The Secret (6 page)

“None of them got it
, either,” Jack says with a smirk gesturing into the other room.

“T
ravesty of justice,” I say seriously, shaking my head and causing them to chuckle.

After a few minutes of awkward silence, Ana and Drake come in and announce they’re ready to leave. The realization that Jack and I are about to be separated again so soon is almost too much for my
already heavy heart to handle. Seeming to sense what I’m feeling, he takes my shaky hand in his and gives it a gentle squeeze.

“I’ll see you soon,
Soph,” he says quietly, giving me a small smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. “Call you sooner. I promise.”

Unable to speak due to the knot his words have put in my throat, I simply nod and let out a shaky breath.

After saying goodbye to JT and Lucy, we all walk out together, standing between our respective cars awkwardly. Once it’s just Jack and I left to say goodbye, we stand in front of each other, no words coming from either of us. The others are waiting while trying to give us a little space.

I can feel Chase’s eyes on me, watching our silent exchange. I feel horrible that I’ve been so selfish to them both, but I don’t know what I can do about it.

I barely even know who I am anymore.

How do you
walk away from someone you still love with all your heart? How do you say goodbye to the man you thought would be your forever?

Even though I know I have to, I know I can’t.

“Jack,” I whisper brokenly.

“
Shh,” he says softly, pulling me to his chest. I can feel his heavy heart. It matches mine perfectly. “It’s okay.”

“I can’t say goodbye to you again,” I admit.

“So don’t,” he says in my hair, the double meaning there not escaping me as he squeezes me tighter. “We don’t ever say goodbye, Beautiful Girl. Never again, okay?” I nod my agreement and wipe my tears away on my sleeve. “No matter what.”

“Okay,” I nod, still teary. “I’
m sorry,” I mouth.

“None of that,” he says immediately. “We’re okay
, Soph. Go home, Baby. I’ll call you later.”

“Promise?”

“Of course,” he says, hugging me to his chest again. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

As we head out of Camden, I can’t stop the silent tears that escape my eyes. I can feel the anxiety rolling off of Chase and it kills me.

We make the entire driv
e back to Rockport without speaking. Occasionally, he’ll squeeze my thigh or kiss my wrist, but I think he knows this internal struggle is just something I can’t escape.

Once we’re home, our silent exchange continues. I tr
y to eat, but my hearts just not in it. Glancing over at Chase, I think this is the longest we’ve ever gone without speaking to each other. The reality of the thought hurts my heart.

“
What are you thinking about?” I ask quietly.

“I’m wondering if you’re going to ever eat again,” he admits, pointing at my still full plate. “And I’m running things over in my mind.”

“What things?”

“It doesn’t matter, Baby. Please eat,” he says in a soft voice as he takes another bite.

“I’m not hungry,” I admit, pushing the plate away and leaning back against my chair. “And it matters to me. What things, Chase?”

“It’s nothing, Sweetheart,” he says, his voice still gentle as he sets his fork down and takes me in. “You have enough shit to worry about right now. Just please eat so-”

“Please don’t keep secret
s from me, Chase,” I say softly, desperately wanting to know what’s in his mind.

“
Sophie…” he starts, letting out a breath.

“What? Tel
l me…”

“Do you
really want to know what I’m thinking, Baby?” he asks, making me nod. “I‘m wondering how I’m going to survive it when you leave me, Sophie?” he finally admits, his perfect blue eyes filled with the pain I’m putting there. “How I’m going to get out of our bed every morning when you’re not in it? Knowing that I lost you? What I could have done differently when I did everything right? How the fuck am I supposed to breathe when my reason for breathing walks out that door?”

Sophie

As I stare back up into the aqua eyes that mean more to me than my next breath, I’m devastated at the sadness they hold.

“
Chase,” I say, still feeling stunned by his words, heartbroken by his anguish. “Baby, why would you ever think I was going to leave you?”

“Are you serious?” he asks
in disbelief, his voice cracking. “Because I see the way you are with him, Baby. I see the way you two look at each other,” he says as he rises from the table with his plate, heading to the sink. “I’m not even going to pretend to understand what you’re going through right now emotionally, because I can’t even imagine… but it’s obvious he wants you back, that you still love him, Sophie.”

“Yes, I
do
still love him, Chase. I always will. I’ve never said any different,” I admit, making my way over to where he’s standing at the sink with his back turned to me. “But I’m here with
you
. I don’t have to be here, Chase. I choose to be,” I continue, gently gripping his arm to turn him to face me. “I could have stayed in Camden. If I didn’t want you, I would have never come back to Rockport.”

“Sophie…” he starts, but I place my hand over his lips, silencing him.

“My dad died and then my mom went crazy and ditched me. Jack? I begged him to stay and he left me anyway,” I say, my voice cracking. “For reasons I understand, but the fact remains that since I was sixteen years old, I’ve been on my own, Chase,” I say, struggling to hold back the tears of my past before finding his eyes again. “Until I met you,” I whisper as I rest my hands on his broad chest. “You crashed into my life when I never wanted or expected it and you have never,
ever
left my side. My head is an absolute wreck. My emotions are all over the place. I may be all kinds of fucked up right now, Chase, but if there’s one thing I
do
know, it’s where I belong, who I belong to.”

“Sophie,” he whispers, cradling my face in his strong, yet gentle hands as he brushes his thumb over my lower lip.

Resting his forehead against mine, I watch him as he closes him eyes for a moment before releasing a deep breath of relief. When he flashes the eyes as blue as the ocean at me again, my heart aches at the tears welling up there.

“
Shh,” I whisper, running my palms over his chest affectionately until they find his neck. “How many times do I have to tell you, Chase? I’m yours.”

As I reach up for him on my tiptoes, he leans down and with a mixture of tenderness and desperation, presses his lips to mine. His hands rest on my lower back, pulling me in closer as I part my lips to grant him entry. His tongue sweeping against mine, tasting my mouth in the gentle strokes that are uniquely his ha
s my head swimming in no time.

His fingertips brush against my skin below the bottom of the oversized
Dallas Cowboys hoodie I took from his side of the closet, sending shocks of sensation through me. He doesn’t roam like usual. He seems uncharacteristically unsure and I hate that I’ve put doubt in his mind.

Keeping one hand gripped around his neck, I use the other to work my way down his front, unbuttoning as I go.
Once my hand makes contact with his bare chest, he lets out a groan into my mouth that fuels my hunger for him. The realization that this is the first time we’ve kissed,
really
kissed in two days, has me pressing my lips to his harder.

Pulling myself up his front, I wrap my legs around his waist, loving the feel of his
firm grip on my thighs, his chest against mine. I tangle my fingers into the hair at the base of his neck, yanking slightly as I continue to swallow our moans.

“Chase,” I whisper, holding his eyes. “
I love you.”

“I love you, too, Baby,” he says, the way his voice breaks making my throat thick with emotion.

God, I had no idea my heart was capable of feeling this much for anything, anyone else.

Misunderstanding the tears that are welling up in my eyes, Chase dries my tears and holds my gaze.

“Are you sure, Sophie?” he asks, fear marring his voice. “You’re crying, Baby.”

“I’m crying because I love you so much I can’t take it, not because I’m not sure, Chase,” I say immediately. “I’m sorry…”

“Hush, Baby,” he says, cutting me off by clamping his hand over my lips gently. “If you’re sure, stop talking and kiss me, Sophie.”

Gripping him
as fiercely as I can, I kiss him with everything I have. Still wrapped securely around his waist, I cling to his chest, putting the past, the future, everything else out of my mind. Everything but this man, these lips and this kiss just falls away.

“I want you,” I manage as I pull away from him breathle
ssly. “Take me to our bed, Baby.”

Letting out a guttural moan, he resumes his assault on my lips as he makes his way through the house and into our bedroom. Along the way, I yank his
hoodie over my head before pulling his mouth back to mine. He reaches behind me, unhooking my bra as we come to a stop at the edge of the bed and I send it sailing across the room.

Setting me down on
the top of the mattress, I hold his eyes as he gazes down at me with a mix of devotion and hunger. I push my shorts and panties off in one swift movement before rising up on my knees and finding his lips again. He quickly pulls his shirt off as I move my attention to his jeans, unfastening them. Before I can push them down, he’s beaten me to it and is climbing up onto the bed in front of me.

H
ooking my arm around his neck, I back up towards the center of the bed before pulling him down on top of me. His lips move to my neck, the heat from his breath sending me into a frenzy of anticipation.

As he pulls my nipple into his mouth, he lets out a groan of pleasure that causes his name to escape my lips in a gasp. His hands grip my waist as he holds me in place, sucking and kissing his way down my body. He chants my name like a prayer, worshipping me
as his gaze returns to mine again and again, a silent pledge of his devotion to me.

His tongue dipping into my sex sends chills up my spine, the vibrations of his moans of pleasure rocking through me.
His mouth pushes me over the edge again and again as he devours me, gripping me at the waist and holding me open to him, lapping up the taste of my release.

Once I’ve surpassed my limit
countless times, Chase uses his perfect, ink clad arms to hold himself above me, gazing down at my heaving body. Cradling my shoulders by pushing his arms beneath me, he lays a soft kiss across my lips before brushing the hair away from my face.

With
gentle force, he pushes into me, remaining still and stealing my breath.

“I love you so much, Sophie,” he breathes, his lips as light as feathers against mine.

“I love you,” I manage, drunk with the pleasure that only comes with the feel of him being inside me.

Gripping the edge of the mattress behind my head, he begins rocking into me, k
eeping his hold on me as he stares into my eyes. I’m so swollen and sensitive from his mouth on me that I’m climbing again in no time, his body rubbing against mine in just the right places as he fills me again and again.

“Oh
! My God!” I whimper as I near my peak, my grip on his arms becoming harder as I begin to tighten around him.

“Yes, Baby,” he whispers as he
dips his head down to suck on my nipples, slowly working his way back up my jaw to my lips. When my eyes begin to drift shut, he brushes his thumb over my cheek, pulling me back. “Open your eyes. Let me watch you come for me, Princess.”

Meeting his blue orbs, I’m catapulted almost immediately by the intensity they hold. Rocking into me with more force, I begin to feel him pulse inside me and I know we won’t last much longer.

“Chase,” I gasp as he bites onto my lower lip. “I’m yours, only yours.”

My words are his undoing and as he pants above me, ready for release, he gives me exactly what I need to find my own.

“You own me, Sophie,” he breathes. “Go, Baby!”

And together, we crash.

Jack

When ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ by Queen starts up on my cell, I can’t stop the smile that spreads across my face.

My Beautiful Girl
.

“Hey Babe,” I say into the phone.

“Hey,” she responds in a quiet voice. “You busy?”

“Never too busy to talk to you,” I say, nervous about her tone. “What’s up? You okay?”

“Yeah, yeah,” she says immediately. “I’m okay. I just wanted… um… I need to talk to you.”

Normally, I’d be over
the moon at these words, but something about her voice has me scared shitless.

“Okay,” I say cautiously as I rise from couch, leaving Ana to watch TV by herself. “Let me just go into the other room so I can hear you better.”

As I make my way into the bedroom I’m staying in, I can’t shake the heavy feeling in my chest. As much as I hate to admit it, I think I know why she’s calling and I’ve been dreading this call for days. Shutting the door behind me, I sit on the bed and let out a long sigh, trying to steady my voice before I speak.

“Okay, Babe,” I start. “I’m all yours. What’s on your mind?”

“Jack,” she starts, her voice cracking slightly and making me wish I was there with her, not an hour away. “Jack, we have to talk about things with us.” She takes a deep breath and I can feel her anxiety through the line. “God, Jack, I’m so sorry…I don’t want to do this to you…”

“
Soph,” I whisper, hating that I was right. This is
the call
. I feel like I’m going to be sick. “Baby, it’s okay. You don’t have to say anything.”

“Yes, I do,” she argues through her tears. “You have to know that aside from thinking I lost you, this is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. You don’t deserve this, Jack. You don’t and I hate myself for hurting you.”

“Sophie,” I start, feeling her pain along with mine. “Don’t hate yourself. I told you, Baby. I just want you to be happy.”

“That’s the problem, Jack. I know I’d be happy with you,”
she confesses.

“But,” I offer, knowing I’ll hate the answer, yet knowing I have to hear it anyway.

“I’m in love with him, Jack,” she admits quietly. “I can’t belong to you completely knowing how I feel about him. You deserve better than that.”

My airways constrict with emotion. Even though I knew the truth the day we talked in Camden, hearing her say it is so much worse.
As reality hits me, I lose my grip on my emotions and can’t stop the words I’ve been forcing myself not to say for days.

“What if I told you I don’t care,
Soph?” I bargain, this time unable to hide the pain in my voice. “What if I told you I’ll take you anyway I can get you?”

“Jack,” she sobs into the phone. “Don’t do that. Don’t be nice to me right now, please. This is killing me and I deserve every bit of it for hurting you. Please don’t be charming and perfect. I can’t take it.”

“I can’t take not having you, Sophie,” I admit desperately. “I don’t care if you’re in love with someone else. I know you still love me. That can be enough for me, Baby. Please don’t say this is the end of us. It can’t be the end, Soph. You’re my forever, Baby.”

“I’m so sorry, Jack,” she continues to sob. “I never, ever thought
… I never wanted to say this to you. This is killing me. I
do
still love you. I love you so much. You have to know that or I won’t ever be able to live with myself. Please don’t hate me, Jack.”

“Sophie,” I manage, wiping the tears away. “I could never, ever hate you.
Never, Baby. I love you. I’ll never stop loving you.”

“I love you, too,
Jack,” she cries, harder this time. “You have to know how much I love you.”

Even if I thought she had it in her to lie
to me, there’s no denying that this is breaking her heart, same as mine. Nobody would ever be able to say this girl didn’t love me.

She just loves someone else more now.

As that realization hits me, a sob racks through me and I know the breakdown I’ve know was coming for a week has finally come.

“
Soph,” I whisper, trying in vain to keep the pain from her ears. “I have to go, Babe.”

“Jack,” she cries. “I’m so sorry. Please don’t leave me again.”

“Never again,” I manage. “
I just need some time, but I’ll call you soon, okay?”

“Promise?”

“I promise, Beautiful Girl,” I choke out as she continues to cry over the line.

As soon as I end the
call, I completely fall apart.

I’ve been through war
, I’ve slept in caves, I’ve dodged bullets and I endured it all for
her
.

As I kneel to the floor and feel my heart shattering though, for the first time, I’m not sure how I’m going to survive.