically been lauded.”

Hayden drummed his fingers along the table, irritated by his inability to act on this, since he had no one to blame. And Tristan was right for the most part.

“Except for Jez.”

“Which makes me think the Chronicler is a woman,” Tristan said.