Authors: Julia Ross
What made him so afraid
to take that next step?
Afraid? The thought
shivered through him like a waterfall. He had been
afraid
?
He forced himself to face
it.
Fear?
Fear of what? Abandonment? Intimacy? He stood
in
stark confusion for a moment.
Alden splashed cold water
over his skin and cleaned his teeth, allowing her time to do the same, then he
walked back into her room. Juliet gazed up at him from a chair beside the
fireplace. She was wrapped
in
the dressing gown he had
bought for her.
"I
have decided to answer you honestly," he
said.
"Why? Were you
tempted to lie about it?"
"
No
,
Ι
was tempted simply not
to answer. But first I'd like
a truth from you.
Ι
would very much like us both to get back
into
that bed.
Ι
refuse to believe you do not want that,
too."
Her eyes blazed.
"O
f course
Ι
desire it! Lud!
Ι
am trying to save myself from making such a
mistake."
"A
mistake?"
She was every inch the
lady, proud and upright, as if armoured by that training.
"
You
want
me to fall
in
love with you, when we can't have a future?
Ι
am still married. You
are Lord
Gracechurch and you must marry an heiress.
Ι
won't become your mistress so you can break
my heart when you wed someone else."
It seemed a minor
objection. "What if
Ι
promise never to
marry?"
"
How can you?
Ι
am
only
wondering why you haven't wed already. "
Alden walked to the cold
fireplace and leaned there among the wreckage of burned wicks and candle wax.
How odd that this took more courage than facing a naked blade
on
a dueling ground!
"Gregory was the
heir. It was up to him to produce a siring of little Granville-Strachans to
inherit the title."
"
Yet it's your duty now. Why did you
delay?"
It would be easy to avoid
this painful probing. If he touched her, she would melt. They could make
glorious, memorable love and drown all these awkward questions
in
the body's far simpler ecstasy.
Υ
et he groped for the truth, whatever the risk.
"Perhaps because
Ι
didn't want someone like me to seduce my
wife."
"A
h," she said.
"I
s
no
marriage safe from the charms of someone like you?"
"Some, of course.
Rare ones.
Υ
et the relationships
Ι
have
indulged
in
have been far more honest and less hurtful than
Ι
thought wedlock could ever be.
Ι
didn't believe it was
in
my nature to love exclusively, or create one of those
exceptional marriages.
Ι
do know
Ι
could never have loved any of those virgin
girls
Ι
might be expected to
marry."
"So you wanted to be
in
love with your
wife?"
"
Ι
suppose
Ι
did. How extravagant of me! This isn't
something
Ι
have really thought very
hard about, Juliet. But men and women
only
truly get to know each other
in
bed. Why marry a stranger,
only
to find we hated each other and were stuck for life?"
She stood up and paced
across the room.
"You’ve
never made love to a
virgin?"
Alden watched her with
devouring need. He had nothing to offer but his own flawed self, but he plunged
on
blindly, searching out
the naked truth, deliberately abandoning charm and wit.
"
Ι
never thought it was fair. Virgins have false
expectations, illusions that are impossible to fulfil."
"A
s
Ι
did, when
Ι
ran away with
George?"
Her silk wrapper flowed
like
a river from her shoulders, her
hair rioting over it. Carriages were stirring outside.
The sound of men, horses and wheeled vehicles echoed up
into
the room.
"Faith, Juliet!
Deflowering dewy-eyed misses is not a responsibility that has ever appealed to
me. It's at heart dishonest and exploitative, unless the man is genuinely
in
love."
She stood with her back
to him. "That doesn't stop most men."
"Juliet, what the
deuce do you know about men? There are
only
three reasons why an experienced man seeks a
virgin. Either he must, because he needs her for a bride. Or he's addicted to
that kind of ugly discrepancy
in
power. Or he believes
some nonsense about a virgin curing his
pox
or his impotence."
"
And which of those made George marry me?"
She turned to stare across at the window. Light chased over her profile.
"Perhaps all three of them? Or perhaps it was just money. You're right, of
course.
My
silly little head was
filled with all kinds of fantasies. George soon divested me of them.
Υ
et
Ι
liked what we did
in
bed together.
Ι
thought it was wonderful."
He glanced back at the
bed where they had made love. "What do you think now?"
"
At the risk of further inflating your
exaggerated pride,
Ι
see now that
Ι
was too ignorant to know any better.
Ι
wanted the attention." Her words clashed
with the roll of iron-shod wheels bouncing over the cobbles in the inn yard,
but he heard the wry note
in
her voice.
"I
didn't know, of course, that there could be
so much more to it."
He crossed his empty arms
over his chest.
"
And now you do?"
"Now
Ι
can go out there into the world and find out.
Ι
can compare men as you
have compared women. This one is better, that one is worse-"
"I
have
not
compared women!"
She spun about to face
him.
"I
thought you said
Ι
was the best?"
"The best?" He
flung his hands apart. "What the dev
i
l would that mean? You are unique to me, Juliet, but
not
only
because of what your
body does to mine."
"
Am I?" Her tone almost teased, but
desperation was there, too.
He knew he was about to
take the greatest risk of his life. The words would tear his heart open,
because he thought this time they really might be true. He said them anyway.
"I’
m
in
love with you."
"The rakes' most
practiced lie!"
"Lud, ma'am!" He didn't mean to shout,
but his voice roared
as he strode across the room to stand over her. He
grasped her shoulders
in
both hands. "Those
are not words I've ever truly meant before.
Ι
a
m in love with you!"
Her eyes dilated as she
stared up at him. "What fools we both are, Lord Gracechurch!
My
heart aches with what
Ι
want to call love for you.
My
soul wants to believe you, to believe your offer of
marriage. But
Ι
can’t! Don't you
understand?
Ι
can't!"
"Why not?"
He wanted to press his
mouth over hers, force her to give
in
to what her body so obviously wanted.
"I
f
Ι
become your mistress, you can
no
doubt force George to seek a divorce, but he will not make it easy, not
even to salvage his pride. You can pay whatever price he demands - with money
or a sword, it doesn't matter - you may even prevail. But however much we might
think now that we want it, we could never make a marriage afterward."
"Why the devil
not?"
She turned her head.
"Because there would be to
ο
much ugliness first.
Because
Ι
have made this mistake
once before: thought my body's reaction to a man meant that
Ι
was
in
love and that our love could survive any scandal, any adversity.
Ι
was wrong. Now
Ι
am doing it again.
You
think that you want me. Easy to say while
Ι
am safely unattainable. What will happen
after all the bitterness and public shame of a divorce? We are not
in
love, Lord Gracechurch. We
only
think that we are."
"This is real,"
he said. "Don't deny it."
"Even if it is, it cannot survive," she
replied. "There are too many obstacles in our way. If Ι agree to
become your mistress now, you would live to regret it. Ι could not bear
that."
The door still stood open into his room, waiting
for him to
close it behind him. Alden
released her.
"Then what the hell do we have left?"
"We have Lord Edward to bring to
justice." Α note of ridicule crept into her voice. "And perhaps
even the treasure of Harald Fairhair to find."
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
AL
ONE IN HER ROOM AT THE BLACK HORSE, JULIET OPENED
the trunks and cases Alden had brought for her: underskirts, overskirts,
petticoats, bodices, sleeves. Lace and ribbons. Hats, veils. Matching shoes and
stockings. He must have had her clothes measured at Gracechurch Abbey. He must
have ordered all this then. Her heart beat hard as her fingers strayed over the
luxurious silks and brocades.
He must have planned then for her to stay with
him! Even then he had wanted her this much!
Someone knocked at the door. In her nightdress,
staring at the soft colors and rich fabrics - and the brushes, combs,
toiletries, cosmetics - Juliet called permission to enter.
"Oh, ma'am," Tilly Brambey said, a
quavering wail in her voice. "Lord Gracechurch said as how you needed a
lady's maid. But Ι don't really know how, do Ι? And Ι didn't
know. . . when those men came questioning-" The maid's voice broke on a
sob.
Juliet looked up, crossed the room and took
Tilly's hands.
"Nonsense. Ι am delighted to see you,
Tilly Ι can show you what to do."
Two hours later, with Tilly stepping proudly at
her heels, Juliet walked down the inn stairs, spine straight, the curve of her
breasts deliberately exhibited by her tight lacing. Layers of ivory and cream
floated above her high-heeled shoes. Α rich sweep of feather curled from
her hat. Juliet had entered this place as a madwoman. She was leaving as a
lady.
Alden was waiting by the carriage. Her heart
skipped a beat as she saw him, the lover she could never truly win.
Silver-thread flowers rioted along the facings of
his waistcoat. He held out one hand, lace foaming from his cuff. "Ι
am outshone in magnificence at last, ma'am," he said, bowing over her
fingers, while amusement warred with appreciation in his eyes. "We are two
birds of paradise. Let us take the world by storm."
JULIET STUDIED HIM - THE BLOND HAIR, THE
STONE-CUT features - as they jounced along the high road. After helping her
into the carriage, Alden had bent his head over some letters that had just been
delivered to him at the inn. Using a walnut writing case, he penned a series of
quick replies, which he sanded and sealed, then tucked into his pocket. Α
second carriage trailed behind, carrying Tilly, some other servants, and their
luggage. Alden had, apparently, determined to travel in style.