The Scent of Lilacs (20 page)

She yanked herself away from him. “No, it’s not okay. It can’t be okay.”

He smiled and gathered her back into the circle of his arms. “If you’ll let me help you, together we can handle whatever it is.” He put his finger under her chin and tipped her face up until he was looking into her wet eyes. “I promise, and daddies don’t make promises they can’t keep.”

“You used to tell me that when I was little.”

“And did I ever make a promise to you that I didn’t keep?”

“I don’t remember.”

“You would remember if I did. Now tell me what’s wrong.”

Tabitha looked at him, her tears suddenly drying up. A bead
of sweat rolled down her father’s forehead and caught in his dark eyebrows. Jerome had sweated a lot. Sweat had soaked his shirt when he played the drums in Eddie’s band. His sweat had dripped on her when they made love. When they made this baby. A baby he had wanted to kill but one she would face any shame, any pain, to have.

Tabitha put one hand on her stomach and the other hand on her father’s arm as if somehow that would pass the love she felt for one to the other. “I’m going to have a baby.” The words slipped out easy as pie, and most surprising of all, she wanted to smile when she said it.

D
avid was surprised. He shouldn’t have been. He’d known she was in trouble, and a girl in trouble at her age often meant a baby showing up before a husband.

That was his problem. Seeing her as a girl of her age. It wasn’t reasonable or even sensible, but he’d kept her thirteen and, in his mind, too young, too innocent to be with a man, to have the results of that growing inside her. His grandbaby.

The wonder of it grabbed him. His eyes went to her swollen tummy, and he smiled. “I’m going to be a grandfather,” he said almost to himself.

She nodded shyly as her lips trembled with an answering smile. “I know it’s wrong, a sin even.” Her smile faded away. “But please don’t ask me to give her up. I can’t. I love her already.”

“Her?”

“The baby’s a girl. I just know it is, but DeeDee said you might make me give her up for adoption. Send me to one of those homes, but I won’t go. I’ll run away first.”

“I’m not going to send you anywhere, Tabitha.” He reached out and folded her into his arms again. “You’re my daughter. Your child is my grandchild. I wouldn’t give that up for anything.”

“Not even for God.”

“God won’t ask me to,” David said. “God will want us to love this baby, to take care of her.”

“I’m not married.”

“I didn’t think you were,” David said. “Did you want to be? Did you love the father that much?”

“I thought I did. I thought he would marry me. DeeDee said I was stupid, and I guess she was right. Of course, she said he wasn’t all bad since he did give me some money to ‘fix’ my problem before he split. DeeDee knew the name of a guy who did that kind of thing. Said she’d go with me and everything.” Both her hands covered her belly now. “But I couldn’t do that.”

“Thank God.”

“DeeDee wanted me to, said it would be the easiest way out of a hard spot. The best way. When I wouldn’t listen to her, she blamed all that church you used to make me go to back here in Hollyhill for warping my good sense, but she didn’t try to force me to do it. She just said I couldn’t stick there, that she wasn’t ready to be a grandmother or even a great-aunt. And that Eddie wouldn’t be able to abide a baby in the house. He was pissed enough about Jerome splitting from the band. Said good drummers were hard to find. That I was old enough to know how to keep from getting knocked up. That DeeDee should have made sure I knew the facts of life.”

David clenched his fists and breathed in and out slowly. The Bible verses about turning the other cheek came to him, but it was easier to turn your own cheek than to turn your child’s. He gave up on counting to ten. “A nice guy, huh?”

“Oh, Eddie’s okay,” Tabitha said. “Anyway, I used the money Jerome gave DeeDee to buy a bus ticket here. I didn’t know what else to do.”

“You did the right thing.” David put his arm around her and turned her toward the house. “Aunt Love knows?” It wasn’t really a question.

“Since the first day. She may be sort of loopy about some things, but she knew that. She’s been after me to tell you.”

“She wasn’t upset? She didn’t quote Scripture to you or try to make you feel sorry?”

“Nope. She just said that people make mistakes, and once the mistake’s been made you just have to move on and figure out what to do next while you try not to make a bigger mistake.” Tabitha looked up at him. “She was never married, was she?”

“No. Why?”

“She seems to know a lot about what I’m supposed to be feeling with the baby and all.”

“Really? Well, I guess she’s seen a lot of expectant mothers over the years.”

“Mother!” Tabitha said. “That’s a scary word.”

“It’ll fit after a while. How about Jocie?”

“She’s clueless. I doubt she even knows what makes babies.” Tabitha gave him a sideways glance. “Maybe you should have a talk with her. She is starting high school next year.”

“Did I ever have a talk with you?”

“No. But DeeDee did when we left. She wanted to make sure I didn’t let any of the men she brought home mess with me. She said it was always better to know the facts straight out than to dress them up in pretty talk.”

David went cold inside. “Did any of them bother you?”

Tabitha looked up at him. “No, don’t look so worried. DeeDee always kicked them out pronto if they made a move on me. She couldn’t stand any man who had eyes for anybody but her. At least until Eddie came along. I mean, he never much more than noticed I was alive, but girls are always hitting on him at the club, and sometimes he just doesn’t come home for days at a time. DeeDee hates it, but she never throws his stuff out the door. She just pretends he was never gone when he comes back.”

“What goes around comes around,” David muttered.

“What?” Tabitha asked.

“Never mind,” David said. What Adrienne had done years ago and he had endured meant nothing now. “It wasn’t important.”

“DeeDee did the best she could for me. She didn’t say much
about waiting till I got married or anything, but nobody worried too much about rings on fingers where we were.”

David bit his lip and kept silent.

“She did say I should be sure I was ready before I gave myself to anyone.” Tabitha’s face reddened a bit. “I did wait until Jerome. I thought he was the one.”

“Some things can’t be wished undone,” David said.

Tabitha squared her jaw. “I don’t want to wish it undone. If I did, I’d be wishing away my baby, and no matter what happens, I don’t want to do that. Even if the people of Hollyhill make me wear a scarlet A.”

“It probably won’t come to that,” David said with a little smile. “Oh, there’ll be talk. There’s always talk in a town like Hollyhill, but people will forget after a while and start talking about something else.”

“But will the people at your church forget?”

“Some of them will. Some of them might not, but it doesn’t matter. I’m just filling in till they find a regular pastor, so if they start searching harder, so be it.” David kept smiling. No need to let Tabitha see his worry about losing the church. Besides, he believed most things happened for a reason. Could be he wasn’t meant to be a preacher. Maybe God meant for him to serve in some other way. Through the printed word instead of the spoken word. Maybe he had misinterpreted God’s message to him all those years ago in the submarine the way Adrienne had always said he had. Funny to think Adrienne might have been right about him not having a real calling after all. Maybe his real calling, a calling he’d almost missed at times, was to his family. To this unborn child his daughter was carrying.

As they came across the yard, Aunt Love peeked through the curtains on the window over the sink, then quickly stepped away from the window back into the shadows of the kitchen. For the first time since Tabitha had met him at the orchard gate,
he thought about the time. It had to be past noon, just a couple of hours till Jocie’s party. They could still call it off. It wasn’t like they’d invited the whole town, but Jocie had worked so hard to do something for Tabitha. There had been no way they could have known today would be confession day. Tabitha hadn’t even remembered it was her birthday.

“You do know we’re having a party this afternoon,” he said.

“A party?” She looked a little scared. “A church party?”

“No, silly. A birthday party.”

Now she looked all the way scared. “Not for me?” It was more prayer than question.

He nodded, ignoring her panic. “I wasn’t supposed to tell you. Jocie wanted it to be a surprise. Of course, we didn’t think you’d totally forget your birthday.” He put his arm around her.

“I can’t face a bunch of people. Not yet. I haven’t gotten my scarlet A sewed on my shirt.”

“It’s a small party. Just us and Wes and Zella and a woman named Leigh Jacobson who helped Jocie make the cake. Jocie started planning this party weeks ago before you even came home.”

“How’d she know I was coming?”

“She didn’t. It was just her way of keeping you part of our family.” He tightened his arm on her shoulders. “You think you could put on a happy face for a couple of hours for Jocie? We’ve always made a big deal out of her birthday, and she wanted to do the same for you.”

“I refuse to blow out candles.”

“But that used to be your favorite part. You always wanted to make a dozen wishes.”

“Yeah, I know.” She smiled. “My first wish was always that I’d blow out all the candles so that the rest of my wishes could come true, but that was when I still thought wishes came true.”

“All wishes don’t come true, for sure. But some of them still
do, and prayers are answered, and here you are, the answer to my wish and prayers, and Jocie’s too. She’s worked hard for this party because she thought it would make you happy.”

“That’s what all the window washing and floor scrubbing was about.” Tabitha almost laughed. “No wonder she kept giving me mean looks while she was scrubbing.”

“She hasn’t figured out why Aunt Love is on her case all the time and never yours,” David said. “She and Aunt Love rarely find a common ground spot.”

“Maybe she needs to get pregnant.”

“God forbid,” David said.

“Sorry, Dad. It was a joke.”

“Forgive me if I don’t laugh,” David said. “I can barely realize you’re old enough to be a mother. I don’t even want to imagine Jocie old enough.”

“She’s thirteen,” Tabitha reminded him again.

“I know. The talk. I’ll do it soon.” He looked at her. “Then you will try to smile and look as if you’re happy at the party?”

“I don’t have to tell everybody today, do I?”

“You don’t have to tell anybody any day. Let them figure it out on their own.”

“And they might the way my tummy’s poking out.” Tabitha put her hand on her stomach again.

“How far along are you?”

“I went to a doctor in California. You know, just to be sure. I was about three months then. So I guess maybe five months now. Aunt Love says I’m going to start really ‘blooming,’ as she calls it, next month.”

“We’ll make you an appointment with an obstetrician in Grundy next week. You need vitamins and stuff.”

“Okay.” Tabitha tiptoed up and brushed his cheek with her lips. “Thanks, Daddy. And I’ll try this afternoon. I’ll even blow out candles if Jocie has candles. Maybe I’ll wish something for
her. She probably still believes in wishes. We used to play wishing games all the time when she was little.”

“Wishing games? I don’t remember that.”

“It was our secret game. I watched her a lot.” Tabitha hesitated before adding, “You know, because DeeDee didn’t.”

“I know.”

“I was afraid something would happen to her, like she’d get lost or fall in a well.” Tabitha shook her head. “We didn’t even have a well, did we?”

“No, but we had a cistern. She could have fallen into that.”

“Whatever. Anyway, every morning I’d say something like ‘I wish you will stay in the yard and play today,’ and she’d say she wished the moon would be purple just for one night, and I’d say, ‘I wish your guardian angel would fly beside you,’ and she’d say she wished guardian angels sparkled so she could see them and not run faster than they did. It was a silly game, but I thought it kept her safe.”

“You were a good big sister. She missed you when you left.”

“But she had Mama Mae to watch her then. I used to think about that after I left, about how Mama Mae would move in with you, and I used to wish I was here and not wherever we were. I never worried about Jocie. I figured you and Mama Mae and crazy old Wes surely would keep her safe and that I was the one needing all the guardian angels. I guess I must have finally outrun them.”

“All things work for good to those who love the Lord.”

“Yeah, Aunt Love keeps telling me the same thing, but sometimes she doesn’t look as if she believes it.”

“She does most of the time.”

“Do you?” Tabitha asked with a kind of stillness in her eyes as if his answer was especially important.

He was careful to answer as honestly as possible. “I don’t believe that all things that happen are good, but I do believe the Lord can make good come from even the worst things.”