The Serenity Solution: How to Use Quiet Contemplation to Solve Life's Problems (22 page)

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Next, challenge these thoughts. First, recognize them for what they are: products of brain machinery and prior conditioning. Realize also that they are not the only reality. There is always a bigger picture (and other views) and we often do not have these views at first (or ever). Ask yourself at this point: “Is this the only view? What could be other ways to see this situation?” Or, alternately: “What is most needed in this situation? What can I do to provide this need?” Then, explore these more constructive thoughts and see what actions you might take on the situation to make things better.

After exploring actions, zoom in and enter the scene as an active par-ticipant. Rerun the scenario using these newly-identified actions. For example, in the case of criticism, instead of lashing out, remain calm and talk yourself down. You might say: “This is this person’s opinion. I can choose to find something constructive in it or brush it off. But no matter what is said I can remain calm and in control.” As you say this take a deep breath and release any tension.

Finally, rerun the scene again and rehearse the positive scenario several times to reinforce it subconsciously. Do this with all troubling situations that you can anticipate. Remember, in order to change a negative situation we have to change the thoughts (or view) associated with that situation.

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Tying it all Together

“Only that day dawns to which we are awake.”

—Henry David Thoreau

We started this book with the premise that a calm focus is the best tool for solving problems. Since then we have explored the relationship between our focus and our perceptions of problems, and how a calm focus has several advantages in which to increase our awareness of problems and their solutions.

First and foremost, as a balance of alertness and relaxation, calm focus offers flexible focus control. Within the optimal zone of calm focus, we can reign in thought without fixating thought, and as a result, maneuver our focus to see multiple views.

One of these views, and the second advantage of calm focus, is a

broadening awareness. With a flexible focus, we may maneuver into a detached observer mode and gain greater awareness of a problem. From
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this vantage point, we may see what can be beyond the problem and move into the third advantage of calm focus, which is concentrating awareness.

In this immersed mode, we absorb ourselves in the details of this solution state and evoke it. Together, these advantages of calm focus provide an ef-ficient way to move from a problem state to a desired solution state.

These benefits don’t end here, though. As we saw in the
Harvesting
Solutions from Broader Mind
chapter, a calm inner focus (as experienced in meditation and prayer) can lead to profound awareness and influence over problems, well beyond what we see in a normal state of mind.

Practice, Practice, Practice

However, whether we attain these benefits depends in large part on our focusing skill. Fortunately, our focusing skill, like any skill, can improve with practice.

The exercises in this book can help. By doing them on a regular basis you may expect to see your focusing skill improve and the range and power of your problem-solving ability increase.

If some of the exercises seem awkward, or results are not readily forth-coming, don’t get discouraged. Just keep practicing and soon you’ll see the exercises get easier and your results improving.

For best results practice the exercises daily. Establish a routine and try not to miss a session. Start by setting aside at least 5 minutes a day. Shorter sessions are easier to start and maintain. Afterwards build up to 10-20

minute sessions 2 or 3 times each day. Remember to do the sessions in a quiet, comfortable place and at a time when you are not tired, otherwise you might fall asleep.

Start by making a list of current problems. From this list, select one that you’d like to solve presently. As we discussed, not every problem is equal. Choosing one insures you’re focused on the most important problem.

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Then, once you’ve chosen a problem, go through several cycles of

Solution Targeting. Define the problem’s central factor, pinpoint and test target actions, and update and refine these actions, until you’re satisfied with a solution.

Outside of session remember to monitor your focus throughout the

day. You may use your target chart. Don’t worry about a formal setting at these times. When a question or difficulty arises simply take a moment to stop, silence your thoughts, and submit it to your inner mind; then heed its advice. As you become proficient at calm focusing you will be able to do it anywhere and anytime, including during busy times and while in traffic or a line.

If you do these things, start small and practice a few minutes a day, in time you will see benefits growing. Some of these benefits may emerge in as little as three weeks of regular practice. The first thing you’ll notice is a state of calm becoming more and more noticeable each day. As you keep practicing you will notice insights occurring more often and auto reactions occurring less. Other things you’ll begin to notice are:

• Increased ability to quiet thoughts and sustain clearer focus

• Greater awareness and control over thoughts and feelings

• Improved flexibility to see situations differently and discover insight

• Increased ability to tune in to inner mind for answers

• Heightened physical and mental healing and

• Greater peace and joy

Defining a Life Goal

Ultimately, what we can expect from regular use of calm focus is a fully conscious and awakened life. Being fully conscious not only allows us to
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look at ourselves and habitual reactions more clearly, but it allows us to take stock of our lives and where they are heading. We are free to choose the lives we want instead of continuing to tolerate the ones we have.

What taking stock does most is simplify our lives. Too often in these modern times many of us move from day-to-day without much oversight.

Jostling the demands of the day, we seldom have enough time to really think about what we’re doing and if it is really fulfilling us. As a result, we often engage in mindless busywork or meaningless activities that typically bring more chaos than order to our lives.

With conscious oversight, we can define an overall vision or goal for our lives; and then with this goal much of our actions are geared towards a common cause and not scattered about haphazardly. Like a beacon in the distance, the goal can act as a reference point by which we guide our thoughts and actions and navigate life. Important decisions and priorities can be made based on it.

But, we are also mindful of maintaining an overall balance. We may use the goal to orient our lives, but we are careful not to use it to overly constrain our lives. That is, we fix our actions on a goal, but we aren’t so fixated on it that we can’t be flexible in our approach to it. Rigid fixation on the future (or the past for that matter) robs us of the present, which is the only real thing we have at each moment.

Therefore, what we seek to do is just check in once in a while to see if our current path is leading us to where we want to be, and if need be, make a few course corrections; this may mean assessing any current obstacles or avenues, as well as our actions, and determining the best course.

Recall that we determine the best course by putting our current actions to the target test (i.e. “Is what I am doing now getting me closer to my goal?

If not, what actions would get me closer?).

To reach her goals, Nancy thought that she had to put the nose to the grindstone. She felt that if she didn’t her desires would slip away from her.

Often, when she encountered obstacles she would stress about meeting
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objectives on time. She strived so hard that she often forgot to say in a calm focus and approached activities in a hard narrow focus. Not surprisingly, life became drudgery.

After practicing calm focus for some time Nancy now reports greater flexibility with tasks and objectives and can actually enjoy daily activities as well as her accomplishments. I asked her about the cause for this change and she told me it was her increased ability to monitor her state and relax with situations instead of worrying about all the details or whether she would reach her target on time. She described this new way of being as freeing. Now, when obstacles arise Nancy remains calm and is confident that no matter what happens she can keep remaining calm. As a result, she is happier with her life.

So, how to we determine a worthy goal for our lives? Do we look for what can make us happy? Fulfilled? At peace? How do we ask the important questions: “What is the purpose of my life? What am I really trying to accomplish with my life?” At first glance, we would probably agree that a worthy life goal is one that gives our lives purpose and meaning, a way of saying we matter. But, where do we find this purpose and meaning?

Some of us look for it outside ourselves. We seek it in such external things as work, social roles, and material possessions. But, often we find these things are not enough, because after we get them, we find that we still feel something is missing, that we are incomplete. So what then can fulfill or complete us? We will discover this only when we look inside ourselves. It is within that we find our true nature and our place in the larger scheme of things.

It is true that on the surface our lives may appear fragmented and without order or reason; one day we’re up, the next we’re done. It’s understandable how we may come to think that there is no purpose to our lives. But, as we discussed earlier, underneath it all there is always a deeper order; and we are part of this order. Therefore, our lives have meaning and purpose more than we realize. A worthy life goal then is to discover
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how we may uniquely contribute to this order. We do this by bringing the important questions to our deeper, broader mind. It will help us discover our life goal and how we might express it to the world. In doing so, we will find the real meaning and significance to our lives.

In fact, it is through us as sentient beings that the universe of latent potential attains conscious manifestation. That is, through us, the universe becomes conscious of itself. As we create greater order and harmony in our lives and grow in awareness, the universe bit-by-bit grows in order and awareness.

Where is it all going? According to the French Jesuit priest, Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, the universe is moving towards what he calls an

‘
Omega Point
’ or a point of optimal order. This is an appealing theory in that although there is certainly entropy or disorder in the universe (i.e. the universe is spreading out) it is also conserving and integrating information into islands of order, as we see in spiral galaxies, complex ecosystems and organisms, and the human brain and mind. We are reminded of what the Sufi mystic Ibn al ‘Arabi once said:
“God sleeps in the rock, dreams in the
plant, stirs in the animal, and awakens in man.”

And so, we are all part of a grand adventure. By doing our part, the universal intelligence flows out from us into the world. In the end, we all make the world a better place. However, we like the universe are a work in progress. So, we need to give ourselves a break now and then and enjoy the journey. We just keep an eye on our personal goals, and if we find that we’ve strayed, or are fixating too heavily on them, we remind ourselves to slow down and take our time. Then, we give full, calm attention to each step before us and to our inner connection.

Blake suffered from depression. He was an intelligent guy who spent most of his time talking himself out of life. When he first entered counseling, he would say things like: “Why bother doing anything, because no matter what you do, it doesn’t matter. Life is just a big waste of time.” I challenged him on this by noting the fact that he did seek out counseling,
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so maybe he does care a little. After talking with Blake further, I realized he had an overly utilitarian way of thinking. If he couldn’t see the outcome or payoff in something right away then that something had little or no value.

We worked together for several weeks and Blake became quite profi-

cient at entering calm focus. In quiet moments, Blake would ask his inner mind the important questions such as: “What would be a fulfilling thing to do with my life? What could be my life purpose?” Blake complained at first that he was not getting much response. The only thing that would come to mind was an image of him as a child playing in the woods. Blake loved these early times because they allowed him to explore and marvel at nature’s ingenuity, particularly the way spiders made intricate webs.

I suggested that Blake meditate on this image further since it wouldn’t keep coming up if it wasn’t somehow significant. After doing so, Blake came to the realization of the image. He exclaimed: “I get it now! The spider or the ant doesn’t question why it does what it does, it just does it.

I need to be like the spider or the ant. If I just stopped over-analyzing and talking myself out of everything, I might find a little contentment.” We discussed the possibility of Blake trying this out and seeing what would happen. Blake now designs buildings. Like the spider and the ant, he did what came natural. He stopped listening to his critical voice (which he later identified as his authoritarian father) and started moving towards what his inner stirrings drew him to.

What this story tells us is that the difference between a random life and meaningful one depends in large part on how tuned in we are to our inner selves. When we are able to “get out of our way” and listen to that still small voice within, we often find our truth. Our lives then take on meaning far greater than we have previously known. We would all do well to answer the questions: “If I imagined my life had deeper meaning and purpose, how would it look? What would I be thinking and doing differently that I am not doing right now?”