The Secrets of Boys (14 page)

She was also sketching every day now, and Zach had become the inspiration for each drawing. She’d made up a bunch of excuses in recent weeks to skip out on plans with Eric just so she could be alone with her pen, paper, and thoughts. She’d returned to the museum where she and Zach first spoke, and sketched a few sculptures.

She’d driven all the way to the Aero Theatre in Santa Monica and stood outside for a couple of hours, drawing the 1930s-style marquee. She’d even braved the traffic on the expressway to go to the Los Angeles Zoo and sketch the leopard that she and Zach had encountered in the Hidden Jungle. Actually
being
with Zach seemed like the only thing that could have been better than re-creating all of these things in her notebook. But she’d been avoiding him for so long, she was certain that he wasn’t the least bit interested in her anymore.

Cassidy made up her mind right then and there. She needed to tell Larissa everything and get her advice on this. She couldn’t hold it inside any longer. Then she would ask Larissa why her face was starting to itch. That was just as disconcerting as what was going on inside her brain.

“Hey, Cass,” Larissa called out. Cassidy heard her phone snap shut as she re-entered the bathroom.

“Listen, they’re having an emergency at the store, and I need to run down there.”

“Jesus, Larissa.” Cassidy was unable to prevent a whine from creeping into her voice. She reached her hand up to scratch her face, which felt tight and tingly, but brought it down when her fingertips touched the cool goo. “How can you bail on the biggest night of my life?”

“Honey, you’ll be just fine.” Larissa tried to sound soothing even though Cassidy could tell she was eager to rush off to whatever “emergency” awaited her at Seersucker. “Just keep that mask on for another five minutes. Or is it fifteen? Well, anyway, just take it off when it starts to get hard. And I swear I’ll probably be back by then. Wait, maybe not. Anyway, I’ll be here in time to help you do your hair. He’s coming at eight, right? This should resolve itself in no time once I get there.”

Cassidy had never heard Larissa sound so rushed and proud and important and detached all at the same time.

Larissa leaned down to give her a quick pat on the knee, and then she was gone. Cassidy waited until she heard her footsteps disappear down the hall before angrily ripping the cucumber slices from her eyes. Her best friend had just ditched her on what was possibly the most important day of her life. She knew Larissa could be self-absorbed sometimes, but this went beyond that: She felt totally betrayed.

Cassidy couldn’t tell if her face was itching from the avocado mask or from anger, but she was more than ready to find out. She ran a washcloth under the tap and began scrubbing the avocado off. She didn’t stop until every trace of green was gone from her face.

When she finally glanced up at the mirror, a small sob of dismay escaped her lips. She looked like she’d just walked through a beehive. Her face was red and puffy, with pores big enough to drive a truck through.

Cassidy sucked in her breath hard, trying not to let herself cry. She could already feel the tears gathering in her eyes before one broke loose and ran down the scarred landscape of her cheek. Not only was she not looking forward to her big date, now she’d have to go through it looking like a burn victim.

“This can’t be fucking happening to me!”
she screamed out, knowing no one was around to hear her—not even her mother, who would probably have had a solution to this crisis written down somewhere in her new manuscript:
Timesavers Are Lifesavers—How to Prepare for Unexpected
Emergencies and Shave Seconds Off Your Response Time!

As Cassidy cried, she thought that ever since she’d kissed Zach, nothing had gone right in her life. She almost wished she had never met him. Maybe then she’d still be giggling with her best friend as her skin radiated confidence and health. Maybe she’d brought the bad karma upon herself and was getting exactly what she deserved for doing something so awful to Eric, a totally sweet guy who cared about her a lot.

Or maybe life just sucked.

Cassidy wished there were someone she could turn to, but there was no way she was calling Larissa after what had just happened. The other person she had always confided in was Eric, but she couldn’t even imagine how
that
conversation would go. Zach still didn’t know she even
had
a boyfriend. If only there were one sane person in the world who she could talk to—just
one
.

Cassidy had never felt so alone in her life. She instinctively reached for her sketchbook, which had always been her solace in times of stress. As she did, the letter she’d written to Joe came fluttering out.

Joe. Of course! Joe was like the only sane person left in the world. She dug out the sheet of notebook paper he’d written his summer contact info on and looked at the phone number at the bottom. He’d said it was for emergencies only—but then again, he’d also said that if she ever really needed to talk, that was enough of an emergency as far as he was concerned.

Her fingers trembled as she pressed the digits into the keypad of her phone, listening to the hollow rings before a female voice answered.

“McCaine Institute.”

“Hi.” Cassidy tried to steady herself and not sound like an escaped mental patient. “I’m calling for Joe Telesky. This is Cassidy Jones. I really need to talk to him.”

“This an emergency?”

“Um, yes,” Cassidy said. “It’s about … his transcript.”

She had no idea where she’d come up with that, but it seemed to work. If she’d learned one thing over the summer, it was that adults took academics pretty seriously. A few moments later, Joe’s breathless, “Hi!” came crackling over the line.

“Cassidy!” he said. “I can’t believe you called! How are you? Is everything okay?”

It felt good just to hear his voice. Even with the worry creeping through, he sounded exactly like the fun, reliable Joe she’d known for years. “Yeah, everything’s …” she was about to say “fine” when she realized how ridiculous that would sound. If everything was fine, why was she calling the emergency line at Camp Crackhead?

“Everything’s all screwed up,” she said. A sob tripped up through her throat before she could push it back down again.

“What’s wrong?”

“It’s just …” Cassidy struggled to catch her breath.

“I’m supposed to go on this big anniversary date with Eric tonight but I kissed Zach and I’m afraid Eric will find out and I think he wants to have sex—Eric, not Zach—and I’m not sure I can, and Larissa was supposed to help me get ready but she flaked to go hang with her stupid fashion people but she left me with this stuff on my face that gave me a rash and now I’m all gross and red and puffy and …”

“Whoa,” Joe said calmly. “Stop and take a breath, Cass. That’s a lot to process. Let’s start with the most immediate thing: your face is red and puffy?”

“Yeah,” Cassidy said. “It’s really,
really
gross. It’s all bumpy and it itches.”

“Because you put some avocado stuff on it?” Joe clar-ified.

“Because a
crazy bitch
put some avocado stuff on it,”

Cassidy corrected.

Joe chuckled. “At least you can have a sense of humor about it. Now here’s what you do: Soak a washcloth in witch hazel, put a bunch of ice in it, and hold it up to your face. Do that for five minutes, then put on some aloe lotion, okay?”

Cassidy headed toward the kitchen for ice. “Are you sure that will work?”

“Positive,” Joe said. “We use it around here for poison ivy. It’s the same kind of irritation. Do that now while we’re on the phone. So you’re going out with Eric tonight and you’re not really looking forward to it?”

“That’s an understatement.” Cassidy snorted. She shook several ice cubes out of the tray in the freezer and cradled them in a paper towel. “I mean, I adore Eric and everything, but I’m just not sure this is right anymore.”

“Because you kissed Zach?”

“Right,” Cassidy admitted reluctantly. “My TA. The one who thinks I should go to art school.”

“Isn’t he a lot older than you?” Joe asked.

“Well, yeah,” Cassidy said. “I mean, he’s nineteen.

But even though he’s older, it feels like we’re on the same level. He’s just so amazing and I don’t know, he just seems to really get me.”

“Huh,” was all Joe said.

“What?”

“Nothing, it’s just … older guys sometimes have different priorities, if you know what I mean. I just don’t want to see you get hurt. Anyway, what about Eric?”

Cassidy turned on the light in her mother’s bathroom and dug around in the medicine cabinet for witch hazel. “I feel awful.” She brought the bottle into her bathroom and poured some onto a washcloth. “I mean, how could I
do
that to Eric? I’m such a tramp.”

“You are
not
a tramp just because you kissed someone else. Yeah, it’s not something you should do all the time, but kissing somebody once doesn’t make you a terrible person. You just have to decide what you’re going to do about it.”

The ice and witch hazel felt cool and soothing on her burning cheeks. “Is death an option?”

She could hear Joe’s sharp intake of breath through the receiver. “I don’t ever want to hear you say that,” he said firmly. “You’re smart and funny and cool and beautiful and talented. It would suck indescribably if you weren’t around anymore. Besides, I know Camp Crackhead would be a heck of a lot worse without your letters and without my thinking that I’ll get to hang out with you when I get home.”

“Hey, Joe? I didn’t really mean it or anything. I was just …” Cassidy sniffled.

“What?” he asked quietly.

“Just … thanks,” she finally said, sighing.

“Well, I meant it,” Joe said firmly. “You’ve got a friend in Idaho who needs you.”

“So what should I do tonight?” Cassidy asked.

“I can’t tell you that. Whatever feels right. Maybe you already know what that is. Even if you don’t
know
that you know, you’re a pretty intuitive person. I’m sure you’ll figure it out sooner or later. Just remember, I have faith in you.”

“Wow, thanks,” Cassidy said. Her tears had stopped, and her breath was beginning to return to normal. Even though she was still confused, at least she didn’t feel like jumping out the window anymore. “You really saved my life, Joe.”

“Hey, no prob,” said Joe.

Cassidy could hear someone in the background calling for him to get off the phone.

“Listen, I have to go,” he said. “Good luck tonight, Cassidy.”

“Thanks again,” she said. “Oh, and Joe?”

“Yes?”

“Don’t let the crackheads bite.”

She could hear him laughing through the receiver.

“I’ll try not to,” he said. “Talk to you later.”

Cassidy took the washcloth off her face and looked in the mirror. Sure enough, the red bumps were beginning to shrink and fade. She poured some aloe gel into her palm and rubbed it on her cheeks, and the rash slowly disappeared.

The next thing Cassidy did was go into her bedroom and select the new Gwen Stefani album on her silver iPod mini. If anyone could make her feel better about being a girl, Gwen could. Within an hour, Cassidy was starting to think things might be okay. Her face had returned to normal, and she felt feminine and sexy in a pale pink silk slip dress by Cynthia Rowley with her new, super-sheer Victoria’s Secret underwear underneath. She was just brushing her hair so that it fell softly over her bare shoulders when she heard the telltale crunch of gravel in the driveway announcing Eric’s arrival.

“Wow,” Eric said, sucking in his breath when she came downstairs. “You look amazing.”

“You look nice too.” She was so used to seeing Eric in old T-shirts and board shorts that she actually thought he looked a little strange in his light gray suit and maroon silk tie. He’d slicked his hair with gel into tight, gleaming waves, and he smelled like Eternity Summer by Calvin Klein, which her dad wore all the time.

His eyes softened as he leaned down to kiss her, pressing a bouquet of roses into her arms. They were a beautiful deep red, surrounded by white puffs of baby’s breath.

“Are you ready?” Eric rubbed his hands together in a quick, nervous gesture that was totally uncharacteristic of his laid-back personality. The energy between them was already stiff and uncomfortable, and they hadn’t even left the house.

“I’m ready!” she said, hoping her chipper tone made up for the pangs of worry stabbing through her stomach.

“Great.” Eric crooked his elbow and Cassidy took his arm, letting him escort her outside. As the front door closed behind them, she saw a sleek black BMW gleaming on the gravel instead of his usual beat-up Jeep.

“Isn’t that your dad’s car?” Cassidy asked.

“I wanted to take you out in style.” Eric grinned sheepishly. He clicked the key chain so the lights flashed as the doors unlocked. “I’ll be mowing the lawn for the rest of the summer for this one.”

“Oh, Eric,” Cassidy said as he held the passenger door open for her. “You really shouldn’t have.”

Especially not after what I’ve done with Zach,
she thought.

The car smelled like new leather, and Eric had put on Mariah Carey’s
The Emancipation of Mimi
instead of the 50 Cent and Eminem that seemed to follow him everywhere.

“Well, I wanted tonight to be perfect.”

Cassidy couldn’t think of a single thing to say. She felt terrible that Eric had gone to all this trouble when all she’d been doing lately was cheating and lying and then lying some more. In fact, she was silent the whole time Eric was driving, which amounted to ten long, excruciatingly painful minutes.

“You’re quiet even for you,” he remarked as they pulled into the parking lot of Geoffrey’s, a posh restaurant on the beach. Normally Cassidy would be looking forward to a delicious meal at one of the private tables on the terrace overlooking the ocean, but how was she supposed to eat with a heavy ball of guilt rolling around in her stomach?

“Sorry,” Cassidy said. “I guess I’m just … a little pre-occupied.”

“I bet it’s that stupid French class,” Eric said sympathetically. “They’ve really been keeping you busy.”