The Sea Garden (24 page)

*   *   *

It is Gemma and Guy who take Will back to school with the twins after tea.

‘Great-granny is ill again,' Sophie tells Will. ‘We must call Dr Alan. Can you be a good boy and go with Julian and Ben? Grando and I ought to be here. Do you mind just this once?'

And, of course, Will agrees at once, wanting to look grown up in front of these new friends. He is perfectly happy to go back to school with them but sorry not to see Jess, who seems to have vanished.

‘You'll see her next time,' Sophie assures him. ‘I expect she's with Great-granny. Now, what do you need to take? Did you bring anything home with you?'

And there is the usual flurry of collecting belongings, and farewells, and the car goes off up the drive and the house is quiet again.

Sophie and Oliver sit together, with Popps in her basket, while Johnnie is talking to their doctor on the telephone. Oliver holds her hands whilst she weeps, and then Johnnie comes in and says: ‘Alan's on his way, thank God. It's too late, I'm afraid, but he wants to come and see her. I would have hated just to call out an ambulance.'

Sophie wipes her cheeks. ‘I'm so sorry,' she says. ‘Poor little Jess. What a wretched thing to happen.'

Johnnie is visibly shaken. ‘It was very quick,' he says. ‘We must be grateful for that. It was that thing about mistaking Jess for Juliet again. Mother suddenly seemed quite worked up about it and grabbed Jess's wrist and started talking about Al. Poor Jess is in shock.'

‘Where did she go?' Sophie stands up. ‘I was getting Will off before he realized anything was really wrong and she said she wanted to be on her own for a moment. Could she have gone back to the sail loft? I don't think she should be alone.'

‘I'll go and find her,' says Oliver. ‘You need to be around for the doctor. I'll see to Jess.'

‘And we were all having such a wonderful time,' says Sophie woefully. ‘Oh, poor Rowena, up there all on her own.'

‘She wasn't all on her own when it happened,' says Johnnie comfortingly. ‘And she seemed so happy. I think she'd gone right back in time and she believed that Jess was Juliet and that Al was alive too. It's Jess I'm really sorry for. What a thing to happen. I just hope she doesn't feel in any way responsible.'

‘I'll go and look for her.' Oliver gives Sophie a quick hug and goes out.

Sophie and Johnnie look at one another. His face is so sad that Sophie wants to weep again, but she doesn't. She's been here before, with Dickie and with Meg, and she knows that Johnnie's warm, generous, loving heart will be wrung again and he will grieve as deeply for his mother as he did for his father and his wife.

‘Is there anything I can do for Rowena before Alan comes?' she asks.

He shakes his head, tears suddenly overflowing, and turns away so that she won't see them.

‘Then I'll make some fresh tea,' she says. ‘We never drink ours when it's getting Will back to school time.' And as she passes him to reach the kettle she touches him lightly on the shoulder.

‘Bit tough on Gemma and Guy,' he mutters, blowing his nose. ‘Rushing them all off like that. Terrible timing.'

‘Rowena liked to make her presence felt,' says Sophie with a lightness she doesn't feel. ‘I think she'd be rather pleased to know that her departure had caused a rumpus.'

He smiles, nods as if accepting her effort at raising his spirits, and she makes tea and they sit in silence waiting for the doctor.

*   *   *

Oliver approaches the sail loft. The door is open and he knocks, calls out, ‘Jess?' and walks inside. The big room is in shadow but he sees her silhouette on the balcony outlined against the dying light. He goes out and stands beside her. She stares across the river towards Cargreen, her arms wrapped around herself, her hands hidden. Below, on the soft pale mud, a flock of seagulls forage, strutting and squawking, and suddenly they take off, wheeling in one great cloud of beating wings, heading downriver towards the sea.

‘It was awful,' Jess says suddenly. Her voice trembles. ‘Terrible.'

She continues to stare across the river, and he leans with folded arms on the balustrade, not looking at her.

‘Of course I hardly knew her,' says Jess rapidly, ‘but even so. It was so quick.' She bites her lips and he feels her arm tense beside his own, as if she is clenching her fist. ‘I just wish she hadn't muddled me up with Juliet. I think it killed her.'

‘Perhaps it did,' he answers calmly. ‘Something was going to. She was very ill. Johnnie said he thought she was happy, thinking that Al had come back to her with Juliet. She was ninety-two, Jess, with a very advanced heart condition and a few other things as well. It's not your fault.'

Jess takes a deep breath, nods. ‘I know, but there was other stuff.'

He continues to lean beside her, looking down into the sedges. ‘It's to do with the photograph, isn't it?'

She hesitates, nods briefly, clenches her hands again.

‘Do you want to tell me about it?'

She shakes her head this time. ‘No, not yet. It's not just about me, you see. I have to do something first.'

‘OK, but don't be silly about it, will you? You've had a very big shock. Come back to the house with me now and have something to drink and eat, and get warm.'

‘OK. But don't say anything, will you? About the photograph?'

‘I promise. Look, Kate will be back in Chapel Street tomorrow and Guy is going after lunch. If you wanted to go back for a few days I know she'd be very happy to have you there.'

She hesitates; thinks about it. ‘It might be a good idea while they get everything sorted out here. I don't want to be in the way.' She turns and looks at him. ‘Thanks, Oliver.'

‘Come on, then,' he says, and she follows him out and closes the door behind her.

TAVISTOCK

Hardly has Kate waved Gemma and Guy off to London in the hired car than Cass drives up and parks outside the cottage in Chapel Street.

‘Tom is driving me mad and I simply couldn't stand it another minute,' she says, following Kate into the living-room. ‘But I didn't want to butt in on you and Guy. Oliver said that he and Gemma were going straight after lunch.'

She bends to make a fuss of Flossie, knowing she shouldn't have come quite so soon; she should have given Kate time to get over seeing Guy. At the same time she hates this stand-off between herself and Kate while Gemma and Guy get themselves sorted out.

‘I think it'll work,' Oliver told her, when he phoned yesterday, ‘as long as nobody interferes.'

Meanwhile she feels jittery and unable to relax, and Gemma won't be back until tomorrow.

‘They went about ten minutes ago,' Kate says. She too feels uncomfortable. It seems wrong, after fifty years of friendship, to be at odds with Cass. Yet she's still overemotional, having spent this short time alone with Guy after nearly a year's separation, and she very slightly resents this unexpected visit, which is jarring her out of her mood.

‘We haven't seen Guy,' says Cass – and she begins to laugh. ‘I think that Gemma was terrified that Tom would go off half-cock and ruin everything, so first she hid in a hotel near Dartmouth and then here. Oh God, Kate, I so utterly hate this.'

She sits down at the table, pushing back her hair, which has faded into an ashy creaminess, smiling ruefully at Kate – and the ghosts are back again. Kate sees a much younger Cass; sitting just as she is now at that old table. This is how it's been in married quarters and naval hirings, cottages, the house in Whitchurch: Cass with a baby on her lap, toddlers playing round her feet, smiling over one or other of her misdemeanours. She remembers how they laughed at silly things together, raged at the unreasonableness of the navy – and how Cass wept after Charlotte died, filled with guilt, grief and the agony of loss.

‘I hate it, too.' Kate sits opposite. She knows that Guy would not want her to tell Cass all his private thoughts and plans, so she decides to take another tack. ‘I think Oliver has the right of it but we might have to sit it out a bit longer. It's great that they met up with the Trehearnes, isn't it? Bad news about poor old Lady T, though. Gemma didn't know too much about it except that she was taken very ill just as they were finishing tea. Gemma and Guy simply gathered up the boys and cleared out quick.'

Cass takes the hint at once. If there are to be any important personal disclosures made about their children's future then they must come from Gemma. Well, that's fair enough.

‘Oliver didn't tell me much,' she says. ‘I know they were all going down to the Tamar for lunch but that's about as far as we got. Tom was furious that they didn't come to us. I hadn't heard about Lady T.'

To be honest, she doesn't care much about Lady T. The thing is, with Tom in this tiresome mood, she's begun to feel oddly lonely; this wretched question of the divorce, which lies between her and Kate, has made her realize how much she misses the old unconditional friendship. Nothing's ever been off limits between them before: children, husbands, lovers. Now they tiptoe round each other, each unable to be too honest in her criticism of the other's child lest the relationship should break under the strain. She wonders how Kate copes on her own with nobody to let off steam to when things go wrong, or to have a hug with when she wakes up in those bleak early hours with despair in her heart. Tom might be a bit of a pain at the moment but at least he is there and, to be fair, a great comfort when the chips are down. Of course, there is Bruno …

‘How's Bruno?' she asks. ‘Did you have a good weekend?'

‘He's fine,' answers Kate. ‘He's just begun the research for another book.'

She wonders what thought process has led Cass to Bruno but at least she's sheered away from Guy and Gemma. Her heart lifts with a tiny surge of joy as she remembers what Guy said here in this room less than an hour earlier.

‘I haven't seen Cass and Tom,' Guy told her. ‘It would probably do more harm than good. I'm looking into coming home, Mum. I've decided I want to but it's not quite that easy.'

Her delight was so great she was unable to speak. She simply nodded, longing to propose all sorts of schemes and possibilities that could help bring it about, but wisely remaining silent. His rare smile and a hug that was barely more than a prolonged pat was her reward. There was certainly nothing about Guy to suggest that he was in touch with his feminine side and briefly she was seized with sympathy for Gemma.

Cass is watching her. ‘I'm sorry, Kate,' she says, genuinely repentant. ‘It was utterly selfish to arrive so soon after Guy went. It was just not knowing what was going on and I suddenly felt quite desperate. But it was too bad of me. It's been so long since you saw him and then you had – what? – an hour with him on your own?'

Kate relaxes; as usual Cass disarms her. ‘It's fine. At least Gemma gave us the time alone. That was thoughtful of her. I wish he'd let us know he was coming home. Madness, coming all that way without a word to anyone. Oliver saved the day.'

‘Yes.' Cass sits back in her chair. ‘I just wish he and Tom didn't get across each other so much. I never thought that Tom would turn into such a grumpy old man. Mostly it's funny but just lately it's become very wearing. I know he's thinking about Charlotte so much at the moment and then I feel so guilty and so miserable.'

‘Why particularly about Charlotte just now?'

‘Oh,' Cass shrugs, ‘you know what it's like with Tom. Charlotte was always his favourite. She was so much like him, and she was so gentle and biddable with him. When she got older she began to be more independent. She needed to disapprove of me a bit. I think it can be like that with mothers and daughters, but she was always on Tom's side. Well, I didn't mind that. I thought it was rather sweet. The thing is now, though, Gemma's muddle has reminded him of that terrible time and brought back all the guilt and grief. It's never very far from the surface, one just learns to live with it, but now Gemma's problem has opened all those old wounds and they're very raw and painful. It wasn't just me who'd been having an affair, remember – he had too – but Charlotte would never have believed that. We were both guilty but because Tom doesn't really want to admit his own guilt it's easier to blow it all out in bad temper on Gemma and me.'

‘I never realized,' Kate says after a moment, ‘that it was as bad as this. I didn't see the connection with Charlotte.'

‘Why should you? We've hardly talked, have we, because it's so horrid having this between us. As Gemma's mother I want to put the blame on Guy. As Guy's mother you want to blame Gemma. But we both know, deep down, it's not that simple. It makes it so difficult to talk about anything because it always comes back to this, doesn't it? And I can't talk to Tom because he's furious with Gemma and it's like walking on eggshells. Even Oliver is being cagey because he's in Gemma's confidence. Of
course
I want Gemma and the boys back here rather than so far away but I'd honestly rather Guy was with them, Kate. I know he and I don't exactly hit it off but I also believe that Gemma loves him, and so do the boys.'

‘I know,' says Kate. ‘Of course, I know that. Look, the crucial thing is that neither Gemma nor Guy wants a divorce. That's got to be a good starting place. And, after all, Gemma and the boys are back for good, aren't they, so you can't lose now.'

‘Yes, I can,' answers Cass sadly. ‘Because if Guy doesn't come back things will never be quite the same between you and me. And I know that Gemma and the boys won't be happy either.'

‘Divorce smashes things and affects so many people,' Kate says. ‘I see that now. It's like war. Nobody really wins so there has to be a very good reason for it in the first place.'