The Secrets Women Keep (37 page)

‘I don’t expect it was quite like that,’ Eve ventured now, wondering despite herself what it
had
been like between Simon and Daniel. Not something she could speculate
over with Rose, however. ‘I can’t imagine how difficult it must be for you, especially when you and Simon have become such friends.’

‘I can’t even think about that, and I certainly don’t want the Arthur. Truly. Daniel was the hotelier, not me, not Terry.’ Rose punched the faded blue cushion to
emphasise her point. ‘Now you can take charge, clear Terry’s debts, begin to sort him out. And selling the place means I can help the girls with some of the rest. The garden
centre’s taking off more slowly than expected, despite Rick’s steadying influence . . . but it’s early days. And Jess and Adam could always do with some extra cash.’

‘You’re being incredibly generous.’ Eve put the pot down, thinking that that sounded like a lot of responsibility heaped on Rose’s shoulders. How would she cope?

‘Not really. Daniel’s left me comfortably enough off, and I don’t need the hassle of the business. I don’t want to run the hotels in any capacity. Keeping
Trevarrick’s enough for me. Besides, seeing Adam’s work and listening to him talk about it has inspired me. I’m going to take my painting seriously again, before it’s too
late. Simon went on and on about it, and Adam’s given me that final nudge. In fact, he’s asked me to come and stay down here in a few months to help out. During my spare time,
I’ll have the ideal opportunity.’

‘When did that happen?’

‘This morning, after breakfast. Jess’s pregnant and worried about how she’s going to cope, so they want me to come and help. She told him yesterday and this is his solution.
I’m looking forward to it.’

‘But that’s wonderful news.’ Eve shunted herself across the sofa to hug Rose. They held each other close for a moment. Over Rose’s shoulder, Eve gazed at a picture of St
Michael’s Mount, its silhouette small against a dramatic cloud-filled sky. On the table beneath it, the day’s papers had been neatly folded. She gave Rose an extra squeeze before
detaching herself and moving back to where she’d been sitting. ‘They must be over the moon. I wish mine would get on and produce something. I’m quite jealous.’

‘But Jess is worried sick about how she’s going to manage.’ Rose sounded suddenly anxious. ‘There’s no Dan to turn to and of course Simon’s not going to be
here in charge of the builders.’

‘You told her?’ Eve couldn’t hide her astonishment.

‘I had to. How could I explain away his disappearance otherwise? More importantly, I think I owe the girls the truth. There’s been enough lying in this family.’

Eve understood that Rose meant her as well.

Simon had gone without saying goodbye to either of them. He had left an envelope in the cubbyhole for Rose’s room. She was with Eve when she picked it up, but had slipped it into her bag
unopened. ‘Whatever he’s got to say can wait,’ she’d said, that closed look coming over her face again.

‘And? How did she take it?’ Eve couldn’t imagine how hard it must have been for Rose to break the news of Daniel’s betrayal not only of her, but of the family, something
that had been so important to both of them. Until those final weeks of his life, Jess had been so close to her father. She must have been devastated. Eve wondered whether Rose had done the right
thing in her haste to have everything in the open. In her shoes, she would certainly have been more circumspect.

Rose pulled a face. ‘He’d left her a note saying he’d gone away on unexpected business, but I had to tell her the truth. I lay awake all night agonising about whether or not
the girls should know. But you know what? They’re adults, and if they were to find out somehow from someone else, that would be much, much worse. It’s better they know and we can deal
with it together. If I didn’t tell them, then I’d have been complicit in Dan’s betrayal of us. That’s what it was, after all, and there’s been enough of
that.’

Eve found it impossible to imagine taking such a decision. Wouldn’t it have been better to leave things to fate, trusting that the girls wouldn’t find out? Wasn’t ignorance
bliss?

‘She was utterly distraught, of course. She refused to believe it at first. Why would she? But once I told her everything Simon said, showed her the libretto, she started remembering
little signs that she didn’t recognise at the time when they were here together. That was hard to hear.’

Eve gave her an inquisitive look.

‘Oh, you know, the odd shared joke and sidelong look, that sort of thing.’ Rose screwed up her nose. ‘I can’t bear to think of it. But at least we’ve got a reason
for Dan being so particularly bad-tempered during those last months. He must have been fighting his demons.’ She noticed Eve’s startled expression. ‘Too psycho-speak for you? Jess
and I wondered if the stress of having a secret relationship . . .’ She gave up in the face of Eve’s obvious scepticism. ‘But if she believes that, then at least she can stop
blaming herself for his death. And that at least would be a good thing to come out of this.’ Rose took a scone and sliced it in half. ‘Want a bit?’

Eve shook her head. ‘OK. I accept all that. Everything that was going on would stress anyone out. And what about Anna?’

‘I haven’t seen her. She beetled back to London with Charlie first thing yesterday. Didn’t he say? Nothing like a free lift. I dread to think what state they were in after the
party. I don’t think they even went to bed. But apparently Rick needed her at work in the afternoon. I’ll talk to her when I’m back in London.’

‘And you?’

‘I don’t know.’

Eve could see tears welling in Rose’s eyes.

‘I’ve learned so much about Dan in the last eight months. I thought I knew him through and through, but turns out he wasn’t the person I thought he was at all. Except . . . at
the same time, he was. He was a great dad to the girls. OK, he had a short fuse and could be bloody stubborn, but they’re hardly crimes. And he was a great husband to me. What do I
feel?’ She gave a huge sigh. ‘I don’t know any more. Exhausted. Betrayed. Angry. Confused. Forgiving. Disappointed. All those things. More than anything, I’m furious with
him for not being here to talk about it, and explain. That’s what I want most of all.’

Eve reached out a hand to her. Rose took it. They sat there for a few minutes in silence. There was nothing Eve could say. Eventually Rose swung her legs off the sofa and sat up straight. The
effort it took for her to smile was plain. ‘I’ll probably come back here in three or four months’ time. I’m thinking of selling the London house and getting a flat so I keep
a toehold there. Jess and Adam’s suggestion has decided me, and anyway, I’m rattling around that old place on my own.’

Eve studied her friend, impressed by her apparent composure. ‘Don’t rush into anything. It’s still early days.’

’The funny thing is,’ Rose continued, as if she’d read Eve’s mind, ‘knowing the truth is better than agonising about who
she
was. I’ve wondered about
her for months and sometimes, however hard I tried to get her out of my mind, I thought the fact that I would never know would drive me mad. Even though
she
turned out to be Simon,
it’s like a weight’s been taken away. Can you understand that?’

Eve reached for her cup, shaking her head. How could Rose be so calm and rational? Where were the rage and the pain of Saturday? If she were in her position, she would be shouting and screaming,
infuriated and devastated by the betrayal of both men.

‘Look.’ Rose tried again. ‘I don’t want to discuss it with Simon. And I probably never will. I can’t discuss it with Dan. So I’ve got to accept that there was
a part of him I didn’t know about. We do all have our secret compartments that we don’t let everyone see. Simon said he wasn’t the first, that Dan had slept with another man
– or maybe even men – in Edinburgh. But I don’t want to think about that. I can’t. Not yet, anyway.’

To Eve’s relief, their conversation was brought to a sudden halt by the sound of the door opening. They turned to find two couples who had evidently braved the weather coming in to order
tea. Bedraggled and damp but chatting cheerfully, they brought with them the smell of the outside. Jess was right behind them, directing the hotel porter, who was hefting an armful of logs.
Whatever was going on inside, she put on a good professional show, though her red-rimmed eyes betrayed how upset she was.

‘I know it’s the middle of May, but we need a fire in here to cheer the place up. You were lucky the weather held till this morning,’ she said to Eve, as she waited for the
fire to be laid to her satisfaction. ‘Where’s Terry?’

‘Gone for a nap . . .’ Eve paused as a thought struck her. ‘I hope.’ She and Rose exchanged a look, missed by Jess. He wouldn’t have snuck off to place a bet, would
he? Not after all that had been said. He wouldn’t dare.

‘Good for him. I wouldn’t mind one myself, except I’ve got to work. But all that’s going to change soon.’ She began to stroke Rose’s hair. ‘Isn’t
it, Mum?’

‘What? When I come to be your dogsbody?’ Rose looked up at Jess, smiling. ‘I can hardly wait. By the way, did you speak to the builders, or shall I?’

Jess’s expression hardened. ‘I told them there would be a new project manager coming on board. There’s stuff they can get on with. I also had a call from him: Roger Fanshaw.
He’s coming down on Thursday and we’ll take it from there.’ Her expression brightened as she looked at her aunt. ‘What about you, Eve? Couldn’t you come down for a
proper holiday, now Mum’s going to be here?’

‘I’m not sure what my plans are at the moment.’ Eve noticed Rose give her a quick sidelong glance. ‘I’ve got a lot on my plate and I’m not sure how things are
going to pan out.’

‘But I thought you said the agency was back on track now May’s got her feet under the desk.’

‘She has made a massive difference, that’s true. It’s so wonderful having someone who wants to do her job well, but who’s ambitious for something else – her own
writing. She’s not trying to compete with me in the way Amy did. But I’ve
got
to find someone to replace Rufus. His going leaves quite a hole and I’m still having to work
at convincing people that it’s not a sign that the agency’s adrift.’

But both Eve and Rose knew it wasn’t the agency that was providing Eve’s biggest headache. Nor was it likely to be the biggest catalyst for change. Some secrets were too dangerous to
be shared.

July

R
ose was facing the usual Saturday-night TV toss-up between an interminable search for a musical superstar, a pointless game-show or the repeat of
a tired old detective drama. None of them appealed, but any one of them would pass the time equally well. Mindless entertainment was better than none because it required no effort and stopped her
thinking. How Daniel would have disapproved. ‘Why don’t you go and paint something?’ he would suggest. Anything rather than wasting valuable time. Jess’s old bedroom, with
its north-facing window, made a great studio. The easel was up, her paints were sorted into colour boxes, her smock hung on the door. Clearing out what was left of her daughter’s childhood
detritus had given her something to do for a day or two, but in fact Rose had yet to lift a paintbrush since she came back from Cornwall. She had spent the subsequent weeks in a ghastly kind of
paralysis, unable to muster the energy to do much more than wander from sofa to chair to kitchen to bed, every step an effort, tortured by the questions she was desperate but unable to ask
Daniel.

She had put her marriage under a microscope, twisting and turning it every which way, trying to make sense of what it had been, of who Daniel had really been and of her own responsibility for
what had happened. But without his contribution, she would never be clear about what they had really had together. The idea of living without knowing was making her utterly miserable.

She picked up the TV guide, convinced she could find something better to watch if she tried harder. She ignored the tear that dropped on to the paper, smudging across the Sky film channels: old
films, films she’d seen, films she didn’t want to see. Another tear joined the first. She wiped her eyes, resigned to these unpredictable bursts of crying, triggered by anything as
trivial as her frustration with the TV programming schedules. That morning, dropping a book and losing her place had been enough to set her off. But what did it matter, as long as there was no one
else there to see?

Only six o’clock. Every day took twice as long as it ever had when Dan was alive. On her own, with nothing in particular to look forward to, the hours dragged by. She had friends she could
phone, but they were married, with weekends packed full of social commitments to which, now she was on her own, she was rarely invited. The flurry of sympathy and support had inevitably died away
as time passed, and they had returned to their own lives, confident they had done their bit and relieved to get back to normal. Despite everything, she did miss Simon, or at least the things that
they’d done together. Getting used to being on her own was a long old haul. She had read enough and talked to enough people to know that she had to be patient. But boy, was it easier said
than done.