Authors: Jean Nash
What an odious woman, Susanna thought further as the conversation grew gayer and louder with each delicious course. How could one sister be so different from the other? Morgan was a darling, obviously Jay’s favorite, while Cornelia was a harridan with not a saving grace in sight.
Morgan was talking about New Year’s Eve. “We’re going to have the grandest gala to welcome the new century. It’s to be a double celebration, Susanna. You’ll be our guest of honor.”
“I?” Susanna was pleased but puzzled. “Why?”
“Your birthday is on New Year’s Day, isn’t it?”
“Yes it is,” Susanna said. “I’d forgotten.”
“As one grows older,” Cornelia commented, “one makes it a habit to forget birthdays.”
Susanna bristled as Jay said silkily, “Being years older than Susanna, Cornelia, you must be intimately familiar with the practice.”
“And you, being the oldest of us all,” Cornelia retorted, “must have invented the practice.”
“Touché!” Jay laughed, nipping a quarrel in the bud. Susanna would have preferred he crack her jaw.
After dinner, everyone gathered around the decorated fir tree in the drawing room and exchanged gifts. The boys hooted over their trains and tin soldiers. Cornelia’s daughter, a pretty child of seven, was shyly grateful for her storybooks and dolls. The adults were as voluble as the boys with their exclamations of appreciation. As the stacks of crumpled wrapping paper and discarded ribbon mounted, the room took on the look of a gaily colored junkyard.
Amid the noise and confusion, Jay drew Susanna out into the deserted hall. Before they left, she picked up a small package that she’d placed under the tree earlier. As they settled on the rococo bench facing a console table and mirror, Jay said, “I love my family, Susanna, but I wish they were a bit less noisy.”
“They
are
exuberant,” Susanna admitted, “but I like them. I’ve never been at a large family celebration. My father was an only child, and my mother’s people were scattered all over the country. I never met any of them except for my grandmother from
Cape May
, who died when I was six. I barely remember her.”
Jay watched her for a moment, his eyes gravely thoughtful, then he lowered his head and impulsively kissed her cheek.
“What was that for?” she asked, warmed by the gesture.
“For being so sweet,” he said with a smile. “I’ve never met anyone sweeter than you.”
Before she could comment, he asked, “What’s in that package you’re clutching so tightly? I suspect by the way you’re holding it that it must contain the family jewels.”
“Hardly,” she laughed. “It’s your Christmas gift.” She handed it to him. “I hope you like it.”
He opened the box to reveal a gold watch and chain, very simple, very stylish, and obviously costly.
“Why, you little devil. So this is what you were doing when you wandered away from me that day at Tiffany’s.”
“Do you like it?”
“Do I like it?” He removed the watch and chain he was wearing and replaced it with hers. “I’ll never wear another timepiece as long as I live.”
“I’m so glad,” she said, relieved. “I had the hardest time deciding what to buy for you. You don’t seem to need anything. The salesman at Tiffany’s was very helpful.”
Jay pulled a small box from his coat pocket. “Let’s see if I can please you as much as you pleased me.”
Susanna’s heart thumped. The shape of the box suggested that it held a ring. She lifted the lid eagerly, but was sharply disappointed by what she saw. Inside the box was an exquisite hair clip in the shape of a star—a sea star—worked in diamonds and sapphires and set in precious platinum.
“Oh,” she said. “It’s lovely, Jay.” Her disappointment couldn’t have been plainer.
“You don’t like it,” he said.
“No, I do!”
“I can’t take it back,” he said, let down by her reaction. “I had it specially made for you. I had thought—”
“Jay, I do like it, honestly!” She lifted the ornament from the box, sorely regretting her ungracious behavior. “Here, put it in my hair. I want to see how it looks.”
But he only held the star in his hand, looking at it as if it were a catchpenny little bauble from Mr. Woolworth’s five-and-dime store.
“It was a bad idea,” he said in such a crestfallen tone that Susanna cringed inwardly. “It seemed appropriate at the time, though. I was giving back to you what, in a way, you had given to me. You see, the Sea Star has come to mean as much to me as it does to you. This was my way of telling you that.”
“Jay, I love it,” she insisted, “I really do.” Her voice throbbed with emotion. “It’s a wonderful piece and such a beautiful sentiment. I didn’t know you cared so much about the Sea Star. I thought you considered it only an investment.”
Jay said nothing for a moment; his expression was unreadable. The jeweled star in his hand seemed to pulsate with life. Then: “No,” he said quietly. “I might have thought that at the beginning. But it means quite a bit more to me now.”
Ten
On New Year’s Eve morning, Susanna received a letter from
Dallas
. She was so happy to hear from him that she kissed the envelope before tearing it open, then read the letter so rapidly she could barely make sense of it.
“I hope you’re not still angry with me,” the letter said. “I know I was brutal to you before you left. You probably ran off to
New York
to teach me a lesson. Well, it worked. It wasn’t much fun spending Christmas on my own.”
“Oh,
Dallas
, no,” she said softly. “I wasn’t trying to teach you a lesson.”
“I’ve been busy lately,” the letter went on. “Charley and I are planning a big ‘do’ to usher in the new century. I wish you could see the revelry I’ve planned. I know you’d be proud of my business sense and ingenuity.”
Susanna wiped away a tear.
Dallas
was lonely, and he missed her, she just knew it. She wished she could toss her things in a trunk and catch the next train to
Atlantic City
. She couldn’t do that, of course. What would Jay think? Oh, but she missed her brother so much it was almost a physical ache!
She went to the mahogany desk near the window. She would write
Dallas
at once and tell him she was coming home as soon as she could.
“Susanna?” Morgan, pretty as a picture in a white ruffled morning gown, appeared at the open door of the bedroom. “Am I disturbing you?”
“No.” Susanna rose, glad as always to see her. “Come in, Morgan. I was just about to write to my brother, but I can do that later.”
“Is anything wrong?” Morgan looked at her closely. “You look as if you’ve been crying.”
“I was,” Susanna admitted with a rueful laugh. “But they were happy tears, Morgan. Jay’s man just brought over a letter my brother had sent to the Imperial. I was glad to hear from him, that’s all. You see, before I left
Atlantic City
....” She paused, reluctant to burden Morgan with family problems.
But to her astonishment, Morgan said, “You quarreled, didn’t you?”
“How could you have known that?” Susanna exclaimed.
Morgan settled comfortably on the chaise longue. “On Christmas Day,” she said, “your comment about brothers and sisters quarreling was very telling. Don’t forget, Susanna, I have a brother, too. I love Jay dearly, but there are times I could wring his neck.”
Susanna was incredulous. “But Jay’s so....”
“Perfect?” Morgan suggested.
“Why, yes,” Susanna said earnestly. “Or as near to perfection as any man can be.”
Amused, Morgan smiled. “You are the sweetest girl, Susanna. But at the risk of disillusioning you, let me assure you that Jay is far from perfect. He can be stubborn as a mule when he wants to be. And we’ve had many a battle royal, mostly about his work.”
“But why?” Susanna drew up a chair next to the chaise, eager to learn more about the man she loved—and from an unimpeachable source!
“Are you aware of how hard he works?” Morgan asked.
“I’ve never known a harder worker!”
“You seem to find that commendable, Susanna.”
“Of course. Don’t you?”
“To a degree, yes. But do you know that the last time I saw him was Independence Day? And I can’t remember when I saw him before that.”
“There’s much that keeps him busy,” Susanna defended him. “I own only one hotel, and I have hardly a moment to call my own. Jay’s responsibilities are so much greater. It’s a wonder he has time for any leisure at all.”
“That’s what worries me,” Morgan said.
“Worries you? Why?”
Morgan looked beyond Susanna, to another time, another place, to a period long vanished but not totally forgotten. “We were poor once,” she said, her eyes filled with memories. “Did Jay ever tell you about that?”
“A little,” Susanna said.
“A little. I’m not surprised. He doesn’t like to talk about those days. Sometimes I think he works so hard because he doesn’t even want to think about them.”
Morgan’s tone was so grave that Susanna shivered involuntarily.
“He was always the head of the family, you know,” Morgan said, but it was as if she were speaking to herself, not to the attentive woman who hung on her every word. “My father....” She paused with a pensive smile. “My father was a perfect darling, but he wasn’t very practical. Jay made all the important family decisions while he was still in his teens.”
“Didn’t your father object to that?” Susanna asked, thinking of her own autocratic sire.
“Susanna, Papa couldn’t have been more relieved. All he wanted in life was to admire his art collection and putter around with his flowers. After we lost everything and moved to
Prince Street
, he cultivated a small garden in the backyard and spent all his time there—while Jay was working. Working,” she repeated as a thought struck her. “I never realized this until now, but Jay wasn’t much older then than my oldest boy is now.”
She fell silent for a moment. Her blue-gray eyes, so much like Jay’s, were a little sad.
“And then,” she went on, “my mother contracted consumption. Not long afterward, my other brother fell ill, too. Jay was beside himself. As young as I was, I can still remember his anxiety, his fear for them. I used to hear him talking with my father. Papa would ask him what to do, as if Jay were the parent and Papa the helpless child. ‘Don’t worry,’ Jay would tell him, ‘I’ll find a way to take care of them.’ And he would take on yet another backbreaking job. It seemed to me that he worked around the clock. When my mother and brother died....” Morgan paused and swallowed hard. “Jay was shattered, inconsolable. Even now,” she said somberly, “I doubt he is reconciled to their deaths. Sometimes I think he drives himself so hard because a part of him is still trying to earn the money to take care of them.”
Susanna’s love for Jay expanded until it seemed there wasn’t room in her heart to contain it. At an age when he should have been enjoying a carefree childhood, he’d been laden with responsibilities, a father to his siblings and to his parents as well. What an honorable, admirable man he was. No wonder Susanna loved him. She wished she could share his burdens, past and future. There was nothing, nothing on Earth she wouldn’t do for him—if only he would let her.
Susanna wanted to look especially beautiful for him on the eve of the new century. She hadn’t seen him for several days. He’d had to go to Baltimore because of a problem with one of his hotels. Susanna missed him unbearably. What would she do, she wondered, when it was time to leave New York and return to Atlantic City?
Her gown was new, a peacock blue satin with bead embroidery on the slim skirt and short puffed sleeves. With the help of Morgan’s maid, she swept up her hair and pinned the sapphire and diamond sea star in a cluster of chestnut curls. Behind her ears and at her throat she dabbed a light touch of lilac perfume. Although it was snowing outdoors, she felt like a delicious breath of spring.
When she entered the Harper ballroom at a quarter past ten, the room was filled with holiday revelers, but Jay had not yet arrived. The ladies’ gowns were in every rainbow color. Their jewels were beyond compare. Diamond tiaras graced cornsilk hair, precious pearls lay on snowy breasts. Susanna’s only adornment was the delicate sea star, but because Jay had given it to her, she felt more regal than Alexandra, the Princess of Wales.
“Susanna, there you are!” said Morgan. “Have you met the Van Bidens and the Slopers?” She introduced her as if she were already a cherished family member. “And here are the Astors and the Fricks.”
The introductions went on and on. An orchestra was playing a lively popular tune. Ruddy-cheeked gentlemen pressed glass after glass of champagne on the delighted guest-of-honor. Susanna talked and laughed and felt as at home in this elegant society as if she had been born to it. And then, to her utmost pleasure, Jay finally arrived.
Susanna saw him enter the room, taller and more handsome than any man there. He spotted her at once and began to walk toward her with that fluid, powerful stride she so loved. As he drew nearer, she was enveloped in the blue-gray sea that was his eyes. At that moment, to her mind, everyone else in the room disappeared.
He didn’t greet her, he didn’t smile. The stern set of his mouth told her all she wanted to know. He took her gloved hand and raised it to his lips. She could feel the heat of his mouth. She imagined it pressing on hers. A sensuous warmth, like the sun on bare skin, brought the color of roses to her cheeks.
“Jay,” she whispered, “I’m so happy you’re back.”
“No more than I am, Susanna.”
His hand still held hers tightly, as if he feared she would escape him. His eyes swept over her features as if to imprint them on his brain.
“I’m sorry I’m late.” It seemed he moved closer to her though he hadn’t moved an inch. “The snow is so deep that the roads are nearly impassible.”
“Did all go well in Baltimore?” She wanted to reach up and touch his mouth. “Did you settle the difficulties?”
His grip on her hand tightened. “I settled them—after a fashion—not in the way I had hoped to do. Perhaps if I had.... Listen, it doesn’t matter what I did there.” But she saw that it did. “The entire time I was away, all I could think of was you.”
She returned his gaze with an intensity of her own. She had missed him so much, she could not have enough of looking at him. Around her the music and talk were an indistinct drone. Jay’s voice, low and urgent, was a sonata to her ears.
“I want to be alone with you.”
His words struck a chord of pleasure within her. It was what she wanted, too, wanted so badly that she ached with the need of it.
“Where shall we go?” Her words were almost inaudible.
“Come.”
He took her arm, drew her out of the crowded room, then down the hall to Daniel’s study. The only light in the room was the glow from the fireplace. Jay shut the door as soon as they entered, then with one swift sinuous movement he took her in his arms, leaned back against the door, and his mouth came down on hers with a passion that stopped her breath.
For a long time he kissed her, possessed her, devoured her. If he’d been making physical love to her, he could not have more thoroughly taken her. Susanna couldn’t move or think. Only sensation held sway. Her heart beat so furiously it was a torment in her breast. Her lips burned from his kisses. Her body, pressed close against him, trembled in concert with his.
Never before had his ardor been so passionate, his unrestrained emotions feeding fuel to hers. His mouth left hers and moved down to her breast. With a breathless gasp, she twined her fingers in his hair. Her knees shook so badly that had she not been crushed hard against him, she would have fallen like a rag doll at his feet. She felt like a rag doll. She was limp with desire, yet every nerve in her body was charged with glorious energy.
Then, just as swiftly as he had seized her, he broke suddenly away from her.
“Jesus,” he uttered and stared at her, quivering. His voice was hoarse. “Susanna, forgive me.”
Forgive him? She wanted him back in her arms. She wanted his love, free and total. She wanted all of him always. She wanted him never to let her go.